


Deafening Silence

by heyidkyay



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No One Direction, Alternate Universe - School, Deaf Harry, Disability, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Liam Payne & Harry Styles Friendship, M/M, Niall Horan & Harry Styles Friendship, Past Character Death, Past Violence, Pining, Popular Louis Tomlinson, Popular!Louis, Smut, Tattoo Artist Harry Styles, Tattooed Harry Styles, Zayn Malik & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, deaf!harry, larry stylinson - Freeform, mentions of an assault, trigger warnings on certain chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:08:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 89
Words: 163,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24129448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyidkyay/pseuds/heyidkyay
Summary: Harry was assaulted on his fourteenth birthday after coming out, which resulted in the loss of his hearing. When no one was brought to justice for their wrong doings, his family made the decision to move away and escape their hometown. That's when Harry met Liam and Niall. The two over friendly boys that slowly chipped away at his defences and brought down his high walls.He's recovering, still dealing with the life-altering consequences of the attack. Now, at eighteen, he works part time in a tattoo studio and is covered in ink, he's getting by.After having been homeschooled ever since the assault, his mum decides that it would be in his best interests if he went back to school for his final year. That's where he meets Louis. The school's football captain, popular, sweet, charming and blissfully unaware of Harry's disability. But what if Louis is hiding some secrets of his own too?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 230
Kudos: 494





	1. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (TRIGGER WARNINGS ON CERTAIN CHAPTERS, CONTAINS VULGAR LANGUAGE, SEXUAL CONTENT, DESCRIPTIVE VIOLENCE, RECREATIONAL DRUG USE, MENTAL HEALTH)
> 
> This is all fictional.

Harry was deaf. He couldn't hear anything at all. Only ever a deafening silence. He was perfectly fine up until the day he turned fourteen, that's when the incident occurred.

At fourteen, he had woken up in a sterile white room, numb and confused, wires attached to every part of his bruised and battered body. He had slowly scanned the bleak room and found his family's tear filled eyes looking back at him. He had smiled softly at the familiar faces before being brought into tight embraces.

His mother, Anne, had stood sobbing beside him, she had looked heartbroken- so defeated. It had scared Harry, not because of the fact that she was crying, but because even though he could _see_ her cries growing louder, _see_ her pain, he couldn't hear her. Then he realised, he couldn't hear anything at all.

He had freaked out, in a state of panic he ripped out all of the wires attached to him, ignoring the agonising pain that coursed through his frail and weak body. Harry's family had no idea what had caused the sudden outburst and had immediately ran outside, calling for doctors, nurses, anyone.

They had sedated Harry and it took hours before the doctors finally realised what was really wrong with him. The boy didn't freak out again after he woke up the second time, he was just so numb- lost. He didn't talk at all, he just sat there- in the silence.

He had finally cracked when Gemma, his older sister, broke down on his shoulder, her body trembled against his, sending harsh vibrations throughout his entire torso. He held her tightly, screaming out that he couldn't hear her pain but he could feel it. He could feel it. He didn't know what he had done to deserve such a fate.

The doctors did all they could to help Harry, but there wasn't really anything they could do. The assault had ruptured both ear drums beyond repair, leaving Harry not only physically broken but emotionally too. His family were both devastated and angry, the boy was so innocent, so pure and so undeserving of the torture he had faced.

It took weeks before Harry was released from the Hospital, the local police department had looked into the incident, finding no leads.

You see, on the Thursday Harry had left school and headed home to get ready for his birthday dinner, he was assaulted. Purposely hit by a car, then beaten further by the passengers with multiple weapons, not caring for his ear piercing screams, his blood curdling cries. Then when it had finally ended, they had just left him for dead on the side of a road. His limp unconscious body found over an hour later by a passing elderly couple.

Why? Because he had finally told his family and friends that he was gay. The boy had been so brave- beyond it- his family and friends had all been so accepting and supportive. It had been two weeks of constant torment at school though before the incident had occurred. What pained Harry and his family further was that there was no one held accountable. Their Harry had to suffer at the hands of the unintelligible bastards who had believed that Harry had deserved this fate.

Once the case had been dropped due to the lack of leads, Anne decided to move her family as far away as she could, far from the treacherous place she had once called home.

The move was quick, Anne had found a beautiful home and Gemma a new school nearby. Her job had heard about what had happened and did all they could to help, the company let the woman take a paid year off to prioritise her sons health and wellbeing. They even transferred her over to another office in Doncaster, where the family had moved to, for when she was ready to come back to work.

It was a while before Harry finally accepted help, he was severely depressed and suffered from extreme ptsd. After a while he started to attend therapy, where they prescribed him medication and weekly sessions. He also attended language classes, where he practiced sign language and how to verbalise even though he couldn't hear what he was saying.

He even learnt how to lip read, which helped a lot with those he could not converse with through sign, and how to sense emotion and changes in body language.

Things had gotten easier after the move, especially with his new found friends in Doncaster.

When moving in, a boy around Harry's age lived next door. Harry had blanked and purposely ignored him at first, isolating himself from anything and anyone who could hurt him. The neighbour was persistent though, he never gave up and Harry finally let down all his walls a year later.

Liam was his name. Now he was Harry's best mate, Harry was forever indebted to the stubborn boy, Liam was a big factor in Harry's recovery. Liam had introduced Harry to Niall and the three grew insanely close over time. The two boys learned sign language and even got Harry speaking more openly with them, it made the curly haired lad extremely happy that people weren't all bad and that he could try to trust again.

Once the boys had learned what had to happened to their friend, after Harry had trusted them with the information of the assault but left out the details as to _why_ it had happened, the two weren't just burning with anger they were also so sad and frustrated. Harry was so sweet and funny, they wondered what kind of person would want to purposely hurt the lad.

Harry never wanted to tell anyone about him liking boys ever again, he was too fucking scared. But it had slipped to his best mates one night when Harry was looking through Instagram, muttering about how ' _fucking_ _hot_ ' David Beckham was. His mates had erupted into fits of laughter making Harry quickly realise what he had said aloud, which led to a full blown panic attack that scared the shit out of Liam and Niall.

Once Harry had calmed down with help from Anne, Niall had come up and told Harry that he agreed with him, making the curly haired boy laugh lightly. Niall and Liam were quick to assure Harry that they didn't care who he liked, as a matter of fact Liam told them that he was bi and Niall admitted to thinking he might be pan. Harry had felt truly lucky to have found the two boys.

The years passed and Liam was still protective over his neighbour, Harry didn't mind though he loved Liam, he was like the older brother he never had. He came over all the time, visiting after school because Harry was home schooled, and then spent most weekends with his two best mates.

Niall on the other hand made Harry do all sorts of stupid and crazy stuff, the Irish lad didn't care about Harry's disability, he was just Harry to him. The two were as thick as thieves, always looking for trouble. When they had turned sixteen Niall got them fake ids, and instead of going down to a nearby pub they decided on a tattoo studio.

Their mums had gone crazy at first, but couldn't stay mad at their boys for too long because they were both pretty accepting of what the boys wanted to do to their bodies and it was honestly far too late to do anything about it otherwise. Anne just wanted her Harry happy, she didn't care what he looked like as long as he always wore a smile. Liam on the other hand, well, he wasn't happy at all. He lectured and reprimanded the two on the incriminating offence. He came around to the idea after a while as the two boys had just carried on inking their bodies despite his best efforts.

At eighteen, Harry was now covered in tattoos and piercings. He found a passion in the art form, he had started sketching and designing after his first tattoo, not thinking too much about his new hobby. When Niall had found his sketches he got the guys down at the studio to hire Harry. It started out with sketch designs, then small tattoos, but now he was doing as he pleased, finally a fully licensed artist and had quickly earned his place at the shop.

The guys at the studio fell in love with Harry, the kid was pretty shy at first but he was really funny, a real softy too, he settled in quickly. The studio became a second home to the boy.

After spending a few weeks weighing out her options, Anne, Harry's mum, had decided that it would be in Harry's best interest to place him back into school for his final year. Harry was really adamant about not going near a school ever again, but once being told he would attend with Liam and Niall he was almost excited.


	2. Piercing blue

So, it was his first day back at school since he had turned fourteen- four years after the assault.

That morning, Liam knocked on his neighbours door and was quickly invited inside by a smiling Anne. The woman let him know that he could head up and fetch Harry, but she stopped him just as he headed for the stairs, asking if her sons friend would watch over her boy. Liam agreed wholeheartedly, giving the fearful mother a hug in reassurance.

Whilst Liam and Anne spoke, Harry was sat on his bed, scrolling through Twitter in his 'uniform'. The school wasn't all that strict with their dress code but they still had a uniform. So Harry had decided on a pair of black skinny jeans, his white school shirt with the sleeves rolled up- showing off his tattooed arms- and the schools crimson tie which was wrapped loosely around his neck.

Harry gazed up once sensing a presence in his room, he grinned lazily at the brown haired lad that had wandered in.

"Ready, Haz?" Liam questioned from the doorway, cocking his head. The older boy had never felt the need to sign shorter sentences as Harry was exceptionally good at lip reading.

Harry nodded in response, standing from the bed to grab his bag before heading towards Liam who was stood waiting by the door.

Liam didn't show any signs of moving though and Harry furrowed his brow, "Gunna go?" The curly haired boy asked in his husky tone.

"Yeah, just making sure you're all good?" Liam signed with a gentle smile.

Harry returned the gesture, before shaking his head at the protective lad and chuckling lightly, "Yeah I'm good, got you, yeah?"

Liam grinned, nodding his head, assuring his mate that he did. The two exited the bedroom and made their way down the staircase.

They said their goodbyes to Anne, who was trying her hardest not to fall apart. Harry just hugged the woman and whispered words of reassurance in her ear before they hurried out the door.

Both boys smiled brightly at one another as they rounded the wooden fence that separated them from Liam's car. It was a beat up second hand Ford but the boy loved it, _it was his pride and joy_.

In all honesty, they could have easily walked to school as it wasn't too far but Liam always felt safer driving when he was with Harry. The latter found that he didn't care either way, he wasn't incapable of walking, his other senses had heightened since the loss of his hearing so he was always safe and aware when out and about, but he knew that Liam worried, so he just went along with it to ease the older lads mind.

The drive was a short five minutes, Harry spent it gazing out of the window whilst Liam let the radio play quietly. The skies were clear but grey clouds were seemingly rolling in as the wind picked up, shaking the branches of the passing trees.

Once they pulled into the car park, Harry's nervousness surfaced.

The teachers were fully aware of his disability and had been extremely helpful when Anne had shown interest in the school, so the lad knew he needn't worry, but it was all still so new and somewhat daunting.

The two sat in the car for a while. Liam just let Harry gather his thoughts for a moment before he tapped at the boys shoulder lightly to catch his attention. Once Harry turned to face him Liam started, "So, I'm guessing it's gunna be weird at first but me and Ni will be in most of your classes, so you'll always have one of us there." Liam signed and Harry nodded along with him before drawing in a deep breath and taking in his surroundings. "Can I ask you something?" Liam continued once he had caught Harry's eye again.

"Yeah." Harry breathed out, focusing his attention back on his friend.

Liam coughed to clear his voice and hoped what he was about to ask wouldn't upset his mate."I know you hate the attention we get when we sign in public so what are you thinking of doing? Lip reading?" Liam asked, still signing as he spoke just to make sure that Harry got what he was saying.

Harry despised people feeling sorry for him- _he was perfectly fine_ _!_ \- he was just slightly impaired, he didn't need anyone's pity. So when it was just the three of them out in public, Harry would just lip read and speak, no one ever knew any better.

"I'd just want to keep it on the low honestly, don't need any unnecessary attention. I'm not hiding it. I never will. And if it comes up I'll be honest, but I just hate the fucking pity everyone thinks I deserve, it only makes things worse." Harry stated slowly, it was quite a long sentence and he tried his best not to lose his train of thought. His speech was fairly good, could hardly notice anything different about it unless you were looking for it, but as he couldn't hear his own voice he often had to speak a little slower to make sure that he was saying what he wanted to say. Hardly anyone ever noticed.

Liam quirked his mouth and nodded his head, silently saying that he understood. Harry sent him a dimpled smile in return before the two decidedly climbed out of the car.

Harry kept his head down as they strode towards the building, feeling the stare of the surrounding students on him. Liam stuck close by, rubbing shoulders with him to let him know that he was still near.

Harry was a good looking lad so he got a fair bit of attention, he was also covered in tattoos which always drew looks, but the gawping always made him uncomfortable, he hated it. Plus, once people found out that he was deaf they usually just ignored him, finding that they didn't know what else to say or how to handle something different. Not many people stuck around. But Harry was more than thankful for the ones that had.

Once they had made it safely inside the building Liam guided Harry over to the reception desk and worked his charm. "Hi Mrs Crocker, looking lovely as always, nice to see you." The boy greeted confidently, before nodding in Harry's direction and prattling on, "My friend here is new, think he's in need of his time table and student id. Would you be able to help us out?"

The middle aged woman looked up from her computer screen, then smiled smugly at the pair as she spoke, "Of course, Liam, I always have time for you, pet. Good to have you back too, the summer did begin to drag on- just give me a second, will you, boys?"

Harry understood the woman perfectly and smiled politely in thanks. The petite woman stood up from the seat at her desk and searched the filing cabinets behind her to find the needed items.

The woman walked back over and sat a plastic card alongside a sheet on paper on the counter. "Here you are! I hope you enjoy your first day, Harry." She chirped, looking over at the curly haired boy and patting the timetable twice, before flashing a smile at Liam. The two teens grinned and gifted their thanks to the woman before heading off down the hallway towards Harry's first class.

The pair had halted just outside of a classroom when Liam mentioned that the bell had just sounded. "Alright, you ready, Haz?" He questioned as he placed a careful hand at Harry's elbow.

"Yeah, 'm fine." Harry reassured, tossing his mate a comforting smile. Liam nodded his head once over in the direction of the classroom door before shuffling towards it, Harry took a deep breath and followed suit.

The classroom was somewhat empty, it seemed that some people still had yet to arrive, that fact calmed Harry slightly. He let his eyes scan the room but a firm grip on his shoulder startled him. He spun around to find Liam smiling at him, stood by, what Harry assumed to be, the teacher.

"Mr Payne! Welcome back! And who is this?" The blonde woman asked, glancing at Harry's rumpled form. She looked to be in her late fifties, wore her glasses on the tip of her nose and had given the two boys a warm, welcoming smile. Harry figured she seemed nice enough.

"Hello Mrs. Turner, this is Harry, he's starting today." Liam informed, dragging Harry forward as he introduced him. Harry waved at her bashfully, unsure on what Liam was expecting from him.

"Nice to meet you, Harry, I remember hearing about you young man, I'm looking forward to teaching you." Mrs. Turner greeted happily, "Please, take a seat behind Liam in the back, I understand that you'll feel most comfortable near him, if you have any questions just ask." The woman spoke slow enough for Harry to comprehend and he was grateful for how empathetic his first teacher had been.

Harry dipped his head and smiled kindly at her, "Thank you for being so understanding." The teacher nodded at him once, chuckling before she shooed the boys away from her table. Harry followed his mate over to their seats and sat at the desk behind Liam's. Liam quietly sat down beside a dark haired girl, who looked to be sleeping, her head was rested on the wooden top and she had headphones in, gone to the world.

Harry snorted at the sight, Liam just rolled his eyes at her but was still mindful, not wanting to be rude and disrupt her. Liam turned slightly so that he could speak to Harry as everyone else began to filter into the classroom. "Mrs. Turner is really nice but she does like to chatter on so feel free to zone out." He joked as his classmates wandered in one by one.

"She seemed pretty considerate, good start I guess." Harry replied as he pulled out his phone. He had a text from Niall which made him laugh. Liam gave the lad a questioning look, Harry took notice.

"Ni's sent about thirty texts, screaming about how late he was- his mum woke him up with a bucket of cold water and apparently he hasn't even had time to eat!" Harry chuckled, "We better get the lad some food otherwise we're in for a shit storm."

Liam just shook his head in amusement as he laughed. Harry was about to say something else but then the bell rang, announcing that the lesson had started causing the rest of his classmates to hurry over to their seats, their sudden action cutting him off.

Harry realised he was seated alone when the classroom door finally closed, not that he minded, it just meant that there was more room for his long limbs. He then focused his attention on the teacher and the board, piecing together what they were supposed to be learning about.

Twenty minutes in and Harry felt a sudden shudder alerting him to the door closing. He looked up to find a very beautiful boy standing at the front of the classroom, he had brown feathered hair that fell across his forehead, piercing blue eyes that you could get lost in, and had a couple of tattoos that Harry immediately noticed on his toned arms.

The boy was being scolded by Mrs. Turner for what Harry could only guess was on him being late. Harry caught himself staring, he was both amused and entranced by the boy. He quickly turned his head to look out of the window beside him so that no one else would notice his interest.

Harry just watched the busy street outside, looking out at the cars and the people that passed by, all of them in such a hurry. He realised soon after that he should probably focus back on the lesson, as he reluctantly turned back to face Mrs. Turner he jumped in surprise. In his daze, he hadn't realised the presence of the person beside him.


	3. Stop pokin’ me!

The blue eyed boy was now seated next to him, he chuckled at Harry's startled state and sent him a small smile, which Harry politely returned. The boy grabbed a sheet of paper and started writing, Harry shrugged his shoulders figuring that the boy wanted to start on his work. As he shifted in his chair he saw the paper being pushed towards him out of the corner of his eye.

Harry, a little confused, raised a brow at the boy before turning his attention to the white sheet. _I'm guessing you were in your own world then? I did say hello._ Harry chuckled quietly before writing back, knowing the boy had decided to talk this way just so they wouldn't get caught. _Sorry yea, didn't mean to be a dick._

The boy pushed the paper back, _No worries mate:) I'm Louis, like your tats they're sick._ Harry smiled softly, people were sometimes a little wary of him because of his tattoos, thinking that it made him a bad person or something stupid like that. _Thanks I like em too, Harry btw:)_

The two carried on their little conversation as the lesson bored on, just passing back and forth notes. They spoke about each other's tattoos and Harry told him he had designed most of his, which fascinated Louis, they joked about and Harry even learned that Louis was the captain of the schools football team.

By the end of the lesson the boys were pretty much friends. Everyone stood up once the bell had gone, rushing out the classroom door, wanting to get to break quickly. As Harry packed up his stuff he felt a tap on his shoulder. Louis. "Nice to finally speak to you!" He said, making Harry chuckle.

"A little weird that we're just now speaking after I know a bit about you." Harry grinned, focusing on the boy so he could see what he said next.

"It really is, but you seem pretty cool, you wanna hang out at lunch?" Louis asked, Harry was about to respond but then Liam walked over, a little surprised to see Harry speaking to someone new.

"Hey Haz, you know Louis?" Liam asked intrigued. Harry smiled over at him, "Yea, we sat together Li."

"Yeah, me and Harry here just spent the lesson talking." Louis added before asking, "You two know each other then?"

Liam nodded swiftly in response before happily replying, "Yeah, been best mates since we were fifteen."

"Awh that's cool, never seen you around though Harry but it's nice to finally have." Louis grinned.

Harry sent a dimpled smile Louis' way causing the boys eyes to widen. "You've got dimples!! Harold! How have I just now noticed?" Louis exclaimed loudly, making Harry and Liam laugh as he poked the taller boys cheeks.

"Oi! Stop pokin' me!" Harry laughed, playfully swatting Louis small but soft hands away.

"Hey! You've got dimples Harold, it's only fair that I can touch them whenever I please, I'm obsessed with dimples, I want them." Louis pouted causing Harry to roll his eyes fondly at the blue eyed boy and chuckle.

"Alright then, but only cause you're nice to me!" Harry beamed.

Louis cheered, Liam just stood there watching the scene play out, a smug smile on his lips. "So Harold, lunch?" Louis reminded.

"Oh yea, um.." Harry started, unsure of how to tell Louis he couldn't because he didn't want to let Li and Niall down.

"He was gunna sit with Niall and me but you can join us if you want?" Liam stated for Harry. Louis' grin faltered slightly, only noticed by Harry.

"Yeah sure or you lot could come over to our table?" Louis reasoned, Liam nodded turning to Harry who had kind of grasped what was said.

"Yeah, we'll sit with you if that's cool?" Harry queried, wanting to make sure that's what was just agreed.

Louis smiled and nodded, Harry let out a breath of relief, "Better get going then, see you lot at lunch!" Louis sent the two one last smile before walking away, Harry waved the smaller boy off before he and Liam started to leave.

"So Louis?" Liam asked, making sure Harry could see his lips as the two walked to their lockers. Harry blushed slightly but then he saw his locker number and headed over to it quickly, hoping to escape Liam's questions that he was sure would never end.

Harry opened the locker and emptied the books he wouldn't need from his bag into it. He felt Liam lean against the wall beside him, he let out a small huff before turning to face him.

"Yes?" Harry asked. Liam just smirked.

"As I was saying before you ran off, how did you and Louis start speaking? I didn't hear you guys at all." Liam inquired, trying to read Harry's expression at the mention of Louis' name.

"Um, we wrote to each other, he scared the shit outta me cause I didn't know he was there and he just started writing to me on a bit of paper." Harry responded, trying his best not to convey any emotion in his words.

Liam nodded slowly, "So whatcha talk about? He's a good guy you know, and I'm pretty sure he's-"

"Harry!" Niall interrupted, bringing Harry in for a bone crushing hug. Harry had never been so happy to see Niall since he had met the lad, he had escaped the conversation about Louis for now but knew Liam would bring it up again sooner or later. He preferred the latter.

"Hey Ni!" Harry greeted happily, trying not to focus on his struggle to breath.

"Alright Niall, jump off the poor boy before you kill him!" Liam warned, pulling the Irish lad off of Harry, allowing Harry to inhale the air back into his lungs that Niall had knocked out of him.

"Sorry H, just excited to see ya!" Niall laughed as he patted Harry on the back.

"Yeah you too Niall, I'm guessing you found food then? You're in a good mood." Harry teased, only slightly breathless.

Niall nodded excitedly, "Yup! Got maccas on the way in, I don't think I could've survived without it and I was already late, so I thought why not?" Both Harry and Liam laughed at their strange friend.

The bell sounded telling them that break was over. "Maths next, you're with Niall Haz so I'll see you both at lunch I guess." Liam told Harry who just nodded in response.

"See ya Li!" Niall shouted out as Liam walked off towards his class. Niall and Harry spoke as they went off to maths, Harry told Niall about them not signing at school and how his day had been so far.

Maths was okay, but no one really loves maths do they? The teacher didn't really care for Harry's presence, he was pretty much half asleep the entire lesson, leaving the students to do as they pleased.

Niall and Harry headed for lunch once the lesson ended, the two pissing about like usual. As they entered the lunch room the two were in hysterics, giggling about how Niall had just face planted into the floor outside after laughing too hard at the stupid joke he had made and tripped.

They both headed for the lunch line as they wiped the stray tears that stained their cheeks, still chuckling away as Niall rubbed his poor nose.

"Harry!" A voice called out, causing Niall to nudge Harry softly and inform him that Louis was calling him. Harry was surprised that Louis had meant what he said, he honestly thought that the guy was just trying to be nice. He saw Louis beckoning him over so he smiled as he grabbed his lunch from the counter and headed over, Niall following close behind him.

"Hey." Harry smiled. Niall was rather confused, no one had bothered to inform him that Harry was now best mates with Louis Tomlinson.

"Hey Harry! Hi Niall. Come sit." Louis welcomed as he gestured to the empty seats at his table.

Harry walked round, taking the seat next to Louis and Niall sat opposite him, next to a raven haired lad. Harry made sure that he was paying attention now as there was more than just Niall and Louis around him.

"Glad you could make it! So Harry, this is my best mate Zayn," Louis stated excitedly, pointing to the guy Niall had sat next to, the boy just smiled in response, "And that's Stan and Aiden." He added, pointing to the two boys on the end who gave Harry a nod and said their hellos.

"Hey." Harry replied politely, chuckling lightly at Louis' introductions. Harry's eyes wandered across the faces at the table, the two at the end seemed to be in a deep conversation with each other, Niall was sat with a confused but amused face, Louis was smiling at something he was thinking about, and Zayn was just looking back at him, Harry quickly realised that he was going to speak.

"So Harry, your tattoos are pretty cool, where'd ya get em done?" Zayn asked, Harry then noticed that the boy also had a couple tattoos too.

"Yours too and-" Harry spoke before Niall rudely interrupted, "H here designed 'em all himself, and the lads he works with did most of them for him." Zayn was surprised at the new information and Harry saw that Louis was too.

"You work in a tattoo shop?" Louis asked intrigued, Harry nodded sheepishly.

"He's really fuckin good, he did most of mine." Niall complimented as he showed the two boys his arms and neck.

"That's crazy, you're proper talented mate, I'd love if you could do me one." Zayn praised, looking over the details in Niall's tattoos.

"You're free to stop by, I'm there weekends and a couple days after school now, I'll give you a discount." Harry replied before looking over to Louis. The lad was smiling brightly at him, "Yeah me and Zayn were talking over the summer about new tattoos, it'd be sick if you could." Louis agreed excitedly.

Harry nodded, he was surprised the guys had liked his work that much but he didn't mind the praise. "You're eighteen right?" Zayn suddenly asked, nearly catching Harry off guard because he was looking at Louis, but Harry caught it in time and nodded. "Yeah turned in February, why?" He asked.

Zayn looked a little shocked, "Just wondering how you're covered in them and got to be an artist at just eighteen?"


	4. Rebel Rebel

Harry chuckled, all the boys at the table were now interested in the conversation because it just didn't add up. In the uk you had to be at least eighteen to get tattooed. "Um, I've been getting tattoos with Niall since we were sixteen." Harry admitted, shocking the lads a bit.

"The rebel!" Louis gasped playfully causing the group to laugh.

"Harry got an internship thanks to me! I showed the guys down at the shop a couple of his sketches and that was that," Niall expressed, emphasising his hard work, making everyone chuckle, "And Harry here got addicted to the feeling and the artistry that went into tattooing, that's why he's so covered."

Louis turned to Harry as he ate, indicating that he wanted to start a conversation. So Harry followed, after making sure no one else was talking to him and smiled at the blue eyed boy. "You are pretty interesting Harold," Louis started, Harry just raised a questioning brow in response, "I'd just like to learn more."

Harry chuckled at the boy sat beside him, he was far from interesting, Louis on the other hand was. "Me? Nah, but you 'Mr footie captain' are, you seem pretty popular." Harry motioned to all the eyes around the room that had been observing the boy since he had sat down.

Louis looked around, only now noticing, "They could be looking at anyone." He told Harry as he shrugged his shoulders.

Harry laughed and rolled his eyes, "Sure Lou."

Louis looked surprised, "Lou?" He asked.

Harry only realised what he had just said, "Um yea, sorry, it slipped."

"No it's fine, I like it, just didn't expect it. Most of my mates call me Lou." Louis giggled as he told the flustered boy.

Harry nodded slowly, "Okay, guess I better come up with another nickname then." Harry mused, confusing Louis.

"I said it's fine, we're mates now." Louis assured the curly haired boy.

"No, I meant gotta have my own nickname for you." Harry chuckled as he saw Louis' mouth form an O shape. "So I'm thinking boo? Rhymes with Lou."

"I can live with that, me mum called me Loubear or boobear." Louis revealed slightly embarrassed, not understanding why he'd let that slip but then his stomach dropped at the sudden reminder. Harry noticed the boys grin had quickly faded after mentioning it. Harry didn't understand the quick change in mood but he figured that maybe Louis found it difficult to open up, he knew he did.

"That's sweet! Don't be embarrassed, my mum calls me Hazzabear, and my sister calls me Harribo, it's a little strange." Harry chuckled, rubbing Louis' shoulder in hopes to comfort him.

"Little bears." Louis teased softly, "I don't know why I just told you that willingly. I think you just give off a vibe." Louis told him quietly.

Harry laughed, "I give off a vibe?"

Louis smiled and nodded, "Yeah. It's like an 'I can trust you' kinda vibe, get me?"

"I get you, and you can trust me." Harry reassured, pleased to see that Louis had perked up again.

"Thanks, you should come to the match by the way, it's this Friday." Louis offered, looking down at his food as if he was scared of Harry's rejection.

"Yeah? Sounds cool, I will. What time?" Harry asked as he sipped his drink, still keeping an eye on Louis' lips.

Louis looked back up at him with a bright smile, "Really? Um, it's after school on the playing fields." He stated quickly.

"Okay then, yeah I'll go, I don't work on Fridays so I'm free."

They continued talking until Harry smelled something familiar waft past him. He looked over his shoulder to find Liam on the other side of the room, tray in hand and standing in the lunch line talking to a brown haired girl. "Ni, Li is coming."

Niall looked up to find Liam grabbing his food before he turned back to glare at Harry playfully, "I hate that you can do that!" Harry just chuckled, he loved how he could just freak Niall out like that.

"Do what?" Louis chimed in.

"H here likes to freak me out, he's like superhuman or somethin," Niall replied, Louis and now Zayn looked even more confused than before so Niall continued, "You see Liam across the room behind you?" The boys all turned and nodded back at Niall. "Harry knew where he was before he saw him."

"What?" Zayn asked not entirely sure if Niall was joking or not.

"Yeah, he just does it." Niall responded as he shrugged his shoulders, the other boys just looked at him like he was crazy.

"Okay Niall, whatever you say." Louis said voice laced with sarcasm.

"I'll prove it." Niall announced. Harry rolled his eyes, he didn't expect Niall to go this far, he just wanted to annoy his mate. "H close you're eyes, Louis cover them to make sure, I'll leave and Harry just point to where ever you think I am, cool?"

Harry sighed and nodded, just giving in to Niall knowing that he wouldn't give up any time soon. Zayn and Louis looked interested so Harry closed his eyes and felt Louis' soft small hands clasp over his eyes, they were really soft, Harry smiled at that.

Harry felt Niall move, he could feel all the vibrations in the room, but paid close attention to Niall's, the lad was always the loudest. He could still smell Niall's hair gel and his signature aftershave and could instantly tell which way the boy had left in as the smell became less prominent around him but still wafted in the direction beside him.

Harry raised his arm and pointed in the direction. Louis released his hands and Harry opened his eyes seeing the shocked faces on the people at the table. Niall was now running back over from where he was stood when Harry looked over at him.

"Told you!" Niall said rubbing in how right he was. Harry rolled his eyes at him, then turned to find Liam walking over and gestured for the lad to sit down.

"Did you fart or something Ni?" Liam asked, noticing how the group of boys were sat saying nothing with shocked expressions. Harry laughed loudly, because Niall's farts could honestly clear a room.

"No! Actually Harry freaked them all out with his superpowers!" Niall scowled at Liam as he motioned to Harry.

"That was fuckin' weird!" Louis exclaimed loudly, "How'd you do that?!" Harry just shrugged, a small smile tugging on his lips. 

"Oh! Why, what happened?" Liam questioned as he opened up his sandwich container.

"Harry here sensed you behind him from across the room, told Niall who then freaked out and told us, we didn't believe him so Niall made Harry close his eyes and guess where he was to prove it. It was pretty cool." Zayn calmly notified Liam.

Liam just nodded. "It's his magic trick, he found me in a theme park once when we were younger, I got lost and Harry being Harry just knew." Liam told the group.

Louis noticed how Harry wasn't as into the conversation as everyone else was but didn't want to upset or push the guy, so he settled on a playful nudge flashing Harry his signature smile. Resulting in a show of dimples from Harry which made Louis very happy. He once again reached out to play with the craters in Harry's cheeks which made the boy smile and laugh harder.

"Oh god Lou, you can't just touch people faces!" Zayn scolded reaching over to hit Louis' hands.

"Zee! He's got fucking dimples, I have rights!" Louis retorted, sending zayn a glare. Harry couldn't help but laugh.

"Dimples? Really?" Zayn asked, rolling his eyes at his best friend.

"Don't worry Zayn, don't think Haz minds too much." Liam chuckled, earning an elbow to his side from Harry.

The bell rang, end of Lunch. "Better be off then, see ya lovebirds!" Zayn laughed as he walked away. Louis blushed slightly as he flipped his mate off, Harry didn't see what was said as Zayn had his back to him.

The others laughed too, confusing Harry further. Liam noticed and immediately stopped, feeling bad for making his best friend feel left out.

Niall wandered off after Zayn, he had History while Harry and Liam had PE. "I'm in pe now, what bout you guys?" Louis asked trying not to let it get awkward between him and Harry.

"Yeah same, haven't done pe in years so I'll probably be really shit." Harry replied, a small chuckle leaving his lips shortly after.

"Yeah but Haz you're always at the gym or going on runs with me, so you'll be fine mate." Liam reminded, he hated when Harry put himself down, because ever since the assault he had never felt good enough.

"What don't you do Hazza?" Louis asked jokingly, but at the same time questioned, what couldn't Harry do?

"Hazza?" Harry asked, smirking slightly at the nickname, Hazza was new, it was always Haz or H.

"Yeah I'm boo and you're Hazza!" Louis told the curly haired boy. Harry laughed fondly at the blue eyed beauty who skipped slightly ahead. Liam noticed Harry's heart eyes.

"Let's get to pe then loverboy!" Liam signed teasingly once Louis was further ahead and not looking.

It was Harry's turn to blush.


	5. The bomb drops..

The three headed into the rowdy changing rooms, as they walked through the doors the loud voices slowly died out and some of the boys started staring at Harry, making him feel rather uncomfortable.

Louis noticed and wrapped a comforting arm around Harry's waist, instead of his shoulders as he was clearly shorter. He glared at the ones who continued to look. What? It's not nice to stare. Louis understood why they were though, Harry was a little intimidating at first, but also very attractive.

Harry appreciated it though, smiling at Louis as they placed their bags down on the bench in the back of the room. Liam was busy chatting away to someone Harry didn't recognise, they looked deep in conversation so he left them be. Harry sighed as he turned to Louis. "You okay?" The boy asked.

"Yeah just haven't gotten used to the staring, gets uncomfortable sometimes, but thanks for the help." Harry replied as he started getting changed. He could feel Louis eyeing his body but it didn't make him uncomfortable this time, it made him nervous and hot.

Harry faced him and Louis knew he had been caught, so instead of being shy he just smirked and gave Harry a wink. "Cheeky!" Harry teased, now admiring Louis toned torso making the boy blush.

They changed sneaking glances at one another until the teacher blew a whistle, shouting about the laps they'd have to run if they didn't hurry their arses up. Harry hadn't heard or seen as the man was hidden behind a set of doors, so as everyone was leaving Liam tapped him on his thigh.

Harry realised the room had emptied and rolled his eyes, he thanked Liam as they headed out because what would he do without him? Harry hoped they weren't too late as they exited out onto the field.

Liam dragged the curly headed lad to the center where everyone was huddled in a large group.

"Alright lads!" The teacher began, "Footie today, gunna do a few quick laps then divide into two opposing teams!" He sent them on their way, scoffing at the boys who whined.

Harry started running, he was pretty fast even as he paced himself. He saw that Louis was ahead of everyone so he sped up. Harry didn't think much of it as he passed the shorter boy until Louis passed by him and pulled slightly ahead.

So Harry did the same, looking back over his shoulder to find Louis glaring. Louis was competitive? Okay, it was a race to the finish then. The two boys sprinted completing five laps and finishing dead on the same time.

"Quite a show boys! Keep it up." The teacher praised. Louis nodded at the man but Harry was unaware of what was said, heading back to the center as the teacher walked away. Louis followed.

Soon enough everyone was gathered by them, some panting slightly, others hunched over in coughing fits.

"Okay lads, team captains can be Tomlinson and Payne I guess. Louis lad, first pick." The man said, his voice tired and bored.

Louis and Liam headed up to the front, standing either side of the man. Louis' eyes didn't even scan the crowd before he said, "Harry."

Harry was surprised, he had never been picked first in anything when he was younger. No one wanted him even before he came out. Still, he headed over to Louis, shrugging at Liam's pouting face.

Louis smiled at him and Harry just poked at his side. Louis giggled and pushed Harry lightly. When Harry had turned to face the group he was once in, all he could see were confused and irritated faces. Harry just guessed they were pissed off that the new kid had gotten chosen first by the footie captain, but he could honestly care less, he was just happy to have been picked.

The teams were chosen and a coin was flipped to determine who would start. Liam. So people got into the positions Louis had decided on, Harry was a striker. He was nervous, he thought he'd be fine but he wasn't, football was a harsh reminder of his past. He breathed though it though and continued on, trying to block out all of his thoughts.

The game started and by half time it was 2-2, Harry scored once and assisted Louis on the second. Harry didn't let his past get to him, opting to keep his eye on the ball and head in the game, it surprisingly worked. The second half was a little competitive, seeing as they were tied. The defence on both teams was really strong though so no one had managed to pull ahead just yet.

In the last minute Harry had the ball, he had passed it to a team mate and headed down the field quickly. Looking back he saw Louis gracefully making his way down the field, avoiding the opposing team as he dribbled the ball towards the goal.

He was so close then Liam came out of no where and Louis knew he couldn't make the shot. He looked up to find Harry looking back. Louis decided it was on Harry, he was the only one who could score at this point.

Harry gulped as the ball headed his way. This was too much pressure- shit. Everyone was closing in around him, he was scared. He took a deep breath as he ran for the ball, he was close enough to take a shot.

He pulled his leg back and just kicked. It was gone, the ball was headed for the goal he couldn't do anything now. His breathing was harsh and time stood still.

The goal hit the back of the net. Yes! He had made it! He grinned widely, laughing to himself, he was just so happy that he hadn't let everyone down.

He felt a sudden weight jump on his back. He tensed, then quickly realised it was Louis from the smell of the boys aftershave and the way his small frame wrapped around his torso.

The two laughed. His team ran up to them cheering and shouting from what Harry could tell. Giving him slaps to the back and wide grins.

Harry felt Louis' body slip before he was embraced in a tight hug. It took a moment to wrap his head around the fact that Louis was actually hugging him!

"You did great Hazza!" Louis cheered as he faced Harry who was smiling so hard.

"Thanks! Nearly shit meself though, thanks for that!" Harry chuckled making Louis laugh loudly as they parted.

The teams headed back to change and Liam hurried over to wrap an arm around the green eyed boy. "Haz that was amazing! Why have we never played footie together?" He questioned and Louis found himself glaring at Liam's back, he didn't want anyone touching Harr-

Louis knew then that he was fucked. The bomb had dropped and he realised quite quickly that he liked Harry. He had only just met the boy- hardly knew anything about him. He shouldn't have been able to have grown so attached to him in such a short amount of time.

Louis was pulled from his thoughts when he registered that he was stood alone on the edge of the pitch, everyone had somehow disappeared back into the locker room during the time he'd been stuck in his own head.

Louis was quick to follow.


	6. Only to ricochet

Most of the other boys had already showered and changed, and were headed out by the time Harry had arrived.

He had just finished talking to Liam, the boy had begged him to try out for the football team, but Harry just flat out refused. He quickly decided that the conversation was over once he had walked away- he desperately needed a shower, he smelt gross.

He had always loved football. But now it was just a reminder of who he once was, and he hated that. He wasn't that weak little boy who just let everyone walk all over him anymore, he wouldn't let that happen again. He couldn't. When they stole his hearing, the monsters also took his innocence.

Harry wasn't that small boy anymore, he was different now, stronger. But he couldn't shake the thoughts of how he'd never hear his mother's voice again, or his sisters laugh, or the sound of his future children's cries, he couldn't hear anything.

He stripped and jogged over to the showers, quickly hoping in, his tense muscles relaxed under the water. He didn't care about anything, at this point he just wanted to escape his mind, the thoughts that still haunted him. The water cascaded from above him and burned his tattooed body but he just stood there trying hard to control his rigid breathing.

It was so sudden, he hardly even had a chance to react to the fact that he had been pulled away from the cloud of steam that had engulfed him. His body trembled at the shock, his breathing harsh as he collapsed in the arms of Louis.

"What the fuck Harry! Shit."

Harry was so wrapped up in focusing on his breathing, pushing back the daunting thoughts that plagued his mind, he hadn't realised that both he and Louis were naked. The smaller boy seemed to be whispering sweet nothings to calm him, Harry could only tell because his gaze was locked on Louis' fearful ocean eyes.

His breathing calmed eventually and the panic slowly washed away, the calming blue lulling him out of his chaotic thoughts.

Then he just started to sob, clawing at Louis' tan shoulder as his body shook violently. He couldn't stop, the thoughts wouldn't go away- why him? What had he done? Why was he being punished?

The cries slowly came to a stop and turned into a mix faint sniffles and heavy breaths as his fisted hands fell from Louis' shoulders.

Harry was so embarrassed, no one had ever seen him like that, apart from his mum. He truly couldn't believe he'd just cried like a baby on a guy he'd just met!

Then he realised. He was naked. Fuck. What was he meant to do? Why was Louis still even here?

"Sorry, I'm so sorry." Harry mumbled out as he quickly pulled away at the realisation. He didn't even give Louis a chance to speak before he was up and bolting out of the showers.

Louis was left beyond confused. He had felt the lads pain and he had heard the gut wrenching sobs the poor boy had cried. He understood the torment even though he hadn't experienced it- nobody should have to feel that amount of pain. He knew that something terrible had to have happened to Harry to cause him to react the way he had.

Louis was crouched down, the arms in front of him empty now that Harry was gone, he was just so shocked and couldn't bring himself to move. A loud crash of the changing room doors startled him and he then realised that he had to see if Harry was okay.

He was up and out, chucking on his clothes as quickly as he could, jumping to get into his vans, and then he just started running.

Headed to the front doors of the school Louis was frantic, shoving anyone and everyone in his way. _There!_ Harry was there hurriedly exiting the building with Liam and Niall in tow, the two friends looking beyond confused and wary.

Louis sprinted, legs burning as he chased after the curly haired boy. He had just lost him as he crashed through the exit doors, but then he heard a loud shout.

Louis' head snapped in its direction- Harry. He looked startled and Niall was stood consoling him, cradling him close to his body. His eyes scanned the scene, a car, oh god, Harry had nearly been nearly hit.

Louis raced over, pushing his way through the crowding students. "What the fuck?!" Liam shouted angrily.

The driver got out of the car, a little shaken, "Me?! He was in the way, I honked the horn! He didn't even notice! What are you fuckin' deaf or somethin?" The guy screamed back.

Liam looked furious, the small crowd surrounding them could practically see the steam coming out his ears. "Yes actually, he is fucking deaf! He can't hear you, he can't hear anything! So if you had been focusing on driving instead of your fucking phone you might have realised he was there sooner!" Liam's voice was steady as he went off on the man but the anger radiated off him.

"What?" Louis squeaked. Harry's face visibly paled when he noticed the boy standing there. Liam turned back around to find everyone gaping at him and he quickly realised that he had just screamed all about Harry's secret. He turned to look at Harry who was just stood staring at Louis.

Liam rushed over to his two best friends as the crowd of people began to disperse. "I'm so sorry Harry- I had no right." Liam apologised sincerely. Harry just gave him a timid smile.

"Don't worry Li, you were angry. It's not like I cared enough about people knowing, I just didn't want to be treated differently." Harry told Liam but his eyes were flickering over towards Louis' shocked expression.

The two boys hugged whilst Niall went over to Louis to see if he was okay. "Louis? You good?"

"Huh? Yeah, 'm fine." Louis stated hazily, finally turning to look back at Harry. He could see the fear in his emerald eyes, fear of judgment, rejection maybe, Louis wasn't sure. He just knew that if he let Harry walk away without assuring him it didn't change anything between them, it would tear the already broken boy apart even more.

Louis walked over to the curly haired lad, letting Niall's comforting hand fall from his shoulder.

"Harry?" He questioned shyly. He saw the boy take a small breath as he stepped towards Louis. Liam and Niall slowly backed off. "We'll be at the car Haz." Harry nodded in response before looking back to Louis.

"Um, you okay?" The smaller boy asked, searching Harry's body for any harm, making the taller boy smile softly.

"I'm fine, just shaken." Harry replied faintly.

Louis just nodded in response. It only hitting him then that Harry was in fact deaf, Harry couldn't hear him, and suddenly it all added up.

When he had sat down in class; in the hallway before lunch when he thought Harry hadn't heard him; in the lunch room when Zayn said something that made everyone laugh other than Harry; why Liam and Niall are so protective over the boy; why Harry hadn't heard him call his name in the showers. It all made sense now.

"How can you understand what I'm saying?" Louis asked but immediately felt really stupid as Harry chuckled lightly at him. Louis looked down sheepishly and Harry instantly felt a pang of guilt hit him. If it had been someone else Harry wouldn't have cared- he thought it was an obvious answer- but this was Louis.

"Sorry, just uh, I can lip read really well, and I'm pretty aware of my surroundings." Harry replied. He really didn't want to look at Louis, he wanted to shy away, afraid of how the boy may react but he couldn't, he had to look at him to understand what he would say next.

Louis was a little overwhelmed, "I Uh, I don't-" He was lost for words.


	7. Shitty first days

Louis was lost for words. He wasn't angry or anything, just really confused and a little hurt. Harry was deaf. Why did he lie? Did he really lie though? He just didn't say anything.

While Louis was lost in thought, Harry only grew anxious, he was being judged, Louis hated him. Harry's mind was consumed with his overwhelming insecurities, he was panicking.

So instead of sticking around for yet another rejection, he ran. He sprinted off in the direction of Liam's car, he didn't want to hear what Louis had to say, he had already heard it enough times. The cruel words were burned into his mind.

Harry looked so broken when Liam and Niall saw him running over, the poor boy said nothing and hid himself away in the backseat.

The two friends had an idea of what had happened. They couldn't really believe that Louis, of all people, was the kind of person to hurt someone for something they couldn't control.

Niall was angry, he hated seeing Harry so hurt. Liam was beyond confused, he couldn't judge the situation as he had no idea what had happened but he hoped it could be fixed.

The ride back home was silent, Harry was numb, his eyes were glossed over but he wouldn't let himself cry. _'Shitty first day'_ was all he could think.

As soon as the car stopped outside of his house Harry bolted out and sprinted inside, wanting to avoid the inevitable questions from his best mates.

Anne wasn't back from work yet, so Harry was free to sob as loudly as he pleased. He stumbled up to his room and flung his body across his bed.

All he could do was cry, he didn't even know why he was so upset, it's happened too many times before. If it had been anyone else he would've told them to kindly _fuck off_ , but this was Louis.

Harry wasn't stupid, yes it had only been a day, but he was already a little attached to the older boy.

His bright blue eyes that would crinkle when he laughed.  
His beautiful smile that showed off his cute crooked teeth but could light up an entire room.  
His curvy but muscular body that made him look so confident and dominant.  
And of course his amazing personality that was just full of sarcasm, sass and humour.

Harry liked Louis. That's why it hurt so much. Harry couldn't bare the thought of the blue eyed boy hating him. It only made him sob harder.

It was around eleven later that evening when Harry felt the front door slam shut, his mum was home. He didn't move, he was just so exhausted, and he felt himself just slip away. He had cried himself to sleep.

When the next morning came Harry was awoken by the blinding sunshine, he had forgotten to shut his blinds yesterday. He cursed under his breath, pulling the white duvet over his head, he didn't want to wake up.

About half an hour later, Harry felt his phone vibrating beside him signalling his alarm. The boy dragged himself out of bed and headed for a quick shower.

Looking in the mirror wasn't the smartest idea, he looked dead. His skin was a sickly pale, his once bright forest green eyes now looked dull, the dark circles that sat beneath them did not help at all, and you could still see the tear tracks that had stained his cheeks from yesterday.

Harry decided he was an utter mess, berating himself some more for crying over a stupid guy he had just met as he stepped into the shower.

The warm water engulfed his tall frame as he stood in the shower, but it was over once the water turned cold.

He decided to throw on a beanie today because fuck it, he couldn't be asked to do anything today, especially school.

He paired the black beanie with some ripped jeans, an oversized sweater on top of his white shirt and some Chelsea boots.

Having headed downstairs he could tell that his mum had already left, there was breakfast still left out on the counter and her bag and coat were missing.

He just sat in his silent solitude, picking at his bowl of cereal. He didn't want to leave his bed let alone his house. He didn't want to face Louis.

Harry's phone started buzzing, he quickly grabbed it to find that Liam had messaged him, telling him that he was waiting outside. The boy dragged himself to his front door, taking a deep breath before exiting.

He was going to be brave. He wasn't going to let Liam and Niall know how he really felt, how much Louis had affected him. So he plastered on a smile as he jumped in the front seat of Liam's car.

Liam informed him they were picking up Niall today but said nothing else, Harry didn't mind, it meant less time spent at school.

The two pulled up to see the Irish lad running out of his small townhouse, bag in one hand and a slice of toast? No- he had a fucking pancake in the other.

Harry could only chuckle at him, Liam just rolled his eyes at the food lovers stupidity.

Niall flung himself into the back seat, not saying much as he was pretty occupied with the chocolate covered pancake in his hand.

The three headed to school and Harry was just dreading getting out and facing everyone. Facing Louis.


	8. Caught off guard

The drive to school had been quiet, just the low hum of the radio was all that Harry could feel throughout the journey. Harry normally loved placing his hands on the speaker to feel it's vibrations but today he just didn't want to feel, instead he opted for aimlessly gazing out of the window.

The whole way there Liam and Niall sent each other worried glances, they honestly had no idea what to do. They decided that Harry just needed time, so they could only be there for their mate.

The crowds of students flooded in through the gates as the car pulled to a slow stop. Harry jumped out, the two boys were quick to follow after him.

Niall huffed loudly, wanting to cut the tension, so he acted like he normally would, which was not at all normal compared to most people. The Irish lad jumped on Harry's back, surprising him making the two stumble about, which resulted in Niall squishing poor Harry and pinning him to the floor.

The three erupted in a fit of giggles, Harry playfully shoved Niall's weight off him, "You twat!"

Niall couldn't help but shrug his shoulders and laugh harder. Liam rolled his eyes at the two but was chuckling slightly, glad to hear Harry laughing. He helped Harry up and the two decided to run and leave Niall behind, who was still on the floor clutching his stomach as he cackled loudly.

"Oi!" Was what they heard by the time they had made it to the buildings doors, they looked back to see that Niall was finally up and headed over to them with a pout. Liam and Harry couldn't help but laugh at the blonde lad.

The bell sounded and the three headed off to class, Liam going one way, Niall and Harry headed the other.

English was first. Harry was dreading it. No, he quite liked English, he just wasn't looking forward to seeing _him._ He didn't know what he could say to make things right, he didn't want to be judged, not again and especially not by him.

The two were a little late, probably due to Niall's incessant rambling about some girl he saw from afar. The lad had stopped multiple times to exaggerate and act out what he did when he, in his words, _saw her beauty._

The class had already started and Harry caught Louis' eye immediately. Niall dragged Harry off to an empty table in the back, distracting the tall boy from the pain he felt stab through him once he saw those ocean eyes.

The lesson went by ever so slowly, it was hell, and Harry could feel Louis' eyes burning into him the entire time.

Harry rushed out of the classroom, completely forgetting about Niall, too focused on making it to his locker. He couldn't take the staring from everyone around him, he felt like a freak.

He could finally breath again once he had opened his locker and started piling his books in. He was actually okay until he felt a tap on the shoulder.

Harry turned only to find those blue eyes once again. "What do you want Louis? I don't need anymore shit from people, so if you wanna say something I suggest you don't." He huffed, he was irritated just wanting to go home, crawl in his bed and hide.

Even though Harry didn't want to look at Louis he knew he had to face the brunette. So he forced himself to stare up at the boy, his eyes narrowed.

"Uh, well, I-" Louis started, making Harry roll his eyes, "Sorry. I just- I just wanted to say it doesn't change anything, you just caught me off guard yesterday, I didn't really expect it you know?"

Harry's face showed confusion, Louis wasn't sure if he had understood.

"Why?" Was all Harry asked.

"What? What do you mean why?" Louis questioned as he tilted his head to the side in confusion.

"Why are you doing this?" Harry asked, even though he was fearful of the answer. He didn't want Louis to feel sorry for him at all, he wanted to be treated normally, like everyone else.

Louis laughed at the question but immediately stopped when he saw Harry's fearful and hurt expression.

"What are you on about? You're a cool guy, I like hanging out with ya Hazza! Just because you're deaf doesn't mean it changes much, only the fact that I can talk my arse off without you finding me voice annoying." Louis chuckled, hoping it would ease the tension.

Harry laughed at the stupid blue eyed boy, feeling stupid for crying over nothing and thinking Louis could ever do such a thing, "You're an idiot." The blue eyed boy grinned brightly and the pair swiftly fell back into how they were yesterday, laughing and joking. Enjoying each other's company like nothing had even happened. Both of the boys felt so relieved.

It was lunch time when Niall and Harry were once again called over by Louis. The pair sat down at the table that was only occupied Louis and Zayn this time.

"Alright lads?" Zayn greeted, giving them a big smile.

Harry smiled back and nodded as he sat beside Louis. "Hey mate." Niall replied happily, "I can't believe they got rid of pizza on the menu, me heart is actually broken." Niall huffed as he dug into his burger, making the table laugh.

"How will you survive Ni?" Harry teased, dramatically throwing his hand to his heart and sighing.

The boys chuckled at Harry and only grew louder when they saw a glaring Niall, "It's not funny, pizza was the only good thing about going to school!"

"Might do you some good Niall, get a little exercise as you jog over to the pizza place after school." Louis teased, earning a playful shove from the Irish lad, who was chuckling.

"So H, you got any new designs? I'm so in the mood for a new tattoo, I'd love if you could do it!" Zayn said changing the topic, knowing that Niall would only continue to whine about food.

"Uh, yeah I think I'm free after school today actually." Harry smiled as he started on his plate of chips.

"I wanna come!" Louis insisted making Harry chuckle.

"Sounds great H, thanks. What time do ya think I can stop in?" Zayn questioned, ignoring his mate who was now pouting.

"Say five ish? I don't get to the shop until just gone four so it'll gimme some time to set up." Harry informed him.

"Alright thanks H, can't wait mate!" Zayn thanked him and smiled brightly at the green eyed boy.

"Hello? I am here!" Louis announced and Harry couldn't help but laugh at the lad.

"Yeah, we know Lou, we heard." Zayn teased, smirking at Louis who was glaring back.

"You can come if you really want to Boo, might get bored though." Harry stated as he smiled over at him.

"I'm not missing out on seeing your work Harold! I wanna come so I'm coming, besides if I'm there it's always a party." Louis sassed as he stole a chip from Harry's plate and put it in his mouth.

The table laughed at him, Zayn rolled his eyes playfully and Niall tried not to choke on his food as he roared.

Liam soon joined, slightly surprised by everyone sitting at Louis' table and Harry's change in mood, but didn't shine a light on it. The group talked and joked about until the bell went.


	9. Confidant

By the end of the day, Harry just wanted to get home, he had history last period and the teacher did bore on. He had fallen asleep a couple times, which resulted in Liam having to keep waking him up, making Harry really grumpy.

Niall was in hysterics by the time class ended because Liam kept getting in trouble for ' _irritating other students!_ _'_ as their teacher had put it.

Once Harry got home, he showered quickly and pulled his curls into a bun, like he always did when working at the shop. He changed into some black ripped skinnies and a rolling stones band tee. He decided on his favourite pair of his Chelsea boots then grabbed a banana and headed for the door.

The shop was exactly two blocks away. Harry didn't live too far from the town centre where it resided, so he started walking. He knew the route like the back of his hand, and was always aware of everything around him.

Not that there was a lot of danger on his way to work. There was only one major crossing that didn't have lights but he was always fine doing it, and the pavements were wide enough for a lorry to park on, so Harry didn't need to worry about cyclists or other pedestrians.

It was twenty past four when he walked into the shop, everyone greeted him as per usual and one of the older men brought him over a tea.

"Here you are Haz!" He smiled, as he handed him a mug.

The man, Paul, was one of Harry's favourite people, they had a kind of father/son relationship, but they were always joking around. The guys in the shop loved Harry a lot, as the boy did them, but Harry was just closer to Paul and trusted the man a lot.

Paul loved Harry like one of his own kids, he had three actually. Kian, who was two and adored Harry, Layla, who had just turned four and was always wanting Harry to come over and play, and then Noah, who was turning seven soon.

Noah and Harry got along great, they were practically brothers. Harry spent a lot of his free time with the boy, they had just clicked. Noah was mute and found a familiar comfort in Harry.

Paul's wife Laura was lovely too, she loved Harry and was always asking after him. She invited the boy round for dinner every other week it was the families little tradition. Laura and Anne became close friends too once Harry had introduced them.

"Thanks your a life saver." Harry chuckled as he sipped the warm drink and sat down at his station. "I've actually got a friend coming in about five for a session so is it okay if I take the back room?" He asked as he wrapped his hands around the hot mug.

Paul was also the owner of the shop and was very impressed when Niall had brought in Harry's artwork. Paul had actually taught Harry all he knew about tattooing, maybe that was why they had grown so close.

"Course H, looking forward to seeing the final piece!" Paul replied as he headed over to the counter to grab some supplies, "I've got a customer coming in.. in the next couple minutes actually, so make sure you show us when you're done. And if this friend is Niall tell him he still owes me a tenner!" Paul called out, making sure that Harry could see his mouth as he headed out front to set up.

Harry nodded chuckling at the man, "It's not but I'll remind him tomorrow!" Getting a nod and a smile of approval from Paul. 

Harry was now in the back room, he had the studio set up and was just finishing off a couple designs when a knock vibrated through the room.

He looked up to see one of the younger guys, Adam, standing there with Louis and Zayn.

"Alright Haz! Found some straddlers out front looking for ya!" Adam chirped, Harry smiled at the blue haired man.

"Hey, come on in guys, I've got everything ready for you Zee. Have a look at what you might want over on the desk." Harry said pointing over to the table where he was just sat, before standing in the doorway to speak to Adam.

The two boys headed over and marvelled at the sketches, they were incredible.

Louis couldn't help but look back over at Harry. The boy was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest, he looked really good, Louis couldn't help but be in awe of him.

He also couldn't help but feel a little jealous of the blue haired boy too, Arron? Or Alex? He didn't care, but the guy was in his early twenties and was average looking, maybe Harry liked him? Fuck, Louis didn't even know if Harry liked boys!

Zayn pulled him out of trance, muffling a laugh at Louis' jealous glare. Zayn knew Louis felt something for Harry, he hadn't had the opportunity to ask but now he could definitely see that Louis had a little crush.

Zayn was happy for him though, Louis had come out to him as bi but male leaning about seven months ago, so it was cool to see him like this about someone.

Zayn picked up a sketch he couldn't take his eyes off. It was definitely a chest piece, it was amazing, "Harry's insanely talented." Zayn whispered picking up the sketch to show Louis.

"Mate that's sick! That'd look amazing, proper suits you." Louis said, grinning down at the design.

The two were interrupted by Harry heading back over, "Alright Zee, did you see anything you liked? Or do you have an idea I could sketch up quickly?"

"No I found this, it's insane, I love it." Zayn replied gesturing to the sketch.

Harry smiled, happy that Zayn had found something, "Cool! That's a new one. So a chest piece yea?" Zayn nodded. "Alright, you wanna get ready and just lay up on the chair." Harry said rolling his chair over.

"Hey Lou." Harry smiled sweetly, "You can sit anywhere you'd like." Louis grinned as he took a seat beside Zayn and opposite Harry, "It's so cool here Haz, and you're really talented, your works incredible."

Harry thanked Louis before turning to set up the gun, hiding his faint blush.

Zayn was now topless and seated on the chair buzzing with excitement, "Man I can't wait! I love the rush."

Louis chuckled, "It'll look great lad."

Harry started working, the three put on loud music so that Harry could feel the vibrations, they joked about and spoke about school and how it was for Harry working there at the shop. 

It was a while later and Harry was half way through, it was a big piece so Harry was trying to get it perfect. They had all gotten hungry so Louis suggested that he run out and grab them dinner.

Once Louis had left, Harry and Zayn got to speaking about Zayn's other tattoos.

"So H, you and Lou?" Zayn quizzed with a raised brow.

Harry coughed loudly trying to hide his blush, "Don't know what you mean mate." His voice was stern but it wavered slightly.

Harry was a little fearful of Zayn's reaction, he didn't know how to tell Zayn he was uncomfortable with the topic without outing everything.

"Don't worry, it's cool, you two give off a vibe, he likes you." Zayn comforted.

Harry gave him a forced smile not wanting to be rude, he did trust Zayn, the guy just made you feel like you could be yourself, but he started to get a little teary.

"Sorry, um I didn't mean to upset you Haz, shit." Zayn panicked, sitting up as Harry pulled away from tattooing to wipe his face.

"Nah it's fine mate, honestly you didn't, it's just hard for me to talk about shit like that." Harry breathed out, he let out a small yelp when he felt Zayn pull him into a hug.

"H I'm so sorry, you know you can tell me anything, you don't have to be ashamed of something stupid like who you fall in love with." Zayn stated warmly after he pulled away so that Harry could see what he was saying. He wondered who could have possibly hurt the sweet guy stood before him. Harry was so nice.

"Fuck." Harry whispered, rubbing his face as he chuckled, feeling rather stupid, "It's just a lot happened when I was younger, the reason I moved here actually, the reason I'm deaf."


	10. Talks of the past

"I know it must be hard. Just calm down for me alright?" Zayn spoke softly, placing comforting hands on Harry's shoulders.

A couple minutes later Harry had calmed down and his tears had stopped. "I'm really sorry, it's just a trigger." Harry confessed, mercilessly wiping his tear stained cheeks.

"Don't work yourself up again H, I'm here yeah? You can trust me. Can I ask.. is, is it about the whole um, liking boys thing?" Zayn questioned wearily, not wanting to set the poor boy off again.

Harry didn't say anything he was terrified, he didn't want anyone to hurt him again.

Zayn sensed his anxiety and took a deep breath, "Hey Haz?" He started, Harry gave him a timid smile, "Um, man I can't believe I'm doing this!" He laughed nervously.

Harry was now really intrigued by what Zayn was about to say. The raven haired boy looked like he was battling with his thoughts, looking extremely conflicted. Harry comforted him by taking his hand, it was the only thing he could do.

"You're the first person I'm admitting this to, but a couple weeks ago I came to terms with some feelings I've been having." Zayn told him shakily. Harry slowly nodded not wanting to pressure the boy.

"I actually like boys too." Zayn breathed out, a weight released from his chest.

Harry was a little shocked, he didn't expect that but he smiled and hugged him tightly. He could feel Zayn laugh before he pulled away.

"I'm proud of you." Harry smiled.

"Thank you, it means a lot. It was a huge struggle to come to terms with, my um family aren't the most accepting of it." Zayn revealed, looking down at his hands as he played with his fingers. He was hurt, hurt at the thought of his family not loving him for something he couldn't control.

Harry didn't know what to say, he had to be brave though, Zayn had just told him his biggest secret, he had to do the same. No, he wanted to.

"When I turned fourteen," he started, voice so quiet Zayn had barely even heard it but he had and looked up to meet a nervous Harry.

"I, was um.. I was assaulted." His voice wavered, trying not to relive the memories. Zayn's eyes widened he hadn't expected that. "I was hospitalised on my birthday after a group of people, hit me with their car and they.. then attacked me, with weapons before leaving me on the side of a road for dead."

Harry had contained his sobs, becoming a stuttering mess instead, he was still so traumatised, it was still so hard to talk about even with the endless amounts of therapy.

Zayn had tears running down his face, trying to take in everything he was just told, before engulfing the boy in a bone crushing hug.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered repeatedly, even though he knew Harry couldn't hear him.

He slowly pulled away, "So that's why you're deaf?" He asked, not sure if he actually wanted the answer.

Harry just nodded before he was being hugged again. Harry had never seen Zayn so mushy, he was normally so mysterious and unemotional. Not in a bad way, it was just him being Zayn.

Harry chuckled a little at the thought of it, making Zayn pull away again only to start chuckling too.

"What's so funny Styles?" Zayn asked smiling at the curly haired lad.

"You, you've gone soft!" Harry exclaimed. Zayn gasped playfully, smacking the back of Harry's head, "I'm not soft!" He argued but was unable to contain his laughter. 

The two were in hysterics by the time Louis strolled back in, a bag in hand. He was beyond confused, he thought he'd walk in to find Harry finishing off the tattoo, but it looked like the tattoo hadn't been touched since he had left, and Zayn and Harry had magically turned into giggling school girls at a sleepover.

"What the fucks gone on?" Louis asked rather amused, catching Zayn's attention, Harry's gaze following the sudden movement.

The two only laughed harder at Lou's confused face. Louis could only chuckle along, slightly humoured by it all.

The tattoo was finally finished hours later! It had been a great night, well apart from the tears and confessions, but when Louis returned they once again joked around, they told stories, ate and started a little food fight, even did some loud singing which Paul scolded them for, only to then join in!

Once Harry had wrapped Zayn up, the boys asked if Harry needed a lift home, which he agreed to.

The trio said their goodbyes to everyone. The guys at the shop had taken a liking to Harry's new friends, telling the two to come and visit when ever they wanted. Louis and Zayn agreed, sending them smiles and them being the cheeky shits they were, stole a couple lollipops that sat on the counter on their way out.

The guys didn't mind though and laughed as they shooed the three of them out, getting back to finishing up their own clients. 

They all got into Zayn's truck, which Harry had complimented, and set off. Harry directed the way, it was a longer drive than walk because of the way the streets worked in the town centre.

So they spoke about school tomorrow and even made plans for the weekend, telling Harry to invite Liam and Niall along too.

When they arrived at Harry's they all said their goodbyes. Harry thanked Zayn for the ride and being his best client yet, which Louis objected to, saying that when he got a tattoo next he'd be going to Harry, and there would be no competition. They all laughed saying a final goodbye and see you tomorrow before Harry headed in.


	11. Here comes the sun

The next morning Harry had woke up feeling lighter, telling Zayn his story had really helped. He felt like they were closer now, they both knew each others deepest secrets.

Harry was beyond proud of Zayn for coming out to him, he knows how hard it can be, he just hopes that the boy is proud of himself too.

Getting out of bed today was easier than most mornings, he stood up and decided to shower. He picked out his clothes and headed towards the bathroom, turning the tap and checking the temperature before stepping in.

The hot steam relaxed him and he started to sing quietly. Liam had arrived a little earlier than usual and headed up to look for the curly haired boy, only to hear his voice.

Harry didn't sing much but everyone loved when he did, his voice was beautiful. Liam just sat himself on Harry's bed and listened, he was singing 'Here Comes The Sun' by The Beatles.

As Harry stepped out, he slowly got dressed after drying off, still singing the little tune. He was smiling as he styled his hair in the mirror, he didn't see it too often.

His voice grew softer as he exited the bathroom, only to jump out of skin when he saw Liam lying at the end of his bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Li?" Harry chuckled as he watched his startled mate sit up. "What're you doing?"

Liam grinned sheepishly, "Just came over and you were in the shower. I guess I got lost in thought, listening to you sing." Harry gave him a small smile as he turned to hide his slight blush.

"I'm almost ready just lemme get shoes on." Harry told him swiftly changing the subject, unable to see his response as he was searched for a pair of boots.

Once Harry was ready the pair headed out and climbed into Liam's car. They weren't picking up Niall today as the blonde had football practice early this morning. Harry only thought of Louis though, wondering if he was at practice too.

The car pulled up into the school and Liam parked. He turned to face Harry so that the boy knew he was about to speak. Harry realised and smiled at him waiting for Liam to start.

"You ready?" Liam asked, he really wanted to question Harry on why he was so happy this morning, but he didn't want to ruin it.

"Yeah I'm all good, you?" Harry chuckled wondering why Liam had even asked, but the boy was always protective, so he didn't think too much of it.

"Yeah just dreading today, got double science." Liam pouted, he really hated his teacher, she loved to drag on, most of the time it wasn't even relevant. Last week, the woman had spent an entire hour talking about her sisters cat, for god only knows why.

Harry laughed, "Haha unlucky you, I've got music for the first time today, proper excited."

Liam couldn't help but smile at the sweet lad. He loved that even though Harry was deaf, he still enjoyed music more than the average person, it was his passion.

Harry could play the guitar and piano really well, and Liam knew the boy wrote songs too but he didn't ever want to show anyone. Liam hoped that this music class would open him up a little, push him to try new things, or revisit old ones.

The bell sounded, "Better get going." Harry informed as he jumped out, grabbing his bag from the backseat. Liam was quick to follow, not wanting to be late, and the two wandered up the steps and into the building. 

Harry's first lesson had gone okay, it was history, he had it with both Liam and Niall, that was the only good part about it. Now Harry was headed to music, he didn't have his two best friends in this class so he was alone, he didn't mind though, music was his thing.

Walking through the classroom doors he found that he was the first one there. He shrugged and took a seat in the far back, deciding to scroll through twitter while he waited. A couple minutes later, Harry's gaze was broken from his phone and shifted to the man stood before him.

"You alright mate? I'm the music teacher, everyone calls me Mr T." The man, or Mr T, smiled at Harry.

"Hey yeah, I was early sorry, 'm Harry." Harry greeted smiling back politely as he sat up in his seat.

The man took a seat opposite him and Harry saw that no one else had arrived yet. "Yeah I realised when I saw the new face." Mr T chuckled, "So you like music? Or do you just think it's an easy pass?" The man raised a brow playfully.

Harry already liked this teacher, he seemed pretty laid back, someone you could come to if you needed something.

"No, love music, always have. The pass would be appreciated though." Harry replied smugly, making the man laugh.

"So can you play or do you sing?" Mr T quizzed.

"I play guitar and piano, pianos a little harder for me though. I sing a little too." Harry shrugged, shifting in his seat to get comfortable.

The man nodded slowly, "A musician then?" Mr T chuckled and Harry just grinned, "Why do you struggle with piano? Guitar, I find, is much harder."

"Uh I don't know if you got the email about me, but 'm deaf, so the pianos harder to feel, well keyboard at least." Harry shrugged, times like this he wished he could avoid eye contact but he didn't have a choice.

"Harry it's all good, I did get an email, doesn't change much." Mr T reassured, "Just hope you can actually play! Some kids here, god help me, sound horrific. Not that you could understand, guess that's where you got lucky." The man teased playfully making Harry laugh.

"Wow, I think your my favourite teacher now, teasing a deaf kid? Low blow." Harry chuckled sending the man a dimpled smile.

Mr T shrugged before laughing along with Harry. Yeah, Harry definitely liked this guy, someone who actually treated him like a person.

"So how's school going then? Met anyone knew?" Mr T asked as he sorted through the papers he had in his hands, which Harry had only just noticed.

"A few yeah, my two best mates go here, so I was fine either way. Met a couple nice lads though." Harry answered him.

"That's good to hear, some kids here can be dicks, stick close to the good ones." Mr T said bluntly making Harry chuckle, "Thanks, will do."

The door opened again and someone had arrived. It was none other than Louis, the blue eyed boy smiled brightly when he noticed Harry.

"Heya Mr T. Hey Haz." Louis greeted them, plonking himself down next to them.

"Hey Lou, you know Harry here?" Mr T asked, raising a brow at Harry.

"Yup best mates we are, we hung out last night while Hazza tattooed Zayn." Louis replied smiling as he thought back to yesterday.

"Harry, when I said stick close to the good ones, I did not mean Louis Tomlinson." Mr T sassed, earning a dramatic gasp from the boy.

"I am hurt Mr T! Haz couldn't find anyone better to befriend." Louis glared playfully at the man before grinning at Harry.

Harry only chuckled at the pair, "I think I'll cope."

Mr T laughed loudly as more students entered, "I think your my new favourite student!" He smirked as he stood and headed to the front of the class.

Louis pouted, "I thought I was!"

"Nope!" Mr T grinned.

Harry already loved music and it hadn't even started.


	12. Broken boundaries

Harry and Louis just chatted away as everyone else entered the room and sat down. Harry was surprised to find Louis in music, he didn't really seem like the type, Harry didn't like to stereotype but Louis was the captain of the football team. It was like Troy Bolton had come to life. The thought made Harry laugh a little.

"Didn't think I'd find you here Boo." Harry told him, keeping his eyes locked on Louis.

"What in music?" Louis questioned, Harry only nodded in agreement, "I guess it's a bit of a surprise for some people, but I've always loved music." Louis explained but he added a small chuckle to show Harry that he wasn't offended by the statement.

"Do you play or sing then?" Harry asked, actually intrigued.

"I play piano, trying to learn guitar at the moment and I guess I can sing if you put me on the spot." Louis replied as he smiled up at Harry, the two paying no mind to the other students around them.

"That's great." Harry grinned, masking the sudden sadness he felt once he had realised he'd never be able to hear the boy play. "How's Zayn then?" He asked, quickly changing the subject before Louis had a chance to return the question.

"Oh he's great, so in love with the tattoo, and I don't know, he seems a lot happier after yesterday too." Louis told him, shrugging his shoulders almost as if he was pondering why Zayn's mood had suddenly changed, but instead let it be.

"I'm glad, he was great, normally people can get a bit fussy, but he took it like a champ." Harry smiled.

"Eh, bet I could do better." Louis stated smugly but before Harry could question it, Mr T started speaking. Harry wondered if Louis was jealous but the thought was gone as quick as it came, allowing Harry to focus on his teacher.

"So!" Mr T said as he clapped his hands together, "I think we're gunna do something a little hands on this lesson. I don't really wanna bore you with talk of Mozart in my first lesson with you lot. So I'm thinking we do groups and practice to get ready for a small performance at the end of the lesson."

An excited murmur traveled through the room, Harry watched as faces lit up and people started to agree with the man.

"Alright glad you lot agree, would have sucked otherwise cause I'd still have made you do it." The man grinned, an eruption of small laughs echoed throughout the room. "So, get into groups of two or more, but I don't want to see any groups over six. Pick a song and grab an instrument." Mr T gestured over to the back of the room where instruments resided along side an array of small rooms.

The class started to separate into groups, Harry wondered how he was going to fit into all of it, thinking that no one would want a deaf boy in their group. Before Harry could criticise himself any further he felt a tap on his shoulder.

Harry looked over to find a grinning Louis, "Wanna work together?" He asked.

"You'd want to?" Harry questioned, unable to mask the look of surprise from Louis.

"Course Hazza! We'll be amazing, blow everyones mind." Louis told him enthusiastically making Harry chuckle. The taller boy agreed with a small nod and that's all Louis had needed before he was grabbing Harry by the wrist and pulling him off in the direction of a small room.

The two had decided on an Ed Sheeran song, Give me love. Louis wanted to be on piano while Harry gravitated towards the guitar.

"You wanna sing?" Louis asked as he plopped down on the bench beside the keyboard, keeping in mind to make sure his body was turned to face Harry.

"Um I don't mind, I'm up for anything." Harry shrugged as he tuned the dark brown guitar.

"Alright we both can then." Louis decided, sending a reassuring smile Harry's way.

Harry nodded before quietly humming along to the chords he played. Louis was entranced by the sound, he felt his stomach tighten and swarm with butterflies as he listened intently.

When Harry looked up he found Louis looking at him wide eyed, Harry searched behind him, wondering what had gotten that reaction out of Louis. Harry hoped it wasn't a spider or anything bug like- he hated them.

Once he found nothing behind him he looked back to Louis, who was still in the same position. He mumbled something but Harry couldn't read what it was, his lips had hardly moved.

"What?" Harry questioned, startling the blue eyed boy from his daze.

"Sorry, just, oh my god Haz, you were incredible." Louis breathed out, breaking into a large grin.

Harry shifted his gaze onto the floor below his feet, he hadn't expected that.

Louis was quick to head over to him, Harry felt the vibrations beneath his feet and took a rather deep breath as Louis crouched down beside him. The blue eyed boy placed a hand under Harry's chin, guiding him so that he was sat staring back at Louis.

"Needed you to see this." Louis told him, a small smile playing on his lips, "Hazza that was really beautiful." That's really what Louis thought, he'd never heard something so heavenly, his body had erupted in shivers at the sound. He truly believed that the entire world should have the chance to hear Harry sing.

Harry chuckled lightly at him, shaking his head hoping to get rid of the blush that had crawled up his neck to his cheeks. "Thanks Lou, I don't sing very often."

"Well you're going to be singing a lot more now that I'm around Harold, I don't think I could go without hearing it again." Louis grinned and Harry just rolled his eyes playfully.

"Yeah, yeah." Harry laughed as he gently pushed the crouching boys shoulder, it was soft but enough to knock Louis off balance, making the older boy fall back onto his bum.

Harry laughed loudly at Louis' shocked face, which caused his expression to change into a pout before just giving up and laughing along with the curly haired boy.

"I'm sorry!" Harry apologised but he couldn't muffle his chuckles. Louis waved him off as he pulled himself to his feet and headed back over to the piano.

"No worries Hazza, I've had worse out on the pitch." Louis confessed, "Anyway let's start!" He grinned, Harry did too but felt a familiar sadness wash over him as Louis pressed down a couple keys on the piano.

"Can't hear you." Harry whispered, he hadn't meant to say it aloud but it was too late and Louis had already heard. Harry knew that he had because of the guilty expression he wore, even though he tried his best to mask it.

There was a beat of silence before Louis spoke, "What if instead of hearing me you felt me?"

Harry raised an amused brow at the boy, wondering if he had read Louis' lips right. Louis chuckled softly, "Yeah sorry that did sound a bit strange but what I meant is, could you feel my voice the same way you feel the guitar?"

Harry nodded slowly letting Louis know that he understood but honestly he had never tried it, he questioned if it would really work.

"Um okay, are you sure?" Harry questioned as he stood from where he was sat.

Louis nodded eagerly, a smile prominent on his face, reassuring Harry that he was completely fine with it, "Course, come and sit down, we can see if it will actually work."

Harry took a seat beside Louis on the bench after settling his guitar in the corner. He was a little nervous, he had never done anything like this with anyone before, what if it made things weird?

Louis turned to face him slightly, making sure Harry could understand him, "Put your hand around my throat." He told him calmly but the order had just made Harry burst into a fit of giggles.

Louis' eyes widened upon the realisation of what he had just said before chuckling along with Harry.

"Kinky." Harry mocked once he had calmed down a little, Louis just rolled his eyes.

"Shut it Styles, don't act like you wouldn't want all this." Louis teased as he did a little dance in his seat, wiggling his hips and shaking his shoulders, making Harry laugh but he didn't try to deny it.

"Yeah, yeah, come on then, don't need you hurting yourself." Harry chuckled, Louis just poked his tongue out at the boy before taking Harry's larger hand in his.

The two quietened as Louis pulled Harry closer and wrapped the boys hand gently around his neck so that it laid right over his larynx. Harry felt Louis' breath hitch as his fingers touched the soft skin, it weirdly made Harry feel a little less nervous.

"Okay, can you feel me talking?" Louis asked and Harry nodded slowly. It was a weird sensation, Harry could feel the vibrations of Louis' voice travel through his hand, the first one felt like a sharp shock, kind of like the shock that you'd get from static electricity, it tickled his fingers. 

"Woah." Harry whispered, unable to put into words how it felt. He had never felt so intimate with a person before, it was strange but he wasn't scared, there was this wave of calmness that washed over the two.

"I guess it worked?" Louis laughed earning a large smile from Harry as he nodded his head excitedly, confirming Louis' suspicions.

"Yeah, I can feel it, it's crazy and you're only just talking." Harry breathed out as he watched his hand, he felt a tap to the knee and looked up to find Louis smiling back at him.

"I'm glad it worked, you look really amazed," Louis laughed lightly but Harry didn't mind, "You wanna start now then?" Louis asked as he gestured towards the piano.

"Yes please." Harry said softly before positioning himself closer to allow Louis to face the piano while he still had a hold on his neck.

Harry decided to place his other hand on the keyboards speaker and Louis turned it up as far as it would go to make sure Harry could really feel it.

Louis flashed the boy a warm smile before his fingers started to dance along the keys. Harry let the sound travel through his palm, feeling every pulse the keyboard made. He was so invested in feeling what Louis was playing that he was startled slightly by the vibrations that erupted from Louis' throat.

Harry took a deep breath, singing felt a little different to talking, the vibrations weren't as broken, they traveled in longer beats and there was a soft hum that could be felt too.

Harry couldn't hear Louis but he decided then and there that the boy had an incredible voice. It felt so velvety and smooth, there was no strain, Louis didn't need to force anything, it was just so beautiful.

Once the song had ended the two sat in silence for a moment, Harry slowly pulled his hands away, placing them in his lap instead. "Thank you." He said, hoping Louis heard the sincerity in his voice and not the overwhelming urge to cry.

Louis didn't say anything though, instead he just brought the taller boy into a warm embrace, wrapping his arms over Harry's shoulders, pulling him in close. Harry smiled into the crook of Louis neck where he had buried his head and then he settled his hands on the blue eyed boys waist, Harry only realised then how small it truly was. Harry liked it though, he liked how small Louis was overall, how the two of them just fit so perfectly.

That's where the boys sat for a while longer, no words were said but a boundary was broken and both of the boys felt so at peace in one anothers arms.


	13. Give me love

By the time the groups were called back out into the classroom Harry and Louis were more than ready. The pair just clicked and their voices blended so nicely together. At first it was really hard, they were always a beat behind each other or off key, and because Harry couldn't hear he'd get a little frustrated, but Louis was quick to calm him down and reassure him.

The duet sounded incredible once they finally communicated and came to a final decision, they thought it was best to let Harry lead as Louis could hear when they were starting and Harry couldn't.

Now everyone was seated back at their tables in their groups, waiting to see who would preform first.

"Alright, I hope you've all got a song ready! I think we're gunna start with the biggest group first, so you six head up to the front and set up." Mr T announced, gesturing towards the large carpet at the front of the classroom.

The groups went up one by one, all of them seemed to be really good. Harry and Louis were the only ones doing a duet, that meant that they were the smallest group, so they had to go last. Neither of them minded, Louis said that they were the showstoppers, the big finale, so it was only natural for them to go last, which only made Harry laugh.

As the last group finished the room gave them a loud round of applause, the three thanked everyone as they headed back to their seats. Harry had quite enjoyed their rendition of Coldplay's Yellow, Louis had told him the name and Harry mentioned that it had been one of his favourite songs before he lost his hearing. Harry really felt the vibrations that came through the speakers, the guitarist played electric so it was much more powerful than the previous groups that had stuck with an acoustic sound.

"Okay, last but definitely not least," Mr T exclaimed, "Louis and Harry." He smiled brightly over to the two boys in the back corner who slowly made their way to the front.

Everyone watched Harry as he set up his guitar, Louis saw the judgement in their eyes from where he sat at the grand piano. He wanted to tell them all to fuck off, but he knew that Harry would blow them all away once they heard his voice. So he kept quiet, sending a knowing glance Mr T's way, who gave him a sad smile in response before mouthing _smash it_ with a big cheesy grin.

Louis calmed slightly after that, enough to look over at Harry who gave him a small nod, indicating that he was ready. Louis took a deep breath before turning back towards the piano, once he heard Harry start he pushed down on the first chord.

Louis was smiling brightly as the song went on, Harry was doing better than great, he was amazing. Louis only wished he could see the shock on his classmates faces.

The first verse and pre-chorus was sung by Harry alone and then when the chorus came Louis joined him, the two harmonised perfectly. Louis sang the next verse and pre-chorus alone, then he gave the curly haired boy the signal they had discussed before hand to indicate he was a chord away from the chorus. The rest of the song was sung by the two of them together, Louis' piano slowly faded out by the time they came to the palm mute section on the guitar, it was Louis' idea and it created a different feel for the ending, which everyone seemed to have loved.

Once Harry strummed the final chord the room sat in silence, no one said anything. Mr T stood up first, wearing a massive grin and started the applause, which only broke the rest of the class from their daze, and the two boys were given a deserving round of cheers.

Louis and Harry made their way back to their seats once the clapping finally finished, Louis kept a gentle hand on the small of Harry's back as they passed by the other students. It was second nature to the boy that's why Harry didn't feel the need to question it, Louis was just a touchy person. Many would argue otherwise but when Louis was around Harry he couldn't keep his hands to himself, he was just rather protective of the sweet but clumsy boy that had worked his way into his heart.

The lesson ended soon after, both Harry and Louis received a ton of praise, mostly from Mr T, who was already asking the two to enter the schools talent show. The pair smiled and told him they'd think about it, it was one thing to sing in-front of your classmates but preforming to the entire school was very daunting.

Harry and Louis slowly made their way to the Lunch room, letting everyone else just pass them by as they spoke about anything and everything, laughing between themselves.

"Oi Tommo, over here!" A voice called out once Louis and Harry pushed through the lunch room doors. Louis' head shot over in it's direction and Harry's followed, Zayn was stood by their usual table alongside Liam, the two beckoned them over.

"You alright lads?" Louis greeted once he and Harry made it to the table and took their seats.

"Yeah, just happy it's finally Lunch." Zayn replied as he dug into his plate of food.

"All good Z?" Harry asked as he gestured to the boy's chest, he earned a big smile in response, Harry couldn't help but return it.

"Yeah mate, it's so sick, thank you again, it's definitely my favourite." Zayn told him as he pulled away his school shirt to reveal part of the healing tattoo.

"I'm glad, one of my favourites too, I really loved the design." Harry smiled, "You were a champ, no tears were shed." He added making Zayn chuckle lightly.

"I don't think I know what tears are mate." Zayn laughed as he sent a wink in Harry's direction.

The conversation confused Louis, and the wink Zayn gave Harry infuriated him, "What _are_ you on about?" Both Harry and Zayn could see how confused he was, but only Harry could sense his slight irritation.

"Nothing boo, just telling Zayn that he did a really good job yesterday, he should be really proud." Harry told Louis with a grin. Zayn understood what Harry was trying to say, he appreciated the praise, since telling Harry his secret his world felt a little brighter.

Louis pouted, like actually pouted, and Harry practically melted at the sight, the blue eyed boy could be so cute sometimes. Louis didn't say anything else after that, he decided then that his day had gone to shit as he played with his food.

Harry frowned at him but Louis was too busy looking down at his plate to notice, Zayn and Liam on the other hand did. Liam sent him a large but sad smile while Zayn widened his eyes and nodded his head in Louis' direction, silently telling Harry to do something.

Harry didn't say anything as he placed his hand on Louis' knee beneath the table, and instead took a small sip of his drink. Louis' breath visibly hitched and as Harry thumbed small circles into the fabric his smile slowly brightened. Nothing needed to be said, even though it was a strange gesture for platonic friends, it had calmed Louis' racing mind and Harry just felt like nothing else mattered as long as he had Louis.

Liam and Zayn gave each other a knowing look after seeing Louis' face light up.

"Hey Lou?" Harry said softly, breaking the silence at their table as he placed his drink down. Louis turned in his seat to face Harry so that he could read his lips. "Yeah Haz?"

"Was wondering what you were doing after school?" Harry replied, trying to act calm and collected but on the inside he was actually freaking out and really fearful of rejection.


	14. Is it okay?

"After school?" Louis questioned and Harry gave him a small nod, "I have footie practice."

"Oh." Harry spoke, "No worries then." He added as he went back to eating, silently hoping no one could see the small frown etched onto his face.

"No wait Hazza." Louis said but quickly remembered that Harry couldn't hear him, he mentally facepalmed. He felt really stupid but he had just forgotten it in the heat of the moment, he didn't want to disappoint the curly haired lad, Louis only ever wanted to see him smile.

Louis took a short breath before taping Harry on the shoulder, the boy turned to face him with a forced smile.

"Haz, you don't have to but maybe you could come watch me practice? Then after if you're up for it maybe we could hang out?" Louis suggested, he hadn't even been sure if that was what Harry had wanted, and Louis wondered if he had gotten it all wrong but the way the boys lips curved up into a grin made all of Louis' worries disappear.

"I'd like that." Harry told him before turning to face Liam who had, along with Zayn, been pretending not to listen, "Is that cool Li? I know I was supposed to get a lift home with you."

Liam nodded happily, "Yeah course Haz, might sit and watch with you actually, ask Ni if he wants a lift home." Harry grinned over at his best friend, he liked the idea of Liam tagging along. He figured while the lads trained they could catch up, they hadn't really been able to do that since school started, Harry missed it.

"Yeah sounds-" Harry started but was cut off by Niall slumping down at the table in a huff, everyone's attention went to him. The four boys chuckled at him and the blonde narrowed his eyes at them in return.

"What's up Ni?" Zayn asked.

"I _hate_ Mrs Turner! _Hate_!" Niall declared loudly, Harry and Louis shared an amused look before turning back to him.

"Now, now, Nialler, hate is a very strong word." Louis teased earning himself a glare that only made him chuckle more, which did not help his case.

"No really Ni, what's up?" Harry questioned as he handed his best mate his chocolate muffin, knowing that it would cheer him up.

Niall beamed at the small dessert, "Thank you, Haz. Always know what I need!" He said as he leaned over and gave Harry a big hug. Harry melted into it, he was definitely a hugger, and Niall often gave the best ones!

After he had been released from the hospital he distanced himself from everyone, wouldn't even let his mum touch him. It took a while but with the help of his family, Liam, Niall, and therapy, he learned to let people in again, and now he was pretty affectionate with the people he loved.

Niall knew this, and always hugged the boy whenever he had the opportunity. Sometimes he does it just because he can, and because at one point he was never able to do so. Him being able to now just warms his heart, he won't ever let Harry go back to the place he was in when they first met.

Liam and Zayn smiled at the sweet gesture as Niall rubbed up and down Harry's back before slowly pulling away, while Louis just sat there quietly, silently observing the two friends, feeling a little jealous.

"You're welcome mate. Now, come on, tell us what's wrong." Harry said as he shuffled closer to Louis, almost as if he could sense the jealousy that was radiating off of the blue eyed boy.

Niall groaned at the reminder, "She kept me behind!" He exclaimed, "For no reason too! And I almost missed lunch but that's not even the worst part! They were out of chicken nuggets so now I have this." Niall made a look of disgust as he pushed his tray away slightly. Harry laughed at that, instead of chicken nuggets the dinner ladies had given him a salad.

"It's not that bad Ni," Liam chuckled as he rolled his eyes at a dramatic Niall, "Salads are quite healthy and all those chicken nuggets you eat can't be good for you."

Niall scowled but didn't say anything in return, just went back to frowning at his plate as he picked at the muffin Harry had given him.

"Here Ni." Harry said as he switched his plate for the Irish lads, giving Niall the last of his chips and the burger he had yet to eat.

"What? No Haz, it's fine." Niall declined as he pushed the plate back towards Harry, who just laughed.

"No mate, honestly, I wasn't gunna eat the burger anyway, not in the mood and I love a good salad." Harry told him as placed the food down in front of his friend.

"Thanks Haz." Niall smiled, earning one back along with a small nod.

"You like salad?" A voice asked clearly laced with disgust but Harry hadn't seen anyone speak as he was too busy taking the salad bowl from Niall. When he looked back up he found his three friends laughing while Louis sat their with a grimace on his face, Harry sent them a look of confusion.

"Sorry H, it's just that Lou's not a big fan of anything green that's food related, so he can't believe that people can actually like salad." Zayn explained before sending Harry a smile.

Harry nodded as a small chuckle escaped, "I do, salads are great." He said as he turned to face Louis, who wore a look of disbelief. "I do!" Harry told him before he let out a laugh.

"I can't believe you Harold, no one should enjoy eating a salad!" Louis exclaimed as he shook his head in mock disappointment, which only made the group laugh louder. Harry just rolled his eyes fondly before sliding closer and knocking shoulders with Louis, who smiled sheepishly in response before looking down at his plate to hide his blush.

Louis saw Zayn smirk smugly at him from across the table and Louis knew then that he was fucked. He only hoped that Zayn wouldn't say anything about it later, but he knew that probably wouldn't happen.

The lunch hour passed by quickly after that and the five of them headed off to their last two lessons of the day. Harry, Zayn and Niall went off to Geography while Liam and Louis headed towards the Maths department.

The rest of the day went by slowly, agonisingly slow in Harry's opinion, he just wanted to go and see Louis, he was really excited to watch the boy play. So by the time the last bell sounded he was already out the door, Liam not too far behind him.

The two made it out onto the pitch minutes later, having mostly avoided the after school rush. The team were no where to be seen yet so Harry and Liam went and sat down in the stands.

"You're pretty fast when you want to be, you know?" Liam breathed out, an amused smile rested on his lips as he took the seat beside Harry.

"Hm?" Was all Harry said as he turned to face his best friend, having only caught the last part of the sentence.

"Just talking about how quickly you rushed out of that classroom and how you practically ran here." Liam chuckled, signing along as he spoke.

Harry looked down sheepishly, trying to hide his faint blush, "Sorry." He mumbled letting his gaze wander across the pitch.

Liam placed a comforting hand on his shoulder which caused Harry to look up. "No harm done mate, people just act differently when they like someone." Liam stated, a sly smirk playing on the corner of his mouth.

Harry didn't say anything for a moment, just looked like a deer caught in headlights, unable to comprehend what Liam had just said. When he finally spoke up his voice was small and hesitant. "You know?"

Liam nodded slowly as he sent his best mate a guilty smile, feeling a little bad for the way he had handled telling Harry. He knew how sensitive Harry could be to the topic and he had actually laughed about it. "Sorry H, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, it's just that you're my best mate and I always notice changes in you." Liam told the boy, who in return just looked back at him blankly.

It was quiet for a while, Harry was just trying to gather his thoughts, and Liam knew that, so he left him be.

"Is it okay?" Harry finally asked.

Liam looked over to him and saw the nervous look plastered across Harry's face, he felt truly horrible. "Of course it is mate." He reassured, taking one of Harry's hands in his own, "I swear mate. I know it's hard for you, I saw that when you accidentally came out to us." Harry laughed a little at that, recalling then memory but allowed Liam to continue, "Since I've known you Haz, you've never had a crush or an interest in anyone, so I understand that it's all knew to you, but never, ever think that I won't support you. You liking boys is okay Harry. It's more than okay. I know what happened in the past didn't just affect your hearing Haz, it also messed with your head, the way you see yourself and how you still struggle to come to terms with your sexuality. That's normal though, you went through something no one should have to go through, and at a really young age too, but you will always have me Harry. Niall too, your mum and Gem, and it seems like you have Zayn and Louis now too. I promise you it's okay."

Harry let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding before pulling his best friend into a tight hug, trying his best to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. Liam let him, knowing that Harry just needed the comfort, and plus he loved Harry's hugs, they always made you smile.

The two just sat there for a moment before Harry whispered, "Thank you."

Liam chuckled lightly as he pulled away, keeping a gentle hand on the boys shoulder, "Don't thank me Haz, I love you, you're my best mate and I don't know where I'd be without you."

Harry smiled brightly, "You're pretty wise, you know?"

Liam grinned at that, "I've been told."

Harry just shook his head as he laughed, he'd missed Liam, sure they'd been together everyday but it just wasn't the same. It was nice just to be there with him, Liam could be overprotective at times but he truly had a heart of gold.

Harry was soon interrupted from his thoughts by Liam gesturing over to the pitch that the team were now walking out onto. Harry's smile only brightened once he caught sight of a certain brunette with big blue eyes, who was making his way out of the changing rooms to join his teammates.

Harry knew he liked Louis and his talk with Liam had confirmed it, but Harry wondered if it was all moving a bit too fast. He'd never really _liked_ anyone before, he couldn't really count the small school crushes he had before he had lost his hearing, they were just that, crushes. So it was all new to him. The pull he felt towards Louis was strange and no matter how much he wanted to let it drag him towards the boy, it really scared him.


	15. Don’t want to fuck it up

Harry and Liam watched the team play from the stands, Harry hadn't seen Niall play in a while, he had often went to his games but over the summer he had gotten really busy with work.

Niall was an excellent player, he loved the game, always had done. He and Harry had this little tradition where Harry went round to Niall's house whenever the football was on to watch it with Niall, his dad, and his older brother, Greg. Harry loved it, Niall's family treated him like one of their own and he always felt at home there. He didn't mind watching football, in fact he loved it, always cheered the loudest. His fears and insecurities only cornered him when he had the ball. He wished he could forget it all and play again, enjoy it like he used to, but he knew that some things would take time. He wondered if he'd ever be okay doing the things he used to love.

Harry's eyes left Niall when Louis started to warm up, the boy stood with his back to the stands and started stretching. Harry couldn't take his eyes off the boy, he felt a little creepy with the way he was practically burning holes into Louis' back but he couldn't bring himself to care. Louis looked incredible in his tight shorts and knee high socks, and the way his shirt fit his body, showing off the curves Harry hadn't realised were even there.

Harry's thoughts were interrupted by a tap to the shoulder, he looked back to find Liam looking at him with a smug smile. Harry rolled his eyes at the boy, shoving him lightly before turning back to the field.

The team were in groups now, it looked like Louis and Niall were the captains from the way they were choosing players.

Harry turned back to Liam, "How long until it ends?" He questioned.

"Why? I thought you'd love the opportunity to watch Tommo run around the field." Liam teased, chuckling quietly to himself, earning a glare from Harry. "Alright, alright sorry! I think they only last about an hour, so we've got a good forty minutes left." Liam told him and Harry nodded in understanding, "Why?" Liam added.

"Just wondering." Harry told him, smirking as he looked back at the players. He knew he shouldn't but sometimes he loved the fact that he could just shut people up by turning away, so he didn't have to hear them go on and on. He knew it drove Liam mad, his mum too!

Practice went really well, the lads had played a game which resulted in Louis' team winning but Niall was more than happy about it. That's just how Niall was though, he was never very competitive, always a good sport.

Harry had watched Louis and Niall the whole time, if he was being honest he'd say that he was a little too focused on a certain brunette but he wouldn't tell a soul, even though Liam had teased him about it the entire time.

"They've finished up, should we go wait by the car?" Harry questioned as he grabbed his bag before looking up at Liam.

"Sure, but they might be a while, we can just take our time walking back, yeah?" Liam suggested as they started to make their way back onto the pitch.

"Sure." Harry happily agreed.

The walk was quiet, neither one of them made conversation, but it was nice just to chill and think. Harry's mind went back to Louis and their plans for after this, he had no idea what they were going to do. He hadn't really hung out with anyone his own age before, apart from Liam and Niall, it made him a little nervous.

By the time they made it to the car park, Harry was questioning everything. "I don't think I can do this Li." Harry spluttered out once they were stood in front of Liam's car.

"What? What do you mean Haz?" Liam questioned him, signing along as Harry wasn't really watching his face.

"I mean, this whole Louis thing. I'm scared Li, _this_ , this is all new to me. I don't want to fuck it up." Harry sighed, leaning back against the hood of the car.

Liam stood in front of him which made Harry lift his head. "Harry, new things are always going to be scary, but it's just Louis, nothing bad will happen mate." Liam reassured him, hoping that his words would ease the younger boys mind.

Harry nodded slowly, "I think I know that deep down but I'm not sure Li, I thought I could do this but there's too much going on at once." He huffed, he felt stupid and incompetent. Spending time with a friend was a normal thing to do but here he was on the verge of having a panic attack.

"Haz, mate, listen. It'll be okay, if you don't wanna go we can just say you felt sick, I'm sure Lou will understand. But Haz, you're just overthinking this, everything will be okay." Liam comforted as he placed a firm hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry took a couple deep breaths before nodding, "I know. Sorry for always piling my bullshit on you, you don't deserve it. Thank you though Li, I think I just need to push myself out of my comfort zone and stop thinking so much."

Liam smiled softly, "It's fine mate, don't apologise to me, you know you have to deal with my bullshit too sometimes, it what friends do." They both chuckled.

"Thanks mate, really." Harry said as he brought the boy in for a hug. Harry couldn't hear him but he could feel Liam's voice vibrate through his shoulder, so he knew he was probably just rambling on about not needing to thank him like he usually would. Harry chuckled at the thought making Liam pull away.

"Shit, sorry H." Liam apologised sheepishly. Even after years of friendship he often forgot that Harry was in fact deaf.

Harry just shook his head in amusement, "It's fine mate, I'm pretty sure you just went on a tangent anyway." The look Liam gave him confirmed his suspicions and made him laugh loudly. Liam shoved him playfully but laughed along too.

"I mean it though Haz, I'll always be here, don't thank me for that." Liam told him once their giggles died down.

"I know Li, and I love you for it." Harry smiled brightly.

"Love you too mate."

The sweet moment was then ruined by a group of rowdy teenagers exiting the school building. It didn't take a genius to figure out it was the football team, and Louis and Niall were right behind them.

Louis grinned when he caught Harry's eye, and the boy quickened his pace to get to him sooner, poor Niall followed after him trying to keep up.

"Hey!" Louis beamed, "Enjoy the game?"

Both Liam and Harry nodded, "It was great, you're both really talented." Harry told him, earning smiles from both boys.

"Alright Ni, we better go, my mum wants me home for dinner." Liam said as he started to walk over to the drivers side door.

Niall's face brightened at the mention of food and they all just chuckled. Liam rolled his eyes at the lad before telling him he could come along too, which had Niall running to get into the vehicle. The two waved goodbye as they pulled out of the space, Liam sending Harry one last comforting smile before driving off.

"So, what now Lou?" Harry asked, feeling a lot better now that Louis was actually with him, his thoughts didn't cloud his mind as much.

Louis looked up into Harry's eyes and grinned, "Come along now Harold, things to do, people to see!"


	16. She

Harry trailed after Louis quickly, who was headed in the direction of black truck, Harry grinned as he tried to keep up with the shorter boys pace.

As they approached, Louis unlocked the truck, it's headlights flashed making Harry jump slightly which only made Louis chuckle. Harry narrowed his eyes at the boy before telling him to _shut up,_ but it only made Louis laugh harder and Harry couldn't help but join him.

"Nice truck," Harry complimented as he rounded the vehicle and opened the passenger door, "I really like it, always wanted to drive one." He added quietly.

Once Harry was sat in his seat he turned to face Louis, who was smiling softly beside him.

"She was my step-dads but he gave her to me when I got my license." Louis told him as he started the engine.

" _She_?" Harry questioned amusedly causing Louis to roll his eyes playfully at him.

"She." Louis chuckled.

Harry just grinned at him and didn't say anything else.

"So, can you drive then?" Louis asked as he backed out of the parking space. His lips were a little harder to read with the way his face was angled but Harry had grasped what he said.

"Um, no." He chuckled sheepishly, "I'm able to, they have devices in cars that are implemented for deaf people so they can drive safely but I'm not ready for all that yet." He really wasn't. It wasn't because of his hearing, he knew he could do anything he set his mind to, he wouldn't let his lack of hearing affect him anymore, it was mostly due to his ptsd.

Having been hit by a car changed the way he viewed them, it took him months to even try to get back inside one. When they moved to Doncaster, Harry had to go up on the train instead of driving with his mum, that's how much they terrified him. He was much better now, even though he still has his moments, like when there was a close call, or a sudden halt, he tends to have panic attacks and usually gets really upset. He can't control it, he doesn't want anyone to go through what he did. Driving was just something he wasn't sure he would ever be able to do.

"I'm cool with not driving though, get to have people chauffeur me about." Harry joked and Louis laughed along but Harry could see his want to question it, he didn't though, and Harry appreciated that.

"So, what do you want to do then?" Louis asked once they pulled out of the school.

"We can go grab some food and then head back to mine if you want?" Harry suggested as he held a hand up to the speaker to feel the soft vibrations.

Louis watched him for a moment before agreeing, both of them decided on pizza so Louis headed to the nearest place. The short drive was spent talking about Louis' football practice and what toppings they wanted on their pizzas.

Their time spent alone so far, away from school and their other mates, was nice, there was no awkward tension or uncomfortable silences.

They climbed out of the vehicle once Louis had pulled over outside a pizza place. Louis grinned as Harry made his way over to him. The two of them walked closely, hands brushing ever so slightly as they entered the small restaurant.

Once they reached the counter Louis turned to face Harry, "What are you wanting then Harold?"

Harry rolled his eyes at the nickname but the small smile he wore told Louis he didn't care all that much. "I'll probably just get a cheese pizza." He shrugged as he drew his eyes away from the large lit up menu above them and back to the boy beside him.

"How basic. But I should have expected it really." Louis teased, earning a playful shove from the taller lad. Instead of retaliating, like he usually would with anyone else, he just stuck his tongue out at the younger lad before turning away to face the girl behind the counter. Louis was about to tell her their order but he quickly noticed that her attention wasn't on him. He frowned ever so slightly and looked over to his left to see what the girl was so intrigued by but he just saw Harry stood there gazing out of the large window. His frown deepened.

He coughed loudly to grab the waitresses attention and when she looked at him with a wide eyed expression he gave her the fakest smile. "Alright, now I've got your attention, I'll take two medium pizzas, one cheese, one pepperoni." He doesn't give her a please or a thank you, because he doesn't exactly feel like being very pleasant.

She nods politely but Louis can see the way her jaw is clenched, he tries his best not to laugh. He knows he's being petty and that Harry's not actually his, he also knows he has no right to be acting the way he is but he just doesn't care. The girl tells him the total and Louis hands over the money, she gives him back his change and receipt without another word said, and then she's gone.

With a small sigh, Louis turns back around to see Harry watching the evening sky, it's a pretty lilac colour that's littered with vibrant oranges and pinks, but Louis doesn't care much for it, he'd much rather just admire Harry.

Honestly, he could watch the boy all day, he intrigues Louis to no end. It's not because of his inability to hear, even though Louis wants to ask him a million questions about it but he knows that Harry will tell him about it eventually, when he's ready. It's more to do with the way the younger boy affects him, he's never met anyone that's made him feel the way Harry does. The boy is something he had only dreamed of to put it simply, he knew that from the very start he had taken to Harry, it was a thrilling feeling but also so scary.

He's not saying it's a bad thing, it's just insane to him how much Harry has changed his life already. All he used to think about was footie, his mates, his siblings and what was for dinner, now all that clouded his mind was the curly haired boy that stumbled into his life out of no where. He wants to know everything about Harry, he wants to spend time with him, get to know the real him. Louis understands it's going to take some time for Harry to trust him but he's already pretty sure he'd wait forever for the boy.

"Order 289." A voice calls out, startling him from his daze, Harry hadn't seemed to notice his staring but the girl behind the counter definitely did. Louis gives her a small smile as he takes the boxes from her grasp. "Sorry about before." The girl says, surprising Louis, "I didn't realise you were together. You're very cute."

Louis doesn't really know what to say to that, so he just nods and thanks her before heading over to Harry and placing a hand on his waist. "Hey love, I've got the food, let's go." He smiles softly as he gestures towards the door.

Harry raises a surprised brow as Louis leads him out of the restaurant, he hadn't even realised they'd ordered. He doesn't say anything until they're back inside the truck, a little flustered by the nickname Louis had used and then he was silently questioning what had even happened while he'd been lost in his own little world.

"I'm sorry Lou, you should have called me over, I hadn't even realised you'd ordered." Harry apologised as Louis handed him the food to place on his lap.

Louis just laughed lightly, "It's fine Hazza, honestly."

Harry shook his head, "Lou at least let me pay you back for mine." He told the boy as he reached for his wallet, but Louis just rolled his eyes and swatted his hands away from his back pocket.

"It's fine Harold! You can get the next one, yeah?" Louis suggested as he placed a comforting hand on Harry's knee. Harry flushed at the gesture as he nodded sheepishly in response, smiling over at the older boy before mumbling a small _thank you_.


	17. Deafening Silence

Harry smiled as he jumped out of the car and led Louis up the drive way. Louis admired the home, the front garden was filled with so many colourful flowers, and a black and white cat resided on the brick wall that separated it from the neighbouring house. Harry hurried inside after fumbling with his keys and struggling to open the red front door. Louis followed after him, letting a small chuckle slip as he watched the boy.

As Harry made his way into the kitchen, Louis took the time to look around a little. The hallway was littered with framed pictures that were hung perfectly on the wall, Louis let his eyes search through them, smiling every time he saw one of a much younger Harry. He slowly walked into the living room, it was warm and welcoming, very homey, it had a grand fireplace and large settees. Louis grinned once he saw the picture of baby Harry that sat on top of the fireplace, he ran a finger across the glass. The boy looked so young, so innocent, so happy.

"Lou?" Harry called out, startling Louis slightly causing him to snatch his hand back and hurry into the kitchen to find the curly haired boy.

He found Harry sat on the kitchen counter beside two drinks, smiling as he swung his legs back and forth. "Got you a Coke." Harry told him as he slid one of the glasses across to the blue eyed boy.

"Thanks Hazza." Louis smiled before picking up the drink and taking a sip. "What do you wanna do then?" He asked when he looked back up at Harry, who just shrugged in return.

"Don't mind, movie, game of Fifa, whatever." Harry told him as he hopped off the side, "Lets eat first though." He added, grinning over at the boxes off pizza he had brought in.

"Honestly so fucking hungry." Louis replied as he opened up his box and grabbed a slice. He moaned at the taste and heard Harry giggle beside him. "What?" Louis questioned, trying his best to resist the urge to cover his full mouth as he chuckled, wanting Harry to understand what he said.

"Just your face." Harry laughed as he shook his head in amusement, causing Louis to roll his eyes. Harry grabbed his own box and smiled widely over at Louis.

"It's good pizza!" Louis argued playfully, making Harry chuckle as he headed towards the kitchen doorway. "Where you off to then?" He asked as he took another bite.

"Upstairs. Come on." Harry told him and then proceeded to exit, headed in the direction of the stairs. Louis followed after, rather intrigued to see Harry's room.

When Louis entered the boys bedroom he found Harry playing with an old record player that sat beside the window. Louis raised a brow in his direction once Harry had turned back around.

"I like it." Harry shrugged, a sheepish smile spread across his face, "I can feel the vibrations through the walls and floors, even when it's quiet." He explained.

The blue eyed boy grinned at that but didn't say anything, instead he headed for the wooden floor beside the player and took a seat. Harry was right, if he closed his eyes and tired hard enough he could feel the small vibrations too.

As Louis sat down on the floor and let his eyes slip close, Harry looked at him in awe. He expected the boy to laugh a little or just shrug it off and take a seat on his bed, but no, Louis wanted to sit with him and feel what he could. Harry hadn't met anyone quite like Louis.

When Louis looked back up he found Harry just staring back at him in what he assumed was confusion. He just chuckled and patted the floor beside him, gesturing for the boy to take a seat. "Come on Hazza, sit your arse down." He grinned and Harry did as he was told.

"I can really feel it you know, I get why you'd want to sit here, it's kind of a crazy sensation." Louis told him quietly after they had both gotten comfortable, Harry watched his eyes close once more.

"Thank you." Harry whispered, but if Louis had heard it he didn't say anything in return, allowing the two to just sit there for a while, feeling the music.

By the time the two had finished their food they were sat on Harry's bed messing about and just asking each other questions. Louis really loved it, he hadn't really had an experience like this with his any of his other mates. It was always just simple conversation and having similar interests and then you were friends. But with Harry, everything was different and Louis loved that.

"Yeah, my family's proper crazy." Louis chuckled out after telling Harry all about his many siblings.

"No I like it, I've always loved big families, so much love." Harry told him from where he was sat leaning up against the headboard. "It's just me, mum and Gem, and when they're both gone it's so quiet. I mean everything is quiet to me but I can't feel them here, the house is a little colder I guess." He shrugged, immediately feeling stupid for just confessing something like that to Louis.

"I get that." Louis reassured as he placed a comforting hand on Harry's calf from where he was laid spread out at the bottom of the bed. He turned over and smiled brightly at the green eyed boy, and Harry's embarrassment vanished. "I mean I don't get it how you do, but it's like when I'm home alone, or the last one to leave the locker room, things just feel different, it's not as warm and as bright as it once was. It's quiet, colder, sadder. Almost like a deafening silence." Louis told him softly as he continued to look up at Harry from the bottom of the bed.

Harry remained quiet, staring back at Louis, so many thoughts running through his mind. It was almost as if the older lad knew exactly how he felt, even though they had never shared the same experiences. It made Harry feel less alone.

Louis studied Harry's expression, his silence confused him slightly, he didn't know if he had said something wrong. He slowly made his way up the bed and closer to the boy, wary of his actions, hoping he wouldn't upset the boy further. "Haz?" He said aloud as he kneeled beside the boy and placed a hand on Harry's forearm.

Harry turned to face him, his heartbeat quickening once he realised how close they were.

"You okay?" Louis asked faintly, looking for the answer in Harry's light green eyes, watching how the younger lads eyes moved between his own eyes and lips. He gulped lightly at the gesture, wondering if Harry felt the same way, but before anything could happen a loud bang was heard from downstairs. The two boys jumped apart slightly.

"Mums home." Harry spoke, his voice low but a small smile played on his lips. Louis returned the gesture, glad that what had just happened, or what nearly happened, didn't change things or make it weird. He really liked Harry and wanted to take his time getting to know the boy.

"Meeting your mum for the first time! What ever will I do Hazza? Think she'll like me?" Louis asked dramatically making Harry laugh loudly.

"Course boo, stop being a weirdo and come on." Harry chuckled as he hopped off the bed and held out a hand for the older lad to take. Which of course he did and Harry pulled him up from the mattress and led him down the stairs, still hand in hand. Louis grinned madly at that.

Once they reached the bottom step Harry's hand left his and Louis instantly missed the touch. Harry sent him a large smile as they walked through the hallway and went straight into the living room. That's where they found a brown haired woman sat on the sofa with a cup of tea in hand.

"Hey mum." Harry greeted cheerfully as Louis stepped out from behind his taller figure to smile at the woman.

"Hey Haz, who's this?" She asked eyeing the boy stood beside her son.


	18. Oh, so your Louis

"Hi, I'm Louis, it's nice to meet you." Louis greeted, flashing the woman a bright smile.

The woman looked between the two boys before smiling smugly, " _Oh,_ so you're Louis." She signed as she spoke, a force of habit even though Harry often understood everything that was going on without signing. It took Louis by surprise a little, he had forgotten that Harry was in fact deaf, he tended to forget that sometimes, Louis was very intrigued by the language though.

Harry's eyes widened in surprise, silently begging his mum to not say anything else. Yes, he and his mum had spoken a couple times about Louis, and Harry was pretty certain that she could tell that he was slightly infatuated with the boy. 

"It's nice to meet you too, Louis, I'm Anne. Why don't you boys sit down?" Anne spoke, smiling softly as she gestured to the large leather sofa she was sat on. Both boys took the opportunity, sitting quite close on one end of the sofa so that they could face the woman.

"How did you two meet then?" Anne asked as she picked up a warm mug of tea. Harry raised a brow at his mum, knowing full well that she already knew most of how they met, then looked to Louis for a second before speaking.

"Um, it was on my first day, we had the same lesson first period and Louis was a little late, I've come to learn that's quite normal for him though." Harry chuckled earning himself a playful glare from the boy, "But I had the only empty seat so he was kind of stuck with me." He added with a slight shrug.

"No, there were plenty of free seats Harold, I just picked the one next to you because I was seduced by your curls!" Louis teased, a grin playing on his lips.

Harry laughed as he rolled his eyes, "That was my plan all along!" He quipped back. Louis just chuckled before tickling the boys side, Harry fought back and the two fell into a fit of laughter. Anne watched on fondly, a small smirk and a raised brow directed at the two, chuckling quietly at how cute they were together.

"Alright! I give in!" Harry panted, slightly breathless from the tickle war.

"Alright, I'll let you off this time Styles." Louis laughed stopping his merciless hands and pulling away but he left one on the small of Harry's back. The two didn't seem to pay much attention to it, it was just something they did, they were rather touchy, Anne however did and her smile only grew.

"As much as I'd love to sit here and watch you boys mess about I've got to get dinner started!" Anne told them as she stood up from her seat, smiling over at the pair, "Louis, do you want to join us love?" She asked while picking up her empty mug.

Louis looked over at Harry who wore a small encouraging smile and Louis just couldn't say no, not that he had wanted to. "If it's okay with you, then sure."

"Of course, you're always welcome here." The woman smiled. "Don't stray too far boys! It'll be ready soon!" She called out over her shoulder as she exited into the kitchen.

Harry turned to Louis expectantly and the blue eyed boy quickly grasped that he hadn't quite caught what she said. "It'll be ready soon." He informed with a smile.

Harry nodded, "Wanna watch a movie then?" He asked as he shuffled forwards to pick up the remote that was laying on a nearby cushion and then gestured towards the large tv that was hung on the wall.

"I'd like to continue whatever we were doing up stairs." Louis mumbled under his breath once Harry had turned his head away to switch on the tv.

"Hm?" Harry hummed, eyes flickering to meet Louis', only catching his lips moving slightly at the last second.

"I said sure but only if I get to choose!" Louis grinned and quickly grabbed the remote from Harry's grasp. The younger boy just laughed and rolled his eyes before shifting backwards to sit back beside Louis.

Louis' smile widened at the lack of space between them, he tried his best not to focus on the heat that was radiating off the younger boy and the way they were practically cuddled up together. Instead, he flicked through the array of films that were shown on the tv, a large grin spread across his face once he finally decided.

"Grease?" Harry questioned with a small chuckle, raising a teasing brow at Louis, "Didn't take you for much of a musical fan Boo."

Louis playfully shoved the boy, "Shut up, it's a classic and don't think you're getting away with not singing along with me." He told the boy with a pointed look. Harry was quick to agree, a soft smile played on his lips as the two of them got a little more comfortable.

When the final credits started to roll both boys were in a fit of hysterics and very out of breath from dancing along to the last song.

Louis flopped back onto the sofa, panting slightly but still so incredibly happy. "Proper little dancer aren't you?" He teased the green eyed boy who practically had two left feet.

Harry cackled and then quickly covered his mouth, mortified. Louis' face lit up though as he laughed, he couldn't help but find Harry absolutely adorable. He opened up his arms wide signally for the younger lad to join him. Harry rolled his eyes, a faint blush coated his cheeks as he shuffled back over to the sofa and fell into Louis' embrace.

The older boy chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Harry, "You're amazing." He said aloud, his eyes widening once the words slipped past his lips. Harry had his face buried in the boys shoulder only looking up when he heard the rumbling of Louis' chest to find Louis looking a little flustered.

"What?" Harry asked blinking up at the boy above him, Louis couldn't help but think about how innocent he looked. Sure Harry had all these tattoos and could come off a little intimidating at first but honestly he was the softest and most kindest person Louis had ever met. Louis couldn't help but admire the boy, he was truly beautiful.

"Nothing H. Just said you're a good cuddler." Louis told him quietly and Harry couldn't stop his grin.

"I've had practice but you're not too bad yourself Tomlinson." Harry teased making the older boy laugh. Harry admired the way Louis' eyes crinkled ever so slightly and how his entire face lit up, he hadn't even realised he had been staring until he caught the small smirk playing on Louis' lips. Their eyes met just like they did upstairs, only this time their bodies were entangled and Harry could feel how fast Louis' heart was beating.

Louis' eyes trailed down to Harry plump pink lips, he had never wanted to kiss anyone as bad as he did right then. When he looked back up he searched Harry's eyes for reassurance, the boy looked hesitant and very vulnerable but there was also a longing that Louis had never seen before.

Louis whipped his head away just as they both leaned in. Harry's eyes widened, trying to swallow down the hurt he felt. What the hell was that?

The younger lad tried to pull away but Louis was quick to keep him close, trying to catch Harry's eye but the boy felt stupid and embarrassed, he questioned if what had happened had really meant anything at all. Did Louis even like him like that? Did Louis even like boys? His mind was wracked with so many thoughts, most of them questioning what would happen next. He was scared, he didn't know if he could take the rejection, if he could handle going through the hateful comments and torment again at school.

Louis' hand cupped Harry's chin forcing the lad to look him in the eye, "Hazza your mum just called, dinners ready." Louis told him as he stroked the boys jawline, wanting to make sure that Harry knew he felt the same way, trying to to ease the boys mind. Harry nodded and sent Louis a small smile before standing to his feet and pulling Louis up with him.

"Boys! It's getting cold!" Anne called out again and the two boys let their hands fall.


	19. I’m fine

The two fell into silence as they strolled into the kitchen, Harry's mind raced, thinking about all the possible outcomes that could have just happened. While Louis was a little miffed at the fact that he had been given two chances to kiss Harry or at least tell the boy how he felt, but they had both been ripped away from him. He knew it would work out though, it just had to. He _also_ knew that Harry was different to everyone else he'd met, not because he was deaf but because Louis could sense that he had suffered a lot of pain. Something Louis could relate to.

"There you are!" Anne smiled before gesturing to the plates on the kitchen counter, "Grab a plate and we can sit up at the table."

Harry nodded and kissed his mums cheek before heading over to pick up his dinner, it was his favourite, toad in the hole.

"Thank you Anne, it looks great." Louis complimented and smiled at her gratefully before following after the curly haired boy.

"You're welcome love." Anne told him, giving him a kind smile in return. The two boys hurried off in the direction of the dinning room, which to Louis' surprise was actually a conservatory, but it was really lovely. It had a large living area with a tv in one corner, and in the other a small bar and long mahogany dinning table that held a vase of spring time daffodils in the centre.

Anne had told them she'd be there in a minute, wanting to put everything away before she sat down to eat, leaving Louis and Harry alone once more. "Your mums lovely." Louis smiled as he took to the seat opposite Harry.

Harry grinned at him, "She is, a real saint." Louis looked back at him fondly, the silence settling again. Louis loved how Harry spoke of his mum, he could easily see that the pair held a very strong bond, it saddened him slightly but he was happy that Harry had something like that.

"You good?" Harry asked, startling Louis from his thoughts, a small confused frown rested on his lips.

"Yeah, sorry." Louis chuckled, "Daydreaming." Louis widened his eyes to emphasise the word and he smiled at the quiet giggle Harry let slip. He dug in and honestly wanted to moan, the food was delicious, so warm and welcoming. "This," Louis mumbled with a small mouthful of food as he gestured towards the plate, "is incredible."

Harry laughed loudly and Louis couldn't stop himself from joining him once he swallowed his food. "Don't tell her that though, just boosts her ego." Harry teased playfully causing Louis to roll his eyes as he chuckled.

"Boost who's ego?" A voice asked, Louis and Harry both turned their heads slightly to see Anne stepping into the conservatory.

"Foods great mum." Harry told her, avoiding the question as he stood up and shuffled out the seat at the head of the table between the two boys. Anne just hummed before thanking him and taking her seat.

"It really is, honestly." Louis assured her, only this time he made sure that he wasn't eating while talking.

"Thank you love." Anne smiled sweetly at the boy before taking a sip from the glass she had brought in with her. "So Louis, tell me about you." She added once she had finished.

Louis looked at Harry, who just gave him a reassuring smile, then back to the woman. "Um, I don't know where to start really. I mean I go to school with Haz and I really like football." It came out more like a question than an answer and Harry furrowed his brows slightly, confused as to what Louis was so nervous about.

Anne just laughed lightly, "Football hey? Our Harry used to be quite good out on the field. Are you on the schools team?" She asked, trying to tread lightly over the subject in front of Harry.

"Yeah, practically my life." Louis chuckled before he looked back at Harry briefly, "Haz is great out on the field too." He added softly not wanting to trigger Harry, he could see the boy shift a little in his seat and Louis really didn't want whatever had happened last time to occur again. He still couldn't shake the vision of seeing Harry looking so broken on the floors of the changing room showers. He wanted to talk about it all, reassure him that he was there if he ever needed someone to talk to but he knew it was best to let Harry come to him about it instead of bringing it up.

Anne's eyes widened slightly but it went as quick as it came, however Louis had seen it. Louis could easily tell that the revelation had surprised the woman and he wondered what had happened to Harry to cause such a reaction from the pair whenever the subject was mentioned. "Really?" She asked quietly looking at Harry who was far more interested in his food.

"Um, I have a lot of siblings too." Louis blurted out, he just wanted to change the subject as quickly as possible, Harry looked so uncomfortable and he felt like he was partly to blame.

Anne's gaze reluctantly left Harry and settled on Louis, who wore an unconvincing smile. Anne couldn't help but admire the boy though, she knew something had to have happened to Harry in the presence of a Louis it was clear by the fast change of topic. The way Louis wanted to deflect showed how much he understood Harry in the short time of knowing him, unlike most people. She liked how Louis felt the need to make Harry feel comfortable again.

"How many?" Anne quizzed amusedly, letting it go for now, knowing she would have to bring it up with Harry later.

"There's seven of us, so six siblings." Louis stated happily even though he was trying to swallow the large lump in his throat.

"Seven kids? Wow." Anne raised her brow in shock and Louis just had to chuckle, most people reacted the same way, it never got old. Louis looked over to find Harry chuckling too, which erupted butterflies in the blue eyed boys stomach.

"Yeah, I'm the oldest, all girls except for me and little Ernie." Louis continued, "Two sets of twins too." He added with a smirk, watching how Anne shook her head as she chuckled.

"Sounds like a lot of work!" She exclaimed causing Louis to nod his head quite quickly because it truly was. "How does your mum cope with all of you?" She laughed quietly, still a little unable to comprehend looking after seven children.

Louis' face fell and his breathing quickened, Harry saw the change in mood and looked between the two as Anne's laughter faded out.

"Can I use the toilet?" Louis asked faintly as he pushed himself away from the table, trying his best to hold back his tears.

"Of course love." Anne told him softly, biting her lip as she watched the boy hurry away, a feeling of guilt sat heavy on her shoulders even though she had no clue as to why.

"Um, I'm just gunna.." Harry murmured as he gestured after Louis, his mum nodded quickly and waved him off. Harry rushed in the direction Louis left in, coming to a halt outside the downstairs bathroom.

"Lou?" He called out quietly as he knocked lightly on the door before resting his hand against the handle.

"I'm fine." Louis gritted out, trying not to give any emotion away in his voice but mentally face palmed when he remembered that Harry couldn't hear him. He huffed as the boy called out again, he couldn't just leave Harry out there and ignore him, but if he opened the door he wouldn't know what to say.

Louis wiped at his cheeks and swallowed his pride before unlocking the bathroom door.

Harry smiled when he felt the lock turn beneath his fingertips and he stepped back slightly as the door opened. His heart dropped to his stomach when he saw Louis' tear stained cheeks, glossy eyes and fake smile.

"Sorry. Just had to wee." Louis lied as he leant against the doorframe, he only hoped Harry would leave it alone but that wasn't the case because before he knew what was happening the taller boy had already engulfed him into a warm embrace, causing them both to stumble back further into the bathroom.

Louis was surprised by the gesture but didn't stop himself from hugging Harry just as tightly back, burying his face in the crook of Harry tattooed neck. Fresh tears formed in his eyes and Louis just couldn't hold back his sobs any longer.


	20. Pretty when you cry

They stayed like that for a while, just the two of them stood there in a tight embrace, neither wanting to let go. Harry felt Louis' gut wrenching sobs vibrate through his entire body, they were harsh and heavy, and Harry's chest tightened as he held back tears of his own, for a moment he could almost feel the other boys pain. The way Louis just let down all his defences and allowed Harry to see him like this made Harry feel needed, but most importantly wanted. Not many people made him feel wanted, Harry wanted to question it all, but he couldn't because it was Louis and the boy just had a habit of making things easy. Harry let his mind wander, his thoughts surrounded the boy he held so very close and he couldn't stop himself from carding his fingers through the boys soft feathered hair at the nape of his neck.

Soon enough Louis' sobs died out but the boy made no move to detach himself from Harry. He felt safe there in Harry's tattooed arms. He had just spent the better part of an hour crying into Harry's shoulder and he couldn't really bring himself to be all that embarrassed about it. He was an emotional person, or at least he used to be, but that was before everything happened. Now he had to be strong and push down any emotion he felt would break him in front of everyone. But once again Harry was indeed different, Harry wasn't just everyone. Louis felt like he could open up to the boy. It wasn't just because of the obvious attachment he had grown towards Harry, it was also due to him knowing that Harry would be able to understand him, because Louis was sure that he had faced a similar kind of pain. The kind that almost kills you. The kind that leaves you so lost, so numb.

"You're pretty when you cry." Harry told him softly after Louis had pulled away from the embrace, letting his faint sniffles echo off the bathroom tiles. Louis peered up at him with red rimmed eyes that made the ocean blue stand out like the sun breaking through on a cloudy day, he laughed lightly at the statement because it was just like Harry to make him laugh when he need it the most. Harry felt his smile brighten at that, closely watching how the crinkles around Louis' eyes would deepen. He let his gaze linger, noticing how long and wet the boys eyelashes were, and how they fluttered every so often to hold back his unshed tears. Harry's heart pounded in his ears from the way it made Louis look so innocent and young, overshadowing his usual cocky, confident demeanour. Harry loved the way his lips looked, they were bitten and pink from where he had tried to bite back his sobs. And the way his messy brown hair fell in front of his eyes had Harry reaching out to tuck it back into place. Louis' breath visibly hitched at the action and Harry found himself gazing into those glossy blue eyes he adored once again. Harry swallowed before taking Louis' hand in his and intertwining their fingers.

Louis didn't protest, even when Harry began to lead them out of the small bathroom and through the house, liking the way their hands just perfectly fit together. Louis found himself being pulled through large sliding glass door and into a big green garden. Harry kept Louis close by his side as he led them up a cobblestone path and into a huddle of trees that sat at the very far end. No words were spoken as Harry pulled down a ladder from above their heads and climbed up it, Louis following close behind him, their hands never separating.

The treehouse was small, just a little wooden box that sat in between the trees, no bigger than the two of them. It had been left there by the previous owners, Harry had stumbled across it early one morning after another night of no sleep, it had never been mentioned before and he just fell in love with it. Harry used it as his own silent solitude, no one would come looking for him there and he was able to just be alone for awhile. No fussing, no sympathy, just him. Sometimes he brought his guitar and just played for hours on end, other times he let himself fall apart. He knew it would bring some comfort to Louis, it was private and no one even knew it was there, the blue eyed boy was actually the first person Harry had ever shown it to. They both took a seat against one wall, an opening in the shape of a rectangle opposite them, revealing a setting sun. Harry thumbed over Louis' knuckles, he didn't want to pressure the boy to talk, just wanted to give him some privacy and a little bit of comfort.

It was a couple minutes of silence before Harry felt Louis turn to face him, he wasn't crying anymore but he still looked so young, Harry had never seen him so quiet or calm. "My mum." He whispered out and Harry found himself nodding, his eyes never leaving Louis' lips, wanting to catch every word. "I find it hard to talk about her, she was my everything." He confessed quietly. Harry's grip only tightened, wanting to tell the boy that he was there without using words.

Louis felt his lip wobble and fresh tears start to burn his eyes, threatening to fall, he took a moment to take a couple of breaths before looking back at Harry. The boy wore a soft expression but Louis could see how worried he was, the reassurance in his bright green eyes was what goaded Louis to continue. "She passed about a year ago."

Harry found himself holding back tears of his own, Louis just looked so broken and defeated, he couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for him to lose his mum. He pulled the blue eyed boy in again for another hug, it wasn't one of pity but one that told Louis that he was there, that he was there and he wasn't leaving. As much as he wanted to apologise for the passing, to tell Louis that it would all be okay, he didn't because he knew that wasn't what Louis wanted to hear, because it just wasn't the truth. Death was inevitable, it caught up to everyone sooner or later, even the purest of people. Grief was something you couldn't control, everyone had their own way of coping with it and the pain of losing someone that close to you was almost unimaginable. Harry cradled the older lad in his arms, letting Louis' head fall into his lap as he rocked the weeping boy ever so slightly.

Louis shuffled slightly a couple minutes later, turning his body so that he was laying down, his head staying rested in Harry's lap. He looked up at Harry who didn't seem to mind the new position as he just continued to run his fingers through Louis' hair. Louis found himself taking in every detail of the younger boys face. He rubbed at his his eyes, clearing his blurred vision, before he felt a gentle hand thumb across his cheeks, wiping away the tear stains. His eyes fluttered open to find Harry looking back as he let his thumb run across Louis' rosy cheekbone and down to swipe at his lip. There was a beat of silence once Harry had slowly pulled away, it wasn't tense or uncomfortable just quiet. "She would be proud." He whispered out.

Louis couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face as he welled up at the sweet statement. He took Harry's hand back in his and rested them both on his chest, allowing Harry to feel the constant beat of his heart. "Thank you." He whispered back.

They stayed like that until they fell asleep, no more words were spoken as they watched the sun set in the sky and slowly drifted away. Both boys had never felt like they had truly belonged in a rather long time, but there, in that small treehouse, the two had never felt so safe, so wanted, so content. Harry felt Louis' heartbeat steady beneath his fingertips and his even breaths fan across his face before he followed the boy into a deep sleep.


	21. Very mature

Louis shifted ever so slightly before his eyes slowly fluttered open. It took him a couple seconds to remember where he was, he rubbed at his face before tilting his head to look out of the small window. The rising sun was shinning through, illuminating the treehouse.

Louis gazed down to his chest where he felt a warm weight, he found Harry's hand intertwined with his, the two rested over his heart. He ran a finger over the back of Harry's hand and smiled softly as he let his eyes wander up the boys tanned tattooed arm to find a sleeping Harry leaned up against the wall with his head tilted back exposing his neck. Louis took the moment to really look at Harry, the boy was so very beautiful. His lashes were think and long, casting a dark shadow across his faintly freckled cheeks. His plump pink lips were parted ever so slightly allowing a small noise to escape every time he breathed out. Louis watched as he furrowed his brow in his sleep, his eyes wrinkled as he tightened his hold on Louis' hand. Louis ran his thumb gently over the back of Harry's knuckles to calm him slightly, he let out a sigh once Harry settled again. The boys curls were messier than he'd ever seen them but Louis loved them like this, with his free hand he carefully tucked a loose curl behind Harry's ear, letting his fingertips dance across the boys jaw as he pulled away. Louis just laid there and admired Harry, he watched how his chest would rise and fall, he counted the seconds between his soft breaths and wondered about the many tattoos that littered the arm that rested on his torso.

His head was still in Harry's lap and Louis only noticed then how the boy had his free hand tangled in Louis' hair. Louis turned his face ever so slightly so that he could nuzzle his nose into the younger boys stomach, absentmindedly playing with Harry's fingers. Harry started to stir but Louis showed no sign of moving, in fact he only buried his face deeper into Harry's shirt. Smiling softly once he felt Harry start to run his fingers through his hair.

Harry slowly opened his tired eyes, the first thing he saw wasn't the morning sky, it was a sleepy looking Louis. Harry couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face once Louis turned to look up at him, his blue eyes were brighter than Harry had ever seen them, he could honestly see himself getting lost in them, they were like the ocean so deep and full of life. Louis looked so beautiful like this, slightly dazed from just waking up but still smiling sweetly.

"Hey." Harry rasped out as he smiled down at the boy in his lap, his voice was gravelly and laced with sleep. Louis flushed slightly at the sound, Harry's morning voice erupted chills throughout his entire body.

"Morning." Louis chuckled as he pulled his hand away from Harry's. The younger boy frowned slightly at the action but kept his exactly where it was, the feeling of Louis' heartbeat under the palm of his hand calmed him. "We slept in a treehouse and I don't even remember falling asleep." Louis added making Harry laugh lightly.

"We did," Harry hummed, "but I've done it too many times to count." Then it was Louis turn to frown.

"Why?" The older lad questioned quietly, looking up at Harry with big eyes and a furrowed brow.

Harry didn't say anything for a while, just watched Louis gaze back up at him before pushing away the hair that fell across his forehead. "No one knows about this place and when I need to escape from everything this is where I come." He confessed quietly.

Louis nodded in understanding, he knew all about the need to escape and this was the perfect place. He felt honoured to be there in the small treehouse with Harry, it obviously meant a lot to the green eyed boy. "Thank you." He whispered as he wrapped a small hand around the one sat on his chest, rubbing small circles into the boys wrist.

"For what?" Harry questioned quietly, there was no one else was around but the moment felt too intimate for them to be speaking any louder.

Louis smiled softly at him before pulling Harry's hand up to his lips, he kept his eyes locked on Harry's as he pressed a light kiss into the back of the boys hand. "For bringing me here." Louis replied faintly.

Harry just nodded, not trusting his voice, unable to form any actual words. He tightened his grip on Louis' hand slightly, hoping that the boy would understand his silent appreciation.

The two stayed like that for a while longer, Louis played with Harry's soft but much larger hand while Harry carded his fingers through Louis' soft feathered hair, neither one speaking as they watched the sunlight dance over their entangled bodies.

Sometime later the two boys found themselves walking back into Harry's kitchen, they found a plate of warm pancakes waiting for them on the kitchen counter beside a small note.

_H,_  
_I've headed off to work, text me soon to tell me that everything's okay. You didn't come back last night but I figured you were with Louis, tell him he's welcome back anytime and that I really loved having him here._  
_Pancakes are for you, there's a new jar of Nutella in the cupboard and fruit in the fridge. Have a good day at school! Love you X_

"Mum says she loved having you and that you're always welcome here." Harry smiled as he passed the note over to Louis who had taken a seat at the kitchen counter. Harry pulled out two plates, some fruit, whipped cream and the jar of Nutella before joining him. He halved the large stack of pancakes before sliding one plate over to Louis.

Louis smiled at the sweet note, it reminded him a lot of the ones his mum used to leave him on the first day of school. He pushed the note away and turned to face Harry before he could think too much about it. Sometimes it was just easier to not remember.

"So what are you putting on your pancakes Harold?" Louis asked as started to apply a thin layer of hazelnut spread onto his first pancake. Harry opted for bananas and waved one around in Louis' face so that the boy would get the point. "Very mature." Louis laughed as he pushed the banana away, Harry smirked at him before stealing back the Nutella.

"What about you?" Harry questioned as he plopped a large blob of the chocolate in the center of his pancake.

"Strawberries." Louis replied simply, sending a small smile Harry's way before he started to cut a few up.

"Yum." Harry laughed after he stole a strawberry slice. Louis glared at him playfully before retaliating, squirting some whipped cream in Harry's face before laughing loudly.

Harry's jaw dropped and he looked back at the boy in shock, he couldn't believe that Louis had just done that. While Louis was distracted, chuckling away, he was able to steal the can and get him back, earning him a very girly squeal.

"You're dead Styles." Louis claimed as he narrowed his eyes at Harry, smirking before grabbing a fistful of Nutella and smearing it across Harry's face. Harry didn't seem to mind though, he smiled brightly as he just wiped some away with his finger before eating it. "You're gross." Louis laughed loudly and Harry could only give him a proud grin in response.

The two ate their pancakes in peace after that, making small conversation before getting ready for school. The two wandered back up into Harry's room and Harry let Louis shower first while he looked for something for Louis to wear. He settled on a spare white shirt and his tightest pair of skinny jeans, he smiled at the thought of Louis wearing his clothes all day.

Once the older lad had finished, he walked out into Harry's bedroom with a white fluffy towel hanging loosely on his hips. Harry gulped at the sight, he knew that Louis was gorgeous but seeing him like this made his mouth go dry. The older boys body was tanned and toned and Harry let his eyes wander over the dark ink on that ran across his chest, he found it hard to look away. The water droplets that lingered from the shower didn't help Harry at all, in fact he watched one fall from the boys jaw and roll into the deep crevice of his collarbone, Harry bit his lip harshly to almost center himself.

"All good?" Louis questioned as he approached Harry who was sat on the edge of his bed. Harry just nodded at him quickly before handing Louis his clothes and scurrying away with his own into the steamy bathroom. Louis smirked after the retreating figure.

By the time Louis was dressed Harry had emerged from the bathroom, he was wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a tight short sleeved shirt, Louis licked at his lower lip as he watched Harry bend over to pull out a pair of black converse from his wardrobe.

"You got a beanie I could borrow Haz?" Louis asked once Harry had turned back to face him, his voice only wavered slightly. Harry smiled and nodded, only then was he able to really take in Louis' appearance. The shirt was a lot bigger on Louis than it was on Harry, it bunched slightly at the waist and the sleeves passed by his fingertips, giving him sweater paws. Harry cooed quietly before letting his eyes travel down to the boys muscular legs, his jeans worked wonders for Louis. They were tight enough to cling to his figure but long enough to the point where he had to roll them up at the ankle so he wouldn't trip over the extra fabric. Harry came to the conclusion that he really, _really_ loved Louis in his clothes.

"Yeah." Harry breathed out before turning to a drawer behind him and pulling out a grey beanie. "Here." He said as he tossed it over in Louis' direction. The boy smiled at him brightly once he caught it, he headed over to the mirror Harry had hanging over his dresser and fixed the hat so it looked somewhat presentable.

"Thanks Haz." Louis said as he turned around to grin at Harry, who just laughed lightly.

"You're welcome Lou." Harry smiled before picking up his phone and seeing that he had a text from Liam, "We better get going soon. Liam's woke up with the flu so he won't be in today." Harry told Louis as he typed out a text to reassure Liam that he had a ride and he didn't have to worry about him getting to school.

Louis nodded slowly, "Will he be alright?"

Harry smiled at him sweetly before nodding, "Yeah should be. You ready then?" Harry asked as he grabbed his bag.

"Yeah good to go." Louis replied happily before following after Harry. As the two boys headed out of the room Louis wrapped a hand around Harry's bicep and stopped him just before he could head down the stairs. "I just wanted to say thank you for last night." Louis said softly as he scratched at the back of his neck sheepishly, "It really meant a lot to me, I haven't really spoken about it since- well yeah. I'm always busy helping out my step dad with my siblings so I don't really have time to think about it, but I really appreciated you being there."

Harry didn't say anything to the teary eyed boy, instead he pulled Louis into a warm embrace. "I'll always be here, okay? We haven't known eachother long but you mean a lot to me already Lou, and I know that you'd do the same for me." Harry reassured as he rubbed a comforting hand up and down Louis' back, "You ever need anything, someone to talk to, someone to just listen, someone to just be there, even someone to keep you company while you look after your siblings, I'm here."

Louis grinned into Harry's shoulder, thanking whoever put Harry in his life, he truly felt like he didn't deserve the sweet lad, before pulling away. "Thank you."

Harry smiled and that was that, the two headed downstairs, out the front door and into Louis' truck that was parked where they had left it yesterday. Thinking about it, yesterday seemed like so long ago, Harry knew that Louis was thinking the same thing once he had smiled sheepishly over at him. The two didn't say much else as Louis pulled out of the driveway and headed to school.


	22. Please keep it down

The drive to school was peaceful, a comfortable silence washed over the two as the neighbouring houses passed them by. Louis let Harry play with the radio, changing the stations to feel the difference in vibrations, which was something Liam couldn't stand. As much as Liam loved Harry he really hated when people repeatedly changed the radio station, it drove him insane. One time Niall and Harry had been messing about with it and Liam actually threatened to kick them out when they were driving down the motorway. Which only made the pair laugh but the sharp glare they received in return was slightly scary- not that they'd ever admit it. So that was the last of that, they didn't mess with Liam's radio again, Niall even asked before turning it on now! Which was something he had never done before.

Louis didn't seem to mind though, he just found himself tapping along to the different beats on his steering wheel while he drove. Harry knew that it could get a little annoying but Louis seemed to have a lot of patience, something that he had probably gotten from years of looking after and helping out with his younger siblings, so he didn't feel too guilty about it.

As they pulled into the familiar car park, Harry audibly sighed. Louis switched off the engine and furrowed his brow at the sound before turning to find the boy staring out at the large crowds stood outside of the building. Louis gazed down at the time and found that they only had a few minutes until lessons started, so that explained why there were so many students hanging about outside.

Louis immediately knew what was wrong with Harry, the green eyed boy hated crowds, he hated attention, and more often than not he got a lot of it. If it wasn't because of his tattoos and piercings then it was the fact that he was different- that he was deaf. They looked at him as if he had something to be sorry for, like he needed their sympathy. Louis knew the feeling all too well, since losing his mum that's all he had gotten- pity. At first you don't even notice it, it's just something that happens alongside grief but then it's a daily occurrence, almost never ending. You find yourself wanting to escape from the sad smiles and forced conversations. Silently screaming out for the overwhelming want to be anyone else.

Louis leaned over and placed a hand on the boys bouncing knee, Harry snapped his head in it's direction before slowly following the arm up to Louis' face, letting his bitten lip fall from between his teeth.

"It's all good H." Louis reassured softly, "We can wait til the last moment to head in and then make a run for it, yeah?" He added playfully hoping to get a laugh out of the boy. It worked even if it was only a small chuckle but it made Louis smile brighter none the less.

"Thanks." Harry breathed out before carefully placing his hand over Louis', almost nervously, squeezing it slightly in appreciation before pulling away. Louis didn't say anything about it, just smiled softly at the boy before giving one last gentle pinch to the boys knee.

"What's first lesson for you then Styles?" Louis asked, his tone lighter than it was moments ago and that was all it took to let the tension fall away. The two boys sat in Louis' truck just talking right up until the warning bell sounded. Which admittedly was the only thing that made the boys remember where they actually were.

The two stumbled out of the vehicle laughing about something Harry had stupidly said, too busy with one another to notice the incessant staring they had acquired since Harry had exited Louis' car. Sure, Harry could feel their eyes burning his skin but this time he couldn't bring himself to care, he had Louis and that almost made the rest of the world fall away.

Louis had art first period while Harry had said that he had History with Niall. Louis almost felt sorry for the two but then he realised that he had history at some point today too. The two boys separated with an affectionate smile and a small touch of hands, it was almost as if they didn't realise that they were doing it. Since last night things had changed between them, shifted. It was as if all boundaries had been tossed aside and forgotten, touching was just second nature now. No matter how innocent or small the touch may have seemed it calmed both boys to no end, they were leaving each other for the first time since their dynamic had shifted. Neither one wanted to comment on it- feeling like if they did it would change things again- but they could both sense it.

Louis wandered into the art block and made it to his class just before the bell sounded. He felt a little lost without Harry there, it was strange. He knew how much the boy had affected him from the very start but this- this was different.

Louis was ripped out of his thoughts when Zayn dragged him down into the seat beside him, a confused expression etched on his face. Louis frowned at him before rubbing the arm his mate had tugged, wondering what he had done to deserve it.

"What?" Louis questioned before he rolled his shoulders in hopes to ease the tension and then reached out for a sharpened pencil.

"I called you about four times mate. Where you off in your own world or something?" Zayn raised a brow at him before shaking his head.

"Sorry yeah, didn't hear you." Louis admitted sheepishly.

"I texted you this morning too and last night, you didn't reply thought something might have happened. I even stopped by yours on the way here but no one was in." Zayn told him quietly as the teacher took to the front of the class, "Where were you?" He whispered but it was too late for Louis' answer as the woman started speaking.

Louis sent him an apologetic smile, silently telling the boy that they'd talk later with the wave of a hand. The art teacher was someone you didn't want to mess with, Louis had learned that the hard way. She was always way too into it, Louis often thought that she felt like the students owed her something by being taught by her, like she had this unknown knowledge that they wouldn't ever find out just by looking it up on Wikipedia. It annoyed him to no end, she was a wannabe hippie that lacked any kind of personality but if he was being fair she knew how to draw and that was a skill Louis lacked- something she never let him forget.

In the end she had just rambled on for the better half of the lesson about a sculpture she had been working on at home before she even gave them their actual task. Louis huffed once she finally stopped speaking. The classrooms volume grew louder as everyone started talking away while working on their own tasks. Which also meant that Zayn had come back to ask him where he had been.

"I was with Harry yesterday." Louis said simply as he started to sketch away, he had decided to try and draw the football field outside. He could see it from where he was sat by the window and he figured it would be easier to draw than anything else.

"Okay but that was after school, so what happened?" Zayn quizzed while he started on a basic outline. Louis didn't say anything after that and Zayn quickly pieced it together. "What so you slept over then?" He asked, his tone lighter and a little more amused than it had been earlier.

"Kind of." Louis told him, biting at the inside of his cheek as he worked on his drawing, trying not to blush at the thoughts of this morning.

"Kind of?" Zayn furrowed his brow before it hit him and he chuckled, "Didn't get much sleep then?"

Louis scowled at him, "No you twat."

Zayn shut up after that and instead rolled his eyes at his mate, "Well what do you mean then? How do you _kind_ _of_ spend the night?"

"Well I didn't mean to fall asleep and there was also the fact that we weren't at his house." Louis replied sheepishly.

"What?" Zayn exclaimed a little too loudly, attracting the unwanted attention of their art teacher, who hurried over just to shush them- her spit hitting the table as she did so.

Once she had walked away the two boys grimaced at each other before shuffling away from the splash zone. "If I tell you what happened will you _please_ keep it down? I swear, I don't need that happening again. I mean does she even realise that she does it? Or does she just not care?" Louis cringed slightly before looking over to find Zayn nodding.

"Yeah, of course just go on." Zayn replied impatiently.

Louis rolled his eyes but continued anyway, "I told him about my mum." He confessed quietly, purposefully avoiding any eye contact between him and Zayn after he heard the audible gasp. He sighed slightly before playing with the pencil in his hands, he knew that Zayn would want to ask questions, he just didn't know if he was ready to answer them yet.


	23. Isn’t she pretty?

Silence settled over the two boys while the class continued on blissfully unaware. Zayn sat there staring at his best friend, Louis could see him just out of the corner of his eye, his brow was furrowed and he wore a look of complete shock.

It was a while before Zayn spoke, "Why?" His voice was small, barely above a whisper, Louis cringed at the sound, "I mean- I'm proud of you Lou but you don't ever talk about it- about her."

Louis gulped down the lump in his throat, ignoring the burning in his eyes because of the tears that were threatening to spill. The truth was he didn't know why. He could hardly understand it either. He hadn't told anyone about his mum, about her illness or even her death. Zayn only knew because of how close he was to Louis and his family, they had been friends since they were in nappies. Louis knew that her death pained Zayn almost as much as it did him, the woman was always there whenever Zayn needed anything.

Louis nodded slowly as he tried to find the right words to say. He bit his lip before he turned to face Zayn, only to find the boy staring back at him, waiting patiently for some kind of response. "I don't think I ever dealt with it- the grief I mean." He coughed when his voice cracked but Zayn urged him to continue with a comforting smile, "It was easier to think about anything else, you know? I can't stand the thought of her being gone. Of never seeing her again, hearing her laugh, seeing her smile, looking into her eyes, fuck-" He tilted his head back and squeezed his eyes closed to keep his tears at bay.

"I know Lou." Was all Zayn said but Louis smiled slightly at the sound of his familiar voice, it grounded him and for that he was thankful.

Louis took another deep breath before he continued, "With Harry it's just different. He relates, he understands me- we share a similar pain. I can see it in the things he does, how he reacts, the way he second guesses himself. He's been through some shit, but when we're together there's nothing else on my mind, I only see him and that's new- thrilling. I feel it Zee, when he's around I'm just different, I actually feel happy, my smiles and laughs aren't forced, I feel lighter. I haven't felt that way since mum. I told him because I felt like I should. I knew I could trust him."

Louis sighed as his red rimmed eyes met Zayn's, the boy was smiling softly at him, his eyes glossy but no tears were shed. Zayn didn't say anything instead he pulled Louis into an embrace, unable to explain how proud he was, he knew that Louis needed to talk about his mums passing but he had never wanted to pressure him. Hearing Louis speak about how he felt after a year of keeping it all bottled up- trying to be strong- really warmed Zayn's heart.

"He's lucky you know?" Zayn chuckled breathily as he pulled away and Louis looked back at him confused, his head cocked to the side and his brow furrowed. Zayn shook his head in amusement, "To have you. I see it Lou. I see the way you look at him, it's like he hung the stars in the sky or something." Louis blushed furiously as he tried to fight back a smile. "I'm right aren't I?" Zayn questioned with a small laugh.

Louis shrugged and that was enough of an answer for Zayn. "As I said- he's really lucky to have you, Lou." Zayn looked like he wanted to say more but decided against it. Louis narrowed his eyes, wanting to question it.

"What Zee?" Louis asked, watching the way Zayn huffed out a small sigh before chewing on his lip. "Come on, tell me." Louis pressured, slightly concerned now.

"It's just- be careful with him, yeah? And I don't mean about the deaf thing, he's a chill lad but would probably smack me upside the head if he heard me telling you to be gentle or something with him because of that." Zayn chuckled lightly and Louis could only smile softly in agreement, "I just think that there might be some deeper shit going on with him, stuff he's not ready to talk about just yet." Zayn revealed, desperately wanting to tell Louis what he knew but knowing it wasn't his story to tell. He just hoped that his mate understood where he was coming from.

Louis nodded slowly at him, like he was analysing Zayn's words one by one in his head. "I think so too." He confessed after a brief beat of silence.

Zayn sighed quietly in relief, "Just take your time with him, but if I'm being honest I think he feels the same way."

Louis bit back a smile, "Really?"

Zayn chuckled as he nodded, "Yeah, Lou. You guys have gotten so close in such a short amount of time, it would be crazy to think that he didn't. But I still see the lingering looks, the fond smiles, he just as taken as you are."

Louis grinned at him and Zayn almost wanted to cry, he hadn't seen a smile that big in a long time, but instead of commenting on it he returned the gesture. The two boys fell into a natural sync after that, working away as they spoke and joked about, neither one said another word about the topic and Louis was rather thankful for it. As much as he wanted to heal, he knew it would take some time, but he was ready to deal with everything- especially now that Harry was around.

The bell sounded and the duo parted ways, Harry and Louis met up again for their next lesson- English. As Liam was at home sick it was just the two of them.

"Heya Haz." Louis greeted happily after throwing himself down into the seat beside the curly haired boy.

Harry grinned at him, happy to be back in his presence, ever since leaving him this morning he had had this strange urge to be close to the boy. "Hey Lou, art go okay?"

Louis thought for a moment before smiling softly, "Yeah, yeah it did." He chirped and Harry looked at him funny for a second before chuckling fondly.

"Good."

The lesson continued on after that, the two boys spent most of the time passing each other notes just like they did on the first day they met. It was just something they did whenever they shared a lesson, it was second nature now- and their little secret.

When the lunch bell finally sounded the two boys were more than happy to escape Mrs. Turner's incessant rambling. They walked along the corridors, shoulders bumping every few seconds, until they reached the lunch room. As soon as they stepped foot into the large cafeteria they were quickly called over by Zayn who was sat beside a smiling Niall.

"Alright lads?" Louis smiled as he took a seat at the table, Harry following just behind.

"All good Lou, just glad that science is over." Zayn sighed, breathing out a small chuckle as he did. Niall nodded in agreement, having shared the class with the boy, before digging into his lunch.

"Haz have you heard from Li? Haven't seen him this mornin'." Niall asked his mate after shovelling a couple chips into his mouth.

Harry laughed lightly at the sight before nodding, "Yeah Ni, he's sick apparently but I'll probably check in on him after school." Harry told him before stealing a chip from the Irish lads plate, earning a harsh glare in return.

Niall only hummed in response, pulling his plate closer as he did, the boys laughed at it but left him be. "So, what did you lads get up to yesterday?" Zayn quizzed as he looked between Louis and Harry.

At that, Harry subconsciously shuffled closer to Louis, letting their knees knock together as the back of their hands brushed past each other. "We had fun- well at least I did." Harry told the raven haired boy, a small smile playing on his lips.

Zayn eyed the two cautiously, studying how close they seemed, then looked over to Niall to see if he had noticed it too but the boy was too involved with his food to even sense his gaze.

"I had fun too, met Hazza's mum!" Louis grinned, letting his fingers travel up the length of the boys arm before resting it on the table in hopes to reassure him. Harry's skin erupted in goosebumps and he gulped dryly at the gesture, unable to do anything but stare down at their arms that were still touching ever so slightly.

"You met Anne?" Niall asked, a grin gracing his features, "She's proper lovely ain't she?"

Louis chuckled before nodding enthusiastically, "She honestly is, she looks so much like Harry too." Niall agreed wholeheartedly, knowing that the resemblance between the mother and son was almost uncanny.

Harry was surprised by the amount of affection that rushed through him when Louis let those words slip, he knew it must be a hard topic for him to talk about but he seemed to have truly taken to the woman. "She loved Lou," He added as he sent a sweet smile the blue eyed boys way, "honestly she couldn't stop smiling the entire time, even made him stay for dinner."

Louis beamed at that, he had felt a little embarrassed after running off at dinner but the note from this morning and Harry's confirmation eased his mind. If he was being honest, he saw a lot of his mum in Anne, the woman was warm and caring, just being around her made him feel so comfortable and that was something he hadn't felt in awhile.

"She's lovely." Louis stated simply, a very fond smile prominent on his lips. Harry just watched him for a moment, letting his eyes linger a little too long, he couldn't even bring himself to care when Louis turned his head and caught him. He just flashed him a dimpled smile and felt everything fall way around them as their eyes met. Green seeing blue.

They had done this a hundred times before but this moment was different. Harry felt his breath hitch as he searched Louis' ocean eyes, his stomach swarmed with butterflies when he saw Louis visibly gulp. The two sat there not needing to say any words, their eyes saying all that needed to be said. It was a strange sensation but neither one could bring themselves to look away.

"Lou?" Zayn's voice faintly called out, seeming so far away. Louis kept his eyes locked on Harry's as he tilted his head in the voice's direction, finally pulling away when Zayn called him again. Harry couldn't help but feel a little confused, he questioned what had just happened, how long they had been in the almost trance like state, if Louis had felt it too. His thoughts only seemed to ease once he felt a familiar hand clasp his under the table- then all that clouded his mind was _Louis_.


	24. All that matters

"Li?" Harry called out as he let himself into his neighbours house, looking around to find no one else in sight. He felt the sound of a thud vibrate from above him, he stilled and once it happened again he knew it was Liam telling him he was home. Harry grinned and headed straight up the staircase.

The house was identical to his own- only flipped. He made his way up onto the landing, letting his eyes wander for a moment as he passed by the many picture frames. He loved Liam's family like his own and the pictures reminded him of Liam's sisters that had left for university a couple years ago- he missed them, they had always been so lovely. He slowed and reached out a hand to let a fingertip skim a brown leather frame that was positioned slightly too far left, he smiled softly at the image, it was of him, Liam and Niall. It was on the day they all finally got together, Liam had been trying his best to get him to meet Niall for weeks on end and when Harry finally gave in he didn't think he'd ever been happier. Meeting Niall was one of his fondest memories, the Irish lad would always have a special place in his heart, those two boys changed him for the better. Harry grinned at the thought of his best mates as he slowly pulled his hand away, wondering how he got so lucky.

He came to a halt outside a familiar wooden door which sat adjacent to a large window that looked out onto the street. Liam's bedroom was at the front of the house whereas Harry's was at the back, so every time he was here he loved watching the people pass by outside, it calmed him slightly. He pulled himself from his thoughts as he knocked on the door, waiting a moment before opening it.

Walking in he found a tired looking Liam sat up in his bed, the boy grinned happily at him as he gestured for Harry to come over. Harry chuckled as he shut the door behind him and made his way over to the double bed. He quickly toed off his converse before throwing himself on the end of bed, shuffling upwards so he could lean against the wall that the bed was pressed against before stretching out his long legs.

Once he was comfortable he looked over at Liam and grinned cheekily, the brunette boy only laughed. "By all means make yourself at home." Liam teased playfully as he chucked a snotty tissue in Harry's direction, only missing the boy ever so slightly. Harry grimaced before shuffling away slightly, he left the tissue be not wanting to be anywhere near it.

"Always do, Limabean!" Harry chuckled as he moved a leg to toe the boys thigh that was hidden beneath the navy duvet. Liam swiped at his foot as he laughed, rolling his eyes when Harry finally let up. "How you doing then mate?" Harry asked him, he could easily see how sick Liam was just from looking at him. Harry hadn't mentioned it to anyone but it had been playing on his mind a little throughout the day. He had been worried, it wasn't like Liam to ever get ill and it just felt so weird without the older lad around.

Liam sent him a small smile before shrugging, "I'll live." He chuckled, "Just a bit of flu, went to the doctors and got some medicine, said I'd be fine by the weekend."

Harry grinned at that, glad it wasn't anything too serious, "That's good Li, the lads asked for you by the way. When I told 'em I was checking in on you they all wished you well."

Liam smiled softly at that, "That's sweet. I felt bad when I woke up and remembered that I forgot to message Ni, I've practically been asleep most of the day. Feel a little like a zombie." Harry laughed a little at the lad as he nodded, remembering how Niall had made sure to make him promise to tell Liam just how angry he was with the brunette before he came over, but Harry was sure that the Irish lad would forget all about come the weekend.

"What about school? Did you get there okay? Was everything fine?" Liam quizzed, his brow furrowed and lips pursed.

Harry rolled his eyes fondly at his best mate, knowing that Liam had probably been worrying about it most of the day. "All good, Lou took me and dropped me back."

Liam smiled softly at Harry before he nodded, "He's a good guy, I'll be sure to thank him." Harry just rolled his eyes as he let a chuckle slip, leaving Liam to do as he please just because he was sick and knowing that Louis would probably appreciate the thank you even though he'd deny it and say it was nothing. "So did everything go okay after we left you yesterday?" The brunette raised a questioning brow at Harry and the boy in question could only smile as he thought back to this morning.

"Perfect." Harry told him simply.

Liam narrowed his eyes at the lad, faking a glare but his small smile gave him away, "That's all I'm getting isn't it?"

Harry threw his head back slightly and laughed, his neck exposed as his laughter echoed throughout the room, "Yup!"

Liam chuckled at him, not minding all that much, he was just happy to see Harry laughing so freely, looking so alive.

"Where is everyone then?" Harry questioned once his chuckles had died down, he tapped at Liam's ankle as he gave a small nod of his head towards the boys bedroom door.

"Mums been home with me all day and just popped out to get some shopping, she wanted to grab a load of teas for me. Apparently some website told her it'll help the healing process or something." Liam rolled his eyes as he spoke but smiled fondly at the thought of his mum. Harry chuckled lightly knowing just how Karen could get, one time he had an ear infection and the woman worried more than his own mum, she was ever so lovely though and Harry loved her all the same. "Dads still at work, don't think he'll be home until late." Liam added and Harry hummed in response.

The two boys continued to talk, speaking about a project they were working on in history that Liam had missed and then about Liam's sister, Ruth, who was now working in New York. They were laughing about something Harry had reminded them of when the sound of the front door closing resonated throughout the house.

"Mums home." Liam stated once he heard the woman call out to him, followed by the sound of light footsteps.

The bedroom door opened to reveal the familiar blonde haired woman, she beamed when she caught sight of the green eyed boy that was sat in her sons bed. "Harry love! How are you?" She asked as she wandered inside with a big smile, placing down a carrier bag on Liam's desk before she hurried over to the end of the bed to pull Harry in for a warm hug.

"Hey, I'm all good just came to check on Li." Harry told her as they pulled apart, he sent her a soft smile and she gave him comforting squeeze to his shoulder in return before making her way over to Liam.

"That's lovely Haz but he should be fine, just the flu apparently but he's been worrying about you all day." Karen chuckled, Liam rolled his eyes as she fluffed his pillows and placed a kiss to his forehead. "You're still a bit warm lovely." Karen frowned as she started to fuss with Liam's duvet. Harry bit his bottom lip to hold back a laugh but his shoulders shook silently unable to get over the look on Liam's face.

Liam sent him a harsh glare and flipped him off once his mum had turned away to make her way back over to his desk. Harry just stuck his tongue out at the boy before sitting back comfortably, watching Liam glare at him out of the corner of his eye as he smirked.

"Alright Li, I got you green tea, jasmine, honey and then lemon." Karen informed as she riffled through the carrier bag, pulling out numerous boxes of teas along with a couple of packets of lozenges. Harry couldn't hold back his fond but amused smile.

"I love green tea." He chirped and Karen looked back at him from over her shoulder and chuckled.

"Of course you would!" Karen teased playfully, sending a soft smile the boys way.

Liam chuckled, "Our little health nut."

Harry rolled his eyes at the pair, "Excuse me Liam but don't come complaining to me when we're seventy and you're stuck in a chair while I'm running about. I promise you I'll remember this conversation and laugh."

Both Liam and Karen laughed at the boy while Harry just sat there with an amused smile. The three continued to talk for a while longer, Harry updated Karen on how school had been going while she told the boys about the run in she'd had just had at the supermarket.

Harry left the pair with the promise of visiting soon, the smile never leaving his face as he walked back home, he loved spending time with the Payne's, they were family and he had really missed Karen. He rattled his keys out of his pocket once he got to the front door, he turned the key and was surprised to see his mum stood on the other side once he opened it.

"Hey mum, what are you doing home?" He asked as he trudged inside, hanging up his coat and bag on a nearby hook before turning back to her with a large smile.

"Been home a while, wondered where you had gotten to." Anne told him before she walked into the living room, taking a seat on the sofa where her usual cup of tea sat on the coffee table beside her.

"Just at Li's, he wasn't at school today, apparently he's got the flu." Harry told her as he made his way over to join her, "I saw Karen too so I stayed to speak to them for a while."

His mum hummed as she took as sip of the warm drink that was now cradled in her hands. "So yesterday.." she started and Harry should have known that it was coming.

"Sorry for not coming home, things got a little- I don't know. Lou just needed me and we didn't wander too far." Harry told her with a small apologetic smile, "Hope I didn't worry you too much."

The woman shook her head, "It's fine love, you were with Louis and you're eighteen now, you're an adult. I can't keep you locked away forever." She chuckled lightly and Harry pouted at her before crawling over to give her a cuddle.

"Love you." He mumbled as he buried his face into her shoulder, savouring her warmth and familiar smell, not knowing what he would do without her. He couldn't even begin to imagine what Louis had been through.

"Love you too Haz." Anne laughed amusedly once Harry had pulled away a little, a soft smile played on her lips as she looked down at the young boy cuddled up beside her. She carded a hand through his curls before asking, "What happened yesterday love? Was it something I said?"

Harry smiled at her before shaking his head, "Nothing you could have done to prevent it mum, you didn't know. He's just had a hard time, he um- he lost his mum last year." He told her quietly before looking up to see her smiling sadly, looking a little teary eyed.

"I thought so, I mean- I figured it had to do with something I said and when I mentioned his mum he looked so lost." Anne spoke softly gazing out of the bay window where you could see small raindrops forming from the rain that had started to fall.

"I don't think many people know so it's probably best that you don't mention it around him, he's still dealing with it." Harry told her. Anne just nodded before smiling down at Harry, her vision slightly blurred by tears. Harry leaned over and placed a tender kiss to her cheek, "It's okay, he'll be okay soon."

"I know love, but I can't help but think of all those children. They must be so heartbroken." Anne whispered out, Harry looked up at her and knew exactly how she was feeling.

"They've got Lou mum and they've got their family, they're together and that's all that matters." He told her softly.

Anne nodded slowly with a small smile, "They're welcome here anytime, tell him that."

Harry couldn't hide his grin as he pulled his mum in closer and hugged her tighter. The two held onto each other like it would be for the last time, listening as the rain fell heavily outside.


	25. Numb

Friday came quite quickly, Harry had spent most of his morning reassuring a worried Liam that he was fine with walking himself to school as the older boy was still sick. When he finally made it to school- unscathed he might add- it was in one word, hectic.

Everyone seemed to be bouncing off the walls, not literally, but the energy pulsing throughout the building was insane. Harry furrowed his brow in confusion as he walked along the corridors but that soon changed once he caught sight of the familiar figure standing by his locker.

"Alright Hazza?" Louis smirked as he pushed himself off the metal to engulf the taller boy in a warm hug. Harry chuckled as he tightened his hold on Louis, he had really missed the lad, "Long morning but I'm all good now."

Louis pulled away with a small frown so that Harry could see what he was saying, "Why, what happened?" He questioned.

"Just Li, it's all okay now, he was just worried about me getting to school." Harry told Louis with a small shrug.

Louis narrowed his eyes at the younger boy, "He's still sick and you didn't- I don't know- think to call me?"

Harry sighed with a small smile, Louis was cute when he was annoyed, his nose flared a little and he clenched his jaw making it look even more defined than usual. Harry quickly realised he'd been staring a little too long from the way Louis tried to bite back a smug smile. "I know you would have picked me up Lou but I can honestly get here by myself." Harry replied as he turned to open his locker, shoving books into it to distract himself from the constant reminder that everyone believed that he was less than capable of looking after himself.

He felt a small hand touch his shoulder and he reluctantly turned his head in Louis' direction. "I know you can Haz, you can do whatever the fuck you want but I just want you to know that you can always count on me. When Liam or Niall aren't there, I am." Louis expressed, hoping that Harry would understand where he was coming from, he really wanted to be someone Harry could rely on. The green eyed boy had just had to deal with an overprotective Liam all morning so Louis didn't want Harry to doubt or question himself any further. He knew that Harry could do things for himself, he wasn't trying to say that he couldn't- he wouldn't ever. He just wanted Harry to understand that he was here, that he didn't care about the boy being deaf, that he just wanted Harry.

Harry didn't say anything instead he brought the shorter boy in for another hug, not caring about the stares they were attracting. "Thank you Lou, I know you are and it means a lot." Harry whispered into Louis' ear as the older boy wrapped his arms around his waist, "I'm here for you too."

The two grinned over one another's shoulders before pulling away and chuckling, just like that everything was back to normal. "So big game today!" Louis exclaimed excitedly but his giant grin soon fell when he caught sight of Harry's confused face. "Remember? Today's my footie game Haz. You said you'd come." Louis reminded the taller boy, watching as Harry's eyes widened.

"Oh shit- yeah forgot about that, just so much going on." Harry told him sheepishly as he scratched at the back of his neck. Louis looked so defeated after hearing his words and Harry almost wanted to cry, "But I'm still coming!" He reassured quickly, "Niallers playing too, can't miss seeing you two out on the field."

Louis gave him a bright smile and Harry let out a sigh of relief before returning the sweet gesture. "You better be, had me on the ropes there Harold!" Louis said dramatically, wrapping an arm around the taller boy's waist as they started to walk away from the lockers, Harry following suit only he wrapped a tattooed arm around the shorter boy's neck, tucking Louis into his side. The blue eyed boy bit back a bright smile as they walked down the corridors, Harry was warm and calmed him, even with the shiver that erupted when Harry started to rub circles into his arm. Their closeness reminded Louis of the day before, up in the treehouse, and he couldn't stop the blush that crawled up his neck.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world Loubear." Harry whispered as he grinned down at the boy, loving the way Louis' bright blue eyes had to flutter up to meet his. The two felt content as they wandered off to their first lessons, not caring for the watchful eyes or faint whispers, too engrossed in eachother.

When lunch time finally came the duo were still joined at the hip. Zayn had come to terms with the new dynamic, he quite liked seeing his best mate happy again and the two boys just complimented one another, so who was he to complain? While Niall on the other hand, had only just started to clock on, he was quiet as the four ate at their usual table watching Harry and Louis closely, noticing the small touches and subtle looks.

"Excited for the game Ni?" Harry asked with a big smile, breaking the blonde from his thoughts.

"Yeah, we're versing a team we haven't played before so it should be interesting." Niall replied, happy to return the boys gesture, "You coming along to watch then Haz?"

"He is! He promised." Louis informed quickly as he grinned widely causing wrinkles to form around his bright blue eyes. Zayn and Harry could only laugh fondly at the older boy while Niall raised an unnoticed brow, accompanied by a small smirk.

"Well I'm going too H so you wanna sit together?" Zayn questioned as he picked up his water bottle.

Harry nodded quickly before smiling, "Yeah sure mate." He was more than happy to have someone to go with since Liam was still sick and Harry felt that he and Zayn had grown quite close since the day at the studio.

The four carried on talking all throughout lunch, Louis and Harry kept close, somehow always touching. Zayn pretended not to notice, joining in on the conversation while Niall watched the two boys closely.

It was freezing out on the field, Harry was thankful for the fact that he had worn his big hoodie this morning as well as picked up his jacket on his way out. September wasn't always necessarily cold but in England you could never be too sure about the weather.

Harry was stood by the entrance to the pitch, bag slung over his shoulder as he leaned against the brick wall, watching as everyone around him took to the stands. He turned his head when he felt a soft touch to his elbow and smiled brightly when he found Zayn grinning beside him. "Excited?" Harry asked with a small chuckle as the pair headed off to find a seat.

"Always mate, love watching the home games, and it's nice having someone to watch with." Zayn told Harry with a light laugh before he gestured to two seats at the bottom of the stands, near the middle of the pitch.

The two got to talking while they waited for the teams to emerge, they spoke mostly about Harry's job and Louis. Zayn found the way the taller lads eyes lit up when they spoke about his best mate really sweet, he knew that they had both had rough pasts and just hoped they could help eachother heal.

"Here they are." Zayn said to Harry as he gestured towards the metal doors that had opened on the other side of the pitch. Harry grinned when he caught sight of Louis and Niall, the two laughing as they followed after their team mates.

"Who are we playing against?" Harry questioned as he watched their school's football team crowd around the coach.

"Um not too sure mate, a school about an hour away I think." Zayn replied, "Haven't versed them before though so I hope it's a good fair game." Harry only nodded in response before Zayn's head turned back in the direction of the same doors, Harry followed seeing the opposing team walk out and his heart just dropped.

Numb. That was all he could feel. He was so overwhelmed, he hadn't ever expected to see that familiar face again. He snapped his head down to his lap, cradling it in his hands as the memories he wished he could forget replayed in his head. He screwed his eyes shut tight hoping that his tears would subside, praying that he wouldn't have a panic attack here of all places. He could hear the vicious words playing on a loop in his head, they were burned in his brain, and he could still feel the harsh bruises that had once been branded into his skin. "Fuck-" He choked out.

Harry didn't even know what was happening but he could feel a soft pair of hands taking his, lifting him from his seat and cradling him close as they guided him away from the pitch. The green eyed boy kept his head down as he focused on his rigid breathing, clinging to the person beside him like they were a lifeline.

"Harry?" A voice called with a small tap to the boy's shoulder, it was only then that Harry realised they'd stopped moving. Harry looked up, his vision blurred by wet tears but even in his panic he could tell that it was Zayn. Harry focused on his dark hair and chiselled features, while the boy run a soothing hand down his back. "You're okay mate." Zayn reassured quietly, just wanting Harry to know that he was here, that things were okay.

They sat there for a while, Zayn listened as Harry's harsh shallow breathing faded into faint shakey breaths. Harry chewed on his bottom lip, too far in his thoughts to be embarrassed.

"H?" Zayn called, keeping his hand on the small of Harry's back as he placed the other on the boys shoulder, not wanting to overwhelm him any further. Harry turned slightly, his bright green eyes dull and surrounded by a red rim as he locked eyes with the dark haired boy beside him.

Zayn sighed softly before embracing Harry in a gentle hug, it was for his own peace of mind just as well as Harry's, the boy had really scared him but Zayn knew a panic attack when he saw one. Harry, thankfully, leaned into his touch, nuzzling his face into the older boy's shoulder as he let Zayn comfort him.

The two stayed like that for a couple moments, Zayn listening to the faint cheers that erupted from the pitch as the wind whistled around them. The older boy frowned slightly as he reluctantly pulled away, making sure to keep close to Harry before asking,

"What happened H?"


	26. There for me, there for you

Louis looked around the stands, searching for a familiar head of curls, he knew Harry had to be there somewhere- the boy had promised. Louis was startled from his daze when a loud whistle blew, Niall patted his shoulder in passing as the group dispersed. Louis audibly sighed before reluctantly jogging over to his position, his mind and gaze focused on nothing but trying to find Harry.

Harry sighed deeply, chewing on his bottom lip as he avoided Zayn's eye. He knew that he could trust the dark haired boy, he had told Zayn two of his biggest secrets and the boy hadn't run for the hills, if he was being honest he was just scared to relive it.

"Haz mate," Zayn started as he coaxed the boy to look over at him, "please tell me what happened." The dark haired boy wore a furrowed brow and pursed lips, seemingly overwhelmed with worry- Harry felt horrible. His stomach turned at the thought of the familiar figure, he could still see it, still hear the names that now echoed in his head, he could even feel it, a constant tingling sensation that crawled across his skin, etching it's way into the deepest parts of him. He visibly cringed at the thought, wanting nothing more than to run and hide away. He didn't want to talk about this- not now, not ever but it wasn't like he had much of a choice. It seemed like his past followed him everywhere he went, like he couldn't escape it no matter how far he ran. He has had to carry all these insecurities and fears around with him ever since he was fourteen, but that just wasn't enough it seemed because now it was practically taunting him. Harry could only take a deep breath as he let his eyes fall shut, swallowing down the lump in his throat before whispering, "I saw _him_."

Zayn's eyes narrowed in confusion, unable to understand where Harry was going with this, "Saw who H?"

Harry let his bitten lip fall from between his teeth, he released a shakey breath as he tried to hold back the burning tears that threatened to fall. "One of the boys on the other team-" he started faintly as he let his finger trace the dark outline of the large tattoo on his inner wrist, Zayn could only nod along slowly, coaxing him to continue, "we went to school together before the- before I lost my hearing." With that the older boy could kind of piece it all together, he instantly engulfed a shaking Harry into another warm embrace, whispering comforting words into the boys ear, knowing that Harry couldn't hear them but hoping that somehow he could feel the emotion behind them.

"Tomlinson!" An angered voice called out once the half time whistle had sounded, "What are you playing at? Get your head in the game kid, they're up by one goal!" Louis just huffed as he gave a curt nod in the older mans direction. His body was slumped as he dragged himself across the pitch to join his teammates who were standing on the sidelines, how was he meant to focus on the game when Harry wasn't there? Louis couldn't stop his mind from racing, he couldn't help but ask himself, what if something bad had happened to Harry? The curly haired boy had yet to be seen and Louis knew that Harry wouldn't miss this, he said he would come and Louis knew that he meant it. Zayn wasn't anywhere to be seen either, Louis could usually hear his cheering from the sidelines during his matches, the dark haired boy was always the loudest which was very different from his usual character.

"Lou." Niall whispered before looking back over to their coach who was already onto giving the rest of the team an earful, "You good mate?"

Louis ran a hand through his messy feathered hair, groaning quietly before looking over at the blonde with a nervous expression. "No, I can't find Harry or Zayn anywhere. What if something h-"

Niall instantly cut the the blue eyed boy off, "Don't- please. They're fine, Haz might have needed to take a breather or something." Louis knew that sort of made sense but the worry that laced the Irish lads tone made him question if Niall was actually trying to reassure him or himself. Before Louis could say anything else, the sound of coach's arrogant whistle sent them on their way.

The two players scanned the stands once more, both seemingly worried now that it had passed half time and there was still no sign of either of their mates. It was 2-1 to the offence, Louis' team had gotten a lucky shot in the first ten minutes of the first half when the other sides defence hadn't been strong enough but since then the boy's had been struggling.

Louis let his eyes scan his surroundings once more, he couldn't shake the nerves that were now coursing through his body. Harry had to be there somewhere. Louis honestly didn't know if he could continue playing, he felt sick to his stomach with worry and he knew the only thing that would calm his panicked mind was seeing Harry. He knew that he was being stupid, crazy even, but ever since losing his mum things had just been harder. He had an overwhelming fear that everyone was going to leave him, that something bad was going to happen if he wasn't around. He thought that things had gotten better but right now he can't say that they have because he's stood panicking on the middle of the pitch, half way through his first match of the season and all he wants to do is find Harry.

He turns to Niall, only to find the Irish lad looking back at him nervously and Louis wants to say something, anything, but before he can the second half whistle blows. That's when he can't take it anymore, the crowd, his teammates, his coach, it's all too much. So instead of running towards the ball to win back his teams pride, Louis turns on his heel and sprints towards the exit, not caring for the concerned looks, the loud shouts, the confused faces.

"Sorry." Harry mumbled quietly before reluctantly turning in Zayn's hold to see his face. The dark haired boy just shook his head before smiling brightly, "No need to be sorry H, I'm just glad I could help."

Harry lets out a shakey breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding before releasing his tight grip on Zayn's shirt, sending an apologetic smile the boys way before quietly thanking him.

They say nothing for a moment but then Zayn captures Harry's eye once more, "Panic attacks are shitty H but they aren't your fault." He starts and Harry just watches him, "I get them a lot, always have to be honest. It took me a while to understand that I couldn't help it, that I can't prevent them no matter how hard I try. They suck but it's just your body's natural reaction I guess, things get easier once you learn how to cope with them but don't ever apologise for having one H."

Harry just nodded slowly at the boy beside him before giving him a faint smile, "Thank you."

"You were there for me when I came out H, I'll always be here for you." Zayn reassured before placing a comforting hand on the sitting boy's shoulder.

Harry let Zayn's words sink in as he gazed around him, they were sat on the cold cobbled pavement with their backs pressed up against a brick wall outside the front of the school, looking out at the sea of parked cars before them. He instantly found Louis', the boys dark truck was one Harry couldn't forget, he loved it, mostly because Louis did but also because of the memories it held. "Always." He said before giving Zayn a big grin and pulling him in for another hug.

The two chuckled a little as they pulled away, "Proper sappy ain't we?" Zayn teased and Harry laughed a little harder in agreement but he instantly stopped when Zayn's face fell. Harry furrowed his brow before following the older boys gaze, finding a panicked Louis standing to the left of them looking aimlessly around the car park in search of something. Harry's heart dropped to his stomach at the sight of the boy, unable to shake the feeling that something was really wrong, he had never seen Louis so distressed. "Lou?" Harry called out, concerned by the state the blue eyed boy was in.

Louis' head snapped in his direction and then he was full on sprinting towards the two boys that were huddled close. "Fuck- you're okay." Louis breathed out when he reached them before practically falling to his knees in front of Harry, mumbling the phrase over and over again. He cradled the boy close to his chest before abruptly pulling back and examining him, checking to see if he was hurt or injured. Zayn quietly watched the scene unfold before him, observing how his best mate visibly calmed once Harry had placed his own hands over Louis', the two intertwining their fingers from where their hands were rested on Harry's chest. "I was so worried when I couldn't spot you in the crowd," Louis confessed breathlessly before turning to Zayn, "you too Zee, I was so fucking scared."

Zayn bit his lip as he nodded, letting Louis focus back on the curly haired lad in his arms. After Jay's passing, Zayn found that being overly protective was Louis' way of coping with his grief and fears, but this was new, Louis seemed absolutely terrified.

Harry let his hands fall with Louis' into his lap where he tightened his hold briefly before letting them rest. "It's okay boo, I'm okay, I'm here." Louis nodded as he let out a deep breath, letting relief wash over him like a cold bucket of water. Harry pulled him in again, not wanting to let the boy go too far, Louis had somehow become his anchor since meeting him and as thankful as he had been for Zayn, having Louis in his arms comforted him to no end. Louis wrapped his arms around the younger boy before nuzzling his face into Harry's neck, feeling safe as he listened to the soft sound of Harry's heart beating in his chest.

Harry couldn't stop himself from placing a small peck to the side of Louis' head before inhaling his familiar smell, it calmed him, he truly loved it. The blue eyed boy always smelt the same and that was important to Harry, it was a sweet vanilla fragrance but had faint traces of tobacco and baby powder. Since losing his hearing he always felt like his sense of smell had heightened more so than his other senses, he could differentiate all kinds of things just from the way they smelt. Since first meeting Louis Harry hadn't been able to get over the way he smelt, it was always so warm and welcoming. Now all he could relate the individual scents to was _Louis_.

Zayn smiled as he watched the two embrace, he saw the way Louis clung to Harry and how in return Harry only pulled him impossibly closer. They didn't know it yet but Zayn had a feeling that they were just what each other needed, they were supposed to have met and the universe was somehow pushing them closer together day by day. They truly did deserve one another, things would get hard but they'd be okay. They had to be.


	27. Lucky

The trio sat there for a while longer, basking in the familiar company, before Zayn stood to his feet. "I'm gunna head back to the pitch Lou, the games nearly over and you two look like you need to talk."

Louis pulled away at the sudden voice, not expecting it, he lifted his head from where it was hidden away in Harry's neck to look up at his best mate, Harry followed his sudden movement. Louis gave Zayn a small smile and nod before looking back at Harry, who wore a look of confusion, his brow furrowed and lips pursed. Zayn placed a comforting hand on the green eyed boys shoulder to coax him into gazing up at him, he smiled softly at Harry before saying, "I'll see to you after the game."

Harry just nodded slowly before giving Zayn a reassuring smile, "Thanks Zee." His voice was ever so soft and timid, barely even there, causing Louis to wince slightly when it cracked. The dark haired boy just shook his head as he waved him off, not thinking he'd done anything to be thankful for. Harry could only chuckle faintly as he and Louis watched him walk away, he looked back to give them one last reassuring smile before turning the corner and disappearing.

There was a brief pause before Louis turned back to face Harry, the pair still intertwined in a close hug, Louis settled on Harry's lap with his arms wrapped around his neck while the green eyed boy kept his large hands on Louis' small waist. "You scared me." Louis confessed quietly as he raised his hands up to delicately thumb away the tear stains that still resided on the younger boy's cheeks. Harry watched him for a moment, noticing the way the older boys blue eyes glistened with unshed tears, he could physically feel the relief that radiated off Louis as he settled in closer to his body. Harry frowned at the thought of ever worrying the boy.

"Sorry." He croaked out- his throat a little dry from all the crying- as he sniffled lightly. Louis just sighed before cradling the younger boys face in his warm hands, he sent him a sweet and loving smile that made Harry's stomach flip.

"Don't be love. I was just worried and thought of the worst when I couldn't spot you or Zayn." Louis breathed out, feeling guilty for making Harry feel like he had to apologise for _his_ actions, "Ever since losing-" his voice cracked ever so slightly but as Harry's hold tightened around his waist he couldn't bring himself to think about anything _but_ Harry.

"I understand," Harry smiled softly as he gazed into Louis' bright blue eyes, "I know it hasn't been easy for you Lou- since losing her. It's natural though, it's you're way of coping with your emotions, with everything that's happened. It's also very sweet that you care, I appreciate it, I do, so don't feel embarrassed about it. Please."

Louis looked back at the green eyed boy with so much admiration, unable to believe that he had ever met someone like Harry, someone so unbelievably perfect. "How did I get so lucky?" Louis asked breathlessly, not even thinking as he spoke but it made Harry chuckle lightly and Louis couldn't bring himself to care all that much when he saw Harry's big dopey grin.

The two sat there for awhile longer, just taking one another in. Louis let his head fall back to Harry's shoulder, nosing at the soft skin between the boy's neck and chest as he let his eyes slip close. Harry felt so calm and relaxed as he breathed in the older boy's familiar cologne, he ran a gentle hand through Louis' soft coffee coloured hair and smiled softly. He loved the way they fit perfectly together, how Louis would cuddle up in his arms, close to his chest to shelter himself from the rest of the world, it made Harry feel needed, wanted- safe.

Harry was the only person Louis would let himself act this way around, to everyone else he was loud and cocky, the life of the party but with Harry nothing else mattered, he could just be himself. He felt protected when he was with the taller boy, Harry's presence made all of his worries and fears slip away, he felt as if he could breath again.

Louis listened closely as the faint cheers of the crowd drowned out the patterned beating of Harry's heart, he knew then that the match had come to an end but he couldn't bring himself to care. Harry was okay. Those words eased his mind instantly, he didn't really understand why or how, he just knew that Harry was okay, he was safe, he was here. He tightened his hold on the younger boy by a fraction, almost to reassure himself of the fact that Harry was in his arms.

Louis reluctantly pulled away, he let his eyes travel across Harry's face, slowly taking in it's every detail. He had faint freckles that littered the bridge of his nose and contrasted against his smooth skin, Louis shifted his gaze slightly to look at the stray curls that had fallen to frame his chiselled face, the dark locks settled by the boy's jaw and Louis thought that the length suited him perfectly. Harry tilted his head cutely, studying Louis as the older boy smiled softly at him, Louis let his eyes meet Harry's, blue seeing green. The familiar forest hue was darker than usual, his eyes were red and glossed over but still so very beautiful. They held so many emotions which confused Louis to no end but he couldn't bring himself to break the silence to ask- not yet at least. Harry pouted his plump lips ever so slightly and Louis couldn't stop himself from reaching out to run a thumb across the bitten bottom one, revelling in the way Harry's breath hitched.

"Why were you crying Haz?" Louis questioned softly, his tone gentle as he let his hand slip from the younger boys lip to cup the right side of his chin.

Harry sighed faintly once he caught what Louis had said, he looked down at the cold ground beneath them, his thoughts were chaotic and unorganised, he wanted to tell Louis everything- he was desperate to- but he was afraid. Afraid that Louis would leave, that things would become too much- too real. He knew he wasn't thinking rationally but his fears only fuelled his doubts. He took a deep breath before looking up and locking eyes with Louis, who was now staring back intently, waiting for some kind of response but keeping quiet in the hopes that he wouldn't push Harry into saying something he wasn't ready to say.

"It started when I was fourteen."


	28. You can’t promise me that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW, mentions of ptsd, anxiety/panic attacks, past self harm, bullying.

Harry looked up at the sky, wielding back the tears that burned his eyes, pleading their escape. He huffed out a shakey breath and watched as the cold September air carried it's misty smoke in the prickling wind. The sky above him was painted a beautiful blue, but the hue was nowhere near as beautiful as the colour of the eyes of the boy that sat beside him. Harry let his gaze trail across the white clouds that littered the otherwise imperfect blue. He knew that this would be hard, he knew that one day he would have to tell his story again, he even knew that Louis would have found out sooner or later, but what he didn't know was how Louis would react. If the older boy could even look at him the same once he finally knew- that's probably what terrified Harry the most.

"The day of my fourteenth birthday, I lost my hearing." Harry confessed quietly, letting his gaze drop from the skies above him back to the older boy. Louis bit at his bottom lip, trying to hold back his own emotions, he hadn't realised that this was where the conversation was headed. Sure, he wanted to know more about Harry's hearing, he had a million and one questions he had wanted to ask ever since he had found out about it but he had never wanted to push the boy. Now that Harry felt like he could finally tell him, Louis was almost scared for what was to come, and from the way Harry was reacting to the topic he knew that he should be worried.

Louis just nodded softly in hopes to reassure the younger boy. Harry looked down at his hands briefly, playing with the cold metal rings that covered the majority of his fingers, before shrugging, "It's hard to talk about, I haven't, um, told many people my story. It's not something I like to relive but I think you deserve to know- to understand. I just hope it doesn't change things between us." Harry's jaw tightened at the very thought because he really hoped that it wouldn't, Harry couldn't picture losing Louis, not now, not ever. The thought actually pained him and he quickly blinked back the unshed tears that were now welling in his eyes once again.

Louis immediately reached for the younger boys shaking hands, eagerly wanting to comfort him in anyway he knew how. Intertwining their fingers Louis could feel the tremors that radiated off Harry, Louis frowned as he caught Harry's gaze, "It won't."

Harry chuckled lightly as he shook his head, he knew that Louis was being honest but he just couldn't bring himself to get his hopes up- not when Louis had no idea of what was to come. "You can't promise me that."

Louis desperately wanted to argue, to tell Harry that it wouldn't change anything, that he wouldn't let it, but instead he could only watch as the boy rubbed at his face, seemingly trying to calm himself down. Louis wanted to remove all of the boys worries and fears, he wanted to see Harry smile again, but he knew that this was something Harry had to do, this was something he had to hear.

"Growing up I was always- I don't know- a target, I guess? Kids always like to pick on the weak, I had curly hair, painted my nails pretty colours and wore fucking flower crowns, so I stuck out. I was okay with it at first, I didn't have much of a choice in the matter, but I still had my sister and my cousins, and a few girls in my class, so it made things a little easier. When I was around seven or eight, that's when the kids at school started to isolate me, I mean don't get me wrong I had friends, but some people went out of their way to make sure I felt excluded. It started out with name calling, a little bit of pushing and shoving but nothing I couldn't handle. I think the names hurt a little more than I'd like to admit, some are still engraved in the back of my mind. It really fucked with me, I was this small kid, I was supposed to enjoy school and learning but it just seemed like such a cold and lonely place." Harry breathed out quietly, his focus still on his ring clad hands that were now covered by Louis' much smaller, daintier hands. Harry wanted to beam at the warm gesture but he couldn't bring himself to do anything but try and keep his tears at bay. He knew what he was about to say would change things, it would change the way Louis viewed him, the way they worked, their dynamic. Harry wasn't sure if he was ready for all of that to disappear just yet, Louis had already become such an important part of his life and he knew that if Louis rejected him it wouldn't just hurt, it would kill him. For the first time in years Harry finally felt alive, and he knew the reasoning behind it was mostly due to Louis. The older boy was such a wonder, Harry couldn't bring himself to be anything but intrigued, the very first time Harry laid his eyes on Louis he knew that the blue eyed boy would be something special.

"I remember one day I came home from school crying, unable to catch my breath as I stumbled through the front door with my sister hurrying behind me. My mum was more than shocked when she caught sight of me, I'd never been that hysteric- even when I'd broken my arm the year before- all she could really do was wrap me up in her arms as I sobbed. Gem had been scared, we used to walk home together because she was older and mum trusted her, we'd usually spend the five minute walk talking about our day or what we wanted for dinner that night but that afternoon I said nothing as I let the tears silently fall from my eyes. I remember her asking time and time again if I was okay, she held onto my hand like she wouldn't ever let go and by the time we made it to the corner of our little street I ran all the way home, crying loudly because I couldn't hold back my tears much longer. That evening was so quiet, I had had my first ever panic attack in my mums arms and practically broke her heart. I was nine Lou, nine. I didn't speak much about it after that, mum begged and pleaded for me to tell her what had caused it all, she had even contacted the school, but they had no idea as to what had caused the reaction and I wouldn't say a word. I couldn't tell them what had happened, I was so sad, so terrified and the kids at school they were just so horrible."

Thinking back to it, Harry could literally immerse himself in the memory, he could feel the building fear, the overwhelming anxiety, the constant thoughts, truly believing that he wasn't going to survive. He had been nine. No nine year old should have had to have felt feelings like that. He could still feel the burning sensation that ignited throughout his chest like an uncontrollable inferno, suffocating him, collapsing in on him, causing him to scream out for air. Panic attacks were the one thing Harry could never get used to. Even after all the years he had spent struggling and learning to cope with his ptsd, his panic attacks always rendered him defenceless. He could somewhat deal with them now as he had grown to understand the signs and had spent copious amounts of time learning different techniques to calm his breathing and erratic mind before things got out of hand, it was just the after effects that killed him.

The older boy listened intently to every word that left Harry's lips, Louis had always known that the boy was a slow speaker, ever since meeting Harry it had been one of the first things he had noticed. He hadn't paid it much mind though until Harry had revealed that he was in fact deaf, that's when Louis started to pay more attention to the way Harry spoke. He noticed the way Harry pronounced certain words, the slight slur and brief pauses he would make when he felt as though he was getting lost in his sentences, Louis even took note of the amount of energy and effort Harry used to speak. The boy couldn't hear the words he was speaking but somehow he continued on like it wasn't even an issue, Louis could only marvel at him. He had never met someone so determined, so strong willed, so- brave. But as he sat there watching Harry relive his vivid memories, the boy almost sounded casual, and that amazed Louis but at the same time terrified him.

Harry took another deep breath while Louis tightened his hold on his hand by a fraction, the younger boy looked up with glossy eyes to find Louis staring intently, almost as if he was hanging onto every word that was being said. "I carried on after the first panic attack like usual, mum left it alone because any time it got brought up I would hyperventilate and things at school had seemed to have die down. The panic attacks started to come more often after that, but I mostly dealt with them alone. I joined the footie team a few weeks later, thinking it would be a good start to remaking myself, to get rid of the flower crowns and pretty nails, and trade them in for a pair of footie boots instead. It worked- for the most part. The boy's that used to tease and mess with me were now applauding me, wanting to talk to me, actually be my friends. School was easier after that so I just pushed all the things I desired far away, hoping, praying that I would one day wake up and wouldn't think about them any more."

"Everyone just believed I grew out of it, that it was just one of them things kids did, a phase of sorts, but Lou I used to cry myself to sleep at night, wondering why life was so much easier when I wasn't being myself. I hated it, I hated that I still wanted to do all the things I had once loved, the things I missed so badly, all I could ever think about was the fact that I was a boy and boys weren't supposed to like pretty things. It made me feel like a freak." Harry faltered slightly and Louis' eyes narrowed as he watched Harry try to calm his uneven breathing. Harry squeezed his eyes tightly shut, taking deep breaths before Louis slowly began to run his hands up and down his tattooed forearms, causing goosebumps to erupt across his skin and Harry to shiver at the new sensation. He snapped his eyes open to see Louis delicately tracing the dark lines that were etched into his skin. Harry had always kept his arms hidden away- it was just a force of habit- but now Louis was closely examining the dark ink that lined his wrists and Harry couldn't bring himself to shy away from the touch, even when Louis trailed over the lighter lumps that were now covered by grey and black tones.

Harry chewed harshly on his bottom lip to the point where he pierced the skin and a metallic taste danced across his tongue. He just watched Louis intently, unable to tear his gaze away from the blue eyed boy, even if it meant seeing Louis' disgusted face. It never came though. Instead the older boy gently pulled Harry's arm towards him, drawing it to his lips before placing a small soft kiss to the inside of Harry's wrist. Harry gulped at the action and the fresh tears that he hadn't even realised had been blurring his vision fell down his cold and rosy cheeks. Louis was so sweet, so tender, Harry wasn't even sure he was real. "So beautiful." Louis whispered, gazing into Harry's forest green eyes so that the boy could see just how much he meant it. Harry nodded softly, almost in a trance like state, unable to believe the words Louis had just uttered. He had many scars that littered his once imperfect milky skin, he hated them all, but the ones on his wrists were the ones he was most ashamed of. His others had a story- a reason. The ones that tainted his wrists were not of the sort, they were of his own. It was the only thing that had gotten him through the pain, the numbness, the sleepless nights. "So beautiful." Louis repeated, bringing Harry out of his thoughts as he pulled the younger boy even closer, allowing Harry's arms to rest easy on his lap while he kept his hold on the much larger hands.

It was quiet after that and Harry wasn't sure if he could bring himself to speak, but Louis gave him time, he was patient and for that Harry was grateful. When he spoke up again, Louis almost hadn't heard him, his voice was timid and shakey, and Harry was unable to look him in the eye. "The summer before I went off to secondary school things had been good." Harry started quietly, "I had more friends, I was in a happier place, school hadn't been as tough as it once was, so I started _exploring_ again. I didn't even think much of it but I guess mum and Gem did, they'd always go out of their way to make sure I felt comfortable, to tell me how great I looked, to show me that they supported me no matter what. I started wearing nail polish again and tried wearing clothing I felt good in. My mum was happy to see me coming out of my shell again, I mean I had spent the last few years of primary school keeping myself away from all of the things I had once loved, the things that would earn me any unwanted attention, so she was glad to finally see me truly happy."

"I went back to school in September and things were so different. Secondary school was bigger, scarier, but it was also filled with so many new people. I stuck to playing football because I had come to love the sport after the years of using it as a defence. The boys on the team- mostly the older lot- used to take the piss out of me at first but I could just laugh it off even though it broke me piece by piece. Two of the boys on the team were actually pretty friendly towards me, we became close quite quickly and they also helped to keep the teasing from the rest of my teammates to a minimum. Things went on like that I guess and I didn't really have time to let myself get caught up in my thoughts, my life was just school, footie, home. As time passed I started hanging out with girls because that's what all the other boys were doing, what I _thought_ I should be doing, but I could never really see them as anything more than a- friend." Harry huffed loudly once his voice cracked, he knew it was coming, Louis would run for the hills once the words left his lips. Harry wanted to scream because it just wasn't fair, life wasn't fair. If he had been _normal_ he would have still been able to hear, he would have still been in Cheshire, he wouldn't have had to leave his home, he would never have had his entire world torn apart, his innocence ripped away from him.

"I tried, I really fucking tried but nothing!" Harry sobbed and all Louis could do was cradle the wrecked boy in his arms as he whispered sweet nothings into the younger boy ear that went unheard. He let Harry's warm wet tears soak the shoulder of his footie shirt as tears of his own silently cascaded down his face, because he knew this feeling all too well, and seeing Harry so broken, so defeated physically pained him.


	29. Don’t hate me

The thing about memories were that they were hard to escape, no matter how hard you try to rid yourself of them, they're always there- in the darkest corners of your mind. Harry's haunted him, there hadn't been a day that passed where he hadn't been affected by his trauma, by his horrific past.

Louis couldn't bring himself to move, Harry was curled up in his arms while he stroked a comforting hand through the soft head of curls, humming loud enough for Harry to feel it's faint vibrations, lulling him. The gut wrenching sobs had slowly died out and all he was left with were the faint sniffles Harry made into his chest, accompanied by the celebratory cheers of the football game that had now ended. Louis couldn't tell you how long they had been sitting there on that cold cobbled floor, just that his heart was practically broken. He had never witnessed anyone so vulnerable, let alone Harry. He knew there was definitely more to the story but he couldn't bring himself to ask, he didn't know if he could handle seeing Harry that way again.

Louis tightened his hold on the younger boy when he heard the large crowds headed their way, his muscles flexed as he pulled Harry in closer to his chest, wanting to shield him from the oncoming stares, he didn't want to startle the boy but also didn't want to bring any unwanted attention to them. Harry shouldn't have to deal with all that unwanted attention right now, not while he was like this.

Louis took a sharp breath before carefully pulling away, his movement causing Harry to shift and lift his head off the older boys shoulder to look up at him through his long wet lashes. His face was flushed from crying, his rosy cheeks were stained with dried tears, his lips were plump and unforgivingly pink, the once styled curls were now tussled out of place making Louis want to reach out and run his fingers through it, and those bright green eyes, Louis adored, were glossed over and rimmed with a light red pigment. Louis gulped dryly at the sight as he gently gripped the boy by his shoulders before giving him a tender smile, "People are starting to leave." He informed almost tentatively, trying his best to keep up his comforting facade as he watched Harry's reaction closely. He didn't want Harry to suddenly panic or feel embarrassed about the entire situation because he didn't have to be, Louis was more than proud of Harry, he knew how hard it was to put your trust in someone, how scary it can be. So Louis watched him carefully, waiting for any sort of reaction but the younger boy just nodded softly and Louis couldn't hold back his warm smile.

Harry sighed softly as he stared over Louis' shoulder and off into the distance, watching as the setting sun painted the once blue skies in an array of warm colours. He silently marvelled at the bight oranges that blurred into deep calming pinks and bruising purples, it was just so incredibly beautiful that for a moment, he forgot about everything. He didn't realise how long he had been in a world of his own until he felt a gentle hand grip his elbow causing him to gaze up at a now crouching Louis, who was holding out his arms towards him. Harry gazed up into the familiar ocean blue almost as if to reassure Louis he was okay- that he would be okay. Harry dropped his gaze back to the toned arms of the older boy, they were littered in ink- doodles almost- Harry found himself wanting to know the story behind each and every one, he looked back up and shakily held out his arms before placing his hands in Louis'.

Louis breathed out a sigh of relief when Harry's larger hands fitted in his, the gesture wasn't hesitant only weak and Louis could only guess that Harry just needed some time to adjust to the aftershocks of an emotional day. "You'll be okay love." He whispered out more to himself than Harry as the boys eyes were trained on their joined hands. Louis pulled Harry closer to his torso before slowly hauling them both up to their feet.

Louis kept the taller boy close to his side before looking up, finding Harry's gaze already settled on the loud and approaching crowd. The boy started to breath deeper unable to tear his eyes away from the teams supporters heading their way, his hold on Louis' hands tightened. Louis knew that he had to act quickly if he wanted to get Harry out of here without him panicking any further. "Haz." Louis spoke as he pried on of his hand out of Harry's death grip to try and tilt the boys head back in his direction, "Haz love, read my lips." Louis cursed himself for not learning more sign language, since understanding Harry's disability it was something he had taken an interest in but he had only grasped the basics so he couldn't communicate with Harry that way just yet. The green eyed boy was too busy trying to keep calm to understand what he was saying and Louis knew the signs of a panic attack all too well due to having helped Zayn through multiple growing up. Louis chewed on his bottom lip apprehensively, almost piercing through the skin, his eyes flickered between an anxious Harry and the large crowd that was fast approaching.

Louis could only think of one thing that he knew would grab Harry's attention but he truthfully didn't know if Harry would hate him, push him way, or even acknowledge it after all of this was over. There was also the fact that nearly half the school were in their line of vision and Louis wasn't quite ready for the questions that were sure to follow if he did this. "Haz, please." Louis begged, he could hear the panic in his voice but was too concentrated on trying to grab Harry's attention to pay it any mind. "Harry!" Nothing. The boy was too focused on the smiling faces, watching the cheers and chants he couldn't hear, to even look Louis' way.

Louis huffed out a huge breath before clasping Harry's jaw in his hands, he let his bitten lip fall from between his teeth as he looked up at Harry nervously. He tried one last time to guide the boy back to him but Harry's eyes were locked on the crowd closing in on them, his breathing was rigid and quick. "Please don't hate me." Louis whispered softly before tip toeing and pressing his lips to Harry's.

Harry's eyes widened at the sudden gesture and he couldn't get his mind to concentrate on anything but Louis' lips on his. He looked down at the boy who was now still as could be, Harry couldn't focus, his mind hazy with want. He wrapped his arms around the smaller boys waist and kissed back, the warmth engulfing him as he deepened the kiss, pressing their bodies closer than they'd even been before.

Both boys could have forgotten about the oncoming crowd of football supporters and just let themselves get lost in one another but Louis couldn't stop himself from pulling away when he heard the sudden gasps. He couldn't bring himself to look in their direction either, not when Harry was with him, not when Harry was this vulnerable. He sucked in a much needed breath before gazing up into Harry's bright green eyes, the taller boy was watching him cautiously but Louis could worry about that later, he needed to get them both out of here. "We've got to go." Louis blurted, not even making sure that the taller boy had grasped what he'd said before clasping his hand in Harry's and hauling them both in the direction of his truck, leaving the loud whispers behind.

He already knew what everyone would be talking about Monday morning. The captain of the football team kissing a _boy_.


	30. Rugrats

The car journey was quiet, Harry had no idea where they were headed but he couldn't bring himself to care all that much. The silence was something he was used to even when he was with Louis, who was always loud and well- loud, even though Harry couldn't hear him, the boy was always so spirited, you could practically feel the energy radiate off him like a tidal wave. There had been many occasions where the two of them were comfortable enough around each other not to need any form of conversation, Harry knew that he was the only person Louis could act that way around, it was the same for him too. But sat in Louis' truck, it was a little tense, Harry couldn't even feel the vibrations of the radio so he knew that they were in complete silence, all he could wish for in that moment was to hear Louis' breathing. It sounded crazy but it was the little things he longed for most, he just wanted to understand people on a deeper level, especially Louis. Sometimes it was wanting to hear a yawn, or a sneeze, but right then in the silence that drowned him all he yearned for was to hear Louis' light breaths unfurl out into the cold September air that broke in through the drivers side window, Harry had noticed that Louis always had it cracked ever so slightly. Maybe that could be enough for him, noticing the little things most people wouldn't, he knows that he won't ever be able to hear Louis but maybe, maybe he could try and understand him on a different level.

Harry knew the way home from school and the journey Louis was taking was not it. They had been driving for about ten minutes and Louis had missed every turn needed to bring him home, so he took a good guess that that was not where they were headed. He was thankful for that though, it gave him some sort of hope that Louis hadn't regretted their kiss. _Fuck_ , they had kissed. Harry wasn't sure if he was ready to actually wrap his head around that just yet. He didn't even know if Louis felt the same way or if it had all just been in the heat of the moment, but what he did know was that he wanted to do it again. And again. And again. If he was being honest he was terrified, this was all so very new to him. He had suppressed all his thoughts and desires for so long, just wanting to live a pain free life, but now he couldn't stop them from surfacing and it was all because of Louis. It's not that he actually had a problem with liking boys, it was just that everyone else did. He knew that from first hand experience. He just wasn't sure if he'd be able to go through it all again, the last time he barely made it out alive, what would he lose the next time someone thought it was okay to punish him for something he couldn't control? Would he lose his sight too? His life? Louis?

Harry wasn't stuck in his head for much longer because that's when Louis slowly pulled his truck to a halt outside of a two story house. It was beautiful- homey. There was a small garden lined with a cobbled path which led up to a bright red door, the grass was a little overgrown and unkept but there were trimmed white rose bushes that laced the dark oak fence on the very far end and Harry couldn't help but admire them, they were so pretty. Louis turned his truck off just as Harry looked over to him, they sat there for a moment before Louis hesitantly turned to face him. "My house." He stated as he gestured in the building's general direction, Harry couldn't help but crack a small smile at that and it seemed like that was all Louis had needed to continue, "Come on then Styles, got a couple rugrats I'd like you to meet!" He didn't even give Harry the chance to respond before he exited the vehicle, Harry let out a huff of air as he unbuckled his seatbelt. Of all things, he hadn't expected _this_.

His mind was racing, swirling with thoughts as he exited the truck, he couldn't get over the fact that in a matter of moments he would be meeting Louis' siblings. He rounded the vehicle and saw Louis, stood at the beginning of the path, holding out a hand to hold. Harry bit at his bottom lip as he made his way over, he let his fingers slide between the older boys and couldn't help but think about how perfectly their hands fit together. The warmth of Louis' touch radiated throughout his entire body and Harry could honestly say that he had missed it, as stupid as it sounded, it was true. His whole world brightened a little at the gesture and the warm smile Louis sent his way before pulling him up the path made him melt. Harry didn't want to ruin this, he couldn't ruin this, not yet.

Louis turned to Harry once more when they reached the front door, there was only a wooden structure that separated the two of them from the inside of the house but Louis could already hear the familiar faint squeals and giggles that seemed to travel throughout the home. "Before we head in, um, I guess I just want to warn you." Louis laughed lightly as he scratched at the back of his neck nervously with his free hand, "The girls and Ern haven't um, I mean- I haven't really brought anyone around since mum well, passed. So if they're a little surprised or cautious of you don't feel too bad about it, they're lovely really, honestly don't think I could have asked for better siblings." He ended his small speech with a shrug but Harry could tell how honest he had been, he saw it in the way he smiled at the thought of his family, and how his blue eyes brightened a little more than usual.

"I'll be okay." Harry spoke and Louis couldn't deny that he was a little surprised by the sound of the lads voice, it was much deeper and raspier than he was used to, it actually sent a chill up his spine.

"Okay." Louis said breathlessly as he tried to focus on unlocking his front door instead of Harry's voice, he thumbled with his many keys before finally finding the right one. The laughter he had heard outside only grew louder as the door opened, Louis loved the sound, it meant that things were okay, sometimes he believed that it was the only thing that could get him through another day. That was until he met Harry. A lot had changed since Harry.

"Girls!" Louis called out.


	31. Achoo

In seconds there were the vibrations of multiple feet hitting the floorboards, the feeling echoed throughout the entire house and Harry could only smile at the sight of the many faces that emerged from a nearby doorway. There were two older girls, one a dark brunette, the other a bleached blonde who looked a year or two older than her sister, they both appeared to be a little surprised by the unfamiliar figure stood behind their brother. Then there were a set of twins who were quite a few years younger than the two older girls, they seemed to be identical, both with long, soft brown hair and big doe eyes, but Harry could already see some differences in them, they had seemed to brighten at the realisation that he was in their home and sent him warm smiles to which he easily returned. Last but not least, were the two toddlers who were each sat on either side of the eldest girls hip. There was a little girl who's light auburn hair complimented her milky skin, she wore a big smile with rosy cheeks as she looked over at the toddler sat opposite her, a little boy, who smiled cheekily in Harry's direction, he looked almost identical to his older brother, Harry grinned at the sight.

"Girls- and Ern." Louis started, giving a little wink to the only other boy in his sea of siblings, the toddler just giggled lightly in response. "This is Harry."

Harry had been expecting more of an introduction if he were being honest but Louis seemed a little tense and the realisation that this must have been extremely hard for him to do, hit Harry like a ton of bricks. He remembered that Louis had mentioned him being the first person he had brought home ever since his mum, he couldn't help but feel a little touched by it, did Louis really think that highly of him? He sent a tender smile the older boys way, in hopes to reassure him at least a little, before he hesitantly took a step forward, "It's lovely to meet you all."

The two twin girls were the first to welcome the curly haired lad by attacking him in a large hug, the gesture had surprised Harry but he couldn't help his chuckle as he looked down at the girls who were no taller than his hip. When they finally loosened their tight grip on his legs Harry crouched down to meet them properly, "Wow, you're really strong." He praised with a mock awestruck expression, earning bright smiles in response from the younger girls, "What are you're names then?"

"Daisy." One replied instantly and Harry could easily see that she was a little more confident and outgoing than her twin sister, but the other girl was quick to follow. "I'm Phoebe."

Harry grinned, showing off his white teeth and deep dimples, "Very pretty names, mines a little boring but _yours_ are really cool."

The girls giggled at that before Daisy reached out to touch one of the curls that had fallen from behind his ear. "You've got curly hair, it's long too." She stated simply and Harry could only chuckle, if he hadn't been so engrossed in the twins he'd have seen Louis' bright smile and glossed over eyes, the older boy hadn't expected Harry to be this sweet with his little sisters. The girls and Ernie meant so much to him, they were all he had left. He only hoped that Lottie and Fizzy would welcome Harry just as easily as Phoebe and Daisy had and not give him too much of a hard time, especially after the day the lad had just had.

"And you've got drawings!" Phoebe exclaimed as she ran her small hand over Harry's neck full of tattoos, coming out of her shell a little more now that she seemed comfortable in his presence. "Like Achoo." She added quietly as she traced the dark ink. It took Harry a moment to gather what she had said- the pointing had helped- her speech didn't seem to be as clear as Daisy's, but Harry could manage just fine.

"You like them?" Harry asked with a softer tone, watching the younger girl a little more closely so that he could read what she was saying. Phoebe nodded easily, a wide smile prominent on her face, "They're pretty and you have lots, more than Achoo."

Harry found himself nodding, "Thank you lovely, and I do seem to have a couple more than Achoo!" He enthused, loving this new nickname the young girls had for Louis, "He'll just have to catch up then, right?"

Both of the girls giggled and Harry joined them before looking up to find a beaming Louis grinning down at them. Harry smiled sheepishly back in his direction, a little embarrassed by the attention, he didn't really think he'd done much to earn it but he was glad to see Louis smiling. Harry stood to his feet when Daisy and Phoebe suddenly rushed off in another direction, spouting something he couldn't quite catch with the way their faces were angled. He looked over at the rest of Louis' siblings, the brunette gave him a small smile, almost as if she couldn't stop herself from doing so, while the blonde only seemed to narrow her eyes further when Harry's gaze matched hers.

Louis took a step forward and Harry turned when he felt the presence beside him, Harry watched as the older boy gave his sisters a quick glare of warning before looking back to him. "Haz, these are my sisters," Louis started before pointing his hand at the brunette who was closest to them, "this is Felicité but everyone calls her Fizzy, she's the third eldest and just turned thirteen." Harry sent the girl a warm smile but only received a timid nod in response, then he turned back to Louis only to find the older boy already looking at him, waiting patiently to carry on. "That one on the end is Charlotte but she goes by Lottie, we're the closest in age so she's a big help around the house, she's turning sixteen soon." Harry smiled politely at the glaring girl, who had yet to say anything since his arrival, before he felt Louis touch his elbow softly. The blue eyed boy gave him an apologetic smile as he grasped one of the small toddlers hands, "This sweetheart is Doris," Louis introduced, actively making sure that Harry could still read his lips because he had turned his body towards the small girl and her twin brother, "and this little man is Ernest, or Ernie, he's the only other boy around here so we've gotta stick together, right Ern?" Louis tickled the little boy's sides playfully and Ernie erupted in a fit of laughter, Harry smiled brightly at the interaction, finding it so incredibly sweet.

Ernie reached his little arms out towards Harry looking for an easy escape from his brothers torturous tickling, he was practically falling off Lottie's hip with how hard he was wiggling, so Harry reacted quickly and held out both of his hands to catch him. Louis encouraged the gesture with a big grin, letting his own hands fall away from the toddlers torso, Lottie however didn't. Harry only realised he was the one at the other end of her death stare when Ernie had settled in his arms, the boys tiny hands already playing with his head of messy curls. Harry bit at his lip when he felt a sudden spike of anxiety rise in his chest, he couldn't concentrate on it too much because the next thing he knew the toddler attached to him was now pecking at his cheek and Harry knew that the boy had to be making the most obnoxious kissing sounds from the way it's vibrations trembled across his skin. Harry beamed brightly at the gesture as he tickled lightly under the little boy's chin before placing a tender kiss of his own to Ernie's forehead, the little boy seemed to have loved it though because he was already back to kissing Harry's cheek again.

Louis watched the two with wide eyes, unable to comprehend how one person could be so perfect. Ernie had always been so fussy with new people even when his mum had been around, Doris was always the one to coax him away from the people he knew best. So seeing him instantly take to Harry was almost heart melting, and the taller boy was so good with him, if Ernie had already fallen for Harry's charm and curls then Louis knew he hadn't made a mistake in trusting the lad- with opening up to him.

Harry could already see just how much Louis loved his siblings even after only spending a small amount of time in the Tomlinson household. He knew he'd have to try a little harder with Fizzy and Lottie but he was more than up for the challenge, especially if it meant so much to Louis.

—

"You don't have to you know?" Louis said as he waltzed into the kitchen and hopped up on the marbled counter next to where Harry was preparing the food. Harry chuckled lightly at him before looking back down at the oven, he turned the left knob to start the heat on one of the hobs.

They had been settled in the living room earlier with both the toddlers and the older twins, just playing whilst the tv played in the background. Lottie and Fizzy had disappeared off upstairs after their encounter with Harry but the rest of Louis' siblings were more than happy to keep him entertained. It had been about an hour later when Daisy had complained of feeling hungry, Louis had said they'd be ordering out a pizza like they did most nights when his step-dad, Dan, wasn't there to cook. Harry offered to make something for them and Louis didn't really get the chance to decline because both Daisy and Phoebe were more than excited with the new aspect of Harry cooking them dinner. So that's how they got to where they were now.

"It's fine." Harry told him honestly, "I like cooking." He looked back up from the stove to find Louis gazing at him with an expression he wasn't quite sure of. "I can stop if you'd like?"

Louis immediately shook his head and Harry watched as his feathered locks swooped out of place, "No! I mean, I can't cook for shit and it'd be really nice for them to have a home cooked meal but I just don't want you to feel like you have to." Louis sighed, a little embarrassed by the fact that he couldn't look after his own sisters as well as he should be, he had tried, he really had, so hard, but to no avail. The last time he tried to cook he burnt a pot of water, he knew from then on that the girls would definitely prefer having a house to actually live in instead of burning it down due to his crappy cooking skills.

Harry gave him a warm, tender smile, one that had Louis thankful for the fact that he was already sitting down because it made him feel a little dizzy. Harry had this way of calming his every insecurity with just a small gesture or smile, Louis didn't know how Harry did it but he was always so happy and relaxed around the taller boy.

"I don't." Harry reassured easily as he made his way over to lean against the counter where Louis was sat, "I want to do it, I like doing it, and I'm sure both you and the girls will appreciate it." Harry's hands were either side of his legs, boxing him in, his fingertips were brushing against the trouser on his upper thigh, his chiselled face not very far from his own, he could actually feel the hot air that escaped from the boys mouth dance across his skin and Louis felt himself subconsciously leaning in closer.

Harry felt the vibrations before Louis even heard the loud call of his name, the taller boy backed away with a release of breath, hitting the edge of the kitchen table that sat behind him.

"Lou!" Fizzy called as she hurried into the kitchen with Ernie in her arms, Louis' head snapped away from Harry and in her direction, he hoped off the counter and hurried to meet her halfway.

"What happened Fizz?" Louis questioned as he took the small boy from her and cradled him close. He quickly examined the crying toddler, checking for any injuries, finding none he calmly hushed his little brother and pulled him closer to his chest but Ernie had other plans. The little boy was screaming loudly, tears streaming down his chubby cheeks, gasping for air after every loud sob, the sight broke the hearts of all three teenagers. Ernie pushed himself higher against his brother torso, kicking and screaming, trying to look over the boys shoulder at what was behind him.

Harry's eyes widened the second he realised that Ernie was reaching out for him, he gulped at the sight, he desperately wanted to comfort the crying child but didn't want to make Louis feel inadequate or unneeded. Harry had no idea as to why the little boy was wanting him instead of his older brother but he guessed it was just one of those things. Ernie wouldn't stop, he kept crying, sobbing, reaching out for Harry's comfort, the tattooed boy stood there watching, feeling so incredibly unsure of what to do next.

Louis turned quickly once he registered what his younger brother was in need of, Ernie was making grabby hands in Harry's direction and the two boys looked at one another helplessly. Louis sighed defeatedly as he hastily passed the sobbing toddler over to Harry, who was staring back at him a little flustered.

Harry took a deep breath once Ernie was finally in his arms, he hadn't heard the deafening screams but he instantly felt the wrack of sobs that travelled throughout his upper body from where the small boy had hidden away in the crook of his neck. Harry placed a gentle hand on the boys back and started dragging it up and down then in circular motions, hoping it would comfort him slightly. It mostly worked but Harry could still feel the warm tears that hit his exposed skin, he sighed before letting his eyes fall shut. _"You're still the one I run to, the one that I belong to."_ He started quietly, a small shudder sounded in his voice but he continued on, _"You're still the one I want for life."_

Louis watched him in awe, listening closely as Ernie slowly but surely quietened. Harry's voice always amazed him, he had only heard it a handful of times but each and every time he almost forgot how to breath. Louis couldn't believe that Harry was singing now, to his little brother who seemed to have settled at the sound of his angelic voice, and singing Shania Twain of all people. He really should have pegged Harry for a romantic.

 _"You're still the one that I love, the only one I dream of."_ Harry felt the warm wet tears come to a slow stop, only leaving him with the faint vibrations of sniffles and quiet hiccups that erupted across the skin on his shoulder. _"You're still the one I kiss good night."_ Harry nuzzled his nose into the light blonde hair of the toddler and placed a tender kiss there, still rubbing smooth circles into the little boys back, he wasn't sure if Ernie had fallen asleep yet so he didn't want to risk moving it.

When he let his eyes flutter open, he quickly came to the realisation that not just Louis but Fizzy had been stood there watching him.


	32. We don’t need your charity

It fell quiet around the dinner table once they had all been seated, but it was always quiet for Harry, so he was almost oblivious to just how silent the usually loud and rowdy house was. Louis was sat at the head of the table and had placed Harry's plate right beside his own, so that's where the curly haired boy now resided, the twins were sat next to him, the two whispered back and forth while they ate, obviously feeling the rising tension. Lottie and Fizzy sat across from them, the blonde directly opposite Harry who he tried his best not to make any eye contact with but he could still feel her shooting daggers into the side of his head, seemingly wishing for him to magically disappear. The toddlers were fast asleep in a foldable crib that had since been moved from the living room over to a corner of the kitchen only a few meters away from the wooden table.

Ernie had passed out on Harry's shoulder after all that excessive crying, it seemed as though he had a nightmare whilst taking his afternoon nap. Phoebe had been the first to take notice of his small whimpers before the screams had even started, that's when Fizzy jumped into action. She had tried to settle the crying baby but his incessant sobs were starting to make Doris stir, and the young girl really didn't want to be dealing with two screaming toddlers, so she went in search of Louis. When Harry had finally settled Ernie, Fizzy had left abruptly without another word leaving Harry alone with the sleeping toddler and Louis. The two boys didn't speak about it at first, just stood there for a few moments before Louis silently gestured for Harry to follow after him, that's when they returned Ernie back into his crib beside a lazily stretched out Doris. The conversation started shortly after that, when the pair had returned to the kitchen so that Harry could finish preparing dinner. Harry had tried to reassure Louis that Ernie was fine and that everyone had nightmares, but Louis was mostly focused on the fact that his younger brother had preferred someone who was practically a stranger rather than him, his carer, his own flesh and blood. Louis had started spouting random things, trying his best not to break down at the fact that he was already messing up his siblings, that he didn't deserve their love. Harry just hugged him tightly, rocking them back and forth, before holding the boy at arms length and telling Louis that he was the perfect big brother, and that the dream could have possibly been related to him or their family. That was probably the only reason why Ernie had sought the comfort of someone he wasn't all that familiar with because he had believed the dream to be true, that plus the little boy had only just woken up. Harry's words had calmed Louis' racing mind but the older boy knew he'd just have to wait until Ernie woke up to check and see if things were still okay.

Harry looked away from his plate to the person beside him when he felt the sudden tug on his shirt, he was met with the sight of a grinning Daisy. "You're a good cook you know?"

The boy in question looked away from the little girl, to her twin sister who was bouncing excitedly in her chair in agreement, then to Louis who just grinned at him before taking another forkful of his mashed potato. Harry let his eyes flicker over Lottie and Fizzy briefly, the two said nothing but Harry was surprised to see that the blondes expression had softened ever so slightly, before he settled his focus back on Daisy. "Thank you lovely, you like it then?" He questioned as he gestured to her half eaten plate, the young girl nodded swiftly before sending him a large grin, Harry could only chuckle.

Harry had been so focused on Daisy that he hadn't even noticed the young girl that now tried to edge her way between his and Daisy's chairs. Harry raised an amused brow at her and Phoebe only smiled sheepishly back at him, the tattooed boy turned slightly in his chair to face her, "What can I do for you little one?" He asked as he rested his chin on the back of the wooden chair before flashing her a warm smile.

Phoebe ringed her fingers anxiously and Harry saw a part of him in her, when he had been her age he had always struggled with people, asking for things, not knowing whether something was okay or not. It pained him to see her so nervous around him but he knew he just had to be patient and give her some time, she just needed a moment to gain back her earlier confidence. "Our bedtimes soon," She started quietly and Harry found it a little hard to read her lips so he found himself tilting her chin back up so she could meet his gaze before he gave her an encouraging smile. Phoebe twitched her nose slightly it was almost like a nervous tick, Harry found it oddly endearing, she then took a deep breath before she continued, "Our bedtimes soon and we were wondering if you could read us a story?"

Harry smiled brightly at her and had opened his mouth to reply when he saw the young girls face fall, her focus now trained on something over his shoulder. Harry promptly turned in his seat and was met with a narrow eyed Lottie, she had been speaking but as soon as her eyes landed on Harry's shocked expression she started on him. "Who do you think you are? I mean- it's one thing to take my brother away from me but now the time I spend with my sisters too! I read them their bedtime stories. I put them to bed. They're _my_ sisters. Why don't you just go? Why are you even here? Do you feel sorry for us or something, because we don't need your charity."

The girl had been talking so quickly that Harry had hardly been able to grasp anything she had said, all he knew was that she was angry, furious even, and that it was directed towards him. Harry looked wide eyed over at Louis who was sat there frozen, fork half way towards his mouth, utterly shocked by his sisters aggressive behaviour.

Louis had never witnessed Lottie so angry, so- hurt? He couldn't believe the things she had said especially when Harry had been nothing but kind and had done nothing to personally offend her. Then it clicked, Harry. Louis snapped his head in the tattooed boys direction to find Harry already looking back at him worried and confused. Louis' heart broke at the sight, Harry didn't deserve this, he could hardly understand what he had done wrong so how was he supposed to defend himself?

Lottie was breathing heavily, ready to go again, not caring for the shocked faces her siblings wore, but Louis beat her to it. "Lottie." He scolded, his tone wavered with anger as he tried to keep his emotions in check. "Don't you think you're being a little over dramatic? Harry hasn't done anything wrong, he's been nothing but kind since he got here and you've treated him like crap." Lottie was about to argue back but Louis stood to his feet, almost towering above her, "No. I don't want to hear it Lotts because you're being childish right now and treating someone so unfairly, it's just not like you. Harry's done nothing wrong, he has nothing to apologise for! Since he arrived you've done nothing but give him dirty looks when he's only ever been polite, he cooked us dinner for gods sake! I don't know who you're angry at but taking it out on Harry won't help."

"I don't care! We've barley seen you Louis! Then when we do, all you can ever speak about is him!" Lottie fumed as she gestured a forceful finger in Harry's direction. Fizzy sat beside her, in shock or horror, no one could be sure, the twins were the quietest anyone had ever heard them, staring up at their big sister guiltily, but thankfully the toddlers had slept through the storm. Both Louis and Harry were watching Lottie closely, Louis was burning with disappointment, while Harry was only just starting to understand.

"I think it's best if I just go." Harry cautioned as he rose from his seat slowly.

"No." "Yes!" Louis and Lottie both shouted out before glaring at each other. Louis took a deep breath, trying his best to level his emotions before dealing with his teenage sister, while everyone else in the room didn't dare to make a move, the tension was thick and overwhelming. Louis could see why Lottie had been so distant with Harry, she was hurt and angry but the way she was expressing herself was so uncalled for, especially in front of their younger siblings.

"Do you think this is fair? Do you know how confused Harry is right now?" He asked, surprised by how calm his voice sounded, Lottie furrowed her brow at him in confusion while the rest of Louis' siblings turned to look up at Harry. Louis shook his head at her, "You know he has no idea what you've just screamed at him? He's probably wondering why you're so angry with him in the first place." Louis started before gazing over at the tall boy who was stood there chewing on his bottom lip and Louis could instantly see just how uncomfortable and anxious he was.

"What are you even talking about Louis?" Lottie questioned with a small unamused chuckle and that sound was what made Louis turn in her direction and glare.

"He's deaf Lottie."


	33. Pretty perfect

It fell silent after that, Louis held his intense gaze while Lottie fretted about before him, her eyes darting over everyone else in the room, except Harry.

Harry stood there numbly, his hands rested by his sides, shoulders tensed and eyes wide, he didn't have to be able to hear to know how dead silent the entire room had fallen in that very moment. Harry's gaze was trained on Louis, who couldn't look anywhere but at his sister. The older boy was visibly upset by the situation, Harry could see it in the way his jaw was set, how his hands were shaking ever so slightly, how his chest rose and fell, fast and hard. Harry himself could feel the anxiety pooling in his stomach making him feel uneasy, he didn't know what to do. Then he remembered the guilty looking faces of the small girls he had shielded behind him, Harry turned slowly, careful to not make any sudden movements, not wanting to disrupt the sudden peace that had encased the room.

Harry huffed out a devastated breath when he caught sight of the two small teary eyed girls, who were now looking up at him with a heartbreaking expression. He steadily lowered himself down to their height, settling on his knees before stretching his long arms out towards them. The girls' lips wobbled and Harry could see the tears they had tried so hard to hold back fall, he tried his best to give them a warm, tender smile and that's seemingly what broke them from their frozen state. Phoebe and Daisy rushed into the older boys arms, clinging to him with their little hands, not wanting to let go. Harry bit at his bottom lip to hold back tears of his own when the girls had settled in his lap and buried their faces into his chest, he could feel the way their bodies trembled from how hard they were trying to quiet their tears and the tight grip they held on his shirt was almost impressive. He didn't really understand why he was crying, it had been an emotional day and seeing the two sweet girls so upset physically pained him. Harry rocked them back and forth in his arms while he ran a calming hand through their hair, it was something his mum had always done whenever he got too upset and couldn't stop crying, it seemed to work on the girls too.

When Harry looked back up he found Louis towering over him, the boys lip between his teeth, his shoulders hunched looking so guilty, almost ashamed. Harry looked around the once filled room to find both Lottie and Fizzy now missing, he sighed before his gaze settled back on the older boy, he smiled softly and nodded for him to come join them. Louis must have been surprised by the gesture because he was hesitant, but when Harry let his hand fall from Daisy's hair and outstretched it towards the boy, Louis slowly took it and settled beside him. He wrapped an arm around Harry's waist and let Harry take the hand he held and place it on the small of his sisters back.

Louis couldn't get over the fact that this boy was actually real. Even after having the most shittiest day on earth, he still was so caring, so nurturing, Louis wondered how anyone could ever hate such an incredible soul. He gradually let his head rest on the green eyed boys shoulder, releasing a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. "Thank you." He whispered out, it went unheard but he hoped that the tattooed boy knew just how thankful he was to have him in his life.

—

Harry hadn't seen Lottie or Fizzy since dinner, he wasn't sure what had caused Lottie to react like she had but he knew that it was something he had done, so he was going to try and apologise. After his little group hug ended, Daisy and Phoebe were practically half asleep, exhausted from crying, so Louis told them to go get ready for bed. Harry suggested that he take his leave but Louis wasn't having any of it, he practically begged the older boy into spending the night, and Harry just couldn't say no. He knew that Louis also wanted to speak about earlier, not just with Lottie but the match too, he was anxious for the conversation but he figured it would probably be best if he tried to get it all out in one sitting, that way Louis would finally know the truth. He was scared about Louis' reaction and thinking about earlier made him recall the kiss. With everything that had happened afterwards he'd had to push it to the back of his mind, but now it was all he could think about. He wondered if it had meant anything to Louis.

"Haz?" Louis called as he tapped the dazed boy on his shoulder to grab his attention. They were both still stood in the kitchen, Daisy and Phoebe had just trudged upstairs with the promise that both Louis and Harry would be up to see them soon. The taller boy hummed as he turned to face Louis. "I'm just gunna clear this up," Louis told him as he gestured to the forgotten plates on the dinning table, "you can go sit in the living room if you want, put on the telly."

Harry shook his head at the boy, "No, I'll help." He assured before shuffling over to the table to start collecting the dirty dishes. Louis tried to argue that Harry had cooked so he'd be the one to clean up but Harry's gaze was on the table and Louis could only smile softly when the boy started to hum a faint tune.

—

Daisy and Phoebe were sat at the windowsill talking quietly when Louis walked in, Harry trailing just behind him. The two boys walked over to where the girls had their elbows propped up against the edge and gazed out of the large bay window alongside them, Louis looked up at the dark cloudless blue, his sight set on the crescent moon that hung amongst the dazzling lights that lit up the nights sky, the twins smiled up at him before directing their attention back to naming the stars above. Louis' breath hitched when he heard Phoebe softly whisper out their mum's name, the little girl pointing her small finger at the brightest star she could find.

What caught Harry's attention was the figure that was sat on the brick wall beside the house. The figure wore a hood and had tucked themselves back into the dark shadows where the light from the glowing street lamps just couldn't reach. If you hadn't been looking, you would have never spotted them but Harry was a little more perceptive than most. With that he backed away from the window and tapped Louis' shoulder, "I'm just going to get some water." He whispered and Louis nodded gently before mouthing that he'd be down once he had put the girls to bed.

Harry left the bedroom and quietly shut the wooden door behind him, he itched at his inner wrist, something that had become somewhat of a nervous tick, before descending the stairs. He tried his best to be silent as he checked in on the toddlers, who were still fast asleep in the crib they had left them in, then put on his coat before decidedly grabbing Louis' too. The front door opened easily and he found that even with the extra layer of warmth the prickling wind still made him shiver, it was way too cold to be outside at this hour around this time of year. He pulled the door as gently as he could to a close before stepping down the two brick steps that were attached to the house. He took a deep breath before side stepping the pathway and heading across the frosted grass, as he approached the brick wall the figure looked up at him. Harry's suspicion had been right, the bright blue eyes and blonde hair he had figured to find were there tucked under the hood.

Harry smiled sheepishly before boosting himself up to sit beside the girl, he held the coat out towards Lottie, who looked back at him with soft but careful eyes. Harry opened up the winter jacket and shuffled a little closer to wrap it around the shivering girl, earning a small _thank you_ in response. They didn't say anything else for a while, the two just sat there in the cold watching their legs dangle above the floor that wasn't too far below them.

Harry lifted his head and turned to face the girl who was looking over at the white rose bush that was on the opposite end of the garden. "Mum's." Lottie told him before letting her gaze fall back on Harry, "She loved roses, she made Dan go out and buy her a rose bush to plant just because she could. There wasn't a day she didn't water it, always showing it off to the neighbours, she was so proud." The girl took a sharp breath before continuing, "They'll die soon, it's getting too cold for them to survive but they bloom again in the spring."

Harry watched her carefully, this was the most he had seen the girl talk since meeting her, her mannerisms were soft and gentle and Harry couldn't even imagine her having the anger she held earlier. "Lou told me about her, she sounded so lovely." He said quietly, hoping he hadn't overstepped.

"He did?" She questioned, her face held a moment of surprise before the smallest smile made it's way onto her lips.

Harry nodded softly before releasing a breath, watching as the air transformed it into a small cloud of smoke. "He cried a lot, it was hard to see. I don't think he ever really got over the grief but he's trying to now." He informed her, trying not to let himself delve too deep into the memory of a very broken looking Louis sobbing his heart out in his arms. "I'm sorry." He added, making sure he held the gaze of the girl beside him.

Lottie furrowed her brow as she tilted her head in confusion, Harry could see the similarities her and Louis carried, they both had the same expressions, if the moment hadn't been so serious he might have laughed. "There's nothing you should be saying sorry for, _I_ should be the one apologising to _you_." Lottie stressed as she looked back at him, her face wracked with guilt, Harry could see it in her eyes that she was being truthful.

"Then why were you so angry?" Harry questioned, "I felt horrible, I honestly never intended to upset you, I wouldn't have come if I knew that it was going to hurt you."

Lottie chuckled softly almost like she couldn't believe the words Harry was saying, "You're pretty perfect you know that?"

Now it was Harry's turn to look at her confused, "Me? I'm far from perfect." He sighed, "and even the most perfect of people have things that make them human."

Lottie paused briefly and took a moment to study him, "Well then, you're pretty close to it. I don't think I've seen Lou this happy since before our mum got sick, you've changed him for the better." She told him truthfully and before Harry could argue she carried on, "Not just with Lou either, but with the girls and Ernie, they love you already. You're just so kind and sweet, it's almost impossible to believe."

"It's hard not to be nice to your family. The girls, Ernie and Lou, you're all so welcoming and caring. Even though _we've_ had a bit of a rough first impression I know you are too." Harry explained before sending the blonde a warm smile.

Lottie laughed lightly at that, "I am sorry- for the way I treated you I mean, and all the screaming." She said sheepishly before looking down at the brick she was tracing aimlessly with her fingertips, in that moment Harry saw just how young she was, she was still a teenager but she also had all this responsibility resting on her shoulders, trying her best to help look after her younger siblings. "You didn't deserve that and I was- I was just jealous." She confessed, Harry could understand that, she had only just lost her mum not very long ago and now all of her many siblings were singing the praises of a boy she had just met.

"It's natural." Harry reassured, hoping to calm her guilty conscience, "I used to get jealous of my sister all the time growing up. Gemma is someone I had always looked up to when I was little, we were so unbelievably close, kind of like you and Louis I'm guessing, but when I lost my hearing I started to envy her. She had everything, she was beyond smart, beautiful, could make anyone laugh, always had a good witty comeback, so incredibly confident and unapologetically herself. She was everything I always dreamed of being. So her being able to hear only made me push her away further." He admitted as he scratched at the back of his neck, it wasn't something he was proud of and he and Gemma still had a long way to go before their relationship was where it used to be, but he felt like Lottie could understand that part of him, relate to it.

"She sounds amazing." Lottie breathed out before wiping a stray tear that had fallen from her rosy cheek.

Harry smiled gently at her before he reached out and settled a tattooed hand over the one Lottie had pressed against the cold brick, "She is, but so are you. I know we haven't had the best of starts but if it's okay with you, I'd like to start again." He suggested, Lottie giggled at him and Harry took that as some sort of agreement, he held out his free hand towards the blonde, "Hi, I'm Harry."

Lottie shook her head in amusement before clasping her hand in Harry's, "Lottie." The two laughed as if they were old friends and just like that things fell into place.


	34. Can we talk?

Walking inside the house Harry shook off the cold as he hung his coat back up on the hook. Lottie gave him a brief hug, saying nothing else before heading upstairs, Harry smiled at her retreating figure, feeling a lot less tense now that things were settled, they still had a long way to go but he had a good feeling that things would work out. He toed off his boots before he quietly made his way through the living room and over to the kitchen where he found Louis stood, leaning over the crib where his two youngest siblings slept.

"Hey." Harry whispered from the doorway. Louis looked up at the sound of the voice and saw the boys rosy cheeks and small smile.

"Thought you went to get some water." Louis remarked but his tone was soft as Harry made his way across the kitchen tiles. The taller boy only hummed in response before settling beside Louis. "Did you at least call your mum?" The older of the two asked with a warm smile as he watched Harry reach out and tuck one of Doris' ginger curls behind her ear.

"Yeah, she was happy to hear that I cooked." Harry replied quietly, he hadn't cooked in a long time, always too busy or too sad. It used to be one of his favourite things growing up, cooking with his mum, it was his escape from reality. They used to always cook together, breakfast, dinner, on the weekends lunch. She taught him everything he knew, Harry liked to think that the woman enjoyed those moments almost as much as he did.

Louis smiled brightly, thinking back to the dinner earlier, "It was great, you know? Didn't even realise you could cook." He chuckled lightly but immediately silenced when one of the toddlers stirred. Harry ran his fingertips across Ernie's tiny hands and the whimpers that had started stilled. "Magic hands." Louis laughed quietly once Harry had looked back to him. Harry joined him in a small chuckle as he gave the boy a jazz hands gesture, causing Louis to roll his eyes fondly.

"You wanna help me put them to bed?" Louis questioned before pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, Harry looked down at the sleeping toddlers with a tender smile before turning back to Louis and nodding. The older boy grinned at him before reaching out for the little girl, Harry followed his movements only a little more cautiously, he gently removed Ernie from the crib and cradled the small sleeping boy in his arms, trying his best to be as gentle as possible, not wanting to wake either one of the toddlers.

Harry looked up once he was sure that Ernie was still fast asleep to find Louis waiting for him by the kitchen door, a small smirk prominent on his face. Harry narrowed his eyes at the older boy because Louis couldn't really fault him for being overly cautious. The blue eyed boy had grown up around babies, looking after his siblings was practically his job, so of course he'd be a thousand times better at this than Harry and would also want to rub that fact in.

Louis chuckled at the sight of Harry's glare, it came off more playful than menacing and it didn't really help the butterflies that had formed in his stomach after witnessing Harry being so gentle and caring towards the little boy in his tattooed arms, yet again. "Come on then lovely." Louis whispered as he turned on his feet and padded out of the kitchen.

Harry stood there for a moment, Louis had a _thing_ for pet names and Harry wasn't sure if he was the only one Louis gave them to but the sweet names always made his brain all fuzzy and his heartbeat stutter slightly. It was almost like Louis knew that too and was taunting him. Still he looked down at the small toddler who was sleeping soundly, lips pursed with one of his tiny fists wrapped tightly around Harry's finger. The green eyed boy melted at the sight and leaned down to place a peck to the toddlers forehead before following after the boys older brother.

—

"So this is it I guess." Louis presented as he walked backwards into his bedroom making sure Harry could read his lips. He had been doing that a lot lately, Harry had taken notice, he did it more subconsciously, out of habit, rather than by force and Harry found it unbelievably sweet. Sure, there had been so many people that always put his feelings or needs into consideration before just carrying on like they usually would but Louis was different- but when was he not? Louis didn't seem to do it for Harry's benefit, well, of course he did, but it was almost as if he wasn't aware that he was doing it, he didn't have the need to second guess the thought like everyone else. Harry was sure that it wasn't something Louis had trained himself to do either because they hadn't known each other long enough for that. It seemed as though Harry was just someone important enough to make those small changes for, Louis might not have realised that yet but the taller boy was more than appreciate of his doings. Either way, Louis was always aware of his needs without even thinking about it.

Harry just smiled at him before scanning his surroundings, the white walls were littered with all kinds of posters from David Beckham to David Bowie, there was a keyboard hidden away beneath a dark oak desk that was collaged with what seemed to be peel off band stickers, then there were two medium sized bean bags that sat in front of a tv where the older boy had a little gaming set up, his bed took up the most room, it was large and unmade but it made Harry chuckle none the less, there were also a few odd socks that cluttered the carpeted floor which Louis had tried to kick away into a far corner before grinning sheepishly at Harry, the older boy also had fairy lights laced around the edging of his ceilings which made Harry coo internally. Overall when he had pictured Louis Tomlinson's bedroom _this_ was not what had come to mind. "I like it." Harry smiled before stepping further into the room.

"Good." Louis grinned as he fell back onto his bed, "I'm so very glad Harold!" He added sarcastically but Harry just rolled his eyes in fond amusement. Louis kicked himself further up the bed before patting the space beside him, beckoning Harry to join. The taller boy smiled sheepishly before slowly manoeuvring his way over. When he got to the edge of the bed frame Louis just chuckled before reaching out, grabbing Harry's wrist and pulling him down. The taller boy toppled over and fell face first into the mattress before lifting his face to glare at Louis who he now could see laughing hysterically. Harry prodded the boys knee as he pulled himself up into a sitting position opposite the older boy so that he would be able to see what Louis was saying.

Louis was brought back to reality rather quickly when he blinked and saw Harry sat up on his bed, it was a little strange because it reminded him of the moment they shared in the boys own room, that led him onto thinking about the kiss that he wasn't even sure if Harry wanted to talk about just yet. Louis looked down at his hands as he played with his fingers, a wave of nervousness hitting him at full force.

Harry tilted his head in confusion at the older boys sudden change in moods, Louis had gone from a full fit of laughter to nothing in a matter of seconds. Harry reached out carefully and took one of Louis' hands in his, pulling it away from the other so that it now rested in his lap. "You okay?" He questioned as he interlaced his fingers with Louis'.

Louis nodded softly his eyes trained on their fitted hands, his focus on the sensation that tingled across his skin. He snapped his head up and didn't even think before he blurted out, "Can we talk about it?" Harry looked startled by his sudden movement but had been watching him carefully enough to understand what he had asked.

"About everything?" Harry asked quietly as he tightened his hold on Louis' hand.

Louis released a heavy breath at that, he honestly hadn't gotten that far. Harry's panic attack, the loss of his hearing, the kind of coming out, the kiss, Lottie's outburst. No, he hadn't got that far at all.

"Everything."


	35. You’ve got me

The dimmed lights of Louis' bedside lamp illuminated the bedroom, it's glow reflected in the deep pools of Louis' ocean blue eyes, the only thing that distracted Harry from his overwhelming and chaotic thoughts.

Louis quietly watched the younger boy who was sat cross legged on his bed, looking back at him a little distraught- a little lost. He couldn't bring himself to say anything, not yet, he just wanted to give Harry the time he needed before he had to relive everything. The moment they had shared earlier was now pushed to the back of his mind, his soul focus was on Harry and wanting to make sure that the boy felt safe and trusted him enough to tell him about his past. Louis knew how hard it could be to open up, especially about the feelings you were still dealing with.

Harry huffed out a breath before he let his gaze flicker between the older boy and the shaded lamp that sat alone. "When I was fourteen, I um- I came out." He whispered brokenly, his voice barely even audible but Louis had heard him and was quick to clasp Harry's much larger hands in his own, letting his thumb rub small calming circles into the boys palm. Harry looked over at the older brunette only to find an encouraging and soft smile settled on his lips, he honestly felt like crying, the small gesture had released so much of the worry and tension he had been carrying. No one had ever been this patient with him, this warm and tender. There had been a handful of people that had supported him when they found out about his sexuality, like his mum, his sister, Liam and Niall, even Zayn, but none of them had reacted like Louis. If Harry was being honest, Louis' reaction had been one of his biggest fears. But how could it not have been with everything he had suffered through? There had been too many times when he would have lied and lied about his sexuality both before and after the assault, it was a terrifying thing not being able to know someone's response, people could be so brutal. There had even been a point in his life, after losing his hearing, where he vowed to never tell anyone again, he had even tried to take back his coming out, which ended with him slumped in his mums lap while she cradled him close letting him cry it all out. He sobbed and sobbed, unable to choke back his emotions, and begged for someone, anyone, to make him fall in love girls, to give him back his hearing, to forgive him for whatever he had done to deserve his fate. So terrified was a bit of an understatement when he thought about telling Louis, when he thought about telling anyone really. He was slowly coming to terms with his sexuality, and with the fact that not everyone will be accepting, not a lot of people accepted his tattoos or piercings but they were apart of him now and that just showed him that he shouldn't value other people's opinions if they were only fuelled by hate. "Thanks." Harry sniffled, a small smile playing on his lips as he tried to wipe away his teary eyes and snotty nose.

"What do you mean?" Louis questioned confusedly when he caught Harry's eye, he tightened his grip on the boys hand before shuffling himself a little closer, "Why thank me?"

Harry chewed on his already bitten lip as he tried to control his breathing, it's dull throbbing pain was the only reminder that he wasn't back there. He wasn't fourteen anymore. He wasn't surrounded by their menacing grins. He wasn't hearing their harsh words. He wasn't fighting to survive. He was with Louis. Louis was now. Louis was here. Louis was safe.

"Haz love. It's okay. I'm here." Louis whispered out as he tried to get the curly haired boy to focus back on him, cradling Harry's face in his hands as he lifted the boys chin, "Hazza you're alright, you're okay." His voice was stern but ever so soft and he just hoped that Harry could see the emotion in his eyes, the younger boy just nodded aimlessly before taking a couple deep breaths. Louis kept their eyes locked and his hands where they were, hoping to be an anchor for the boy, to keep Harry from slipping back into the startled state he was just in.

"I'm okay." Harry mumbled out before Louis dropped his hands to the boys chest and let his fingers trail back up and over Harry's shoulders to pull him into an embrace. It was as much for his own sake as well as Harry's, it actually pained him to see the boy so distressed. Louis wanted to shield and protect Harry for as long as the tattooed boy would let him, he was already in way too deep, not even sure if Harry felt anything vaguely similar to the way he felt about him, but he couldn't bring himself to care all that much. As long as Harry was happy, Louis would be too, even if that meant he'd have to sit and watch Harry live his life and fall for someone who wasn't him. That's what Harry deserved and if Louis couldn't give that to him, he'd learn to deal with it.

"You're okay." Louis repeated quietly as he pulled away, "I'm here, you've got me." Harry nodded again and smiled softly at him.

"I know." Harry told him as he intertwined his fingers with the older boy's, "It's hard to talk about, even after all the years that have passed." Harry huffed and chuckled unamusedly almost to distract himself from the plummeting feeling that had settled over him.

"We don't have to, you know? Talk about it I mean." Louis told him seriously as he tightened his hold on the green eyed boys hands by a fraction before easing.

Harry shook his head at that, he could do it, he had done it before. He knew that opening up to Louis would change things between them but he just hoped that it would be for the better. "I want to." He whispered and Louis just released a large breath before he nodded, "Okay."


	36. Why?

Louis studied the boy closely, giving Harry all the time he needed, wanting things to settle slightly before the talking began. Harry's bottom lip was bitten and pink, he kept licking over it subconsciously while he played with Louis' fingers, trailing over the soft skin and hard knuckles. Louis didn't mind the touch, it was relaxing and seemed to help Harry focus somehow, keep his mind off the unwanted thoughts he had been struggling with moments before. Louis just watched the boy with a small encouraging smile, letting himself gaze over Harry's slightly hunched form- almost as if he was trying to protect himself- while the lad played with his hands, intertwining their fingers before starting to trace the veins that travelled across the back of his smaller hands. Louis could only begin to imagine just how hard this would be for the younger boy. Ever since meeting Harry, the boy had always seemed so strong minded, sure of himself, a little intimidating at first but so very caring. Saying that, Louis had also witnessed some of the boys lowest moments, like hearing Harry's heartbreaking sobs echo off the tiles in the locker room showers or earlier that very day when Harry broke down in his arms. Louis only wished he could take some of that pain away, even if it meant he'd have to carry it himself.

Harry looked up, his bright green eyes now pooled with unshed tears as he sniffled quietly, Louis rubbed his hand up and down the boys tattooed arm trying his best to comfort Harry as well as he could. "It's alright love. Take your time." Louis whispered making sure Harry could read his lips before smiling softly. The younger boy nodded at him stiffly before rubbing at his eyes as he tilted his head back and took a few deep breaths.

"I don't know where to start honestly." Harry spoke after a moment, his voice was hoarse and a little timid but he looked back down to let his gaze fall on the older boy that sat across from him. Louis only nodded, not wanting to pressure the boy in anyway, letting Harry lead the conversation. "Um, I guess you know I came out." Harry gulped dryly, avoiding Louis' eye slightly at the topic, as much as he wanted to be fine with it, it still terrified him even after seeing Louis' reaction. The older boy just smiled softly and Harry focused on the wrinkles that settled around his bright blue eyes, they were one of his favourite things, they always showed up when Louis smiled brightly or whenever he laughed, the sight calmed Harry beyond belief. "I started thinking about it all when the other boys on the football team started going out with some of the girls in our year. They were, um, always speaking about how pretty the girls were and how- I don't know- whatever straight guys talk about, I guess." Harry chuckled lightly as he played with the hem of Louis' shirt sleeve that fell just past his slim wrists and covered the knuckles he had been trailing. "I didn't get it. I didn't experience anything like that with girls. I guess growing up I'd always thought that was normal but then everyone started talking about girls and I realised it wasn't. Boys had always been pretty to me. Boys had always the loveliest smile or the nicest hair. Girls, had always been friends." Harry shrugged slightly before slowly looking up again, he'd been focused on the older boys hands instead of his face because he wasn't sure how Louis could even respond to that. "It took me months to finally accept it but I think I had always known."

Harry sat there almost scarily still while Louis said nothing in reply, he just looked lost, deep in thought. The silence settled around Louis while he took it all in, everything Harry had said made sense and he only then realised how hard that realisation must have been for the boy. He hadn't known that early on and when he did come to terms with the fact that he liked boys as well as girls, if not more so, it wasn't all that difficult for him. Well of course it was, there was a lot of confusion at first and so much thinking but the fact that he did like boys didn't bother him as much as some people thought it might have. His mum had known, his family knew, Zayn knew and he was okay with that, it wasn't that he wanted to hide it from everyone else, or that he was ashamed, it was just something he didn't feel the need to share or announce. He had only told Zayn a few months ago and the boy had been more than accepting, Louis was just thankful for the fact that he got to tell his mum, she meant everything to him. So listening to Harry's confusion and the realisation that he wasn't what society labelled as 'normal' just showed Louis how different things could have been for him.

Just as Harry was about to speak up, the older boy turned to face him, his lips quirked slightly but nowhere near his usual smile but Harry would take what he could get. "That must have been hard." Louis started quietly and Harry watched his lips as they moved, paying close attention to every word, every syllable. "I can't say that I understand how that must have felt but I just hope you realise now that it's okay, it's okay for you to love who you want to love." Harry ran his tongue over his wounded bottom lip before nodding slowly. "It is Haz, I promise you that." Louis told him earnestly, his eyes trained on Harry's, hoping that Harry could see how much he meant every word.

Harry breathed out a broken chuckle before shrugging carelessly, as much as he wanted to truly believe Louis' words he couldn't, not after everything he had been through. He just wanted to live in a world where no one cared for things as minuscule as that, where loving who you love didn't matter, but he lived in a cruel world where his hearing was taken away at such a young age because of the fact that he was gay. "Then _why_ did they do this?" Harry questioned loudly as he pointed to his ears letting a dry sob he had been holding back crawl up his throat and break through. His shoulders shook mercilessly as more cries followed, barely even making a noise as he folded in on himself, unable to stop the tears that cascaded down his cheeks. "Why did they take it away?"

Louis' eyes widened in realisation before he jumped out of his sitting position and held the silently sobbing boy tightly in his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He mumbled repeatedly into the boys head of curls as he pulled Harry even closer, rocking them slowly, knowing deep down that there was no use in speaking because Harry couldn't hear him- the boy couldn't hear him. He didn't want to jump to conclusions but how could he not? Someone had done something so disgustingly terrible to Harry and there were no words to describe how sick that made Louis feel. Harry was so incredibly strong and seeing him just break in the way he had, broke Louis' heart. Someone had caused Harry to lose his hearing, Louis was sure of that, and he was also sure enough that it was because of the fact that Harry had come out. As much as he wanted to scream and shout, punch the walls that encased them, just release some of the overwhelming anger that surged through him, he knew that he just needed to be there for the broken boy in his arms- be there for Harry.

He clung to Harry, not wanting to ever break his hold, Louis couldn't even bring himself to ask the question he knew he had to. The sick feeling was rising in his stomach as he shook with his own tears while Harry sobbed in his arms. Harry was deaf. Louis knew that, he hadn't even questioned it since finding out, figuring Harry had always been that way, but to hear the boy ask him _why_ someone had taken his hearing because of who he chose to love- killed him. The next thing that crossed his mind was _how_? How had someone caused such permanent damage? That, that single thought sent him into a spiral, questioning everything. Unable to contain his emotions, Louis pulled away and cradled the crying boys face in his hands. "How?" He whispered as his eyes darted over the boys tear stained face, he shook Harry gently, the boys jaw settled in his palms, desperately wanting Harry to look up and see what he was saying, "How Harry?" He repeated more urgently than before but the boy only cried harder, squeezing his eyes shut before sobbing again. Louis was crying too, his breathing rapid as he watched Harry break before him, "Harry please!" He begged as he struggled to get Harry to look at him, "Hazza please." He whispered as he settled his forehead against the younger boys, "Please."


	37. Can’t stop myself

The cries had died out once the two boys had laid wrapped up in each other's arms, the only sounds Louis could hear were the faint sniffles Harry made every few moments and his own soft hum. Neither one could be sure of how long they had been there, just tangled together, their sobs and tears muffled by the warm embrace.

Louis gently carded his hand through the younger boys soft curls, staring aimlessly up above them, his leg thrown over Harry's waist as he nestled into the boys side. He had been humming a small tune for a while and with the way his face was settled on Harry's shoulder, Louis was sure that the boy could feel it's faint vibrations. It was an old Carpenters song his mum used to play around the house when he was younger, _Rainy Days And Mondays._ Even humming it now made him think back to those bleak early mornings where she'd be stood in the kitchen cooking breakfast whilst singing quietly along to the small radio sat beside her. Things like that, the faint memories, hurt the most. He truly missed her, he wondered what she would do in a situation like this, if she would like Harry, what she would say if she could see him now.

The older boy untangled his fingers from the dark brown locks before carefully removing any of the fallen strands out of Harry's face. As he did, the younger boy turned his head towards him into the pillow and opened up his eyes to reveal the bright green that always made Louis' breath falter. Harry's eyes were bloodshot and rimmed red from the salty tears that now stained his rosy cheeks but Louis still found them so incredibly beautiful. Everything about Harry was so entrancing, Louis would sometimes catch himself just admiring the boy, taking in everything he could as if it would be for the last time. Seeing Harry in his bed was different though, the boy just seemed to belong there beside him, Louis found himself grinning at the thought. Harry smiled softly back.

"You okay lovely?" Louis questioned as he let his fingertips skim the edge of the boys hairline before dropping and wiping the wet tears from under his eyes. Harry let his lids flutter close at the gesture before feeling Louis' palm settle on his jaw, he only nodded in response and shuffled closer. "Good." Louis whispered quietly as he gently pressed his forehead to the younger boys.

Harry was sure that the world had stopped spinning when he felt Louis' hot breath fan his upper lip, he couldn't stop his eyes from peering open to find the familiar ocean blue gazing back at him. Harry smiled brightly and this time Louis was sure it had reached his eyes, it was like pure sunshine, so radiant, so warm.

It was so oddly intimate, the darkness settled around them, leaving only the light of the bedside lamp to cast a soft hue over the bedroom, the shadows of an old oak tree that stood beside the house danced across the ceiling above them- it's branches swaying in the cold September wind, the two boys were so close, closer than they had ever been to any other being, but it all felt so natural. Harry met Louis' eye and it was as if the air had been knocked from his lungs, the deep blue held so many emotions, so many secrets, Harry wanted to know them all. He couldn't stop his gaze from flickering down to the boys lips, he was immediately reminded of the way they had tasted, how they had felt against his own. Louis had kissed him- and almost as if he knew what Harry was thinking the older boy licked at his lower lip, Harry traced the movement before looking back up. Louis' eyes were darker now, not so blue, and Harry couldn't stop himself from nervously shuffling closer, he raised the hand that had been settled on the boys hip and captured Louis' jaw. He huffed out a quiet breath as he thumbed over the blue eyed boys cheekbone. He tilted his head slightly so that their noses gently grazed, Harry knew what he wanted- what he needed- and he wasn't sure if Louis felt the same way but he couldn't seem to pull away, not when he was this close. Not when he could describe every detail the older boy had to offer him, the faint freckles that littered his flushed cheeks, the light wrinkles that nestled into the sun kissed skin around his eyes, the dark long lashes that fluttered every time he would blink. Harry couldn't stop himself.

Louis' breath hitched as Harry's lips brushed against his own, his eyes widened as his mind caught up with what was happening- Harry was kissing him. Louis almost couldn't believe it. Just as he was about to react, Harry pulled back with a string of curses and apologies. "Sorry- fuck, I'm so sorry." Louis violently shook his head, feeling so incredibly stupid, before launching himself upwards to wrap his arms around Harry's neck and climbing onto his lap to meet his lips once more.

Harry was more than surprised by the sudden action but he could only pull the smaller boy closer to his chest before deepening the kiss. It was urgent now, Louis was pushing Harry further back into the nest of pillows beneath them, giving as good as he got, while Harry placed a large hand at the nape of Louis' neck, the other gripped the back of the smaller boys thigh.

Louis honestly wondered why they hadn't done this sooner and if it was possible to carry on kissing Harry for the rest of forever. His mind was hazy and his heart was pounding, he couldn't help the faint moans that slipped from his lips but they only spurred him on, wanting more. He let his hands crawl their way up Harry's neck, letting his fingers tug on the messy curls that resided there, that pulled a breathy groan from the boy beneath him and Louis wanted to hear it again and again.

Harry slowed them down before they could get too excited after the next couple of hair tugs, he pulled his hand round to cup the boys cheek and the other thumbed delicately over Louis' hipbone, circling the joint as they slowly parted. Harry chuckled breathlessly before nudging the smaller boys nose gently with his own, a grin broke out onto his face and Louis could only mimic it as he gazed into Harry's bright green eyes.

"I've wanted to do that since the day I met you." Louis breathed out before capturing his bottom lip between his teeth. If it was even possible, Harry's grin only widened and he pecked once more at Louis' soft lips before drawing back.

"Me too."


	38. The world continued on without me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW, mentions of assault, violence's hit and run.

Louis slowly shuffled backwards down Harry's muscular thighs, interlacing their hands as he did, he looked up when he was in a more comfortable position only to find the curly haired boy staring fondly back at him. "What?" Louis questioned lightly, feeling a little self conscious, as he squeezed Harry's hands in his own.

Harry shook his head amusedly at the older lad sat before him, his grin never fading, "Can't believe that just happened." Harry told him simply before biting at his bottom lip and chuckling softly, "That just happened, right?"

Louis smiled brightly, laughing a little as he did, "It did. Are you okay with that?" As much as he had loved the kiss they had shared, he really wanted to know if Harry had felt the same way about it. They were meant to be friends, friends weren't supposed to share kisses, especially kisses like that. Thinking about it, Louis hadn't ever seen Harry as just a friend, even at the start, there had always been something there- a desire, slowly burning. He had known he had liked the green eyed boy for almost as long as he had known Harry, but what he was starting to feel now was just something he couldn't quite put into words.

Harry huffed out a rather large breath before letting his thumb rest over the pulse point in one of Louis' wrists, "I'm more than okay with it.. are you?" He questioned quietly, unable to avoid the boys eye even though he felt like cowering away. Louis laughed and Harry stared back at him, his expression clearly worried as he internally questioned everything that had just occurred, but then the older boy leaned forward with a smug smile and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to his lips and his mind melted.

As Louis pulled away, Harry chased after him, already missing the feeling of the brunettes lips on his own, it was something he never wanted to stop. Louis' lips were heavenly, so soft and sweet. Harry hadn't really kissed anyone before, there had been Niall once but that was when they were a lot younger and a little tipsy- they had both promised to never bring it up again which only lasted until Liam found out and teased the shit out of them for it, it was a little joke between all of them now-, other than that, nothing. He didn't know how- um, experienced?- Louis was, so he could only hope that he had done something right, but he hadn't really had much time to think it all over in the heat of moment.

Harry pouted and furrowed his brow once Louis had settled back in his lap. The older boy could only roll his eyes playfully before he looked back at Harry seriously and captured his bottom lip between his teeth, seemingly thinking something over, "We should talk first." He had said it so quickly that Harry had almost missed it but the curly haired boy had seen. Harry looked down at their linked hands, his were so much larger than the boys' sat in his lap, he thought about how much he liked that fact before nodding slowly. "Yeah- we should."

There was a silence that settled over the room after that, Harry played with Louis' slender wrists and long fingers while the brunette tried to gather the right words to say. Louis eyed him carefully, watching Harry as the boy gazed down at their intertwined fingers, gently covering his own petite hands with much larger ones of his own. With Harry being so focused on that, Louis could only raise his arm and nose at their joined hands, capturing Harry's attention. He smiled softly and the younger lad returned the gesture, "Can I ask how, Haz?"

Louis heard the hitch in Harry's breath and felt the boy grip him tighter at the question. Holding their connected hands closer to his face, he slowly kissed the back of Harry's, letting his lips settle there on the tender skin for a moment to calm the curly haired boy before pulling back. "It's okay love, take your time." Harry only nodded before letting his head thump and rest against the bed's headboard. Louis untangled his right hand from Harry's so that he could run his fingers through the soft, dark ringlets that sat beside the boys ear. "So brave." He whispered out as he cupped the younger boys jaw, their eyes meeting, "Take your time."

Harry sat forward and Louis let his hand fall to the boys shoulder, he let it rest there in hopes to comfort him, to let Harry know he was still there. Harry coughed quietly, trying to clear his throat, before sighing heavily, his head swarmed with thoughts, memories. "I was-" He started faintly, pausing to take a much needed breath, it was still so incredibly hard to talk about, "I was assaulted." Harry whispered before looking up to find Louis staring back intensely, already hooked on his every word. Harry could see the way his jaw had clenched and how his brows had furrowed, but Louis said nothing. Harry chewed at his already bitten lip while he let his hand stroke aimlessly up and down the older boys forearm. "It was my birthday, had just turned fourteen," he chuckled quietly, not in amusement but astonishment, he still couldn't quite believe it, even though he had the scars to prove it all, "I remember walking home from school, mum had planned this secret, surprise party, but Gem being Gem, had already let it slip." Harry laughed lightly at the reminder, he could still vividly picture his older sisters face, eyes wide and jaw hung open in shock, unable to believe what she had just done. He let himself remember every time he had asked her a new question about the upcoming party and even when he had threatened to tell their mum when she wouldn't give him any more details. He missed her, she was working in London now, had just finished university last year, he had been beyond proud when he seeing her graduate. Even though they weren't as close as they had once been, she would always be his big sister, would always be the one person he looked up to. "She made me swear ten times over that I'd act surprised when it happened and not let anyone else in on what I knew. I obviously agreed but I couldn't get over the excitement of it all. I think I bugged her for days on end to give me all the details, I really wanted to know what was happening, never had a surprise party before." He shrugged at that- he still hadn't. "That's when it happened. I had been walking home, school had just let out but there weren't many people who took the same route as I usually did, that's probably why they took the opportunity I guess."

Louis watched the boy stare blankly at the wall behind him as he spoke, he could see the way his eyes had glazed over and slight tremble of his bottom lip. Louis had experienced anger, guilt, and sadness too many times to count but listening to Harry speak, he had never felt so overwhelmed by each emotion. He wanted to cry, he wanted to hold the broken boy tightly in his arms, he wanted to scream and punch something, anything- but instead he just tightened his grip on Harry's hand and silently urged him to continue.

"The car came out of nowhere." Harry squeezed his eyes shut, the pictures flashed behind his lids and he felt his stomach turn when the shock of the car hit him, the memories had always been strong but in that moment he could still feel the pain, hear the screech of the car's breaks- hear his screams. "They didn't stop. Just jumped out and I don't even know what happened, they just kept hitting me, kicking me, punching me. I remember the gravel of the road beneath my head, how it would cling to my scalp as it hit the floor again and again. I remember the taste of the blood that spilled from my mouth when I begged and pleaded for them to stop, when I couldn't stop coughing and choking on it because it wouldn't stop flowing. When the pain got too much, I remember just staring up at the clouds above me, the sky had been so blue, no clouds in sight, and as my body was beaten and bruised I couldn't help but feel somewhat at peace. The birds above carried on flying too, soaring over us, and I just thought about how the world was going to continue on without me. Then came the thoughts of my mum, Gem, the party. They were- they were the hardest. I pictured them waiting for me in the living room back home, sat with my favourite cake, surrounded by my family, waiting for me to walk through the door. Walk- I didn't even know if I could in that moment. I was just so numb, I couldn't feel anything at that point." Harry gulped and Louis watched him through teary eyes, his chest heaving and throat burning. "I heard a distant laugh before things got too hazy, it was drowned out by the overwhelming ringing in my ears but it was so bright, so beautiful, but so far away- that's when they stopped. That's when they left me there for dead. I thought I was dying Lou, everything got so dark, and I was so fucking scared. All I could think about was my families faces, my sister and my mum. Those people just left me there, drove away like I was nothing."


	39. They took everything

_"Like I was nothing."_

Thoughts raced through Louis' mind as he watched Harry squeeze his eyes tightly shut. Everything around them had stopped. Louis' soul focus was on the boy before him, the boy who looked so broken, trying his very hardest not to let any more tears fall.

"They took my hearing Lou." Harry rasped out as he strained his head to look up at the dark ceiling above them, twisting his hands in his hair, "Took fucking everything." The deep malicious chuckle that slipped from Harry's lips after was the thing that kicked Louis into gear, he bolted forward to cradle the trembling lad in his arms, burying Harry's face in his shoulder as he embraced him tightly, rocking them back and forth. Their breaths were shakey, uneven. Louis couldn't bring himself to do anything else but console Harry, as much as he wanted to scream and shout he knew it wasn't worth the effort. He only prayed that the monsters that had violently attacked Harry got what was coming to them, he truly couldn't believe that people could be so disgustingly cruel.

"I got you love." Louis whispered faintly into the boys head of curls as he stroked a comforting hand over the dark locks, willing back hot tears of his own, "I got you."

—

When morning came, Harry woke to an unfamiliar room, navy sheets bundled around his thighs as the light from a large bay window beamed through, illuminating the poster cluttered white walls around him. His mind flashed back to late last night, the tears, the truth, he hadn't really expected things to have gone as well as they had, but Louis was an actual angel, so kind and beyond sweet. A slight movement startled him from his thoughts and he turned his head in the direction of the weight he felt settled against his chest. Louis laid beside him, limbs tangled in his own with a heavy arm thrown over his chest, clutching at the shirt on his shoulder in almost a protective manner. Harry smiled softly at the sight of Louis, the shinning sunlight danced across the boys golden skin, his face was pulled into a subtle sleepy frown making him look much younger, all pouty lips and furrowed brow. Harry let his fingertips skim across the soft skin of the arm that encased him, tracing the dark ink and light blue veins that resided there. He had never felt so at peace, just wrapped up in the arms of Louis.

Slowly but surely, he untangled himself from the older boys grip, taking a moment to watch Louis settle back into a seamless sleep before rubbing a hand over his tired face and heading for the door. He made his way across the upstairs hallway, feet dragging along the smooth grey carpet, to where he was certain a bathroom belonged, he smiled sleepily when he opened up the white, wooden door to reveal cobalt blue tiles and a large tub. He wandered over to the mirror sitting above the sink, he huffed out a large sigh at the sight that came into view, he looked rough. His eyes were still puffy and red from last nights crying but he could easily wave it off as a factor of a good nights sleep, his skin was a little too sunken and pale compared to it's usual state, his hair was tussled and as he ran a hand through the mess he was reminded of last nights adventure, before everything went down hill again. He grinned brightly at the thought, he had kissed Louis, Louis had kissed him back. He bit at his bottom lip to keep the manic, lightheaded laugh that had threatened to bubble to himself, he couldn't get over the fact that Louis had kissed him back.

With that in mind Harry sorted himself out and then wandered out of the cold bathroom and down the staircase with a soft grin on his face. As he walked through the empty living room he felt the vibrations of footsteps as he neared the kitchen, they were light and ever so faint but they were there. He pondered heading back to Louis for a brief second, not wanting to intrude in a home that wasn't his own, but decided against hurrying away when he felt a hard thud echo through the floorboards beneath his feet. He furrowed his brow and rounded the corner to find a brunette struggling to hold up a baby on her hip whilst simultaneously trying to grab a baby bottle, that had seemingly slipped from her grasp, off the kitchen tiles. Harry frowned at the sight, the girl looked so flustered and overwhelmed, Doris was bouncing on her hip making things more difficult and Ernie was crawling about on the floor causing havoc by throwing his toy blocks about. Harry coughed lightly to make his presence known and then watched as Fizzy jumped slightly before turning around to face him.

The brunette gave him a sheepish side smile before Doris caught sight of him, the little girl looked as if she were squealing, making grabby hands for the curly haired boy who was stood in the doorway. Harry chuckled lightly at her before carefully stepping forward, "Need some help?" He asked as he gestured towards the bouncing baby who was awkwardly leaning away from the older girls body.

Fizzy captured her bottom lip between her teeth before nodding shyly, cocking her hip out for Harry to easily take the small toddler. Doris' tiny hands found their way to his hair quite quickly, her bright eyes mesmerised by the soft curls. Harry grinned softly, placing a small peck to the girls forehead before looking back up at her older sister, "You okay?" He questioned as he made his way over to where Ernie was sat clapping happily on the floor, he sat opposite the boy, making sure Fizzy was still in view before settling Doris beside him and looking back up.

Fizzy had seemed to have filled the baby bottles and placed them into the microwave to warm up by the time Harry had finished, she nodded at him before smiling lightly, "Yeah, thank you." She added as she pointed in the direction of the two toddlers who were now occupied with each other.

Harry waved her off with a faint chuckle before politely taking a bright pink block that had been handed to him by little Ernie, "Just glad I could help. Did they wake you up then?" He questioned, trying to make a little conversation as he placed the block on top of the tower Ernie had started. Fizzy seemed sweet enough, the girl was obviously shy and Harry couldn't blame her for the way she had distanced herself from him yesterday, he would have done the same if his older sister was giving someone a hard time.

"Yeah, the little buggers." Fizzy laughed softly before swiftly turning to grab the milk bottles from the microwave. Harry watched with a small smile as the girl checked the warmth of the drink on her wrist before heading towards them, he shuffled over slightly to make room when Fizzy crouched down beside her siblings. "They're not cryers but they do like to cause mayhem." She told Harry as she happily handed the twins their bottles, "My rooms right next to theirs and E's crib is rested against the wall that I have my bed beside, so when he started throwing whatever he could find in his crib loudly against the wall, it woke me." The girl smiled fondly at the toddlers beside them before she too was handed a block. The two teens giggled and then proceeded to fall into an easy conversation whilst playing with the small children. Harry quite liked the girls company, she was smart and witty, very kind and open minded too, it made him wonder what kind of woman Louis' mum had been, all of her children were so wonderful.

It was a while later when Fizzy asked Harry if he'd be up for helping her make breakfast, the older boy had practically cut her off with his excited reply and the brunette girl could only giggle at him before the two of them placed the toddlers in their play crib, safely out of the way, then started their search for some breakfast ingrediants.

By the time more Tomlinson's had woken from their slumber and emerged in the kitchen doorway, Harry and Fizzy were pretty much done, covered in a little batter and sugar but more than pleased with their sweet results. Pancakes.

"Looks good loves." Louis praised tiredly, ruffling Daisy's hair as he made his way over to the tall familiar figure. He draped an arm around Harry's waist, making the green eyed boy beam brightly at the unexpected gesture, whilst the two of them silently watched Fizzy set the final plates down in front of a bunch of hungry children. "Dig in!" She called out dramatically before plopping into a seat beside Phoebe, who was grinning manically at her plate of fluffy pancakes which she had started to cover in chocolate and mixed fruits.

Breakfast went smoothly, all of them talking and joking animatedly whilst they ate, Louis couldn't refrain himself from covertly touching Harry throughout, the younger boy didn't seem to mind and more than welcomed the contact by interlacing their fingers beneath the wooden table, earning a bright grin in response from Louis.

Harry looked around him, Daisy and Lottie were giggling about something or other, Fizzy was telling Phoebe all about her mad cooking skills and the two tiny toddlers, who sat beside him and Louis, were more than happy to babble away at each other, he felt truly happy and couldn't keep the warm smile he wore off his face. He knew that it was going to be a good day.

Harry was broken from his thoughts when all the surrounding heads zeroed in on a man who was now stood by the door.


	40. Almost

"Who's this then?" The man gruffed out tiredly as he directed his attention to the curly haired lad sat at the kitchen table. Harry's eyes darted around the room, looking for any indication that the siblings knew who the man in their home might be, before landing on Louis, who slowly stood to his feet.

"Heya Dan." Louis greeted with a sleepy smile, " _This_ is Harry." He added as he placed a warm, gentle hand on the younger boys shoulder. Harry smiled up at him before turning slowly to give the man, now known as Dan, a small wave.

"Alright mate?" Dan nodded in his direction before settling the bag that had been slung over his shoulder by the kitchen door. Harry only smiled faintly in response as he watched the blonde man walk over to the table to pick up a beaming Doris who was making grabby hands in his direction, the little girl seemed beyond happy to see the older man. "This a boyfriend of yours then, Lou?" Dan questioned with a smug smirk, his eyes lingering over the hand settled on Harry's shoulder, the question earned a proud grin in response from the boy in question.

"Yup!" Louis agreed happily before his eyes widened in the realisation of what he had just said and flickered towards the boy in the chair beside him. "I mean- we've not really spoken about it yet." He added sheepishly, tugging awkwardly at the back of his neck. Harry watched as the girls around them snickered and giggled at Louis' expense, even Dan was seemingly trying to hold back a chuckle from the way his shoulders silently shook, Harry couldn't help but blush at the sudden attention.

Harry coughed lightly before standing to his feet, holding out a hand towards Dan, "Um, I'm Harry, Lou's _almost_ boyfriend I guess." He teased as he sent the blue eyed boy beside him a sneaky wink, wanting to lighten the atmosphere as well as make sure Louis knew that he hadn't said anything wrong.

The older man eyed him for a moment, shifting the small girl he held in his arms higher up his hip before taking Harry's hand. "Dan." He told Harry simply before pulling away, Harry swallowed anxiously. "Don't know what our Lou's told you about all of us Harry but if the girls like you, then I do too, your already in mate." Dan chuckled, noticing the tall boys apprehension, almost revelling in it a little. Harry smiled softly at him before sitting back in his seat, clasping Louis' hand back in his own, almost subconsciously. "Lou, just be weary of Mark mate." Dan cautioned delicately before he pressed a kiss to Doris' cheek, the little girl squealed and softly batted the man and his stubble away, causing a chorus of small giggles to erupt among the siblings.

Harry looked up at Louis confusedly but the older lad tried his very best not to look his way, Harry frowned. "Will do Dan, thanks." Louis gave the man a tight lipped smile before letting Harry's hand slip from his grasp so that he could start clearing the plate filled table.

"Only saying mate, sorry for bringing it up." Dan apologised quietly, but before Harry could even think to question everything the older man started greeting the rest of Louis' siblings who looked happy to see him. Harry sighed quietly, sticking his tongue out at little Ernie, who in return mimicked him, before grabbing the leftover plates and following Louis over to the sink.

Chatter chorused throughout the room as Louis loaded the last of the plates into the warm, soapy water. He knew what Dan had meant, and he knew that he had to be careful, he just wished that the man hadn't brought it up- especially in front of Harry. He huffed as he reached for the sponge that sat on the porcelain sink but before he could grab it a soft and gentle hand gripped his forearm. He gazed up to find Harry looking down at him, a soft but worried smile settled on his face. "You okay?" He questioned quietly as he let his hand fall to entangle their fingers. Louis only nodded at him, his focus now on the murky water. "Lou, I won't ask, just know that I'm here." Harry whispered as he tightened his grip by a fraction, "and as your _almost_ boyfriend I think it's my responsibility to make you smile again." He added cheekily, bumping his hip with Louis'.

Louis could only roll his eyes playfully at the taller lad that towered over him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He pulled the boy in closer by their connected hands, turning his head to look Harry in the eye. "Is that what we are now? Almost boyfriends?" He asked the boy, voice small but sure.

"No." Harry chuckled, his eyes bright and gleaming as he captured the shorter boys jaw in his free hand, letting his thumb trail across Louis' soft lips until they settled beneath his chin. "Not yet, but soon I'd like to call you mine, okay?" He added in a faint whisper, Louis shivered at his words and briefly wondered if his rigid, wet breaths tickled Harry's warm skin or if the boy could feel the hammering of his pulse just below where his large hand was placed. Louis gulped as he nodded slowly in response, not trusting his voice, and Harry let his hands fall away.

Louis watched as the taller boy looked over his shoulder to see what was occurring behind them, he followed Harry's green gaze and smiled at his siblings who were sat listening intently to a story Dan was telling about what had happened at work late last night. The man worked long shifts as security, mostly nights and sometimes he had to travel, but he always had the funniest tales to tell when he returned home. Dan was a good man, Louis knew that, he had married his mum a few years ago and that's when Doris and Ernest had come along. After everything that they had been through as a family he was still so amazing, not just to Dee and Ernie but to him and his sisters too. Louis respected him like no other.

Louis let his gaze wander back over to the tattooed boy stood within arms reach, he truly couldn't remember the last time he had felt this happy. With Harry's attention focused on the table of people, Louis couldn't stop himself from faintly whispering, "Thank you." before slowly turning back towards the sink to wash up, Harry joined him a moment later, a bright, dimpled smile on his face as he helped dry.

—

It was later that same morning when Harry walked into his bedroom wearing nothing but a towel that hung loosely around his hips, drying his long, wet curls with another. Louis was almost certain that his brain had malfunctioned at the unearthly sight, he couldn't take his eyes off of Harry, the boys body was littered with faint freckles and dark ink that crawled across his milky skin, he was defined, lean, and just so beyond beautiful. Louis watched as a few remaining water droplets slowly slid down the lads neck, winding their way across the damp skin before settling in the deep hallows of the brunettes collarbones. He only snapped out of his daydream when Harry spoke up, Louis lifted his gaze back to the boys face, a little dazed, "What?"

Harry chuckled, deep and husky, before a smug smirk made it's way onto his lips, he stepped closer and the movement almost made Louis want to crawl back up the bed he was perched on, but he couldn't even think properly. "I asked if I could borrow a shirt or something, only have my school kit." Harry repeated, taking another step closer almost tauntingly, Louis bit at his bottom lip before nodding abruptly. He must have stood to his feet a little too fast, his mind too focused on getting a nearly naked Harry in some clothing, because he stumbled slightly but there the taller boy was, already catching him when he fell. _How cliche._ "Careful love." Harry cautioned, giving Louis a small smile as he settled him back on his feet.

"Um, yeah, sorry." Louis mumbled sheepishly, shaking his head to dissolve his chaotic thoughts, as he hurried over to his dresser. Louis' brow furrowed when he pulled out the first drawer, he took a deep breath and turned back to face the boy who was now sat, waiting patiently, on the edge of his bed, arms behind him holding up his defined torso, eyes already on Louis. Louis coughed awkwardly, trying his best to keep his emotions under control- _when had this become a thing for him? he had never reacted like this with anyone before-_ "Uh, did you just want the shirt or boxers and jeans too?" He questioned, almost thankful for the fact that Harry hadn't heard the slight tremble in his tone.

"Boxers please." Harry smiled softly up at him, "I'd ask for a pair of trousers but-" He looked Louis up and down teasingly before stretching out his long, bare legs, letting Louis eyes linger over them for a moment before continuing, "-don't think they'd fit." He chuckled lightly while Louis scowled in return.

"Yeah, yeah Styles, you're a bean pole, we know." Louis rolled his eyes playfully before he huffed dramatically and turned back to the dresser, listening as Harry's beautiful laugh echoed off his bedroom walls. He pulled out a new pair of white briefs and a oversized black hoodie he loved wearing, he wasn't sure if it had been washed since the last time he had worn it but it looked clean enough and was probably the only thing he had that'd fit the giant sat seductively on his bed. "Here." He said as he tossed the boy the items, Harry caught them easily enough before eyeing the tight briefs and raising a questioning brow Louis' way. Louis grinned, "Enjoy." He sung as he picked up a pile of clothes he had gathered while Harry had been in the shower, "The lads messaged too, wanted to know if we were up for doing something today, thought I'd ask you first."

Harry watched his lips closely before nodding at him with a smile, "That sounds good, what did they want to do?" He questioned as played with the soft jumper in his lap, it smelt strongly of the older boy and comforted him to no end.

"Um not sure honestly, can figure out when me meet up I guess." Louis replied with a small shrug, Harry nodded, "But I'm gunna go get dressed," He added as he started to back out of the room, mindful of Harry, "be ready by the time I get back!"

Harry watched him amusedly, a faint laugh slipping from his lips, "I will be, now shoo." He spoke as he gestured the older boy out of the room with a wave of his hand. Louis smiled brightly at him from the doorway before hurrying over again, Harry didn't even have the chance to question him before Louis was pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.

"Sorry," The blue eyed boy apologised insincerely, the shit eating grin never leaving his face, "Just wanted to do that now that I finally can."

Harry couldn't hold back his own beaming smile as he looked Louis in the eye, "I don't think I mind," he whispered before returning the sweet gesture.


	41. That’s the point!

"Fuck you, you curly haired cunt!"

"Niall!" Liam scolded with a sharp glare, unamused by his mates language, whilst the other three boys just laughed loudly, Louis and Zayn unable to believe what they'd just heard.

Harry rolled his eyes playfully at the blonde stood beside him before picking up a blue bowling ball, smirking smugly, "Don't play the game if you can't take the heat Nialler."

"Yeah whatever Harold. I swear if I knew you'd be shitting all over us I would have suggested going to watch a movie." Niall huffed out as he plopped down grumpily beside Liam, who was still glaring.

"You know he wouldn't be able to hear it." Liam hissed, feeling protective of his best mate even though they all knew Niall was only messing about, that was just how the Irish lad worked.

"That's the point Limabean!" Niall grinned brightly, eyes glimmering with mischief, before patting the older boy on the shoulder.

Just as Liam was about to reprimand the blonde yet again, Harry chuckled causing all four of them to look over at where he was stood, holding a bowling ball at his hip, "Li he's only pissing about mate, he just can't stand the fact that he's losing." Harry teased with a large grin, receiving a middle finger from the boy mentioned.

Louis rolled his eyes at the trios antics with a small huff of laughter as he jumped up from where he was sat beside his raven haired best mate, "Well Harold, are you going to bowl or am I gunna have to do it for you?"

Harry laughed lightly before turning on his feet and heading towards the bowling lane, "Wouldn't deny a little help from you Lou." He called out over his shoulder, smiling happily, missing the sappy smile that plastered it's way across the blue eyed boys face.

While Louis quickly followed after the curly haired lad, their three friends couldn't help but watch them closely, ever since meeting up earlier Harry and Louis had seemed somewhat closer, constantly touching one another, their usual flirting had amplified and Harry seemed to be a little more comfortable being out and about surrounded by strangers whilst Louis was close by, but no one had questioned it- yet.

"Have you two noticed that then?" Zayn queried as he quirked his head in the direction of the two teenage boys who were cuddled up close getting ready to bowl the ball they both held, the pair honestly looked like something out of a cheesy romcom.

"Of course, Zee! How could I not?" Niall replied dramatically, acting as if it had been the most obvious answer in the world, "I thought I had been the only one truthfully when neither one of you said anything."

Liam shook his head at that, his eyes trained on the two boys stood before them, who were giggling and talking quietly amongst themselves like no one else was around, "No, I noticed when they jumped in the car, Lou buckled H's seatbelt for him and Harry wouldn't let go of his hand the entire journey."

"They kept looking at each other too, whispering and laughing, it was strange, like they knew what the other was thinking or something, I felt a little like a third wheel in the back seat." Zayn added with a soft chuckle, "Do you think something happened between them yesterday then?"

"Haz slept round Lou's so I can only guess that something happened." Liam told the duo, receiving surprised expressions in response, "Yeah, I was the same. I messaged H last night asking if he got home okay but he said he was staying round Lou's." He shrugged, watching as Harry and Louis both let go of the ball that quickly ended up rolling into the gutter.

"You messed up my score you cheat!" Harry exclaimed with a shocked expression as he hit the older boy on the shoulder. Louis laughed loudly at him before hurrying back over to the other boys to avoid anymore of Harry's abuse.

"We've got a fair chance now lads!" Louis cheered at the three chuckling boys sat on the bench, before pulling a pouting Harry towards him and wrapping an arm around his waist, rubbing a comforting thumb over his hipbone. The taller boy relented quite quickly at the touch and pulled Louis in closer by throwing his own arm over the smaller boys shoulders. "I'm sorry love." Louis apologised with a soft chuckle as he leaned in closer to Harry's side.

Harry hummed at him, too busy looking at the boy buried into his side to notice their friends sly smirks and raised brows. He gently rested his nose in Louis' coffee coloured hair and smiled softly before whispering, "Don't worry, I'll get you back." He grinned goofily once he felt Louis start to shake with laughter, the two were so absorbed in one another that neither noticed Niall snapping a couple of pictures.

Zayn and Liam both gave him amused, questioning looks but the blonde just beamed back at them innocently before shrugging his shoulders, "They looked cute."

—

The boys were all sat in a booth together at a small diner that sat next door to the bowling alley, laughing about the unfortunate fall Liam had taken when accidentally crossing the line of their lane.

"How's your arse then Payno?" Louis questioned with a smug smirk, "Sore?" The rest of the group took pride in making Liam feel a little embarrassed by what had happened as they laughed loudly but at the end of the day it was a memory they knew they'd always cherish because it was their very first outing together as friends. It was almost strange to say because they all felt like it had been a lot longer, but when you're surrounded by the right people things just fall perfectly into place.

"Yeah whatever Tommo. At least I can say I didn't come last." Liam laughed as he tilted his head accusingly in a certain dark haired boys direction, Zayn just rolled his eyes.

"I told you all how shit I was." He shrugged softly with a small smile and they all chuckled lightly as a waitress slowly approached. Instantly Harry was on edge, he had been ever since leaving the bowling alley because he had this overwhelming fear that something bad was bound to happen sooner or later because he had had such a great time, the waitress could have only been slightly older than all of them but she gave Harry a bad vibe. Harry shuffled closer to Louis who was sat beside him, trying to be casual about the way he laid his arm to rest protectively around the back of Louis on the booth, keeping a careful eye on everything and everyone. He knew he could tend to overthink things but he had always trusted his gut, and since losing his hearing he had learned to trust his other senses as well as his intuition. He had no reason to feel threatened but he did and that meant something to him. He just hoped that no one else noticed, he didn't want to ruin the day.

"What can I get you?" The waitress asked as she stopped beside their table, her eyes scanned over the five boys, resting on Louis, who was smiling brightly, for a moment longer than necessary, Harry took a deep breath. Slowly the other boys started to list off their orders to the girl, Niall taking a little longer than the others due to him seemingly always eating for five.

"Well, I'll have a number five please and he'll have-" Louis told the waitress with a gracious grin before turning to Harry and lightly tapping the boys knee beneath the table. Harry looked away from the girl, who was staring intently at the brunette beside him, and down at Louis, trying to focus on his lips, "What do you want Haz?" Louis asked and Harry let himself admire his bright blue eyes for a moment.

"You order for me." Harry said simply before gently burying his face in the older lads neck, taking Louis by surprise but Harry guessed that he didn't seem to mind the gesture because instead of pushing him away, he felt the boy take hold of his hand before he continued to talk to the waitress, the vibrations of his voice travelled through his throat and Harry smiled softly into the crook of the smaller boys neck.

The familiar scent of the boy comforted Harry, easing him slightly, but when he felt Louis stiffen suddenly he instantly had his walls back up and pulled away to find the waitress grimacing at him.


	42. Misunderstanding?

Harry's eyes grazed over the table at his friends, trying to work out what was going on- what had just happened. Zayn and Niall were stiff, unsure on how to deal with the overwhelming tension, while Liam just looked irritated, his brows were furrowed and jaw was tightly clenched, and Louis- Harry turned his head back towards the older boy to see him sat with a wide eyed expression, seeming so very tense. No one said a thing though.

Taking a deep breath, eyes darting between the many faces, Harry swallowed slightly, "What's wrong?" He asked abruptly, visibly uncomfortable, shoulders set almost in an attempt to make himself look larger, more standoffish. He had no idea what had gone on, he felt so out of the loop, so confused, and he couldn't help but shuffle subconsciously closer to Louis.

The girl looked between them all, seemingly waiting for one of them to reply, to say something, anything. When none of them made a move she honestly laughed and the light, menacing sound echoed across the restaurant before she rolled her eyes at him, "Really, how thick are you?" Harry narrowed his eyes at her, taken back by her belligerent body language, he felt like a child being scolded for something he hadn't done. He honestly couldn't comprehend why she was acting this way, especially towards him. "Louis?" She spoke again and Harry could practically feel the venom in her words just from the way she looked over at the blue eyed boy beside him.

Harry couldn't help himself, he turned to face the older boy who looked more embarrassed than angry. Louis coughed faintly, shifting himself to avoid Harry's gaze. "Um, sorry. I honestly didn't recognise you." Louis apologised to the girl, looking antsy and uneasy as he sat up a little more in his seat.

Harry looked over at the other lads, trying to piece together how exactly Louis knew the waitress, Liam was wafting out waves of anger, eyes focused solely on the brown haired girl stood beside their table, Niall had a comforting hand placed on his best mates shoulder, obviously wanting to ease him in some way- the action confused Harry slightly, he had never seen the Irish lad so serious- while Zayn was just sat staring back at him, guilt and pity swimming in his honey brown eyes.

"You didn't recognise me?" The waitress huffed and from the way she was stood with a hand on her hip, scowling slightly, she clearly looked offended and beyond pissed.

Louis chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, feeling a little guilty but very put off by the girls unnecessary behaviour. He finally let his gaze flicker over to the curly haired boy sat beside him and instantly felt horrible, Harry was so beyond confused, his eyes were darting between everyone, trying to figure out what was occurring, and his expression was stricken almost bewildered. Louis frowned at the very sight, _he_ had caused all of this, it wasn't done purposely yet he couldn't help but feel like he was to blame. He slowly raised a hand to gently rest on the taller boys shoulder, Harry flinched at the sudden gesture, clearly on edge, but softened once he caught sight of Louis. "Haz, love." Louis started quietly, hoping to ease the boys mind, he looked up into the bright green gaze and became quickly aware of how focused Harry was on his lips, he couldn't help but drag his tongue over them, easing the burn of his bitten bottom lip, before taking a breath, "Just a bit of a misunderstanding, it's all good, okay?" He added soothingly, not wanting to freak Harry out any further, it wasn't the whole truth but it wasn't far from it. He really didn't want to lie but he couldn't explain the situation in the moment and as Harry slowly nodded at him in understanding, Louis couldn't help but catch the harsh glare Liam sent him from over the boys shoulder.

"A misunderstanding!" The girl screeched loudly, attracting the attention of the surrounding customers, obviously having heard Louis' subtle comment. Louis' head snapped up to find her leaning against the edge of the table, lips pursed as she scowled at him. "Really? You call leading me on for weeks on end over the summer, only to then ignore me when someone new caught your eye a _misunderstanding_?" She was fuming, beyond it actually, and Louis was startled by the aggression she held as he fish-mouthed at her, eyes flickering over everyone else's shocked expressions. "Yes, I know all about it Louis, don't looked so surprised! Who is she then?" The waitress spat when Louis said nothing at all, the blue eyed boy swallowed deeply because she was clearly talking about Harry and Harry was sat beside him staring up at the girl before them. Louis couldn't help but curse himself, he honestly hadn't meant to lead the girl on, if he remembered correctly it was a couple group outings with mutual friends, sure they had spoken a lot and may have even shared a kiss or two but as far as Louis was concerned it wasn't all that serious, he hadn't even recognised her, let alone remembered her name. The girl was looking down at him, eyes blazing with fury and he felt like a proper arse.

Harry could definitely grasp what had gone on now and when he finally realised, he couldn't stop the small chuckle that escaped him as he tiredly rubbed a ring clad hand over his face, because _of course_ something like this would have happened to him, especially after the night he had shared with Louis. It hit him at full force that maybe Louis wasn't who he made himself out to be, that maybe _he_ was just the next person to be played, Harry wasn't even sure if Louis liked boys, he had told the older lad everything- practically poured his heart out- and he didn't even know if Louis actually liked boys! He felt beyond stupid, of fucking course the first person he fell for would never feel the same way about him, because honestly, who would? Harry couldn't even blame Louis, that was the worst part, he had just let himself be strung along in Louis' little game, thinking that the lad was different, thinking that he was special.

When he felt the older boy reach out for him once more, he pulled away almost instinctively, as if Louis' touch had burned him. He aimlessly shook his head, not caring for the pain that coursed throughout his knees as he leapt up from his seat and smashed them against the wooden table. Not acknowledging the hands that reached out to comfort him as he jostled his way out of the booth, his thoughts were so loud, crowding his mind as he wrestled between his head and his heart. He knew he should have known better.

As Harry hurried his way out of the diner, wanting to be any place else, he couldn't hear the calling of his name.


	43. Thought he meant a little more to you

"Shit!" Harry exclaimed breathlessly as he jumped out of the way of an oncoming car. He placed his hand over his hammering heart, stilling at the edge of the road, watching as the car continued on barrelling down the street like nothing had happened. He shook himself from his thoughts as he tried to calm his erratic breathing, taking short but deep breaths wanting to keep all of his overwhelming emotions at bay for as long as he could.

The sun was finally setting now, he had wandered around aimlessly for a while after leaving the diner, he hadn't really given himself a minute to second guess his decision when he had practically ran from the scene and only realised he would have to walk home once the diner had been out of sight. He had thought about his mates and Liam's painfully worried expression but he couldn't bring himself to turn back around, he couldn't face Louis yet.

So now he was stood with no idea as to where it was he wanted to go. He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he hadn't even seen the car that had come speeding down the little street and was more than thankful for the fact that he had looked up when he had, but even though he was physically fine, the fright had stirred up old, unwanted memories. He huffed out a large breath as he looked up at the setting sky, he took a moment to centre himself, to stop the panic and anxiety from setting in, to think about anything else but the car, the assault- and Louis. He focused on the blended colours above him, the misty blues and pretty pinks mixed with the bruised purples and flaming oranges, lighting up the otherwise cloudless sky in an incredible blaze. The air was cold as he sucked in a deep, needed breath, he let it swirl in the back of his throat for a second before allowing it to settle in his lungs and letting it go.

In the back of his mind, he knew he probably looked like a mad man to the neighbouring houses and passers by but he couldn't bring himself to care, not after everything that had happened. With trembling legs, he slowly stepped forward onto the gravelled road- making sure to check his surroundings this time- and hurried as quickly as he could across, a feeling of relief flooded through him when he felt his brown boots hit the pavement beneath him.

-

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Liam growled, his snarl pointed in the direction of a lost looking Louis stood opposite him. Louis looked back at him with wide, glossy eyes, unable to comprehend the fact that he fucked up so badly. They were stood outside the diner now, the four of them had sprinted off after Harry but came back with nothing, the lad had practically vanished into thin air.

Now Louis was left to deal with a furious looking Liam, a devastatingly quiet Niall and Zayn, who was playing his role as best friend and trying to comfort him as best as he could. Louis was thankful that they had left the waitress in such a hurry though, he didn't really have the words to express how sorry he was for leading her on but at the same time, he also couldn't believe the way she had treated Harry when the lad had done nothing wrong. It angered him to see people walk all over the taller boy, Harry wouldn't harm anyone let alone say a bad word about them, he didn't deserve to be treated the way he had been, not just now but throughout his entire life. Louis couldn't help but let his thoughts wander back to last night, the memory of the broken boy crying in his arms pained him to no end, but to know that _he_ had hurt Harry, killed him.

"He's gone Louis! Why didn't you say something? You just sat there, silent! That waitress was disgusting, calling Harry the names she did when his back was turned because she was jealous of him touching you! I kept waiting for you to defend him, to say something, anything! But you didn't!" Liam spat as he invaded Louis' personal space, trying to get into face, only having Niall to hold him back. Louis said nothing in return, just looked back at the brunette, eyes filled with guilt. "Fucking hell, Lou." Liam breathed out as he shook his head in disappointment, seemingly trying to shake his anger whilst taking a much needed step back, "Honestly thought he meant a little more to you than that."

Louis forced himself to turn his head away at that, letting his eyes slip close to keep the burning tears at bay, he knew how much he had fucked up, he knew, but hearing Liam of all people say it aloud, hurt. He had been surprised, hadn't even expected any of it, and even though that was no excuse he honestly hadn't meant for everything to end up like this, with Harry god knows where and the rest of them worried for his safety. _Fuck, Harry was gone and it was all his fault._ With that thought a gate was opened and many more flooded his mind, Louis started to panic.

"Lou." Zayn whispered beside him, letting the warm hand that was once settled on his shoulder slip down to clasp his wrist, "Listen to me, it'll work out, okay? He'll be okay."

Louis shook his head aggressively before looking back at the three boys before him, eyes stinging and hands shaking, trying to be brave, to be strong, "I'm sorry." He finally said, voice wavering as he swallowed, "I really fucking am, everything's turned to shit and it's all my fault. Harry's- he's fucking gone and I don't know what to do, I really didn't mean for this to happen." He closed his eyes, wielding back the fresh, stinging tears that were threatening to escape, he took a deep breath and when his eyes fluttered back open, he was engulfed in a tight hug.

"It'll be alright mate, Haz will be fine, stop worrying, okay? It's not all your fault." Niall mumbled from over his shoulder and Louis let himself melt into the warmth, whispering out another apology only for the Irish lad to hug him a little tighter in return.

"We just need to find him." Louis let his gaze fall upon the voices owner to find Liam looking back at him, worried but a lot calmer than he once was, Zayn by his side. Louis just nodded in their direction, knowing of one place he might find the curly haired lad.

-

Harry sighed inwardly as he stared up at the familiar house, he hadn't even meant to end up back there, especially when he couldn't bring himself to head inside where he knew no one would be waiting for him, not when his sister was so far from home and his mum was always working late. He scuffed his left boot along the path beneath him, kicking at the moss that grew in between the pavement slabs, and before he knew what he was doing his legs were moving and he was rounding the side of the house.

By the time he had made it up the wooden ladder the memories of the time he had shared with Louis in the old, little treehouse all came rushing back. He let himself recall the small touches and the stories they shared as he shuffled further inside, propping himself up against the window where he could see the shadows of the sun fading in the distance. He wondered for a moment how he had let things get so far, it had all happened too quickly. He questioned whether the moments he had shared with Louis were real, if they meant as much to the older lad as they did to him. It was times like this when he wished that someone else knew of the treehouse, the gem hidden in a sea of green trees at the very back of his garden, it was when he craved company most, when all he needed was a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear.

All he felt was a wave of emptiness wash over him, burrowing it's way deep inside his bones, settling. He briefly wondered how long he had been there, tears now staining his rosy cheeks, sat in the tiny box, staring up at the sky, when he felt a sudden shift beneath him, so subtle but too noticeable to ignore. His eyes widened at the realisation that someone else was there, that someone else had found his treehouse.


	44. Treehouse

The tree shook slightly and as Harry shuffled backwards, his back pressing against the farthest wooden wall, he knew that someone was ascending the ladder. Someone had discovered his treehouse, the only place he had for himself, his safe haven. He wasn't too sure what to make of that. He kept his eyes on the opening, waiting for a body to emerge. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, flowing like a broken dam. It was so beyond quiet and it was in moments like these when he wished he could hear the most, he was beyond apprehensive being unable to render when the intruder would reveal themselves, only able to rely on the vibrations beneath him.

He wasn't afraid, he hadn't really felt fear since the assault, he had been through hell and back, not much scared him anymore. It was something he had struggled with during therapy, talking about his emotions after something so horrific, no one seemed to understand how he felt, the way he had coped after everything. He had just been so numb and empty- lost. Things had changed since then- at least he hoped they had- he had his mum, Liam and Niall, Gemma whenever she was home, and even though he had no idea know where he stood with Louis he was sure that he had Zayn too.

The shaking suddenly stopped. Harry kept his focus on the opening of the small treehouse, just watching, waiting. In that moment, he realised that he had no idea what he'd even say or do when the person opened up the hatch and looked in, he regretted not making himself known any earlier but it was a little too late now.

Nothing was happening and for a brief second the thought that maybe the person had decided to retreat crossed Harry's mind, but he hadn't felt anything, not even the slightest of movement, meaning no one had left, the person was just stood on the ladder below him- waiting?

Harry narrowed his eyes at the thought because that's what they were doing, they were waiting, but for what? He questioned whether someone had seen him head up but this was _his_ garden and unless it was his mum or Gemma, which seemed very unlikely, then they had no place invading his treehouse. Slowly, he got up onto his knees and shuffled as lightly as he could over to the hatch, he was irritated, angry, he could feel it settling deep within him, no one had any right to be anywhere near the small wooden treehouse, no one even knew of it!

Harry had to sigh at that, letting his palms settle over the hatch for a moment as he shook his head unbelievingly, because one person did know and as he reluctantly lifted the hatch he was met with the one person he didn't want to see. "Louis."

—

It was quiet; but when was it not? Harry watched on as the older lad sat across from him picked at the frayed hem of his jeans, apparently not willing to talk just yet. That's how it had been for the past couple minutes, just them sat watching one another, waiting for the other to make the first move. Harry would have gladly jumped at the opportunity usually but he couldn't bring himself to say anything, he honestly didn't even know why. It was Louis' life, he was free to live it the way he pleased, but when he got caught in the crossfire of things, when he didn't know where he stood, that's when everything got a little more complicated. He didn't take too kindly to being messed around, he thought Louis would have known that by now, after everything Harry had told him.

Still, even though he was confused and upset, he couldn't take his eyes off of Louis. The boy was unlike anyone Harry had ever met. If he was being honest with himself, Louis looked similar to the way he felt, and that made his walls crumble just a little.

"I'm sorry." Harry didn't quite catch what Louis' lips had spoken, he narrowed his eyes before using a swift hand motion to ask the boy to repeat. Louis furrowed his brow, watching the gesture closely before his eyes widened in realisation.

"I'm sorry." Louis said once more before jostling himself up from his slouched position, "I'm really sorry Haz, I- I should have said something, told the girl to leave it out, I don't know, anything! I should have done something.. instead of just watching you leave." He huffed out a sigh as he let his eyes slip shut, "I know I'm a bit of a prick and that you're probably so confused but I just- I just want a chance to explain it all, to talk." He added timidly before gazing back up at the curly haired lad sat across from him, knees close to his chest, head rested against the wall behind him.

Harry tilted his face to let his eyes find the familiar shadowed blue, the colour calmed him ever so slightly and as much as he wanted to talk, to let Louis explain, he didn't know if what he'd be hearing would be the truth. "Do you even like boys?"

Louis' eyes widened and the shock he felt from the sudden question must have transpired onto his face because Harry was quick to speak again.

"I just- I was just wondering to be honest. I'm confused." Harry spoke, stumbling over his words ever so slightly before regaining his composure, "I mean, you kind of came into my life out of nowhere and I feel like you know everything about me even in the little time we've know each other, which terrifies me beyond belief, but I feel like I don't know you. I know your secrets, I know the things you don't like to tell anyone else or speak about out loud, but Lou, I don't even know what your favourite colour is." Harry explained, finishing with a sigh as he tiredly wiped a hand over his face, he hadn't realised how much he needed to get that off his chest.

The silence crawled back in again, settling over them like a thick cloud of smoke. Harry wanted Louis to know how he felt, how he truly felt, because he did know Louis, but at the same time he didn't. He knew of the boys fears and struggles but none of the things that made him Louis. Harry wanted to know everything; he wanted to know what Louis thought of on rainy days when it was grey and cloudy; what songs he listened to when he was bored, when he was sad, when he was happy; every nickname he'd ever been given, even the most embarrassing ones; his past pets, if he was a dog or a cat person; his thoughts on space and time, if he wanted to travel to the moon; his favourite season, if he loved the cold, crisp autumn air instead of a warm summer breeze; if he preferred tea to coffee and if he took it black or white, with or without sugar; he just wanted to know Louis, know anything and everything he could because Harry was beyond taken with the lad.

"Green." Louis said simply, making sure Harry had read his lips before smiling softly at the curly haired lad, "Green is my favourite colour. It used to be red but a lots changed in the past couple weeks. So, it's green." He added with a gentle nod and Harry didn't really know how to reply to that.

"Green." The tattooed lad muttered under his breath before settling his eyes back on Louis, "Why?"

That sparked a light, airy laugh from the older boy, Louis shook his head gently before grinning back at Harry, "Why? What do you mean why?" He questioned amusedly, loving the way Harry rolled his eyes as he tried to repress a grin.

"You know what I mean." Harry chuckled faintly, unable to catch himself from falling back into their antics so easily.

Louis' eyes darted between Harry's for a moment, his happy, stupid smile fell into something so tender, so- bare. Harry swallowed slightly, his gaze holding just as much intensity as Louis' blue. "Because of your eyes." The older boy breathed out as he pulled himself up on his knees, debating with himself for a moment before shuffling slowly across the wooden floor beneath them, closing in bit by bit almost wearily, waiting for Harry to stop him, to tell him to stay away, but the boy made no move, just watched on. "They're so green, but not just any ordinary green, they're bright and welcoming- warm." He whispered as he settled before Harry, "Whenever I look into them I feel like I get lost, lost in a mossy, wet forest where the sunlight is so promising and golden as it breaks through the overhead of trees, dancing across the leaves below, enchanting everything- it's like your entire existence holds me captive whenever I see them. It's just so hard to look away."

Harry's breath got caught in his throat as he stared at Louis' soft, supple lips, taking in everything the boy had spoken. His eyes fluttered up to meet the smaller boys gaze, Louis looked so soft and so genuine, it made Harry question everything. "What happened?" He choked out before taking a deep breath, "At the restaurant. What happened?"

Louis licked at his bottom lip in thought and Harry couldn't help but trace the movement. "She was a girl I met over the summer, before school had even started." He explained slowly, "Stan introduced us all, there was about six of us. Zayn was there too. I don't really know how it happened or when it started but when we all got together I guess I spent a lot of the time with the waitress and as fucked up as it sounds I can't even remember her name Harry. I was going through so much, I just wanted to forget, she- she was a distraction." Louis sighed, closing his eyes to will back the tears he felt beginning to burn his eyes. The blue eyed boy shook his head before looking back at Harry, almost guiltily, "When we were at the diner she had walked over and obviously saw it was me, I didn't even notice something was off with her until you, until you cuddled up beside me."

Harry nodded slowly as he chewed on his bottom lip, he hadn't ever really been the jealous type or even possessive kind but he'd never truly liked anyone before Louis either. "She um, I don't know Lou, she just gave me a bad vibe the second I saw her." Harry said with a shrug, unable to meet Louis' eye, "I sat closer to you because I felt a little threatened and the whole neck thing, I don't even know why I did it, I'm never that affectionate with anyone."

"Hey, hey." Louis spoke softly as he guided Harry's face back to meet his, "I can understand why, and to be honest I didn't mind it. I know we're not, official or anything yet, but you mean a lot to me Haz, I get jealous too sometimes even though I shouldn't."

Harry clasped his hands over Louis' and let his eyes graze over the boys face for a moment, taking in the faint freckles that littered his soft skin and the fine hairs that ran across his sharp jaw. "Am I like her?" He whispered out, almost unwillingly, as he gripped Louis' hand a fraction tighter, "Am I just a distraction?"


	45. Stormy skies

Even after everything Harry had been through, nothing had prepared him for this. The waiting. He was looking back at the older boy perched before him with glossy eyes and trembling hands, holding his breath as he waited for a response, an answer, anything.

The sun had set in the time they had shared within the treehouse, leaving only a murky sky. The rising crescent moon and the dimmed streetlights that sat just out of view on the main road were the only things illuminating the small, confined space. The air was bitter and left goosebumps in it's wake across both of the boys' skin, and with the silence that had settled around them, neither one chanced moving any closer, even though they were desperate to find shelter from the crisp breeze in one another's warm embrace.

"Lou." Harry finally croaked out, letting his hands slip from the smaller boys but still keeping his heavy gaze. He wanted an answer. He wanted to know if everything they had shared had been a lie. He wanted Louis to let him know that what had happened between them was real.

Louis looked back at him with the most incredulous expression Harry had ever seen on him, he almost looked terrified, all wide eyed, mouth gaping like he couldn't believe that Harry would even assume that. The face was something Harry may have laughed at in any other given situation but right now, he was scared and vulnerable, he just needed to know.

"No." Louis spluttered as he tried to reach for Harry's larger hands once more, "No, how could you even think that? Haz, you could never be a distraction- my god, I don't think I've ever been this far gone for anyone. It's fucking scary- _terrifying!_ \- but I can't even pull myself back because falling for _you_ is either everything or nothing at all. Harry, you don't even understand, it's insane just how much I feel for you, words can't even begin to explain. Nothing else matters whenever I'm around you, you have a hold on me and you don't even see it, don't even realise just how much you mean to me. I mean, for fucks sake, ever since meeting you all I can think about are green eyes, curly hair and dark tattoos, all I can ever think about is _you_! And it should drive me fucking crazy! Mental! But it doesn't, it can't, it's just a rush of so many emotions, so many feelings, I can't even keep up, and what hurts the most is that I don't even know if you feel the same way!"

Harry didn't even have to hear the boys voice to know just how much emotion he had unknowingly poured into his speech, Louis was riled up but not with anger, no, he was frustrated, confused but most importantly so incredibly sincere. Harry didn't even give himself the chance to second guess his actions, didn't even think it through, before he was grabbing the boys neck and connecting their lips like a ship to the ocean, and as Louis greedily responded all he could think of was _home._ Louis was home, Louis was here and now. How had he ever doubted this?

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's tattooed neck as he kneeled his way over into the boys lap, pulling Harry impossibly closer as the green eyed boy dropped his hands to his petite waist, gripping the shirt that created a barrier between their skin.

"Feel the same." Harry mumbled breathlessly into Louis' mouth before grazing the boys bottom lip with his teeth, "Fuck."

With that Louis only kissed him harder, more urgently, his hands tangling in the fine hairs on the nape of Harry's neck as he pulled his body higher up on the green eyed boys thighs.

Harry groaned at the weight, returning the tenacity, he couldn't even think straight, thoughts consumed by the boy before him. His smile, his laugh, his eyes, he could go on and on, overwhelmed by the very existence of the smaller boy sat in his lap.

Then all of a sudden Louis was jumping away from him, his skeleton practically exiting his body before he was snapping his head in the direction of the window. Harry simultaneously followed his gaze, unaware of what caused the sudden knee-jerk reaction. That's when he saw it, the pelting of rain, slamming against the side of the wooden box, and then the bright aimless pattern of light that etched itself in the stars above them before disappearing into the bleak darkness. Lightning- and with lightning always came thunder. The unexpected hands that clutched the front of his shirt made Harry falter slightly and he gazed back to find Louis, lip bitten between his teeth, staring fearfully up at the dark evening sky which was blanketed by grey, stormy clouds. This was probably the first time Harry had ever seen Louis afraid.

Harry couldn't stop himself from cradling the smaller lads face in his palms, almost revelling in the size difference and the way his hands swallowed Louis' face with ease. "Hey love, it's okay." Harry shushed soothingly, "It's just a storm, it'll pass soon, just hold on." Harry said ever so softly as he let his thumb stoke over the older boys supple cheek. "Don't like them?" He questioned quietly, receiving only a nod in response before crowding the boy up against his chest, letting his hands slip to Louis' back, rubbing comforting circles into the fabric of the boys shirt. "I'm here, okay? Nothing will happen." He added just for the sake of keeping Louis preoccupied but meaning every word. "I'm here Lou, you're all good."

That's how they stayed until the storm passed, Louis wrapped up in the arms of Harry while the boy whispered words of reassurance in his ear, before moving onto stories, then sonnets, then songs. Louis listened intently like it would be the last thing he would ever hear, desperately wanting to remember every syllable, every breath, every sweet word. He had always hated storms, mainly the booming thunder that shook the sky and ripped it's way through everything surrounding it, he always had, ever since he was little. He remembered hiding under the staircase with his mum on the nights when it got really bad, she would always tell him that it was the safest place to be, he never really understood why but he couldn't bring himself to care, he treasured those moments with her, where she would soothe him, where she would sing to him as she rocked him in her arms and all he could ever do was nuzzle into his mother's warm, familiar embrace. He was thankful for the fact Harry was there, thankful that Harry had been the one to care for him when he needed him most, he had no idea how they had gone from nothing to something in so little time but it just made sense, _they_ made sense.


	46. You and I

Monday soon rolled around and Saturday suddenly felt like lightyears away. After the storm had passed the two boys had found themselves wandering back down the garden path hand in hand, sneaking as quietly as they could past the sliding glass door only to find Anne waiting up for them, the three settled on the sofa to watch a film together after a short and sweet conversation about their days, Harry and Louis cuddled up on one end with Anne quietly watching the sweet interaction from the other. Sunday had been good, that was the only way they could describe it, they had fallen asleep on the sofa late the night before after Anne had left them alone to head up to bed and were awoken by the smell of breakfast. The rest of the day followed easily, Louis felt at home within Anne and Harry's company, he hadn't been able to stop smiling the entire time he had been there and the older woman had made it known that both he _and_ his siblings were welcome in her home always, so with that he left the Styles' residence to get back to own home full of his many siblings with a large, happy grin on his face and a promise of picking up Harry the next day before school.

With all the weekends chaos the two boys had completely forgotten about the dilemma they were forced to face on Monday morning, the reminder of Friday only hitting them as they wandered up the school steps. People stared as Louis and Harry walked through the main doors, whispering and pointing when the two boys passed by. Louis bit his bottom lip nervously but kept his main focus on Harry who was practically glued to his side, gripping tightly to him with the arm he had thrown across his shoulders, almost as if he was trying to shelter Louis from the onlookers. The smaller boy couldn't help but feel warm by the gesture, Harry's fear was worsening as everyone continued to stare them down but there he was protecting Louis instead of himself.

The lingering gazes of their peers didn't stop even as they reached Harry's locker, the taller boy knew he couldn't hear the words everyone was speaking but it was almost as if they were burning and branding his skin, it made him itch uncomfortably, he only hoped that the things they were saying were nowhere near to what he was imagining because he knew he couldn't protect Louis from their words.

"We're okay, Lou." Harry said, his breaths slightly jagged as he filled his locker with the books he had weighing down his bag, Louis still stood close to his side using his tall frame to hide himself away from the watchful eyes, "Just- just ignore it, they know nothing." He added roughly, tossing things harsher into the metal space now, fuelled by anger and irritation, but then he felt the familiar soft touch of a small hand encasing his own and the air he had unknowingly been gasping for was finally released into his lungs. He let his eyes shut briefly before letting his gaze float towards the smaller, coffee haired boy stood beside him.

"I know, H." Louis spoke softly, letting his fingers trail across the tattooed skin of the taller boy, watching closely as Harry's breathing returned back to it's steady pace. "I've got you and you've got me, that's all we need." He declared quietly, hyperaware of the listening ears surrounding them, "For all they know it's just a rumour, there was only a small crowd on Friday. People talk but we'll say _what_ we want, _when_ we're ready." Harry nodded slowly as the older boy came to an end, he was terrified that he'd be forced to relive everything again, he was scared that everyone would turn on him and single him out, but when he was looking into the ocean blue eyes of the boy before him he couldn't stop himself from wanting to risk it all.

"So just act normal, like we normally would? Because I honestly don't know if I can, we haven't even told Zayn, Li and Ni yet. They've probably heard everything by now and I don't know what to tell them, Lou." Harry worried as he tiredly rubbed at his eyes, so much for things going good.

"Haz. H." Louis insisted as he pulled Harry's hands away from his face, "Look at me. Things will work out, okay? The lads won't care, they'll be beyond supportive and I know you know that. We just have to remember that their opinions are the only ones we value because fuck everyone else. I won't let you relive your past Harry, I won't let it be a story that's retold, because you mean everything to me. You and I, we're good. These twats aren't worth a second thought." He added breathlessly, trying his very best to look as genuine and sincere as he possibly could because he needed Harry to understand that their lives weren't dictated by everyone else, he needed the taller boy to know that they had each other.

"Okay." Harry breathed out, nodding softly as Louis tightened his hold on his hands, "Just you and I." Harry knew then that he had done the right thing by them both when he saw Louis smile, the smile that caused the crinkles by his eyes and that lit up his entire face, the smile that Harry adored.

Harry slowly shut his locker before both he and Louis both took a very much needed deep breath, their linked hands still clasped together, rested against their hips as they walked closely towards their first class.

The stares hadn't stopped come lunch time and Harry had yet to see any of his mates, which was beyond strange since he had Liam in his first class and Zayn in his second, but none of the boys had yet to be seen. He had messaged Louis about it half way through second period when Zayn had been nowhere to be found but the boy only replied that Niall wasn't in his lesson either.

They met one another outside Louis' classroom, Harry had been leant up against a row of lockers with his head down as he impatiently waited for the blue eyed boys class to be released, when they finally were Louis looked as grateful as Harry had felt to see him. The whispers were something only Louis had to deal with but he was thankful for that fact because he never let himself listen long enough to gather an opinion on what each person thought, he just kept himself to himself and did his work.

As the pair walked through the lunch room doors, eyes landed on them like they were some type of prey, Harry couldn't bring himself to watch so he focused on the tiled floor beneath them before gently grabbing Louis' forearm and taking a deep breath, following the scent of a familiar aftershave he knew all too well, hoping it would lead him to one of the few people he needed in that moment.

They came to a sudden stop at their usual table and Harry let out a sigh of relief when he spotted a familiar blonde staring up at him. "Fuck am I glad to see you." Harry exclaimed as he clambered into the seat beside Niall, Louis smiling lightly as he took the one beside Harry coming face to face with Zayn and Liam who sat opposite them.

" _Where_ have you lot been?" Louis hissed alarmingly, he wouldn't admit, not in this lifetime at least, but he had been so beyond worried, there had been too many wild and reckless thoughts that had crossed his mind after having not seen the three familiar faces this morning. He honestly had to talk himself out of thinking that he and Harry were being avoided at one point, but he hadn't let the thought sit long enough because it truly hurt too much.

"Headmasters office." Liam admitted sheepishly, a slight flush coating his cheeks whilst Zayn snickered beside him. The dark haired boy only came to a stop when Liam shot him a glare that even had Louis surprised, usually the lad was all puppy like and sweet but they all knew Liam was fiercely protective and had somewhat of a short fuse when it came to serious topics.

"Why?" Harry asked as he looked between the three, Louis raised a brow questioningly at them also and Niall was seemingly the first to break.

"There might 'ave been a small fight." The irish lad replied quietly as he played with the food on his plate and both Louis and Harry's eyes widened in pure shock at his answer.

"What do you mean a fight?" Louis asked incredulously, leaning forward in his seat ever so slightly.

"A fight, an encounter where violence occurs, Louis. Also known as a brawl, a battle, a scrimmage." Zayn smart mouthed, smirking smugly back at his best mate, "Thought you wouldn't have had to have me explain it to you, Lou." He snarked teasingly earning a narrowed eyed response from the boy opposite him.

"So fuckin' funny Zee. Always a proper clown." Louis snipped as he laughed forcefully at Zayn's reply causing the small group at their table to chuckle quietly, "I meant why- _how even_ \- did all three of you get into a fight?"

"It was this morning, we were waiting for the two of you to pull into the car park when someone on the footie started something." Liam sighed as pushed his lunch tray away slightly, "Nothing serious, just had to talk it all out in the headmasters office." He added nonchalantly.

"Nothing serious?" Harry growled under his breath, "What could he have possibly said to get the three of you to jump him?"

Their three mates squirmed a little at that, neither of them saying a word and Louis could only take an obvious guess.

"What did they say about us?" He questioned tiredly, he was so ready for this day to be over.

Liam and Niall looked a little sheepish as they stared back at Harry worryingly, the blondes lip caught between his teeth as he took in Harry's defeated expression. Whilst Zayn was sat there opposite them eyeing the surrounding tables menacingly, almost like he was ready to fight anyone else who dared to say something.

"Well?" Harry insisted, eyes darting between the three as he felt Louis shuffle further into his side.

"Don't worry about it, no one else said anything and it's done and sorted now, so." Liam shrugged slightly, clearly trying to avoid Harry's piercing gaze.

"What did they say." The green eyed boy tried once more, his voice dropping slightly as his tone wavered with anger.

Niall's eyes widened at the hostility Harry's voice held and he looked over at his apparent accomplices before groaning, "He spoke about something that happened on Friday. A kiss- between you two. Said some shitty things but mostly talked about the fact that he didn't want someone like Louis as his footie captain. Scared he'd catch it or somethin'. So we just, I don't know, we couldn't just listen so we told him to knock it off but it only made things worse."


	47. Don’t tease

The four watched on as Harry's jaw tightened, practically glaring down at Niall, unable to contain his rage. Louis was just as angry as the boy, hurt even, by the fact that the boys he called his teammates, his friends, were so bigoted and close minded, but he couldn't let Harry do something he'd come to regret, wouldn't let Harry stoop down to their level. So he softly took one of the green eyed boys fisted hands in his own and pulled it into his lap, letting himself trace over the dark ink that rested on the boys knuckles as he took slow deep breaths.

Liam, Niall and Zayn just watched them, as did the rest of the lunch room, keeping quiet so not to disturb the sudden silence that had fallen over their table. Neither Liam or Niall had ever seen their best mate so enraged, Harry looked beyond pissed, the only thing keeping him anchored to his seat was the smaller lad sat beside him.

Lightly Louis captured Harry's chin as gently as he could before guiding the boys face back in his direction, needing Harry to read his lips, "Let's get out of here, yeah? Just for the rest of the day, okay?"

Harry huffed out a large breath, eyes glossed over in anger as he nodded at the boy reluctantly. He knew he had to leave, escape from all the incessant stares that pierced his skin, he just couldn't comprehend why anyone would choose to belittle Louis of all people, the boy was the most amazing being Harry had ever had the pleasure of meeting. He knew all too well what people thought of him, thought of who he chose to love, but he was so sick and tired of fucking hiding, of trying to live up to everybody else's standards, of being terrified. He wouldn't allow anyone else to walk over him, not today. If anyone else had anything to say he wasn't just going to lie down this time around and take the beating or let someone else take something from him, he was going to fight back. If not for him, then for Louis.

Harry crowded the smaller boys space and tucked Louis into his left side as they rose from their seats and began to leave the room, he held his head high whilst Louis smiled softly beside him, giving a quiet goodbye to the lads they left behind.

Harry stormed through the lunch room doors not caring for the vibrations he left in his wake, or the stares that followed them as they walked the hallways. Louis could only try to keep up with the taller lads large strides, gazing up at Harry every few seconds to see the anger that still radiated from him. The boys chest was heaving, his nostrils were flared and he wore an expression that caused the few surrounding students to cower out of his line of vision.

Louis had no idea what to do, no idea as to where they were even going but he knew they couldn't stay at school any longer, it felt as if they were in a cage left to entertain the crowd of onlookers, the whole situation made him feel physically sick. He hardly ever cried anymore but in that moment it was all he wanted to do, so he kept his head down and averted his tear filled eyes to the tiled floor that disappeared beneath every step his beat up vans took. Slowly he let his hand reach up and capture the much larger one that was still rested on his shoulder, he intertwined their fingers and suddenly felt a lot safer and calmer than he once did.

Harry gazed down at him when he felt the soft, tender touch, he found the smaller lad with his head down, hanging onto his hand like he never wanted to let go. Harry sighed as they reached the exit and gently opened the doors to reveal a cloudy, blue sky, he looked back down at Louis who was sheltered under his arm and didn't stop to check to see if anyone else was around before he placed a gentle kiss into the boys coffee coloured hair, only wanting to give him some form of comfort.

When Louis snapped his head up to meet Harry's green gaze, his lips were parted ever so slightly and turned up into a small, beautiful smile but his eyes were glossy with unshed tears and that made Harry falter slightly. "You okay, Lou? Did I hurt you?" He questioned in an alarmed manner once they had stopped at the edge of the car park, releasing the boy from his hold as he turned his body to face him head on, most of his anger draining out of him at the sight of the upset lad.

Louis instantly shook his head as he clasped Harry's hand back in his own, "No Haz, no. Honestly, I'm just a little overwhelmed." He reassured before mustering up the best smile he could, "Hadn't really expected any of this when I woke up this mornin'." He added with an unbelieving chuckle, "Just all gone to shit really."

"Could say that, yeah." Harry huffed out with a breathless laugh before letting his fingers trail over the older boys dainty wrist, "But you and I, remember?" He said softly almost as if he was weary of Louis' reaction.

The smaller boy lifted his gaze from their intertwined hands and back into Harry's bright, emerald green eyes, "Always."

—

"Haz." Louis whined loudly, laughing lightly at the small voice in his head that told him he sounded almost as bad as his younger sisters whenever they didn't get their own way, as he stretched to try and grab the controller that Harry horribly had dangling above his head, just out of his reach.

"What Lou?" Harry questioned playfully as he moved the controller even further away, "All you have to do is grow a bit and I'm sure you'll be able to reach it." And Louis should have throttled him then and there but he couldn't bring himself to care all that much about the teasing when Harry was looking down at him with this bright eyed grin.

"You'll pay Styles! That I promise." Louis claimed with a mischievous smirk before practically jumping on the taller boy. Harry, having not expected the sudden weight thrown at him, toppled back into the mattress behind them causing both of the boys to laugh uncontrollably.

"Fucking hell, Lou." Harry chuckled out as he threw an arm over his eyes, smiling brightly, unaware of the gaze he had captured.

Louis couldn't look away, Harry was just so beyond beautiful, he was lean but muscular at the same time and covered in art that Louis had spent hours imagining the meanings behind, and the boys smile was always so stunning, so bold and sweet. The blue eyed boy was thankful that Harry had been able to let things slip away the moment they had walked through the front door, obviously it wasn't that easy but neither one of them could bring themselves to want to talk about it, not yet at least. So as they laid spread out on Louis' bed, the older boy couldn't stop himself from rolling gently on top of Harry to carefully pry his arm away so that he could press a soft kiss to the boys pink lips.

Harry felt the older boy hum lightly against his lips before slowly pulling away, he frowned up at Louis but was only met with a cheeky grin and Harry just couldn't have that. In a blink of an eye the taller boy had them flipped with Louis pressed against the dark navy sheets beneath them, Harry grinned brightly back at the blue eyed boy as he nudged their noses together.

"Don't tease." Harry mumbled out before littering Louis' soft skin with light kisses. The older boy squirmed under him, laughing hard as he tried to wiggle away, the thought of hearing the delightful sound only crossed Harry's mind momentarily before he was capturing Louis' lips with his own, a little harder than the one they had just shared.

"Wish we could do this forever but I'm pretty sure the girls will be home any minute." Louis told the tattooed boy with a sweet but regretful smile once they had finally parted. Harry, who was still towering above his smaller frame, hummed as he gazed into his ocean eyes and Louis found himself getting lost in the green he adored, certain that there wasn't a colour on earth that compared.

Harry pressed one last kiss to the corner of his mouth before rolling over onto his back, "Have to head to work tonight." He told the lad beside him as he stared up at the white ceiling, "Gotta be there by five." He added before feeling Louis dragging him up into a sitting position that now had his long legs dangling off the side of the bed, he pouted, "I was comfy there."

Louis only laughed, now stood at the edge of the bed, smiling brightly as he made work of smoothing out the mess of curls that sat atop the boys head. "Lotts and Fizz will probably be busy tonight, and Dee and Ernie are being picked up by Dan later once he's finished his shift so I can drop you off if you'd like, with the twins in tow of course." He suggested, now stood between Harry's legs, his hands still intertwined in the boys curls as he looked down at him.

"Don't have to." Harry smiled but the exasperated look he received in return from Louis had him chuckling softly, "But that'd be nice, thank you lovely." Louis smiled brightly at the sweet petname and couldn't stop himself from pulling Harry into one last kiss.

—

"Are we there yet?" Daisy asked for the seventh time since Louis had seated her in the backseat of his truck.

Louis groaned before sending her a pointed look in the rear view mirror but that only seemed to earn him a toothless grin in response, "I've told you Dais, soon. We're almost there."

Harry who had been sat in the passenger seat turned so that he was face to face with the brown haired girl behind him, "You excited then?" He queried with a light laugh.

Daisy nodded enthusiastically at him, her grin never fading, but it was Phoebe who replied, surprising Harry only slightly, "Course we are! Lou said we're dropping you off at your work!"

"You are and I can't thank you enough!" Harry breathed out with a mock of awe as he slapped a hand dramatically over his heart, getting a good round of giggles out of the twin girls in the back seat.

"Silly." Daisy laughed at him, squealing when Harry tried to grab her ankles from where he was seated.

"I'm not silly! Tell her Pheebs!" Louis heard Harry gasp and the little girl in question only laughed loudly before shaking her head at him.

"You are! You are!" The twins giggled repeatedly and Louis could only smile at the sound as he pulled up outside the familiar tattoo studio.

"Alright you lot! We're here so you can get out!" Louis exclaimed as he unfastened his seatbelt, listening to the excited talk of his twin sisters as he opened the drivers door and stepped out, everyone else following after him, Daisy and Phoebe getting out safely on Harry's side where the pavement met their feet instead of the road. "Listen up girls," He started once he had rounded the vehicle, finding the three passengers stood hand in hand, "We're in, then out because Haz has to work and I'm pretty sure you're too young to be anywhere near one of these shops."

"Why? Is it bad Lou?" Phoebe questioned with wide eyes, her hand tightening on Harry's hold.

"No love, just got a lot of dangerous equipment that you two can't touch, okay?" Louis told them, trying to be gentle and stern all at once.

The girls didn't reply to him, only looked up at Harry who was biting back a grin, "Why do you work there then?" Daisy asked, her little brows furrowed.

Harry chuckled softly at her before crouching down to the two small girls' level, "You see these?" He questioned as he pointed to the dark ink that trailed across his arms, the little girls nodded at him in reply, "Well, I do these on other people and to make them you have to use needles." That's when the twins grimaced and stuck their tongues out at the thought of the injections the doctors liked to give, Harry and Louis laughed lightly at the reaction. "Yeah that's what I thought, so make sure not to touch anything." Harry said and the girls looked at each other before nodding softly.

"Let's go then." Louis called out once Harry and the twins had looked back at him and then gestured to the studio door. Daisy and Phoebe, in their excitement, dragged Harry by his hands through the door that chimed as they entered, with Louis following closely behind, hoping and praying that the girls wouldn't cause any havoc.

Harry was well aware of the eyes that had fallen upon him once he came to a halt at the reception desk, "Alright?" He greeted with a faint chuckle but the guys at the studio were too focused on the two small twin girls joined at his hip to pay him any mind.

"Is that Harry?" A voice called out and everyone looked over to the right as an older man entered through a wooden door. Harry smiled brightly when he followed everyone's gaze and caught sight of Paul but the man didn't meet him with his usual welcoming instead he raised an amused brow.

"Harry lad, you got something to tell us?" Paul asked with a laugh as he gestured to a grinning Daisy, who waved happily at him, and a shy Phoebe, who was trying her best to hide herself behind Harry's long legs. When the man looked back up at Harry he grinned at the sight of the familiar brunette behind him, "Louis, right?" The man questioned.

"Yeah, it's good to see you again. Sorry about this by the way, we just came to drop Haz off." Louis smiled back at the older man as he pointed over to the girls that were huddled close to Harry.

"No worries lad, great to have you back. Your mate like the tattoo?" Paul asked as he came to rest his hands against the counter that separated the reception area from the actual studio.

"Course, hasn't stopped talking about it since." Louis easily replied as he came and stood beside Harry at an angle so that the boy could read what he was saying too, "But what else can you expect when you get a tattoo from the best." He added cheekily and was happy to see Paul grinning proudly in Harry's direction.

"A right talent we got here." Paul exclaimed and Harry laughed lightly at the praise, trying to hide his sheepish smile, "What are your names then?" The older man questioned as he leant forward against the counter to look down at the small girls.

"Daisy." The confident brunette dragged out before pointing at her twin sister, "That's Phoebe but she's shy."

"Ah, no worries Phoebe I get it, I know I look a little funny, I'd hide from me too." Paul sighed playfully, grinning brightly when he heard a faint giggle from the girl. "You two want a lollypop?" He asked as he gestured towards the bowl of sweets that sat beside him on the counter that were usually for the customers and Louis smiled at the girls reassuringly so that they knew it was okay. Daisy grabbed her own when the man made the bowl more accessible to her height and Phoebe followed closely behind, hand still secured to Harry's as she took one for herself and politely but quietly thanked the man, Daisy mimicking her even though she already had the sweet in her mouth- the studio chuckled at that.

"Well, we'd best be off." Louis said softly, smiling at the rest of the guys in the studio before facing Harry, "Dan should be home by now so I can pick you up if you'd like?" Harry grinned at that and nodded lightly before saying a big goodbye to the twin girls stood beside him, giving them pecks on the cheeks and giant hugs before encasing Louis a gentle hug too. The siblings exited the studio hand in hand and Harry could only watch on fondly as the three climbed back inside the truck.


	48. Superpowers remember?

"So, Louis?" Paul asked with a sly side smile, Harry rolled his eyes at the mans little to no subtlety. They were packing up the studio now, everyone had left not too long ago after they had finished their shift, leaving Harry to tidy the last of the mess around the shop whilst the older man removed all the money from the till.

"What about him?" Harry retorted as he finished sweeping the dark wooden floors, leaning his elbow on top of the broom so that he could pay proper attention to the man.

"Seems like a nice lad is all." Paul shrugged and it was only when Harry raised an amused brow did the man continue on, "I don't know H, just think he might like you, looks at ya like you hung the moon in the sky or somethin'." The man smiled softly when he caught sight of the curly haired lads bright, sheepish grin.

"You think so?" Harry questioned before wandering over to return the broom to it's rightful place.

"Jesus H, you know me, I wouldn't have said anything otherwise." Paul chuckled as he shook his head lightly at the boy. "You know how many people have come in here over the years?" The older man questioned out of nowhere, Harry furrowed his brow unsure of where Paul was going with the topic but still he shook his head, "Didn't think so, but there'd have to be well over a couple hundred of them that have come in and looked at you like you were the answer to all their problems- a god of sorts." Harry flushed at that before rolling his eyes and waving the older man off. "I'm serious H! Honest to god you're like a doughnut dangling on a stick, but never once have you ever given an ounce of interest." Paul exclaimed with an amused smile, "Well, that was until this Louis lad came along." He added smugly before wandering into the back room to place the money they had earned that day into the safe, leaving Harry to his own thoughts.

The green eyed boy sighed softly as he shuffled over to the reception area and jumped up on the counter to gaze out of the large glass window. It was a little past eleven so the only light he could see were the headlights of oncoming cars that passed by and the Chinese restaurant that sat opposite the studio a couple doors down which stayed open until insane hours of the morning. His stomach growled lightly at the thought of food, he hadn't eaten since breakfast, lunch had been well, in one word shit, and he had told Louis he'd grab dinner on his break, which he didn't end up doing because he had wanted to finish off a clients tattoo.

He thought back to Paul, to what he had said moments before as he let his fingertips trail across the edge of the counter beneath him. Louis was his... in any normal circumstance most people would just say boyfriend but they haven't had the chance to give themselves a label yet, unless _almost boyfriends_ counted in any way shape or form. What he felt for Louis was something he couldn't begin to explain though, he didn't just _like_ the older boy but he didn't really know where to start when trying to understand his many emotions that surrounded Louis. 

It only hit Harry then that Paul had pretty much accepted the whole him liking boys. The older man didn't know much about his past, they had only talked briefly about the assault if he was being honest, but none of the things that had happened before or after that, it wasn't that Harry didn't trust the man, Paul was as close as he could get to a father figure, it was mainly down to have not being ready to relive that part of his life but ever since Louis had come along Harry has found more and more strength to open up about it, to come to accept the things he can't change. Harry felt confident enough to tell the man a little more about himself, even after everything that had happened at school, because even though it was terrifying Paul was one of the few people that deserved to know. Also Harry, being a little selfish, kind of liked the idea of having someone other than his friends or mum to talk to about things, a completely different perspective. 

The sudden vibrations of the door opening and closing alerted Harry to the figure that had entered the shop, he snapped his head up to tell whoever it was that they were closed but instead he was met with the grinning smile of a familiar face.

"All done?" Louis questioned as he walked further into the shop, gazing around the empty space to find the tattooed boy to be the only one left. Harry smiled softly at him before reaching out his arms and childishly making grabby hands for the shorter brunette. Louis laughed lightly at him as he rolled his eyes but still he slotted himself in between Harry's legs so that he could wrap his arms around the boys waist. Harry grinned goofily as the boys head rested against his chest, he let his arms snake around Louis' neck before breathing in his warm and familiar scent, only this time it was tinged with what Harry could only describe as burning.

"Did you cook?" The green eyed boy questioned with a furrowed brow and he felt Louis' laugh vibrate throughout his chest before the smaller lad pulled away slightly to gaze up at him.

"Baked." Louis stated as a matter of fact, trying to bite back a large smile as he looked into the taller boys bright eyes, "The girls wanted to make brownies after dinner so we tried. Key word, tried! They might have come out slightly over cooked but with a shit ton of icecream you couldn't even tell." The blue eyed boy laughed lightly as thought back to earlier that evening, "How'd you even know?"

That's when Harry grinned brightly back at him, "Superpowers remember?"

Louis could only shake his head fondly before chuckling away, "How could I ever forget?" He questioned with a dramatic gasp and Harry smiled as he stared into the familiar ocean blue before bringing the boy back into a warm embrace.

It didn't last long because Louis was practically leaping out of his grasp in shock, which led Harry to believe that Paul had made himself known. Harry chuckled faintly at the glare Louis shot his way before the both of them turned to face the older man.

"Didn't mean to interrupt!" Paul exclaimed with a smug smirk as he pulled out a large set of keys from the pocket of his khaki coloured coat.

"Don't worry, you didn't." Louis chirped politely from where he was now stood leaning against the counter.

"You two lads okay getting home?" Paul questioned as he made his way over to the reception, shooing the curly haired boy off his counter before switching off the back lights of the shop.

"Yeah, Lou's giving me a lift home." Harry told him with an easy smile, the man nodded at him before turning to Louis.

"I like you Louis but hurt H and we hurt you." Paul said in a low, monotone voice, leaving Louis to nod furiously at the owner of the tattoo studio with wide eyes, "Other than that, this Friday Harry should be coming over to ours, I'd love it if you joined." That got raised brows from both of the young boys, Harry could tell Paul meant business but to invite Louis round to meet his family was a big thing.

"Yeah, course, I'd love to." Louis rambled, seemingly slightly overwhelmed but when Paul smiled softly at him, the older boy calmed ever so slightly, "Thank you."

"No worries, H will fill you in on the three little monsters I've got running round at home." Paul grinned as switched off the remaining lights and ushered the couple out of the door, "Get home safe the both of you- and Louis lad, you're welcome here anytime, I'll even give you a discount too for whenever you want to get some more tattoos done."

The grin that plastered it's way across Louis' face looked almost manic like and Harry could only chuckle softly under his breath as he gazed fondly at the two. "Yeah? Thank you, it means a lot." The blue eyed boy replied sweetly earning himself a pat on the back from the older man.

"Course, now you two get going, it's late and I'm just gunna lock up." Paul ordered, giving the retreating couple a smile as Harry and Louis called out their goodbyes.

"He likes you." Harry sing songed, grinning brightly at the boy walking beside him.

"Hope so, he's fucking scary when he wants to be." Louis chuckled as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, at that Harry wrapped a comforting arm around the smaller lads shoulders, bringing him in closer to share some warmth. Then his stomach growled.

Louis laughed loudly at the sound and Harry could only smile sheepishly at the heavy vibrations he had felt settle in his stomach. "Wanna grab a takeaway?" The taller boy questioned as he nodded his head in the direction of the Chinese restaurant on the other side of the road.

Louis looked up at him and smiled, "I could go for some food."


	49. Fair share of pricks

"Fuck, I'm really nervous." Louis chuckled anxiously as he let his hands fall from the steering wheel to rub his sweaty palms on the thighs of his light blue jeans.

Harry smiled softly over at him from where he was sat in the passenger seat before interlacing their hands. "It'll be alright Lou, they'll love you, don't worry so much." Harry soothed as he let Louis' thumb skim over his lightly bruised knuckles, tracing the intricate ink that was now painted blue.

Harry hated the sight of them, hated the memory of it all even days after everything had happened. School had been slowly getting better day by day, the incessant stares had started to fade away, people had started to talk about new rumours and gossip harshly about other poor unfortunate souls, but Wednesday had been a tough day for them both. It had started with a loud lad in their year thinking he could mouth off to Louis just before the older lad could make it to the lunch room to meet the rest of their mates at their regular table, a younger boy on the football team had joined in on the taunting and quickly a crowd had begun to form around the two boys and Louis. Louis had tried his best to ignore and dissolve the situation but it had only seemed to draw more attention so by the time Harry had made it to him, Niall in tow, there were four or so lads shoving Louis about and as angry as the older boy had looked he didn't make a move to fight back. The sight broke Harry's heart and only fuelled his rage, he was beside Louis in an instant, shoving the leader of the taunting against the row of lockers behind them causing the entire hallway to stand still, the lad didn't give up even when the rest of his so called mates had, he only came to a sudden stop when Harry's fist had thunderously connected with the metal right next to the side of his head. Harry wasn't a violent person, never had been, but he was just so done, so fucking done with being pushed around by idiots who didn't deserve the right to dictate his life. Even though Wednesday hadn't been one of his better days, he couldn't bring himself to regret it, hardly anyone had spoken about him or Louis since, there were only ever snide remarks in passing that Harry could never hear.

"Just been so on edge this week." Louis sighed tiredly as he gazed out of the window behind Harry's head at the bright red front door they were parked outside of, letting the younger boy read his lips as he did, "Schools been shit and the one place I have to escape it all is just as bad. Footballs my everything Haz, I've worked so hard to make captain but it all feels so pointless. I mean, we're not even out yet but some of the lads on the team fucking hate me for a rumour that no one can even confirm or deny." He huffed, letting his eyes slip close as he took a needed breath before continuing, "Most of the team haven't said anything, have continued on like usual and that's fine, great even, but the rest of them don't listen to me, won't even pass the ball during training, think they have the right to walk all over me now because someones told 'em I kissed a lad." The older boy slumped further back in his seat and he couldn't stop himself from feeling a little guilty for just throwing it all on Harry now, especially before this big dinner.

"Lou, why didn't you say anything earlier?" Harry questioned, his voice laced with concern, the grip he held on the older boys hand tightening ever so slightly to show he only wanted to comfort him.

"I know you've had your fair share of pricks and I didn't want to add more to your plate. It's not a big deal Haz, I can cope with it." Louis replied, sending the curly haired lad a small but sweet smile.

"That's the thing, you shouldn't have to cope with it Lou." Harry sighed as he shook his head softly before taking a deep breath, "I'm here for you, I don't care what I've got going on, you come first now, I'll always be here."

Louis nodded slowly at him before letting a small chuckle slip from his lips as he rested his head back on the edge of his seat to stare over at the beautiful boy sat beside him, "I know. I'm always here too H, you mean a lot to me, you know?"

Harry grinned goofily at that before leaning in to nudge his nose against the older boys, "And you mean a lot to me too." He pressed a chaste kiss to the brunettes lips and as he pulled away he couldn't help but smile, "Now we better get in there before Paul starts wondering what happened to us."

"To _you_ , you mean!" Louis exclaimed with a loud laugh, "I bet he's already dug me a grave, thinkin' I've dumped your body on the side of the road or something." Harry rolled his eyes at the blue eyed lads dramatics, laughing lightly because he knew that Louis probably wasn't too far off with that idea, Paul was fiercely protective.

"Come on drama queen, lets go." Harry told him with a sly grin before climbing out of the truck, only to meet a narrowed eyed Louis on the other side. Harry could only laugh at the older boys antics before interlacing his long, ring clad fingers with Louis' shorter ones, smiling softly at the smaller boy stood next to him.

They walked up the short driveway hand in hand, Louis ironing out the wrinkles in his shirt whilst Harry just watched on amusedly. The bright red door swung open just before they could even knock, a blur of dark brown hair surprising both of the young boys as a small figure leapt out and clung to Harry.

"Heya Noa." Harry chuckled as he stroked the back of a young boys head. The kid peered up at Harry, chin resting on the boys stomach as he did, with a piercing mix of olive green and hazel eyes, letting his mop of thick, chocolate coloured hair fall into his face, complimenting his sun kissed, freckled skin perfectly. 

Louis watched as the young boy held up a finger to his chest, then two to his throat before pointing it at Harry. Harry smiled brightly before returning the signal, adding an extra motion on the end where he took his two pointer fingers and made them meet in the middle before him, "I missed you too." Harry spoke alongside the gestures and the little boy grinned madly in response before another child was attaching themselves to Harry's hip.

"'Arry!" A girl not much younger than the boy stood beside her screamed happily as she wrapped her arms around Harry's waist, the taller boys smile only brightening at the sight of her.

"Hey Lay, did you miss me too?" Harry asked with a little laugh as they parted, letting the two children catch sight of the mysterious boy that was now stood slightly off to the side. They eyed him suspiciously but before either one could whisper a word Paul, alongside a dark haired woman, hurried over to the door.

"Oi what have I said about you two doing that?" Paul questioned with a raised brow, "No opening doors without us there." He reprimanded lightly, watching as the two children looked away guiltily before smiling brightly up at the two older lads stood on his front door step. "Glad to see you both made it! Was beginning to think somethin' had happened." He laughed and with that Harry shot Louis an amused look.

"No all good, just got caught up, but we're only a couple minutes late." Harry argued lightly, grinning at the older man who in return just rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry about it sweetheart." The woman told Harry from where she was leant up against the doorframe before smiling sweetly in Louis' direction, "Hiya lovely, you must be Louis, I'm Laura."

Louis nodded politely at her as he returned the sweet gesture, "I am, it's really nice to meet you, thank you for having me."

Laura waved him off with a light grin, "Don't thank me, it's great to have you! Paul's told me quite a bit about you so it's nice to put a face to the name."

Louis bit at his lip anxiously but smiled all the same, hoping, no praying, that Paul had only said good things as he desperately wanted these people, who seemed to mean an awful lot to Harry, to think he was good enough for the curly haired boy.

"This is Noah and Layla by the way, two out of three of our little troublemakers." Laura laughed as the little girl, Layla, wandered over to hide behind her legs, leaving a curious Noah to look Louis over. Louis crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out at the young boy before smiling brightly at the giggle he had earned from Layla and the soft smile Noah had given him. Harry, Paul and Laura watched on quietly, marvelling at Noah who hadn't shied away from the older brunette like he usually would.

Soon enough, Laura and Paul ushered them all into the home, letting them take a seat in the living room whilst they hurried off to finish cooking, Layla following after, leaving Louis and Harry alone with Noah.

Louis watched the two boys silently interact with one another from where he was perched on the velvet blue sofa, trying his best to see if he could decode any of the signs they were using as he had been trying to learn ever since meeting Harry. It was pretty hopeless, even after the hours he had spent studying each individual hand movement, but not even a moment later Noah was up on his feet and rushing out of the room.

"He okay?" Louis questioned once he had caught Harry's attention, gesturing in the direction the young boy had disappeared off into.

Harry smiled sweetly at him before shuffling up to join him on the end of the sofa, "Yeah all good, gone to find Kian for me." The raised brow he received from Louis in response only made him chuckle slightly, "Kian's the youngest, he's two and a proper menace." Harry informed as he wrapped an arm around Louis' waist, carefully caressing the older boys hip.

"Sounds like me." Louis laughed and shoved the taller boy's shoulder lightly when Harry made no move to argue against his statement, "I'm not that bad!"

"You are." Harry grinned brightly as Louis rested his chin against his shoulder before frowning cutely, "But I guess you're my menace now." The older boy rolled his eyes before pecking at Harry's jaw, pulling away just in time for the entrance of Noah, who was joined by a small toddler that was attached to his hip.

"Ree!" The toddler squealed when he caught sight of Harry's familiar curls, squirming to be released from where he was being held up against Noah's chest as he excitedly repeated the sweet nickname over and over.

When Noah finally freed the boy, he ran as fast as his little legs would let him and jumped into Harry's arms. "Where been Ree?" The toddler questioned, stroking the boys cheeks from where he was now comfortably sat on Harry's lap before trailing his hands through the tattooed boys curly locks.

"I've been a busy bee, Ki." Harry exclaimed as he shook his hair in the little boys face, making Kian giggle loudly as the curls tickled his chubby cheeks.

"Biz bee." Was all the toddler replied once his laughter had died out before he was suddenly focusing on Louis, "Who you?" He asked as he tilted his head to the side confusedly, the two older boys could only chuckle at him fondly.

"That's Louis." Harry stated, smiling as Kian wormed his way out of his hold and over to Louis who happily welcomed the small toddler, picking him up and perching Kian on his knees before grinning.

"Alright little lad?" Louis greeted and Kian just scrunched up his nose cutely, trying to hide a smile.

"Cuddle?" The toddler questioned with big, bright honey brown eyes as he stretched out his arms towards Louis. The older lad just laughed softly before encasing Kian in a warm embrace.

"Love a good cuddle me." Louis whispered to him as he rubbed soothing circles into the boys back.

"Too." Kian mumbled into the older boys shirt and Louis grinned at the faint reply, happy that he had finally found a little cuddle buddy. Sure, his siblings liked hugs and kisses but none of them ever stuck around long enough to enjoy a proper cuddle. "Nice cuddle." The toddler sweetly added and when Louis heard Harry coo quietly beside him he couldn't stop his sappy smile.

Kian looked so at peace in Louis' lap and Harry could hardly contain his will to scream about how adorable they looked together, he knew Louis was good with little kids, having an army of siblings and all, but kids just seemed to be drawn to him, calmed by his presence. The sofa dipped beside Harry and he turned ever so slightly to find Noah now sat beside him, carefully watching the unfamiliar brunette with his younger brother.

Harry sent him a warm, tender smile knowing how Noah could sometimes get around new people but if he was being honest the lad was doing more than okay. Normally the boy would be hiding away with Layla, who was just as shy as her older brother, but Noah seemed to be quite open to the idea of meeting Louis and Harry wasn't sure if it was because Louis was him or not. You see, Noah's mute, had been ever since Harry had met him, that was one of the reasons why they had connected so quickly, they understood each other on a level most people couldn't. Noah can obviously hear but he doesn't speak so he communicates through sign and the day Paul had dragged Harry home after work both he and his wife were surprised to see their son, who hated all forms of conversation, look so happy and comfortable around the older, curly haired boy. Ever since then, Harry had seen Noah as the younger brother he'd never gotten, don't get him wrong he loved Layla and Kian just as much but he definitely had a soft spot for little Noah.

' _You okay?_ ' Harry signed once he'd caught the younger boys eye, Noah just nodded absently at him before gazing back to the blue eyed boy and little Kian who were now giggling about something Harry hadn't heard. ' _He's great, you know? Good._ ' He added, hoping to comfort Noah's reeling mind as he wasn't too sure what the younger lad had made of the situation just yet.

' _Looks nice_.' Was all Noah replied with a small, sheepish smile and Harry would take that, he was just so glad that Noah was trying to step out of his comfort zone. Harry knew that place all too well and in the long run it didn't help at all.

Soon enough all four of the boys were being called to the dining table by Laura, Noah dragged Harry along with him as he signed what they were supposed to be having for tea whilst Louis trailed behind them with a now excitable toddler cradled in his arms. The older boy just hoped that the night went as smoothly as the greetings had.


	50. Changes

"So Louis," Laura chirped happily from where she sat at one end of the table beside her husband, "tell us a bit about yourself." They were all sat eating and talking politely, Louis had thanked the couple profusely for the beautiful meal they had prepared and for welcoming him into their home and it had all been so nice but Louis hadn't been able to shake his nerves since arriving.

Louis looked over to Harry, who smiled encouragingly from the seat next to him, before turning back to face the older woman. "Well, I'm still at school, doing my A-levels." He began softly, honestly unsure on where to start, feeling a little off due to his slight nervousness- which was beyond unusual for him- and also because of the fact that he really didn't want to mess this up as he already knew how much it meant to Harry, "Just studying hard so that I can make it into a good uni, honestly. I play football too, on the schools team-"

"He's captain." Harry interrupted smoothly, wearing a proud grin that made Louis look down at his plate to hide the faint flush that had crawled up his neck.

"Good lad!" Paul exclaimed happily as he grinned over in Louis' direction, "Big football fan myself, loved playing as a kid but my dodgy knees make it difficult now." The older man laughed as he easily slipped his hand into Laura's and settled them on the wooden table between their placemats, "But still, if you're ever up for a little match I bet me and this hopeless lot would be up for giving you a run for your money." He added with a grin as he gestured over to his two oldest children and Harry.

"Might have to take you up on that," Louis laughed lightly, smiling brightly in Noah and Layla's direction before facing the older couple once more, "but yeah, really love footie, it's always been a big part of me life." His grin faded into a soft smile when he felt Harry place a large, comforting hand on his knee beneath the table.

"That's lovely." Laura smiled warmly, "What about family, any siblings?" At that, Louis felt Harry gently squeeze his leg in hopes to let him know that he was there and that he didn't have to bring up anything he didn't feel comfortable talking about.

"Um, I actually have too many siblings to count," Louis replied easily as he let his free hand fall beneath the table to clasp Harry's, "Mostly all girls, Lottie, Fizzy, Daisy and Phoebe the older set of twins, and little Doris, then there's Ernie, the only other lad apart from me but honestly wouldn't have it any other way, I love them a lot."

"God, I couldn't even begin to imagine the mayhem you lot cause!" Laura laughed as she leant back in her chair and shook her head in disbelief.

"There's always something going on, I mean we're a big family you can always count on there being a bit of drama, but we're all really close so things get sorted out pretty easily and we honestly all end up in a huddle round the sofa watchin' a film by the end of it." Louis chuckled out and Laura nodded happily as he spoke, listening intently. He loved talking about his siblings, they truly meant so much to him and they had all gotten a lot closer since everything that had happened the previous year, Louis truthfully didn't know what he'd do without them.

"Is that who I met then? The girls that stopped by the studio with you two." Paul asked after taking a sip of his drink and settling it back onto a coaster.

"Yeah," Louis grinned as he thought back to the memory of the twins at the shop, they still hadn't stopped talking about Harry and his job since their little outing, they both apparently wanted tattoos now that they had been even after Louis' little reminder of the icky needles but the girls were sure on the fact that Harry could do it without them, "That was Daisy and Phoebe, they're the second youngest after Dee and Ernie." He explained and Paul smiled sweetly at him before launching into the topic of what had happened at school that week, something they saved for their Friday night dinners apparently.

Louis hadn't stopped smiling and laughing all throughout the incredible meal, the family were so beyond lovely and he could really see just how easily Harry had slotted into their little dynamic. By the end of the night Louis had even made a new little friend, Kian had seemingly taken a keen liking to him and practically attached himself to him for the rest of the evening. It was beyond sweet and Louis couldn't bring himself to mind all that much, the little lad reminded him of himself slightly, constantly blabbering away, always wanting to be the centre of attention and he had this certain glint of mischief in his honey brown eyes.

So by the time they'd had to call it a night and head home, Kian was already waddling out the door behind Louis and Harry, ready to follow after the two older boys until Paul had grabbed him and scooped him up into his arms before Kian could wander off too far. The little boy had pouted like someone had just told him they'd ran out of icecream and Harry couldn't help but laugh loudly at the sight, claiming that he had seen that face far too many times on the older lad stood beside him. That hadn't ended well and let's just say that Louis had proved Harry's statement to the family when he furrowed his brow at the taller boy. The family had laughed and sent the two boys off on their way, wishing them a safe journey home but not before telling Louis that he was welcome back anytime and was truly a delight to have. Louis couldn't help his beaming smile as he and Harry walked back, hand in hand, to his truck. He was beyond glad that the night had gone so well and was actually looking forward to seeing the small family again sometime soon.

—

"It was good right?" Louis questioned happily as they drove home, Harry could only chuckle lightly under his breath as he smiled sweetly at the older lad.

"They loved you Lou." Harry reassured as gently rubbed the blue eyed boys forearm, watching as Louis' grin widened, his bright blue eyes crinkling at the edges and Harry honestly felt like he could get lost the longer he stared at the incredible sight. Louis' smile was by far one of Harry's favourite things.

"Honestly loved it, it was so great to see you lookin' so happy too." Louis smiled, keeping his focus on the road but his head turned just far enough for Harry to read his lips.

"They make me happy." Harry shrugged with a sheepish smile, "They mean a lot to me, have done ever since I met them." The younger lad explained sweetly and Louis loved that, he loved the way Harry looked as he spoke about the family, the boy just looked so content, so at peace, Louis loved seeing him like that instead of being constantly on edge and anxious like he had been the past couple days.

Louis didn't say anything in return just smiled brightly at the boy when Harry linked their hands together over the gearstick, he loved the way he felt when he was around Harry, he just loved being in the boys company, he felt safe and protected, wanted and- _loved?_ He wasn't too sure on that concept, love was a big thing, a huge thing, he couldn't bring himself to think about it again, so he pushed the thought to the back of his mind and instead coughed quietly as he nodded for Harry to turn on the radio. The taller lad grinned at him in understanding but before Harry could reach out to turn it on, the car swerved.


	51. Please

The truck screeched against the tarmac beneath it's wheels, the tires burning as they span out of place. The air inside the vehicle was thick and heavy as Louis tried his best to grab hold of the wheel that was out of his control, Harry beside him gripping onto his knee as hard as he could, the other hand tightening it's hold on the door handle. There was nothing they could do, someone else had collided with the passenger side of the truck and they were left to just take the impact.

Smoke fumed furiously from the front of the truck, seeping it's way out of the cracks in the hood, as bystanders halted and neighbours rushed outside to view the loud commotion. A large van that was practically unscathed sat in the middle of the intersection, it's driver frozen in place, knuckles turning white as he gripped the wheel. The truck, Louis' truck, had been knocked further out of reach, thick clouds of smoke cloaked the vehicle making it harder to see.

There were people screaming, shouting that they had to get the passengers out in fear that the truck might explode from the harsh impact. Louis could hear their muffled voices as he groaned loudly against the window, everything hurt, his vision was blurred as he reached up to feel the constant throbbing pain in his head, slowly drawing his hand back to find blood falling from his fingertips. His breaths drew harsher at the sight, breathing in the thick, ashy smoke that surrounded him into his lungs as he began to panic. His gaze darted over to the seat beside him to find Harry pressed up against the door with his eyes closed, he swallowed at the sight, his eyes burned as he tried his best to undo his seatbelt, just wanting to be with the boy, just wanting to make sure Harry was okay. Wet tears prickled his cheeks as he coughed and coughed after having finally unclasped the belt.

"H." Louis spluttered, unable to help the tickle in the back of his throat as he inhaled more fumes. "Haz." He croaked as he reached out to grab the large hand that was somehow still settled on his kneecap, he interlaced their fingers but as he did a sharp pain in his shoulder caused him to cry out in pain.

A pressure. He could feel a pressure. At the very tips of his fingers, Harry could feel a strong pressure and a sense of urgency overwhelmed him as his eyes fluttered open. He was unsure of where he was, the thickness of the air made it hard to breath and he choked out a dry cough as he tried to pull himself forward only to be restrained by something. He started to panic but then the pressure was back, only harder this time. Harry groaned as he tilted his head, eyes widening when Louis came into view, blood gashing from an open wound on his forehead. He reached out to encase the smaller boy in his arms but was fastened to his seat, it all became a lot clearer then, after having seen Louis, adrenaline rushed through his veins as he pushed his free hand backwards to unbuckle his seatbelt, letting the strap fly past his face before struggling to get closer to the brunette who was staring at him, ocean blue eyes filled with fear.

There was a harsh pain in his side as he turned in the leather seat, he couldn't bring himself to care as he leaned up against the centre console to cup Louis' chin. "Lou." He barley rasped out, his breaths uneven and heavy, "Listen, okay?" The boy nodded as he squeezed the larger hand that he had yet to let go of. "Where's it hurt?" Harry croaked out before falling into a coughing fit, the smoke was only getting worse, filling up the car making it even harder to breath, there was no clean air, just thick black fumes.

Harry could see just how hard Louis was trying to stay calm, but his wet tears were cascading down his cheeks and he was panicking. Harry gripped at his jaw harshly, knowing that they needed to get out of the truck as soon as possible. "Louis. Where." The blue eyed boy immediately gestured to his right shoulder and Harry could see that it had been popped out of place. Louis screwed up his face in pain as he let out a sob, Harry's heart broke at the sight, Louis looked so broken but it only added to the willpower he needed to get them both out of the truck safely.

"Haz." Louis wheezed as he coughed and spluttered, Harry rubbed at his cheekbone as best as he could from where he was sat in hopes to calm him, to silently tell him things would be alright. "Haz. My siblings. I can't die." Harry just nodded at him in understanding, throat closing as tears stung his eyes, burning as they pleaded with him to fall.

"We'll be okay." Harry comforted as best he could before letting his hand fall so that he could grab a fist full of the boys shirt, hiking it up over Louis' jaw, "Cover your mouth." He instructed before using his elbows to pull himself higher over the console to grab at the door handle, from the high of his sudden adrenaline rush he could hardly feel a thing as he threw the drivers side door open. He coughed violently as the smoke worsened before turning back to Louis, "You need to get out." He rasped as he tightened his hold on the smaller boys hand before letting it slip away, Louis looked back at him with alerted eyes, "Lou. Go. You go and then I can, okay?" Louis looked conflicted for a moment so Harry used his strength to turn the lad in his seat, he knew Louis was afraid, he knew he was hurt, but if they didn't get out now things would get a lot worse. "Go!" He shouted as he pushed at Louis' waist.

Harry watched hazily as the older boy stumbled out the vehicle, knees hitting the hard concrete beneath him but then there was someone there, picking up his weak body and dragging him away. Harry breathed out a sigh of relief, knowing that Louis was safe, as he let his head roll back tiredly against the headrest behind him. It was harder to move now, everything was hitting him, the van that came out of nowhere, the crash, the overwhelming fear, then all of a sudden it was the car, the assault, the anxiety. He couldn't breath. It was too hard to breath. He was suddenly so weak. The pain was starting to hit him too, a stabbing sensation ripped through his left side and he looked over to see the passenger side door had been caved in. The sharp metal of the door sticking out and Harry could only guess that was the reason why he was in so much pain. He tried to reach for the doors handle, grabbing at his burning side as he stretched towards it, he groaned as he tried once, twice, to open it, but it was jammed. He coughed some more as he lazily wiped at his tired eyes with the back of hand. It wasn't so much coughing anymore, just violent fits where his body was trying to release the toxic air that had invaded his lungs. As he sat there, trying his best to cover his mouth with the hem of his shirt, he couldn't help but think back to the day of the assault, this felt a lot like it. Only this time as he thought about his mum and sister, he realised he had so much more to lose. The boys and their families, the guys at the studio, Paul, Laura and the kids- _Louis_. He was going to lose Louis. It couldn't be the end just yet, not when he had only met the older boy, not when he had so much more to give.

"Please." Louis gasped from where he was being restrained from crawling back to his truck on the side of the pavement. "Please!" He begged loudly, "I need him." He croaked, his lungs burning like a blazing inferno with the more fresh air he breathed in. Harry was still inside, there was so much smoke and everyone kept telling him that a fire engine would get there soon to free him, but Louis didn't want _soon_ , he wanted now. He couldn't lose Harry. Not yet. Not when he had only just met the boy, not without a fight. He had promised himself that he wouldn't lose anymore people, not after his mum, so he definitely wasn't losing Harry. Not today.

That's when the flames suddenly sparked. "Please!" Louis screamed as his body jolted forward, harsh sobs wracking through him, violently shaking his entire being, "He's going to die, someone please!" But no one was listening, no one cared. They just stood and stared. "Do something!" He bawled as his fingernails dug deep into the skin of his arms that he had wrapped tightly around himself. "Please!" He sobbed over and over, rocking backing and forth.

"Please."


	52. Lying there so lifeless

Louis could still hear the sounds of sirens ringing in his ears even from where he was now sat in his hospital bed, staring blankly at the plain white wall before him. It was all so sterile, so clean. It drove him mad, made him itch, when all he felt was dirty, sick from the smoke that had filled his lungs and still clung to his body like a parasite.

There had been no word on Harry, it had just passed midnight and Louis was sat in a hospital gown questioning every decision he had made that night. Wondering what would have happened if they had left a moment later, if he had taken a different route home, if the accident had been his fault.

He could still picture the fluorescent flames the that had engulfed his truck, crawling across the dark metal before swallowing it whole. His body shivered at the memory of his distant screams, the clouds of thick black smoke that had filled the gloomy night skies, the way he had completely shut down when they had pulled the body from the wreckage.

He felt so hollow not knowing anything, they had him on this strong pain medication too, it made him a little numb but he could still feel the breaking of his heart as another round of never ending tears silently cascaded down his bruised face; his head was swollen, wrapped in gauze, and he was sporting a swollen black eye as well as many small gashes that littered his left cheek. The last thing he really remembered was the screaming, he wasn't even sure if it had been him or not, he remembered the begging, the pleading, the crying- he didn't think he had stopped crying if he was being painfully honest.

His wet sniffles filled the empty hospital room, Dan had come and gone, saying something about his sisters, and he had only caught a brief glimpse of a tearful Anne but no one else. He wondered where his phone was for a brief moment, debating on whether to tell the lads what had happened. Instead he just sighed quietly as he looked down at the frayed blanket that covered his bedsheets, it was his mums, he remembered her bringing it to every hospital appointment, every chemo treatment, every long and short term stay. It was worn but still smelled a little of her, Louis didn't know if he was imagining it especially after her having passed so long ago, but time didn't matter to him, the pain still ripped through like a fresh wound every time he thought of her. He wondered if it would ever stop hurting, and if losing Harry would hurt just as much.

Carefully he folded the blanket before him, trying his best not to strain his right shoulder as he did so, listening as the cold autumn wind whistled just outside the small opening in the hospital window. It was dark outside the door but he slowly made his way over to it before peering out through the silver blinds to find no nurses or doctors in sight. As he gently opened the heavy door it creaked, but he couldn't bring himself to care, too focused on getting to the nurses station.

His bare feet crept across the cold tiled floor, the entire building was still, quiet. The only sound that could be heard was a faint humming of the old pipes that traveled throughout the walls. Hospitals had always been a big fear of his, especially after everything that had happened with his mum, he hated them, they were always so lifeless and being stood there in an empty corridor at night he was certain that the fear was beyond rational.

Quietly he dragged his weak and tired body over to the small wooden desk at the front of the ward, it sat only a couple doors down from his own room out in the centre of everything. There were many piles of paperwork stacked neatly on top of the counter where a clear vase filled with yellow daffodils sat, Louis tread cautiously over to the shabby office chair and carefully sat himself down in it, being mindful of the sling that encased his arm as he slid over towards the computer. He rolled his eyes when he shuffled the mouse to reveal that the last person who had used it clearly hadn't made the effort to log off, it made things a lot easier for him though.

The keyboard was old, but Louis expected nothing else, it was sad to see just how much money was invested into places that were supposed to be used to treat and care for people. The keys clicked beneath his fingers like heels on a walkway as he carefully typed Harry's name and date of birth into the system. He breathed out a sigh of relief when the patients details came up, it didn't tell him much about of the injuries the boy faced but it gave his room number and that was more than enough for Louis. He exited from the small file and put the computer back into rest mode, so that no one knew any better, before sneaking out of the silent ward.

The walk up the two flights of stairs killed him, he was supposed to be on bed rest with an iv filled with fluids hooked up to his arm but all he could think about as he slowly tread up each individual step was Harry. Harry was worth all the pain in the world.

As he pushed through the stairwell doors he looked up to read the sign that hung above him, trauma unit. Louis swallowed harshly at that sudden reality. He was desperate to see the boy now, he had to know if he was fine, if he was going to be okay.

His pace was a little faster now, still light on his feet as he passed through another set of double doors, eyes scanning the numbers on every room he passed. Harry had to be somewhere. He came to a sudden stop when the sound of someone exiting from a room at the very end of the corridor spooked him. It was a nurse, an older lady with greying hair, obviously on the night shift. Louis watched as she wheeled a metal trolley out of the room and into the hallway, he held his breath as he pressed himself up against one of the pillars that stuck out from the wall, he couldn't get caught yet, not when he was so close.

The faint sound of the trolley squeaking down the opposite hallway allowed Louis to finally breath again, he knew he needed to be quick now, he had no idea what door would open next.

It was beyond a struggle to read the door numbers as he was still suffering from the injury his head had taken when it had smashed itself off the truck's steering wheel, it made his vision a little blurrier than usual and still fucking hurt like hell. He eyed the numerals carefully, not wanting to miss the one he needed, shivering at the chilly tiles beneath his feet as he travelled though the ward, "Why are hospitals so cold?" He chided quietly under his breath as his teeth chattered lightly against one another, letting his uninjured hand rub against the material of his gown for some sort of warmth.

Soon enough, without anymore scares he might add, Louis stood outside a room, one slightly larger than his own, but identical to the ones surrounding it. 237. The blinds were drawn tightly shut so he couldn't see in at all through the square glass window, he just prayed that only Harry was inside. Slowly but surely he turned the metal handle, looking over his shoulder one last time for any movement before swiftly entering the hospital room. He huffed out a breath once the door had closed behind him, thankful for the years spent having to sneak out of a house full of siblings.

A low groan made him spin on his heal and for the first time that night, he smiled. Harry laid there in his hospital bed, alive. He was okay. Louis felt the tears brimming in his eyes once more at the sight of the lad, he had never been so thankful to see anyone before, he just wanted to scream and cry, and dance, he was just so overwhelmed. He immediately rushed over to the side of the bed but hesitated when he went to reach out to hold the boys hand. Harry just looked so fragile lying there. His face was littered with gashes and cuts, so was his neck, he had an oxygen tube connected to his nose and wires that travelled across his body, his left arm was wrapped up in a cast that hid the beginning of a large gauze, and Louis could only begin to imagine what other injuries were hidden beneath the layers of bedsheets. With that thought he looked down at the large quilted blanket he had folded and brought up with him, now balancing between his torso and the sling that encased his arm, and gently freed it, laying it to rest on the edge of the bed. He played with the hem for a moment before gazing back up to look at the sleeping figure. Harry looked so different than he usually did, lying there so lifeless, Louis had never seen him so still.

Carefully he unwrapped the fabric, eyeing the details of the soft olive green that littered the warm cream colour. With his one free hand he slowly rolled the corners out over the curly haired boy, tucking the blanket beneath Harry's feet as he did in an effort to keep in the warmth. When he was done he stood back beside the boys bed and as gently as he could intwined his fingers in Harry's, watching as the boys much larger hand swallowed his smaller one. A single tear fell from his eye as he looked down at their hands and he sniffled quietly into the silent room before he felt a light tug on his fingers. He gazed up to find Harry staring sleepily at him, eyes hooded but smiling ever so sweetly. "Hey." Harry rasped and Louis bit at his lip harshly to hold back the violent sobs that threatened to break through. "You're okay." The green eyed boy added happily, letting his thumb trail across Louis' knuckles.

Louis just nodded weakly at him from beside the bed, "Thought I lost you." He croaked out as more tears spilled from his eyes, desperately hoping that Harry had understood what he'd been trying to say. The boy just tugged him closer by their linked hands and Louis shook his head sternly, "Don't want to hurt you Haz."

Harry rolled his eyes at that and didn't respond, instead he just shuffled as carefully as he could to the side of the bed allowing room for the smaller lad to join him, trying his very best to keep his painful grimace at bay. He tugged once more and Louis chuckled quietly at his persistence before throwing caution to the wind and climbing in next to the boy, being extremely mindful of both his and Harry's injuries.

It took a couple tries but they were both more than happy when they were finally wrapped up in the arms of one another. Louis cuddled into the taller boys side, burying his nose in the crook of the tattooed neck and Harry let him rest his injured arm over his chest as he nestled his face in Louis' head of hair.

Louis hummed sweetly into Harry's neck for a moment and smiled when he felt the boy run a comforting hand over his stomach, he finally felt like he could breath again. "Love you." Harry whispered out into the dark hospital room and Louis' reply got caught in his throat. He pushed himself up as best as he could in his injured state so that he was able to stare down at the boy, but Harry was already fast asleep, breathing even and eyes closed, worn out from everything. Louis let himself fall back into the boys chest, but his mind wouldn't stop racing, had Harry truly meant it? Or was he just so drowsy from all the medication they had him on?

The one question that he kept repeating over and over in his head like a never ending loop was, _do I love him too?_


	53. All I could think about

Throbbing. A constant drilling in his skull was what woke Harry, he groaned as he turned but stilled as his body tensed up in agonising pain, quietly hissing as a shooting sensation ripped it's way through his left side. He released a large breath once he had settled, throwing his head back into the pillow beneath him as he tried to ride through the pain. His breathing slowed and his body loosened as his eyes fluttered open to reveal a bright room. "One way to wake up." Harry mumbled as he hazily gazed across the small space, it was sterile, bare, white. The curtains that hung by the windows were a faded blue and were pulled closed, only barely letting in the light of the rising sun. His nose twitched at the distinctive smell of disinfectant but then as a gentle breeze drifted through the room a faint scent of vanilla wafted past him. Harry smiled instinctively and couldn't care much for the pain caused as he snapped his head to his right to find a coffee coloured fringe sprawled out against the pale pillowcase.

Harry lifted his left hand to wipe away at the hair that fell into the boys eyes as he slept but furrowed his brow as he looked down at the encased arm. It all started coming back to him- the crash, the truck, the smoke, the blood. The last thing he could remember was the fire, the embers of metal and clouds of thick smoke that had raged around him, trapping him inside. He took a shallow breath, it had all happened so quickly, he couldn't actually remember getting out. He let his eyes flicker down to his side, he was in a patterned gown, swamped in blankets and throws, surrounded by flashing machines. A hospital. He questioned just how bad the crash had been, how severely he had been injured- then it almost instinctive, his gaze darted back to the smaller boy curled up beside him, Louis looked so young, his face was bruised and swollen, he had a scatter of gashes that lined from the base of his neck up to the bridge of his nose, his lip was busted but stitched, and had a gauze that was fastened over what Harry could only remember to be the large wound on his forehead that had alerted him to the danger of the situation they had been in.

Cautiously he wiggled his right arm free from where it had been resting between his and Louis' intertwined bodies, before reaching out to run the tips of his fingers across the boys brow bone just above where a muted blue and violent purple had set in around the swell of his injured eye. Louis was so close and the world practically melted away around him as he slowly pressed his lips to the side of the boys mouth before pulling just far enough away to let their noses brush against one another.

Harry smiled softly as a familiar hue came into view, the older boys long lashes fluttered open to reveal an intense blue that not even the oceans could rival.

"Hey." Louis croaked and Harry found himself getting lost in the boys beauty, even in the worst of conditions Louis still looked beyond beautiful, his pink lips parted ever so slightly before turning up into a small smile and Harry felt fingers intertwine with his own.

"Hi." Harry whispered softly enough that he hadn't felt the reverberation of his voice in his head, "You okay?" The boy only nodded in response before nuzzling further into Harry's space, carefully positioning his weak body even closer, smiling at the new found warmth.

Harry chuckled lightly, trying his best not to move too much, as Louis yawned sleepily into his collarbone, "I think I should call the nurse, I don't think we're allowed to have clingy overnight guests." He teased with a rasp in his voice, grinning softly when Louis pulled away with a sleepy pout.

"Well Harold, you were all for it last night." Louis breathed out happily before suddenly stilling. Harry watched closely as Louis furrowed his brow and pinched his lips, clearly in deep deliberation. 

"Lou?" Harry questioned quietly as he ran a hand soothingly up and down Louis' bicep, steering clear of the injured arm, drawing the blue eyed boy from his intense train of thought. "What's up?"

Louis just shook his head before plastering on a faint smile, "No, nothing. Just um, yesterday, it's playing on my mind." Harry could tell that there was some truth behind the statement but he could read Louis better than anyone, and there was definitely something else going on too. Harry let it be though, just nodded at the boy in reply, if Louis wasn't ready to share then he could wait.

"Why'd you do it Haz?" Louis asked after a few minutes of silence, from where he was now resting back beside Harry, their faces only inches apart, "You could have died you know?" He choked out, seemingly still distraught by the reminder of the night before.

Harry gently wrapped the smaller boy up in his free arm, leaving his injured glued to where it still laid pressed up against his side, breathing in the familiar scent that was still tinged with smoke, "Because you were panicking Lou, because I would have hated myself if anything had have happened to you, because I care about you deeply." Harry told him as he pulled the shaking boy tightly against him, "It was instinctive mostly. I just needed you safe, it was all I could think about."

Harry felt the boy nod against his chest in understanding but there was a hesitance to it that made Harry breath out a sad sigh. "You mean so much to me Louis. I could have died but I didn't. Let's just be thankful that we're both still here, yeah?"

That's when a doctor decidedly waltzed into the room, white coat falling just before his knees, gripping onto the clipboard in his hands as two nurses in blue scrubs trailed closely behind him. "Oh."

Harry smiled sheepishly at the gentleman as Louis shot his head in the direction of the unfamiliar voice, both boys surprised by the visitors, Harry guessed that Louis hadn't thought this far ahead- he couldn't help his small chuckle at that because it was just like something Louis would do.

"Alright mate?" Louis greeted ever so casually with a large grin once the initial shock of the situation had subsided, "Many patients today?" He questioned with a mock expression of interest.

The doctor, a tall man that must have been just short off his forties, raised an amused brow Louis' way and let out a faint breath that looked almost identical to a chuckle. "A few." The man played along before looking over at the hospital gown that clung to Louis' body, "Should I be adding one more to that list?" He questioned as his eyes shifted between the two injured teens that were cuddled up in the hospital bed.

"If you'd like," Louis replied with a cheeky smile before shuffling even further into Harry's side, "I don't really want to leave him." He added almost shyly and Harry was sure that he had seen the doctor soften slightly at the confession. The man turned back to the closest nurse momentarily and said something Harry hadn't quite caught, but within the next second the same nurse was hurrying out of the room.

"Well, I'm Dr O'Leary." The man swiftly started as he walked further into the box room, standing by the foot of the bed whilst the last nurse played with the machines that surrounded them. "You're Harry, I'm guessing?" He asked as he gestured towards the green eyed boy, Harry only nodded politely in response. "I've got down on file that you have sensorineural hearing loss, do you need me to find someone to sign for you?" Dr O'Leary questioned carefully, focusing closely on the curly lads understanding.

"It's fine." Harry answered easily, receiving a soft nod and smile in response from the man.

"Okay and as you are eighteen we don't have to wait for a parent or guardian but we may if you prefer." Harry shook his head at that, knowing that he and Louis could fill his mum in later or ask for the man to recap his evaluation, he just wanted to know what was going on now. "Alright, that's fine. So Harry, the collision hit full force on the passenger side of the vehicle where you were said to be sat. With that in mind, we believe that your body was thrown against the centre console as the two vehicles collided before being pushed back in the direction of the door as your vehicle span out. The door had been hit at a blunt force which in turn caused the metal to concave and as your body manoeuvred with the pull of gravity you found yourself impaled on the metal of the door." O'Leary explained as best as he could whilst trying to be mindful of the subsiding trauma the two boys were facing.

Harry swallowed heavily at that before he felt the familiar soft touch of Louis' hand clasping his, allowing him to let out a shaky breath before gesturing for the older man to continue.

"The laceration to the left side of your torso widened as the vehicle moved, only worsening it, we had you in emergency surgery the minute you came in to remove any left over debris and to close up the wound. You lost quite a bit of blood but it was an easy procedure that will only leave a scar, we have had you on antibiotics since to prevent any infections and some strong pain relief to keep the discomfort to a minimum." O'Leary expressed, sending Harry a compassionate smile before carrying on, "There was a large gash up your left arm which admittedly was caused from the passenger side door too, nothing too deep but with the proper care it should heal nicely overtime. The hand is broken too, it was a stable fracture in the wrist which has since been set in a cast, you'll have to wear it for up to six weeks before it can come off, but overall we're not too worried about it at the moment, I've seen much worse so hopefully it won't cause much more of an issue." The man took a deep breath before looking between both boys once more, "We were quite worried about the amount of smoke you inhaled Harry, when you arrived last night you showed the tell tale signs of smoke inhalation. Now, it's not as severe as it could have been which is incredibly lucky as to how long we were told you were trapped in the vehicle for, but as it shows, you suffer with asthma meaning the recovery process will take a little longer than expected. You had a lot of trouble breathing when you were wheeled in and had to be put intubated to allow for your lungs to get the oxygen they needed, what's connected to your nose now is an oxygen tank after having showed signs of steady improvement. For a while you might suffer from coughing or chest pain, an irregular or rapid heart rate, wheezing and shortness of breath, but it's perfectly normal after a case like yours, if the symptoms do get any worse after you are discharged please make sure to tell your regular gp or head straight into A&E." The doctor had just about wrapped up his explanation before the nurse from earlier wandered back in, holding another file. The young woman handed it over to the the man who in return briefly thanked her before facing Harry and Louis.

"Louis!" Dr O'Leary grinned as he pointed towards the blue eyed boy who was still trying to take in the details of Harry's injuries.

Louis frowned in confusion, his fingers toying with the knuckles of Harry's hands, hoping to somewhat ground the boy who was sat beside him looking deep in thought, "How'd you know that?"

"Small hospital, wasn't hard too find your file. You were both brought in together." O'Leary explained with ease, "Now," He breathed out as he quickly looked over the file in hand, "It seems the worst of your injuries are the laceration to your head upon colliding with what seemed to be the steering wheel and the dislocated shoulder." He hummed for a moment before continuing, "The wound to your head was deep but you were lucky enough not to have fractured the skull, although the black eye makes up for that fact- looks more than painful." The man grimaced lightly as he took in the bruised skin that had settled around the eye and Louis could only chuckle under his breath because _of course_ it fucking hurt. "Thankfully there was no swelling to the brain and not too much blood was lost, so that's good. You must have dislocated your shoulder on impact, the surrounding tissue is determined to be fine but you can never be too careful even after the immediate injury, keep in mind it can take twelve to sixteen weeks to properly heal."

Louis deflated at that, but before he could question anything the man was on another roll, "You're quite the lucky star Louis. It seems as though Harry here was quick enough in getting you out before any serious inhalation could have taken place. You definitely inhaled smoke and will have some trouble for a while but if Harry had gotten you out any later you would have been a severe case."

"That makes no sense, Haz was in the truck longer than I was. How come he's not a severe case then?" Louis queried as he slowly sat up further, allowing Harry's hand to settle at the small of his back as he did, the two of them listening intently.

"You were panicking." The doctor stated simply, "When you panic your body reacts differently, so you were inhaling the fumes at a much faster rate, trying to get as much air into your lungs because you couldn't breath. If you'd had been in there any longer the outcome could have been a different story and you both might not have made it out in time before the truck caught alight." O'Leary placed a hand on the railing of the bed, shaking his head softly as he breathed out a heavy sigh, "You boys are very lucky to be alive."


	54. Soggy porridge

They were laid out on the bed again, the doctor had left a little while ago with a couple more notes on meds and care, promising to check back in soon. Louis was huddled against the taller boys side, tracing the intricate letters of an endless amount of words into the soft skin of Harry's chest while they just basked in the settling silence. The hospital was busier now being that it was later in the morning, the sky was finally a bright blue and the sunlight enchanted the bleak hospital room.

Neither one made an effort to fill the quiet void, Louis carelessly listened to the bustling and faint chatter of patients and staff that wandered throughout the ward whilst Harry paid close attention to the boy beside him, taking in every detail he could. It pained him to see the boy so hurt, so beat up and bruised, he couldn't even begin to comprehend the fact that if Louis hadn't gotten out when he had that things could have been so different, it truly killed him. Harry didn't even want to imagine what would have happened.

Slowly he let the tip of his nose nuzzle against the boys temple before placing a tender kiss to the supple skin there, Louis meant so much to him and after everything that had happened he was certain that he never wanted to let him go. The fear of losing Louis in that truck was the only thing that had drove him to do what he had done, it was quite scary to think back on it as he laid there holding the smaller boy close, an unsettling feeling bubbled in his chest as he tried his best to rid himself of the horrific memories of it all. They were alive and that was the only thing that kept him strong, the only thing that mattered.

A wary knock from across the room caused Louis to look up, Harry followed his sudden movement , too lost in his own head to have heard its faint vibrations, he found his mum smiling tiredly by the door. She looked beyond tired and so very stressed, Harry felt himself break a little more at the sight.

"Glad to see you two found each other." Anne giggled as she wandered further into the room, listening to the distant beeping that echoed across the sterile space as she placed a dark duffle bag onto one of the wooden chairs that was propped against the nearest wall.

"Lou escaped to come find me." Harry grinned brightly, his voice hoarse and harsh, no one shined any light on it though as the green eyed boy tightened his hold on Louis causing the latter to smile sweetly. "Like a prisoner of the night or something."

Louis rolled his eyes at that before patting the boy's chest gently, indicating that he wanted to sit up. Harry didn't dare move but cautiously helped the boy as best he could from his position, his side killed even with all the pain medication he was on but the doctors just said he needed rest and lots of patience.

"Right criminal me." Louis laughed lightly once he had settled, letting Harry's hand clasp his before smiling over at the brown haired woman, "Hey Anne." He greeted genially, feeling a wave of comfort wash over him at the woman's very presence, in the past week he had spent more than half of his time at Harry's house, at first he had been a little wary of intruding so much but the woman made him feel right at home, as did Harry. Anne had been so kind and caring from the very start, Louis truly felt a connection towards her, she treated him like one of her own and it was the closest thing he had to motherly comfort since everything that had happened. He appreciated her to no end.

"I can picture it." Anne chuckled as she wandered over towards the bed, a small smile gracing her features, "You two really scared me last night," she admitted quietly as she carefully cupped both of the young boys' chins in the palm of her hands, "thought I'd lost you when I got that call."

"I'm sorry." Harry whispered out guilty as he gazed up into his mother's warm honey brown eyes.

Anne just shook her head at him as she breathed out a heavy sigh and let her arms fall to encase the couples hands, "Don't apologise for something that isn't your fault, sweetheart. I just wanted you _both_ safe, it kills me to see you two here."

The teenage boys just nodded softly at her in reply, taking in the words and her heartbroken expression, they hadn't even had the time to wonder just how much their situation might have affected the people around them, too busy trying to keep occupied, trying not to think back to the previous night. Anne leaned over to press a tender kiss to Harry's forehead before wrapping the blue eyed boy up in her arms while still keeping a strong grip on the intertwined hands.

"I'm glad you're both okay." Anne said softly as she rubbed Louis' back gently before pulling away. "Lottie called me Lou, just as I arrived." She informed as she wandered over to the seat where the bag she had brought in was settled. Louis smiled at that, he was glad that Lottie had felt as though she could contact the older woman after only one encounter, it was the day of the locker incident actually, Anne had invited Louis in for dinner after he had dropped Harry off but when he informed the woman of having to care for his sea of siblings back home Anne simply waved him off unaffected and told him to bring them all as if it was just that simple. It was, and it went incredibly, it was the main reason as to why Louis held so much respect for the woman, why he already cared for her deeply. "She wanted me to let you know that they'd be in just after lunch, as they _all_ wanted to come and see you." Anne grinned brightly, seemingly chuckling at the memory as she started to unzip the bag.

"What about me?" Harry pouted as he tried his best to whine playfully without wheezing, "Did they mention me?"

Anne laughed at the boys antics, plastering on an amused smile to cover up her worry. "Lottie mentioned you too, you big baby. Asked how you were and if they could see you too." She told him as she pulled out a smaller carrier bag and carried it back over towards the boys, "I told her I'd let her know as I wasn't too sure on what was happening." She added quietly causing Harry to capture his bottom lip between his teeth to bite back yet another apology but before a sad silence could settle over them she was already carrying on, "Got you boys some food from the little cafe in town, I drove past it and, being the amazing woman I am, stopped to grab you some breakfast. Didn't want my two favourite boys eating soggy porridge."

Louis and Harry beamed as the woman handed over some baked goods along with warm takeaway cups of tea. "Sugar for H, milk for Lou." Anne grinned as she tossed away the paper bag into a nearby waste bin.

Louis smiled sweetly in her direction as he cradled the cardboard in his uninjured hand, "Thank you for thinking of me." He breathed out before taking a small sip.

"Always Lou." Anne reassured easily, giving Louis a fond exasperated look as if he should have already known that she'd do just about anything for him, "Was going to head down to see you after I checked in on H, break you out and bring you up here myself if I had to." She giggled faintly as she took to a cushioned seat by the window. Louis couldn't help the adoring expression that washed over his features, he was in utter disbelief of how much he admired the lovely woman, Harry just grinned lightly from beside him as he watched the sweet exchange.

"So," Anne breathed out shakily, her sudden nervousness capturing both of the boys' full attention, "Gem's coming."


	55. Cuddles

"Be careful bubs." Lottie cooed as she picked the bouncing toddler up from the bed just before he could pounce on Harry's torso. "H is hurt, so we've gotta be really careful Ern." She told him sweetly, letting the little boy pout cutely from where he was sat on her hip, staring longingly over at the curly haired boy who was bound to the hospital bed.

Harry laughed faintly at the adorable face before gently patting the empty space beside him, Louis was resting over on a chair beside Dan, letting his sisters fuss over him and tell him stories, listening intently to each word just taking in everything he could, so the toddler was free to take his seat. "It's all good Lottie, he can come up here." Harry smiled, trying his best not to groan at the slight burn in the back of his throat as he spoke, he had been making an effort to keep the talking to a minimum but even so, it was a struggle to stop the coughing and wheezing fits that ensued every once in a while.

The little boy practically beamed at Harry as Lottie hesitantly lowered the blonde toddler into the pile of pillows, she bit at her lip nervously, not wanting to injure Harry any further but the green eyed boy just waved her off with a reasurring smile before cautiously wrapping his free arm around Ernest. "Gunna give me cuddles E?" Harry whispered into the boys head of hair before peppering tiny kisses into the toddlers temple making him giggle and squirm further into the older boys side.

Harry chuckled at the little one who stared back at him with glistening, big, blue eyes, watching closely as the toddler settled a small chubby hand on his chest and began softly stroking it, somehow understanding that Harry was hurt and needed to be cared for. "You're so sweet to me." Harry grinned brightly, unable to form any other expression as he looked down at the little boy rested beside him. He had formed quite the connection with Ernie since the first time they had met, of course Harry loved all of Louis' siblings, as they did him, but Ernest was a constant, he clung to Harry like an anchor whenever he was around and would just babble away whilst playing with the boys curly hair or following the intricate designs on Harry's skin, he just loved the tattooed boys company- it was new for the toddler who hadn't always been the most outgoing little boy.

Louis had told Harry that his little brother practically idolised him a few times since they had met and at first Harry had been wary that he was getting in between their family's dynamics, cutting Louis out, making him feel inferior or isolated, but the older lad had easily calmed his racing mind the moment he had seen Harry's guilt stricken expression. The truth was, Louis loved watching Harry connect with his younger siblings, they were already so unbelievably tight knit, it was incredible for him to see, the girls had even said on a few occasions that they already viewed Harry as another brother, someone they loved and could rely on. It warmed Louis' heart to no end because in a way Harry was rebuilding their family, their bonds, because after everything that had happened the year prior, losing the one person they loved most, it had been a struggle to connect with one another like they had before. Sure, they were always there for each other but no one really spoke about their problems or what they were going through, the normal messy stuff that made life _life_ , it was just them trying to get through each day without any more unnecessary pain- Harry had slowly changed that.

Harry cuddled close with the toddler, playing with the tiny fingers that were settled upon his chest whilst being mindful of the vibrations that travelled through his shoulder as little boy rambled away, making no sense at all but if Harry was just being honest he loved watching his expressions, seeing the way Ernie's face would light up as he awhed and ooed but then in a matter of moments change to a grumpy mien full of pouty lips, chubby cheeks and furrowed brows. Harry couldn't help but smile, the unpleasant pain and the vivid memories of the night before didn't seem to matter much anymore with all the amazing people that surrounded him in the tiny hospital room. He finally felt needed, wanted, but most importantly loved.

—

The family had been and gone by late afternoon, Dan and Louis' siblings bid their goodbyes a million times before being reluctantly hauled out of the room. Anne had stayed, wanting to find out as much as possible from the doctors and nurses about the boys' conditions, like when they could leave, what specific medication they were on and everything else she had been worrying about since she had received that phone call.

She had been in the canteen down on the ground floor, grabbing a much needed cup of coffee for herself, when three long faces showed up outside the door. Harry had been the first to spot them, smelling the familiar scent of Liam's aftershave before having even seen the boy, but just as he was about to announce it he was startled by Louis who had just noticed their presence before practically jumping out of his sitting position on the bed to rush over to them.

At first, the boys had been distant almost, scared to hug Harry and Louis back too hard or for too long in fear of breaking them a little more but when Niall had hit Harry over the head for scaring the shit out of him, things had quickly settled and the anxiety and apprehension they all had felt slowly faded away.

"Can I ask," Liam started quietly from where he was stood leant up against the window frame, palms spread out behind him as he watched Niall and Zayn fuss over their friends, "What actually happened? Like, how did you crash?"

Louis' eyes darted towards Harry the moment the question was asked, they hadn't spoken much about the accident, just that it had happened. Neither one had wanted to relive the experience just yet. It was daunting, terrifying even, both boys could still picture the vivid flames that had engulfed the truck and the thick smell of smoke that somehow still clung to their skin even hours later.

"Um, just driving and a van came out of nowhere I guess." Harry told the older brunette boy after having seen Louis' frantic expression, swallowing down the harsh lump in his throat as he did.

Liam nodded silently in understanding before Zayn spoke up from where he was sat at the edge of the hospital bed by Harry's blanketed feet, "We only heard about it this mornin', texted you both last night but never heard back." He breathed out quietly for a moment before starting back up, "I know you were nervous about the dinner Lou so I just wanted to check in, figured it had to have gone good for me not to get a reply." He chuckled faintly as he played with one of the bedsheets frayed hems.

"It did." Harry rasped out with the biggest smile he could muster up, desperately wanting to change the subject, "They loved him. Especially Kian." He chuckled as he was reminded of the little boys new infatuation, "Trust me, if you lot think Lou's bad, you should see him and Ki together, proper menaces."

Louis gaped at him, making the rest of the lads laugh, before smirking slightly, "Sound a little jealous there, Harold." The older boy teased as he ran his small fingers over Harry's torso playfully, steering clear of any and all injuries. Harry laughed loudly as he tired his best not to squirm, not wanting to rip open his stitches or hurt himself more before entrapping Louis' smaller hands in his own, grinning brightly at the victory. 

"Yeah, yeah." Harry said nonchalantly after finally having escaped from the boys torturous tiggles. "He only likes you 'cause you're cute."

"Well it's the same reason you do." Louis teased with a large grin as he shuffled closer towards Harry, not caring for the watchful eyes as he gazed longingly at the boy.

Before Harry could even retort Niall was already squawking, "Alright, alright! I want you two together just as much as the next person but god is this hard to see, the sexual tension is filling up the room, I swear, it's getting hard to breath." He dramatised as he clutched at his throat in theatrics, resulting in a round full of chuckles and a fond eye roll off of Harry.

—

The sun was setting by the time everyone had left, burning the sky a bright amber as the last of the light slipped slowly away from view. Louis was cradled up beside Harry again, he had been offered a room beside the curly haired boy, even had another bed wheeled in for him but Louis was having none of it, he wanted to be as close as humanly possible to Harry. The tattooed boy didn't mind he loved having Louis near, it soothed his own anxieties, but he knew deep down it was due to the trauma Louis was experiencing after something so horrific, Louis was terrified that if he left something worse would happen, Harry also knew it related back to the older boys mums passing, but it wasn't a time to psychoanalyse Louis, he just wanted to be there for the boy in any way he could and if that meant sharing a single bed and letting himself be fussed over then that was what he planned to do.

Louis had passed out not too long ago after the boys had left with the promise of visiting tomorrow, he was already drooling on Harry's shoulder, seemingly worn out from the day they had had but the green eyed boy couldn't bring himself to mind, admiring the way that even in his sleep Louis looked so beyond perfect.

He felt the subtle footsteps vibrate across the room before the knock had even sounded and it honestly felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him when he looked up to find a familiar pair of almond eyes staring worriedly back at him.


	56. Gemma

The low lights of the room flickered lightly as the shutting of the heavy hospital door vibrated through the paper thin walls. Harry subconsciously gripped the unconscious boy beside him a little tighter, cocooning him closer into his side as a pair of heavy black docs hesitantly made their way across the laminated floor. His movement caused Louis to stir slightly but as Harry ran a gentle thumb across the small of his back, the blue eyed boy sighed quietly before settling back into a deep sleep.

Awkward. That was the only word Harry could use to describe the entire situation as he stared up at his older sister. She hadn't changed much in the passing of years; her hair was still a soft chestnut brown, only it was a lot longer now than the last time he had seen it, almost surpassing her elbows; she still had the faint freckles that littered the entirety of her milky skin, Harry had always obsessed over them when they were younger, counting them whenever the older girl had been too tired to care; she wore a small but tender smile, the now visible laugh lines accentuated her soft jaw and pointed chin; her eyes were still so very intense, an array of blended browns that were highlighted by a hue of gentle gold, they held so many memories, so many emotions. The woman looked down at her boots for a moment whilst Harry surveyed her, neither one breaking the insufferable silence, she was clad in a long but fitted trench coat, a warm shade of beige that perfectly matched the faint stitching on the hem of her tapered trousers- that was one thing that had changed, her style. It seemed as though her time away from home had broken her out of the comfort zone where baggy hoodies and sweats had been her best friends. Harry thought the look suited her though, it was clean and playful but tinged with a dark edge that she just exuded along with a confident puissance- overall, it just screamed Gemma.

The older girl raised a fisted hand of berry painted nails over her mouth to cover up the cough that escaped as she cleared her throat, seemingly not having prepared for the reaction she had been given. Her large brown eyes flickered across the bleak room, focusing on all of the depressing details that the space had to offer before finally settling back on Harry, who was still staring up at her from his lying position on the bed.

"I came as soon as I heard." Gemma began before releasing a sharp breath, she seemed nervous, something Harry had never witnessed in all the years of knowing the older girl, he wasn't too sure how to take it. He said nothing though, unsure if he even could, the older girl took his silence as a gesture to continue, "Um, should I sign? I'm a little out of practice, it's been a while, but the last time I saw you you were really happy about the fact that you were able to talk freely with mum without signing." She rambled slightly before tucking a long lock of hair behind her ear, "I can try- if you'd like."

In any other circumstance Harry would have laughed loudly and freely in the older girls face for her obvious apprehension, but he hadn't seen his sister in, who knows how long, and all he could seem to do was observe her because this _person_ was so far from the Gemma he remembered.

"It's fine." Harry hummed after a brief pause of silence, his voice croaky from all the talking he had done throughout the day, wincing slightly at the burn his voice had left in its wake. He let his gaze fall away from the older brunette and over to the plastic cup of water that sat beside his bed, with the hand he had pressed up against Louis' lower back he slowly manoeuvred it to reach for the water instead of straining his already injured arm. Gemma reacted quickly to his obvious notion, hurrying forward to cradle the cup in her palms before hesitantly passing it to her younger brother. Harry took it, reluctantly, grunting his appreciation in her direction before sipping slowly.

His green gaze watched closely from over the edge of the cup as his older sister backed away, peering over her shoulder to find a line of chairs that were pressed against the far wall, there were a too few many to look anywhere near casual but could only be blamed on the array of family and friends that had visited earlier throughout the day, she turned on her heel lightly before taking a seat not too far from the bed.

Silence settled once again, Harry could feel Louis' heavy, wet breaths tickle the skin across his neck and every once in a while he felt the slight vibration of the older boys faint hums as he repositioned himself in his sleep. It wasn't too late, visiting hours were still going on, but the somber autumn skies grew darker much earlier than usual and casted a shadowy gloom across the bare walls. Harry slowly drew in his last sip before returning the water back to its place, swallowing just as his eyes met Gemmas.

"The last time, I um, saw you in a hospital bed everything changed." Gemma said shakily and Harry didn't really know how to take that. Things had changed for him and for their mum, but for Gemma? The older girl had jumped at the first chance she had gotten to escape, only a few weeks after having moved from the place they had once called home. Harry didn't find it fair to say that things had changed for her, not in the way that they had for him. In the time he had needed his older sister the most, the one person who should have been there to protect him, the girl had decidedly distanced herself from him, ignored his very being, slowly breaking Harry a little bit more every day. They had never been the type to act as though the other hadn't existed, sure they had fought and argued but those never lasted too long and they had never treated the other like they were unwanted or some sort of burden, they had _always_ been so undeniably close. Gemma hadn't just been his older sister, she had been someone he had looked up to, someone he had admired, and at a time she had been his best friend.

Harry looked down at the sleeping boy attached to his chest to find Louis staring blearily back up at him, blue eyes looking brighter under the recessed lights, seemingly unaware of the other presence that was sat in the light shadows by the window. "Hey." Louis croaked out, smiling brightly up at Harry as he blinked lazily, tired eyes adjusting to the low light, "How long was I out for?" He questioned groggily before rubbing a palm across his face as the tattooed boy ran a large hand up and down his bicep soothingly.

"Not long." Harry murmured, trying his best to keep his voice as light as possible, his throat still so sore and dry. Just as the green eyed boy was about to warn Louis of Gemmas presence, the older lad was already pushing himself up off of Harry's chest with his one good arm and into a sitting position on the bed only to then be startled by the unknown figure of a woman sat across from him.

"Fuck me!" Louis gasped in shock, his breaths stuttering as he cradled a shaky hand over his rapidly beating heart. Harry laughed loudly at the reaction, finding Louis' gaping mouth and wide eyes beyond hilarious, but quickly shut up when he received a harsh glare in return from the blue eyed boy, who hadn't seemed to find the situation all that amusing. "I honestly think I shit myself." Louis declared with a loud abashed groan which caused the older woman to let out a light air of sweet laughter, catching Louis slightly off guard. "Um, as lovely as this all is, did you not think to tell me that there was someone else here?" The brunette lad exclaimed exhaustedly in Harry's direction, seemingly quite embarrassed as he hit the top of the tattooed boys inner thigh, only _just_ missing what he was aiming due to only having woken up.

"Sorry for scaring you, I've only just got here." The woman spoke softly with a small chuckle as she stood to her feet, Louis could only focus on her intimidating height, silently questioning once again why practically everyone had been gifted long legs other than him. "I'm Gemma, or Gem." She added as she held out a unsure hand, "Harry's sister." And oh, everything seemed to click into place then. Louis blamed his somnolent state for not recognising how similar the two looked earlier, same chocolate coloured hair, same pale skin, same sweet smile.

"Is you're whole family blessed with the same genetics or did you two just get lucky?" Louis questioned suddenly instead of politely introducing himself, tilting his head to the side to examine the brunettes features before widening his eyes in realisation and shooting his hand out to clasp the amused woman's hand that still lingered in front of him. "Shit, sorry." He cringed at his language, _what a first impression_ he thought grimly, "Honestly, I'm really am, I'm not normally such a twat, think I'm still half asleep," He chuckled sheepishly, "um, I'm Louis." Finally letting his hand fall from the older woman's grasp as he listened to Harry trying his very best not to laugh at him but the wheeze in his chest gave him away and Louis couldn't bring himself to be all that mad at the boy.

"Well, _Louis_." Gemma started with an delighted grin, "I've heard a little bit about you but it's great to finally meet you." That caught Harry's attention.

"What do you-" Harry paused to cough a little, trying his best to pull himself into a sitting position, not caring for the shooting pain in his side, "mean you've heard about him?" He questioned, falling into yet another coughing fit as Louis rushed to his aid, pushing his torso back into the bed as gently as he possibly could before grabbing the water from beside the bed. As the tattooed boy carefully sipped, Louis rubbed a comforting hand over the centre of Harry's chest, adding only the slightest amount of pressure to ease the muscles, allowing the green eyed boys spluttering and wheezing to slowly die out as he did so. All while Gemma watched on with large, alerted eyes.


	57. Discharge day!

It had taken a while to calm Harry down, his body ached and screamed out at him to relieve some of the pain the coughing had caused but both boys were just thankful for the fact that even though it was a violent fit it wasn't anywhere near as bad as the ones he had experienced the day prior.

"You're all good H." Louis soothed the green eyed boy as he stroked the fallen locks out of Harry's flushed face, pushing down the layers of blankets as he did so. Louis just wanted to cool him down a little, Harry looked feverish and had beads of sweat forming across his forehead and neck from his inability to calm the wheezing and coughing. "Let's get these curls out of your face, yeah?" He spoke softly as he grabbed one of the hair ties that littered the bedside table beside them. Louis paused for a moment before quirking his lip up sheepishly, "Think we're gonna have to work together here Haz." He chuckled lightly as he gestured to his injured shoulder.

Harry grinned brightly, not trusting the small laugh that wanted to escape in fear of starting another chain of coughs, he held up the hand that was free from a cast and wiggled his fingers causing Louis to smile softly at him before they worked together to tie back the unruly mop of hair.

When they were done, Louis pressed a chaste kiss to the green eyed boys cheek before gracefully sliding off of the bed and heading over to crack open the windows. The hinges creaked and a gust of cold air seeped through the opening, fanning the boys face and messing with his nest of hair. Just as he was about to turn back around, Harry's voice sounded and Louis was surprised at how weak it seemed, "Where's Gem?" It was so faint that the older lad almost hadn't heard it but the unforgiving croak that ripped through the room made Louis cringe slightly.

The blue eyed boy turned on his heel to scan the room they had been bound to since the night of their arrival, no Gemma. Louis frowned deeply, unaware of what had caused the sudden disappearance of the woman, before plastering on a sweet smile and spinning to face Harry. "Not sure Haz, maybe she had an emergency?" Louis suggested hopefully as he looked back at Harry's crestfallen face, but not even he could believe his own words, a small burst of anger flew through him at the thought of Gemma leaving Harry when he was at his lowest without so much as a goodbye. Slowly he wandered over and climbed back into the bed, gazing at the time displayed on his phone that rested on top of the sheets as he did, he bit his lip before turning off the screen. "Visiting hours were over twenty or so minutes ago love, someone probably told her to head home." He lied, taking a deep breath before cuddling the taller boy, laying his head to rest on the pale pillowcase whilst his chin snuggled into the crook of Harry's neck, "Lets get some sleep, yeah?"

The tattooed boy just nodded easily in response, letting his hand grip Louis' as he shuffled slightly into a comfier position. Harry pressed a gentle kiss to the coffee haired lads temple, mumbling something incoherent whilst Louis squeezed him a little tighter. The evening air filled the quiet room and soon enough the two boys fell fast asleep wrapped up in the arms of one another.

—

"Discharge day!" Anne cried out excitedly as she wandered into the room with a bright smile. It had been almost a week since the accident and both boys had yet to leave each others side. "All bags packed?" She questioned as she came to a stop by the two teens that were sat resting against one another on the edge of the bed. Harry grinned goofily at her, nodding manically in response, practically high as a kite. Louis giggled softly beside him and pressed a palm to his cheek when the tattooed boy decided to hide a smile in his head of hair.

"All ready Anne, he's just a little loopy from the medication they gave him earlier." Louis told her softly whilst Harry started to run his fingers across his clothed chest, the older boy rolled his eyes fondly before capturing the green eyed boys hand in his own, gently squeezing it as he laid them to rest on the top of his jean clad thigh.

"They mentioned it when I arrived." Anne replied, wearily observing her son for a moment before continuing, "I just didn't know he would react this badly. Aren't you a little scared, honey?" She questioned as she turned to face Louis, who looked down at the intertwined hands before sighing quietly.

"Not scared, just a little nervous. It's the first time getting back into a car since well.." Louis breathed out anxiously, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth before gazing up at the brown haired woman, "I'll be okay, as long as I have H." He added sweetly, giving Anne a small but genuine smile. The woman brought him into a warm embrace and Louis let himself fall into the tenderness of it, laughing lightly when Harry joined them a second later.

Louis had been granted the ability to leave a few days ago but wanted to stay with Harry as long as possible, so two days later, after a lot of intrusive check ups and getting Harry back to walking again without injuring his side any further, they were both able to leave. When the mention of their discharge had been brought up, both of them had been more than wary of getting back into a vehicle, especially so soon after the crash, but Harry had definitely reacted the worst. As soon as it had been brought up the tattooed boy had panicked at the very thought, which led to an anxiety attack that resulted in a violent fit of coughing, wheezing and spluttering, he had to be put on a ventilator after that to calm his lungs, the whole thing had terrified Louis beyond belief. The doctors soon spoke with one of the hospitals many physiatrists and concluded that Harry would have to be given a sedative to get him home after being released and then talked to both Harry, Louis and their families about therapy which in the long term could prove to be helpful.

The trip down to the lobby wasn't too far, Louis gripped onto Harry's hand that was rested over the boys shoulder the whole way as he wheeled the boy through the halls, the doctors had said it was best to keep him in a wheelchair until they reached the car, he obviously wasn't in any condition to walk and they hadn't wanted the boy to pull any of his stitches out. Anne walked along just behind them, already having dragged the last of their stuff out to the car, just observing the two as they bid their goodbyes to the many staff members.

No one had mentioned Gemma yet either, Louis had brought it up once with the older woman but not even Anne had an explanation, but what she did mention was that the girl had headed back to London soon after. His own family had come and gone throughout the week, leaving gifts and telling stories about their time at school, and were due to visit Louis again when he was settled in at the Styles residence. That was now a thing, the two boys were so codependent that the fear and anxiety they felt when they parted was so extreme that Anne had suggested that Louis spend some time at hers. Dan had reluctantly agreed after watching the two every time he visited, he even admitted that it might be good for Louis' recovery, being away from the mayhem of his many siblings and in a quiet environment. Two or so doctors had kept a close eye on Louis and Harry throughout their stay, it wasn't uncommon to want to find stability after something so traumatic but the boys worked like clockwork, something you usually only saw in relationships between siblings of a similar age or couples that had been together for decades, they were so in tune to one another's emotions and needs. It was definitely something that could either bring them closer together as time went on or break them.

Getting a delirious Harry seated in the car was, in one word, a struggle. The boy was practically deadweight and off in a world of his own, Anne had had to rope in two of the kind nurses at the reception to get him buckled in. By the time they had started on the road, almost half an hour later, Louis was already nervously playing with the hem of a large hoodie Harry had given him to wear whilst the tattooed boy rested his heavy head on the boys shoulder, mumbling random words as he gazed tiredly out of the window.

"All good, Lou?" Anne questioned quietly from upfront, catching the boys eye in the rear-view mirror. Louis smiled softly at her, finding comfort in her tone, it reminded him of his mums, she had always been so soft and gentle when speaking especially whenever he or one of his siblings had been sick or sad.

"Lou." Harry mimicked amusedly before Louis even had the chance to reply, obviously having been watching his mum closely, the blue eyed boy and older woman could only laugh lightly as Harry continued on, "Lovely Lou." He grinned as he nudged the older boys chin with his nose before pulling away and scrunching his face up in a rabbit like manner. A childlike laughter erupted from Harry when Louis playfully poked his tongue out in return, crossing his eyes before smiling brightly over at the tattooed boy. "Love Lou." Harry hummed happily before resting his head back on the blue eyed boys shoulder.

Louis looked over and into the rear-view mirror with a slack jaw, unsure if the older woman had caught Harry's confession but by the sly smile she had plastered across her face Louis knew that she had. He bit his lip before gazing down at the boy beside him, he honestly couldn't help himself as he leant in to press a kiss into the head of sweet smelling curls. Only one word playing on his mind.


	58. I’m here

It was dark outside as Louis stared down at the blowup mattress Anne had set up for him on the floor of Harry's bedroom. The lamp beside him, rested on one of the black bedside tables, illuminated the forest green walls that encased them, allowing Louis to lazily gaze across at the old wooden guitar that was halfheartedly hidden away in the furthest corner. Looking at the worn edges of the soft oak wood and the frail silver strings that lined the neck of the instrument Louis let out a deep breath at the thought of just how alike the guitar and Harry were. So resilient but only barely holding on. With a little time and care the guitar could look as good as new with a shiny, new sleek coat and a strong set of strings, he couldn't stop himself from thinking that maybe that was all Harry needed too. But even if the guitar was polished and perfectly tuned it would still hold so many memories, ones that could never be forgotten so easily.

Louis listened carefully as his eyes traced the edge of where the ceiling met the window, he couldn't hear even the slightest murmur in the silence, it was definitely a big change to the bleak hospital room he had been cooped up in for the last week. Being at Harry's was different to being at home too, his house was always loud and rowdy, even in the darkest hours of the night there was always either someone still up wandering about or snoring obnoxiously until they were all awakened by the cries of one of the youngest twins. The quiet was different, not as lively. Louis wasn't if he liked that or not.

"It's kind of fucked up, ain't it?" Louis sighed once he had turned onto his side so that he was facing the tattooed boy head on. Harry's tired eyes followed his speech while one of his large hands came to rest on the exposed tan skin of Louis' hip.

What?" Harry questioned quietly, his voice strained and sleepy. Louis felt guilty just looking at him, the lad had been up since the early hours of the morning coughing up a storm, then had to deal with the struggle of being incoherent and practically delirious all day, and with the stress of settling back in at home he hadn't had the chance to sleep off the stress. Still, Louis just watched him for a moment before replying, "Life."

Harry hummed for a moment, stroking a thumb across the older boys hipbone as he looked deep into Louis' ocean blue eyes, his own heavy with exhaustion. Harry pushed out a deep, jaded breath as he slipped the warm hand beneath the cloth of Louis' shirt, settling his palm on the small of the blue eyed boys back. "It's not a bad life, it's just a bad day." He mumbled, lightly letting his finger draw shapes into the boys soft skin.

Louis narrowed his eyes slightly, not in confusion or scrutiny but in complete bafflement of the boy laid beside him. Questioning how on Earth Harry had heard that saying before, it was the one thing his mum had always told him whenever he'd had a crap day growing up, he cherished it like nothing else, it was one of the few things that had gotten him as far as he had after her passing. "Where'd you hear that?" He asked instead, swallowing slightly as he shuffled closer, suddenly able to feel the faint hums of breath that fell from the boys plump lips.

Harry grinned dopily at him as he let his eyes slip shut, seemingly too tired to keep them open any longer. "You said it once." He explained faintly before a deep yawn broke through, he cuddled further into Louis' side, the warmth of the boy lulling him into a deep sleep, "In the hospital. I liked it."

Louis couldn't help the light chuckle that escaped him as he shook his head fondly at the now sleeping boy, he truly couldn't remember ever saying it but it was very sweet of Harry to. Most of the time he just spoke a load of shit but that, that phrase, that saying, was one thing he'd always remember. He was glad to have shared it with Harry.

—

The screams and cries only grew louder, _his_ screams and cries only grew louder. There was so much red. It danced around menacingly, teasing and mocking him as it climbed even higher, even faster. So much smoke. It whirled around in the air like a tornado, not caring for who got in it's way, it polluted the already dark, blackening skies, shielding the view of the shinning crescent moon. He couldn't see any further than the fire that had swallowed the truck whole but his lungs burned and his heart ached as he sobbed brokenly at the sight of his life being ripped away from him. He felt sick. He felt numb. He felt tortured. A sick joke. That was what it was. He couldn't sit there any longer and do nothing. The arms that once restrained him suddenly vanished as he stood shakily to his feet, vision clouded by glossy tears. As he neared, soot filled his lungs and the smoke he inhaled scolded the inside of his nose and the back of his throat, he coughed and coughed, wheezing as his eyes stung with a simmering heat. A prickling sensation crawled across the skin of his arms as his hands reached the passenger side door, he tugged and tugged and tugged, begging and pleading loudly, screaming, shouting, sobbing. His cries only grew louder as a pair of brilliant green eyes came into view through the pane of glass, only now they were dull and lifeless, gazing back at him from where a fear ridden face stared numbly back at him. Then it was over, his cries grew louder as someone grabbed his arms and forced him back, away from the smoke, away from the fire, away from Harry. He thrashed and kicked as hard as he could, arms flailing and legs out of control as he fought against the person that kept him imprisoned in their hold. His being ached from how loudly he was sobbing, begging to be freed, pleading to join the boy. " _Lou._ " He heard echo in the distance, the strength of his captor tightening as he wailed even harder, the scene of his truck fading into a senseless black.

"Lou."

"Lou, love."

His eyes snapped open and he gasped for air, his chest heavy and heaving with panic. He tried to toss and turn, get a sense of direction, but he was enveloped in a secure hold. Tears cascaded down his cheeks as he whimpered and shook, the pictures still so clear in his dazed mind. "Harry." He cried out quietly, his hands clawing at the shoulders of the arms that clung to his torso. "Haz." He bawled, unable to control his violent terrified tremors.

Suddenly there was a whisper and the arms weren't as scary anymore, they were comforting and warm. Safe. "It's okay, love. I'm here."

"Haz." Louis whimpered as he closed his eyes tightly, burying himself deeper into the hold, trying to rid himself of the flashing images of the blazing red, thickening smoke and lifeless green that clung to the back of his eyelids.

"All okay boo. I'm here, you've got me." Harry kept whispering, comforting the shaken boy as best he could, feeling the cries and calls from where Louis was pressed against his chest. "So brave. So sweet. It's all okay. I'm here, I'm right here." He soothed as he ran a calming hand up and down the blue eyed boys back, "It was just a dream. It wasn't real, love. I promise. We're here."

Louis shook and trembled in Harry's embrace, sniffling loudly into the T-shirt that clung to the tattooed boys chest, drenched with his warm, wet tears.

Harry pressed his lips into the boys messy head of hair, finding it hard to hold back his own emotions as he watched Louis break down before him. He had been startled awake by the sudden thrashing and flailing of the smaller boy, it had been so dark and Harry had been overwhelmed with fear. Watching Louis twist and turn in, what he could only describe to be, pure agony as the smaller boy struggled to wake himself up from the feverish nightmare that held him hostage. Harry had been less than happy about the situation because he knew all about the nightmares that found you when you were at your very weakest, but he was more than thankful that he was there for the boy, that he could calm him. The only thing that confused him to no end was the fact that ever since the crash Louis hadn't had any nightmares. They hadn't even spoken about it. Harry didn't know what to say to make it all okay, because there wasn't really anything he could say. They just needed time. Time to heal.

Harry clung to the blue eyed boy like a rope to an anchor, feeling every uneasy chill, every violent shake, every broken sob Louis had to offer. The darkness lingered, taunting them, but they had one another and just held on as best as they could.


	59. Cooped up

Mid October was always one of Harry's favourite times of year, the crisp autumn air, the rainy days and starry nights but most importantly, the early morning fog that swallowed up the blue skies. He stood leant up against the kitchen counter, towering over the empty sink to gaze out of the small window that revealed the entirety of their back garden. The array of trees that lined the farthest corner were slowly shedding their colourful leaves, a muster of warm yellows and brunt oranges now littered the frosted green grass below. Harry could only smile softly when he caught sight of a small red breasted robin that had landed on one of the closest fences that encased the garden, it's beak was parted slightly as it danced across the weatherworn wood, Harry could see that it was singing its own little tune, he sighed slightly, longing to hear it.

A breathy gasp escaped him when he was suddenly startled by a gentle tap to his shoulder, he span round to find his mum chuckling lightly beside him, two cups of steaming tea in hand. "Here you are lovely." She said softly as she gestured to the cup in her right hand, Harry's shocked expression fell into a smile as he thanked her lightly, wrapping his fingers around the handle of the warm mug. "Lou will be here in a sec, right?" She continued on, her eyes lingering on his casted wrist for a moment too long, Harry did his best to ignore it but still turned and pressed his back into the counter to shield the arm from her line of vision, sipping the sweet drink as he did so to hide his intention.

"I know. Lucky little shit." Harry mumbled under his breath, only looking up when his mum had knocked his elbow slightly, just in time to catch her laughing freely beside him, her smile wide and cheerful, reaching her eyes.

Anne shook her head at her son whilst cradling her own drink closer to her chest, trying her best not to spill it as her laughter died out, "You'll be back at school soon enough H." She reassured with an airy chuckle, rubbing at the top of Harry's shoulder in hopes to comfort him slightly.

"Just so tired of being locked up." Harry huffed before placing his mug on the counter beside him, not really in the mood to drink much more, "Lou's been back for a good week while I've been sat here doing fuck all." Groaning into the palm of his hand as he rubbed it tiredly across his face.

"Language." Anne chided, hitting his hand away so that he could see her, "It's not for much longer, you'll be cleared soon enough, we just can't be having you pulling out any of the stitches in your side."

Harry sighed, not caring for how childish he may have looked as his lips fell into a frustrated frown, he was sick and tired of being babied and fussed over, he was bored of being stuck inside all day and he missed Louis terribly, seeing as the older lad had had to look after his siblings last night instead of being wrapped up safe in his arms, whilst Dan took another night shift. He knew he was being selfish but he just couldn't help it, as great as therapy had been going he still had some attachment issues when it came to Louis and he knew that the blue eyed boy was the same because since the crash they had both been diagnosed with some sort of separation anxiety. Harry understood what it meant but he just didn't care for the term, it was overused and only added to his list of seemingly growing problems, he wanted to keep Louis safe and he could only do that if the boy was around.

"Listen, maybe I can call in and see if I can take today off work, we could go for a walk or out shopping, I know that we need to fill the cupboards." Anne suggested with a bright smile before bumping hips with the taller boy, "What do you say, hey? A you and me day?" But before Harry could reply the vigorous vibrations of the front door being knocked travelled throughout the house and Harry's eyes lit up at the telltale tune of Louis, five knocks on the wood of the door and two taps on its stained glass window. Anne laughed lightly when he turned to face her with an expression like a small child on Christmas, but she just waved him off in the direction of the hallway, shaking her head softly in fond amusement.

Harry practically sprinted through the downstairs of the house, a giant grin imprinted on his face as he opened up the front door to reveal bright blue eyes and a cheeky smile. "Alright Hazza?" Louis greeted happily before jumping into the taller boys arms and burying his face in Harry's hoodie. Harry only smiled sweetly as he rested his head on top of Louis' nest of hair and wrapped his arms around the smaller boys waist, swaying them ever so slightly. God had he missed him.

When they finally separated Harry looked up to see Dan's car parked in his driveway, the older man grinned at him before two more familiar faces came into view, Harry could only laugh at the twins who had pressed themselves up against the back window, big cheesy smiles plastered on their faces as they waved at him excitedly. He easily returned the gesture before playfully poking his tongue out at them, letting them give him a funny face in return before looking back to Louis once more. "How long have you got?" Harry questioned slowly, knowing that Louis had to get to school pretty soon.

"Not long, this mornin's been mad," The blue eyed boy huffed, looking a little frustrated with the answer he had given, "everyone was in such a rush and then the girls-" he stopped so that he could gesture in the direction of the twins behind him before carrying on, "announced that they had a school trip just as we were about to leave, saying that they were supposed to bring someone along today but I have school and Dan has work, so no one can make it which means the schools a man down." Louis gazed up at Harry and shrugged helplessly, the tattooed boy couldn't help but notice how tired and the stressed Louis now seemed, "Cant do much about it though, just gunna be another shitty day I guess. Only hope that the girls don't get blamed if the trip gets cancelled."

Harry frowned down at the shorter boy, who had exhaustion written all over his face, before wrapping up Louis in another much needed hug. Louis practically melted into the warm embrace, letting himself go limp in Harry's arms whilst the taller lad busied himself with his thoughts, humming as he stroked up and down the boys back. That's when it came to him, "I could go."

Louis pulled away suddenly, his brows furrowed as he stared up at Harry in confusion. "What?"

Harry just simply nodded back at him, already fully onboard with the idea, "I could go." He reiterated with a bright smile as he held Louis at arms length, "Fill in for you or whatever, got nothing else to do and it can't be as bad as lazing about all day and driving myself insane."

"I don't know Haz." Louis started, pulling his lips into a worried thin line, "You haven't even been cleared to head back to school yet and the girls are a lot of work, not just that but you'd have to watch over a group of kids."

Harry rolled his eyes before waving Louis off, "I'll be fine! The doctor only warned us about strenuous activity and even said that some fresh air could really do me good." Louis went to butt in again, to spoil his plan with all of his worrying and overthinking, but Harry beat him to it, "Come on Lou, it'd be a big help and I'm sure mum will agree. The girls will be so excited too, it might actually do me some good instead of being cooped up all day!" He beamed enthusiastically, not caring for Louis' obvious anxiety about the whole thing, already so excited by the thought of being able to get out of the house that now felt a little like hell, "So! Where are they going?"


	60. A sweet sign

The trees passed them by in a hazy blur, the sky a light blue speckled with white fluffy clouds that disappeared behind claret brick walls once every few minutes, the tunnels they led into dark and damp, brightening the only light in the train car.

Harry smiled softly as he watched Daisy chat away with the rest of her classmates, her mouth moving a mile a minute, Harry shook his head lightly in amusement, not even wanting to begin to try and decipher the girls speech, she looked happy enough though. The feeling of a heavy weight leaning against his bicep caused the green eyed boy to gaze over in its direction only to find Phoebe shyly looking up at him, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she snuggled closer into his side. It wasn't anything new, Louis' siblings were always up for a cuddle, especially when they were sleepy, but this was different, Harry could see just how much Phoebe was struggling. Daisy was confident, she brought life into every room she stumbled upon, always excited to make new friends whilst Phoebe was the polar opposite to her twin sister, she was timid and quiet, reserved around the people she didn't know well, but Harry understood just how amazing she could be when you took the time to know her. He remembered the first moment they had met, she was so hesitant, afraid almost, but Harry could easily see just how different the Phoebe sat beside him was to that shy little girl. It seemed as though she still had her battles from the way she was distancing herself from everyone else but Harry paid no mind to them, silently promising to make this a good day for the girl, knowing all too well just how she felt.

"Alright Pheebs?" Harry grinned as he slung his uninjured arm around the younger girls shoulders, paying attention to the soft nod she gave him in return, "I honestly love trains, haven't been on one in a while though- think the tunnels are my favourite bit."

Phoebe giggled beside him, Harry felt the light vibration flow through his upper arm from where the girls head rested and he could only smile brightly. "The tunnels are cool but I like countin' the clouds. Lou made it into a game when I was little, when we used to visit our grandad on the train at weekends." She told him all whilst making sure she kept her head facing Harry, the older lad practically beamed at that, Phoebe never forgot and had practically made it her mission to remind anyone who did. Harry could recall only earlier that same week when Lottie had said something to him whilst popping in a dvd, they were all cuddled up on the sofa, him, his mum, Louis and his army of siblings, Lottie had unfortunately forgotten- something that occurred quite frequently, even with the lads and his mum- her back was turned to him and Harry had no idea that she was even speaking, Phoebe had been quick to tell her older sister off for it though which only made the rest of them laugh and Harry couldn't help the warmth that flooded through him, she was ever so sweet.

"Lou's good like that." Harry hummed as he softly squeezed the girls shoulder, "He told me all about sports day coming up too, know you love that, you looking forward to it?" He questioned, watching as Phoebe gave him bright grin, wrinkling the corners of her eyes in a way almost identical to Louis.

"Yeah!" She breathed out excitedly before going off on a tangent about what she expected to happen, from what the winning prizes would be to the massive fun run right at the very end.

Soon enough another figure joined them, being overly mindful of Harry's cast as they took to the seat beside him, the tattooed boy let his head roll to meet their gaze after Phoebe had sent a soft smile their way. "Hey Dais, you all good?" He greeted whilst gently cradling his free arm around the other twin, biting back an amused grin as Daisy tried her very best to avoid his injured side, Harry knew that she had only remembered because of all of Louis' repeated scolding, the older lad had been fiercely protective since leaving the hospital and it had become a running joke amongst everyone to see just how many times they could get the blue eyed lad to remind them to be careful of it throughout their visits.

"Uhuh." Daisy said happily in reply, "Can't wait to get to the museum, everyones sayin' that there's a big dinosaur right at the beginnin'!" Harry chuckled quietly at the young girls enthusiasm, glad to know that she was looking forward to wandering around an old museum all day. "And I'm happy that you came too, we didn't even know you could!" She added cheerfully, only then beginning to trail over the tattoos that littered his knuckles, the dark ink only just peaking out from under the cast.

"I'm glad I could come, you saved me from food shopping with my mum!" He told them before dramatically huffing causing both of the twin girls to fall into a small fit of giggles. "Oi, don't laugh! I know it doesn't sound all that bad but she can honestly shop forever, I can promise you now that I'd probably be turning sixty by the time we'd make it to the checkout!" The younger girls shook their heads at him all whilst still chuckling away, Phoebe hiding her flushed cheeks and bright eyes in his shoulder whilst Daisy cackled freely.

"Don't lie Hazza!" Daisy exclaimed with a large beaming smile, completely unaware of the attention her loud laughter had gotten them, "Anne doesn't take that long, we've been!"

"Oh yeah," Harry dragged out with a small amused smile before playfully tickling just under Daisy's arm, "She got you lots of sweets, didn't she?" The little girl only laughed louder and Harry watched closely as Phoebe giggled softly at the way her sister was trying to escape from his grasp.

"Alright, I'll stop." Harry chuckled deeply, letting his hand finally slip away after Daisy had begged and pleaded with him. Her eyes were glossy with unshed tears but she wore a large grin that reached both ears as she settled back into her seat, shaking her head in disbelief.

The trio took a moment to calm themselves down, catching their breaths as the train rocked ever so slightly, lulling them into a tranquil silence. Harry smiled down at the two girls hidden under each of his arms, he was beyond glad with the fact that he had managed to somehow convince both his mum and Louis into letting him tag along on the trip, they hadn't even arrived yet and it was already one of the best days he'd had in a long time.

Harry sighed softly, pulling himself from his thoughts before letting his eyes settle on the hands that were now stretched out before him, he furrowed his brow in confusion before his breath suddenly got caught in his throat, the gesture only just hitting him. He swallowed slightly as his eyes darted between the two twin girls, who were smiling sheepishly next to him, before gazing back at their small outstretched hands. Tears pricked at his eyes as he bit at his bottom lip, his mouth still curling up into a warm grin before he held out a hand of his own, much larger than the two sat either side of it, and returned the sweet sign. ' _I love you_ '.

—

There was so much going on, so many people just wandering around the halls of the museum, gazing at all of the old artefacts, taking in as much as they possibly could. Harry smiled from where he was leant up against an archway, keeping a close eye on his small group of six that were crowding around a glass case filled with finely cut gems, shimmering metals, and harsh, jagged rocks. They all looked so small just stood there, so innocent, he couldn't help but wonder just how different he must have been at that age, while they all seemed so carefree, full of life and energy, he had been so afraid, so terrified of every little thing. He hated reminiscing back on his childhood mostly but it got easier with each passing day, he was happy to just watch the class of children wander helplessly around the large building even if he had never had the chance to do so at their age.

A faint tap to his elbow alerted Harry to a presence beside him, he snapped his head in its direction and was met with the sight of a woman in her mid twenties, blonde bobbed hair accompanied by a rather sweet red lipped smile. Confused by her sudden presence Harry turned to fully face her, he found she held a clipboard quite close to her chest and wore a silver whistle that dangled from where it rested around her neck, he smiled softly at her, hoping to prompt whatever conversation she had wanted to start.

"Hi," She breathed out with a small chuckle, shuffling on her feet slightly, "You came with the twins today, Phoebe and Daisy right?" She asked and Harry could only nod in return, trying his best to hold back the questioning brow he wanted to send her way. "That's great, well, it's really lovely to meet you, the girls are in my class this year and I honestly haven't heard them talk about much else apart from you over the last few weeks!"

Harry couldn't prevent the surprised expression that crossed his face, eyebrows darting up to hide behind the soft locks of hair that had fallen into his face and mouth gaping ever so slightly, he really hadn't realised just how much of an impact he'd had on the younger girls. "Wow, um, yeah." Chuckling as he sheepishly scratched at the back of his neck, not really knowing how to reply to that, "Nice to meet you too."

The woman giggled, her blue eyes lighting up as she realised that she had yet to properly introduce herself, "Sorry, I'm Taylor, the girls' teacher! I just came over because I honestly really wanted to let you know just how much we appreciate you filling in on such short notice. We were honestly debating whether we should have canceled the trip or not with one adult down."

Harry nodded as she spoke and gave her an impish grin once her rambling came to an end, "Glad I could be of help." He replied easily before extending his uninjured hand out before him, "Harry."

"Oh, I know!" Taylor chuckled with a amused shake of the head but still made haste to shake his outstretched hand, "I've practically heard _all_ about you. The twins have rather taken to you, Phoebe even wrote a story earlier last week, it mentioned something about visiting you whilst you were sick? It was rather sweet."

"Oh yes," Harry said wistfully, unable to prevent the vivid memories of the last few weeks from flickering through his mind. He flashed the woman a reassuring smile when he noticed her apologetic expression, "Yeah, all's fine now- just an accident." He brushed off but could easily see just how much Taylor wanted to question it, "I'm glad Pheebs got a story out of it though!" He chuckled, changing the subject back to the young girl, trying his best to lighten the dampened mood.

"Very true." Taylor replied through a subtle bout of laughter, clearly understanding that it wasn't a topic Harry wanted to speak about so nonchalantly, and with a stranger of all people. "Lovely story though. I'm glad the girls have someone like you in their lives, especially after everything-" Harry coughed abruptly, knowing just what the teacher was hinting at, Taylor seemed to bite her lip nervously, her blue eyes flickering between the tattooed lad and her students but carried on like nothing had been said. "So, tell me about you! How did you meet the girls?"

Harry breathed out an airy chuckle at the question as he ran a hand through his long curls. Taking notice of how the woman followed the action he quickly returned the hand back to his side and sent her a small smile. "Lou. Um, Louis, their brother." Harry stumbled out as he gazed over at the twin girls, to find Phoebe clinging to her sister whilst Daisy made her way through a crowd of her classmates to get to the front of the solar system exhibit. "I met them through Louis." He clarified, smiling at the sweet sight of the girls whispering and giggling together before turning back to the woman stood next to him.

"Ah, Louis." Taylor nodded, her lips quirking up ever so slightly, "Lovely guy, very great big brother. You're close with him then?"

Harry swallowed, how exactly was he supposed to explain his relationship with Louis? "Very close, he's amazing really- with all of his siblings." He responded, very aware of the subtle step the teacher had taken towards him.

"I'm sure," Taylor smiled sweetly, her eyes flitting over to a corner of the large room they were stood in before resting back on Harry, "Just to let you know, I think a few of the mothers have taken a keen interest in you." She added with a light giggle, her body language expressing how quiet she was trying to be, turning ever so slightly to shield herself away from any listening ears, her blue eyes glinting with amusement. "I don't think any of them have been able to take their eyes off of you since stepping onto the tube!"

Harry sent her a forced grin, his green gaze skirting around the space before focusing on the unsubtle culprits. It was all rather uncomfortable, he was used to the glares and scowls he received more often than not but never the longing looks these women were presenting him with, he couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Louis, who had instantly crossed his mind, knowing just how much the older lad would have gotten off on his embarrassment.

Taylor was stood right beside him as he turned back to face her, her floral scent filled his nose with just how close she was standing and Harry's eyes widened in alert, but before either one had a chance to say much more a loud rowdy group of children came rushing over, attaching their small selves to every limb on Harry's body. The green eyed boy cackled as they dragged him away helplessly, spouting god knows what at him as they all headed in the direction of a large space rocket, he couldn't even bring himself to look back at the teacher with an apologetic smile, silently thanking his lucky stars for the little saviours tugging on his long legs.


	61. Cheap bastards

The old brick building stood before him, a cold shelter, daunting and unwelcoming. Harry couldn't really help the anxiety that rose throughout him as he stared back at it, it hadn't been too long since the last time he had walked those halls but it was still so unnerving, he had no idea what was waiting for him.

Yesterday had been his final appointment with his doctor, he had had the stitches removed from the side of his torso and his forearm and had even had his wrist recasted, it was only a matter of weeks before it was able to come off again. He had even been cleared to head back into school which was where he stood now, Liam exiting the car beside him.

"You ready mate?" The brunette questioned once he had made his way round to stand beside Harry, "Remember you don't have to head in today and if you need to leave at some point you can just let me know."

The green eyed lad smiled softly at the older boy, Liam was the epitome of a born worrier, always overthinking, it was sweet to see him so concerned though. "I know." Harry breathed out before hoisting his bag higher up on his shoulder, "Have any of the boys texted you yet?"

"Yeah, Niall and Lou got a lift to training this mornin' from Zayn, but I think Zee should be moping about around here somewhere whilst the boys are out on the field." Liam replied as he gestured for them to start heading inside.

Harry sighed and reluctantly trailed beside the boy, keeping his gaze locked on Liam instead of everyone else, their incessant stares already starting to make his skin itch and he hadn't even made it past the schools doors yet. "It's Lou's first day back, he's missed training with the team, just football in general I think."

Liam seemed to hum for a moment before asking, "Is his shoulder all okay now? I know he was worried about it at first."

"It's still healing, he knows he has to be careful but it seems okay, acts up a little but he's certain he can play." Harry replied as they made their way up the stone steps, "I'm honestly just worried about his teammates, you know after everything that happened."

"I wouldn't, H." Liam reassured, placing a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder as they entered the building, "It's been okay since the- um, well you know," the boy smiled sheepishly, unsure if he should even mention the car accident.

"It's fine Li." Harry told him with a small smile, it was a simple enough gesture but seemed to ease the older lads mind slightly.

"Yeah, um ever since he came back a lot of people have been really quiet, haven't said a word actually. Niall even mentioned that some of the lads on the team were looking forward to having him back out on the field. Something about how it didn't feel right without him there."

Harry couldn't help the gentle smile that graced his lips at that, he was beyond glad that things had finally settled for Louis, the boy hadn't deserved all the shit they had given him before the crash.

It seemed as though Liam was about to speak up again but Harry's gaze drifted upwards, looking over the many heads that stood in his way, towards the end of the hallway. He grinned when he caught sight of familiar dark hair, happy that he had caught a whiff of the recognisable aftershave. "Zee's waiting by your locker," Harry spoke before letting his eyes trail back to his best mate, watching closely as Liam sought out the lad.

Soon enough they had made their way through the crowd of students that littered the hall and Harry was quickly engulfed in a gentle embrace. The green eyed lad easily returned the gesture, smiling over Zayn's shoulder before slowly pulling away.

"Good to have you back H." Zayn greeted with a bright smile, "Wasn't the same without you around." Harry rolled his eyes as a short chuckle escaped from his lips.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just glad to be out of the house," Harry told the dark haired boy as they all stood closer to the wall of lockers, "Even if it means having to be here."

Liam lightly shook his head at him whilst Zayn just laughed freely at Harry's reply, "I'm with you there mate."

"Is training over yet?" Liam asked Zayn, "Niall's still got my maths book, said he'd give it to me before first period."

"Think so, Lou said he'd meet us here." Zayn replied easily and almost on cue a shorter figure was wrapping their arms around Harry's waist, nuzzling their damp hair into the warmth of the green eyed boys coat.

"Lou, you're wet." Harry chuckled as he stumbled on his feet slightly at the sudden weight of the boy before catching himself, not thinking twice before wrapping an arm around the lad. Harry felt Louis mumble something into the lining of the coat but he couldn't bring himself to question it, didn't really have the chance to actually as a rowdy Irishman excitedly made his way towards them.

"Harold!" Niall exclaimed happily once he had caught sight of the curly haired lad, dodging the boy hanging off of Harry's side to give his best mate a large hug, "Missed ya mate!" He added once he had pulled away, "See someone else has too." He snorted as he moved to stand between Liam and Zayn, scavenging for warmth.

"Hm," Harry hummed as his gaze dropped to the quiet coffee haired boy in his arms, "You saw me a day or two ago Ni," The blonde simply shrugged in response, grinning brightly in Harry's direction, "and why are you both all shivering and wet? You'll catch a cold or somethin'."

"Rained earlier this mornin' so the pitch was all muddy, had to have showers after trainin' but there weren't much hot water." Niall explained whilst his teeth chattered, allowing Zayn to rub his biceps in hopes to warm him up a little more, "Cheap bastards." He muttered as he shuffled further into the embrace.

They all laughed at that, even Louis, who was now beginning to come out of the cocoon he had created for himself inside of Harry's coat, staring up at the taller lad with those bright blue eyes that always had Harry's heart skipping a beat. "Had fun though." Louis spoke, not even trying to hide his soft smile as he tightened his hold on Harry.

"I'm glad." Harry hummed as he ran a ring clad hand through the back of the shorter boys hair, swaying them ever so gently.

Harry was knocked out of his little trance the moment the entire school seemed to speed up around them, a blur of figures rushing towards classes, the green eyed lad could only guess that the bell had sounded. He sighed as he tilted his head back over in the direction of his mates, "What's first?"

"Me, you and Lou have English, and I'm pretty sure Zee and Ni have got Science." Liam answered, keeping his face turned towards Harry even though his eyes were focused on the task he had appointed himself, riffling through his bag.

"Yup I'm with Zee, think we're doin' an experiment today too so we'd best be headin' off." Niall added, letting Zayn's hands fall away from his shoulders as the both of them said their goodbyes before they started off in the direction of the Science block.

"Guess we'd better get going then too." Liam smiled before turning on his heel, Harry went to follow after him but could only chuckle fondly down at Louis when the boy made no move to detach himself from his torso.

"Guess it's a cuddling kind of day." Harry grinned as he slowly trailed after Liam's retreating figure, feeling the soft vibration of Louis' noncommittal hum travel throughout his chest whilst doing his best to ignore any lingering looks, a small bubble of anxiety already creeping in yet again.

—

The rain had started up again as Harry gazed out of the large classroom windows, Louis leant up against him, head rested tiredly on his bicep whilst their English teacher nattered away. There weren't many people out but the ones that were were all kitted up in large coats and soft scarves, sheltered by colourful umbrellas that lit up the otherwise dull sky. Harry's focus was on the cars though, they sped past the schools iron gates like lightening, not caring for the weather conditions or the junction at the end of the road. He gulped dryly at the reminder, at the memories that still haunted him.

The touch of a hand clasping around his wrist caused him to gaze back into the classroom around him, his eyes falling onto the pale fingers that were slowly soothing his tattooed skin before trailing up the arm to find a sleepy Louis smiling softly at him. "You 'kay?" The older boy questioned as Harry sighed lightly, very thankful for the distraction.

"Yeah," Harry breathed out before giving the boy a tender smile, "Just got a little lost in my own head I guess." He added as he turned his hand over to link his fingers with Louis' own.

"Thought so." The blue eyed lad said before trying to shuffle his chair a little closer, Harry chuckled lightly before letting go of Louis' hand to drag him over himself, "I could have done it." Louis mumbled with pouted lips whilst Harry shook his head lightly in amusement before settling his arm around the lads waist.

"I'm sure," Harry agreed with a humoured grin, letting his green gaze settled back on Louis, his expression turning at the sight, his grin falling into a thin lipped smile as he furrowed his brow worryingly at the boy. "You okay, lovely?" Harry questioned quietly, "You've been pretty quiet all morning."

Harry watched him huff out a breath of air before his bright blue eyes met his once more, "Just tired, didn't get much sleep." Louis replied and Harry could finally see just how exhausted the boy looked, his eyes were rimmed a light red which complimented the darker circles that sat beneath them, his cheekbones were gaunt and his skin was a paler shade than Harry was used to.

"Nightmares?" The tattooed boy asked and frowned when Louis nodded faintly in reply. Harry tightened his hold on the coffee haired boy as he let Louis rest his head back on the cushion of his bicep, "Is Dan working tonight?" Again, he only received a nod.

Harry bit at his lip anxiously, he knew just how bad those nights could get, he had been awakened on too many occasions to count by Louis' shaking form kicking free from his gentle hold, feeling the boys shrilling screams and pitiful pleads vibrate through his chest as he tried his best to calm him. It was always the same dream, the same retelling of a certain memory- the night of the crash. Harry's heart sank at the reminder of Louis' last nightmare, the trembling skin, the flood of tears, the fingertips that had left bruises in their wake, the worried look that his mum had given him when the sobs had finally died out into fretful sniffles.

"I'll be there, okay?" Harry said softly into the boys ear, his lips brushing across the skin ever so slightly as his forehead pressed against the head of hair, "I'll help you babysit and you can help me cook dinner, then I'll spend the night so you don't have to face it alone." He pressed a chaste kiss to Louis' temple before pulling away only to find the boy looking up at him with bleary eyes, he smiled thankfully before cuddling further into Harry's hold. The tattooed boy only hoped that they'd be okay- they just had to be.


	62. Shitty first days

The bitter air caused goosebumps to run across the back of Harry's neck as he exited the car, waving lightly at Zayn in thanks before the dark haired lad pulled away from the curb and drove off. Cars were something he still had to get used to because he wasn't really able to escape them, since the assault they had always been a struggle but after the crash his fears had only worsened, the claustrophobic tension that rose in his chest and the panic that fluttered through his mind as he sat just waiting for the car to spin out or crash, was only calmed by his friends and of course, Louis. He was slowly getting there though and he knew that Louis was too, they both struggled but they were happy to face those fears together.

A sharp tug to his coats sleeve caused Harry to look to his left where a smiling Louis still stood, shivering slightly from the cold, "All good?" The blue eyed boy questioned as he let his hand slip from the hem of the sleeve to intertwine with Harry's fingers, "So warm." He mumbled as his teeth began to chatter lightly.

Harry chuckled as he reached out to take hold of Louis' other hand too, bringing them both up to meet his lips, gently blowing his hot breath across the soft skin, he grinned at Louis' appreciative smile before peppering the knuckles with faint kisses. "All good." He confirmed as he pulled the shorter lad into his side, slowly walking them up the frost bitten path that led to Louis' front door, "What about you? Are you okay?"

Harry felt the older boy nod into his chest once they had made it to the small number of brick steps, he finally released Louis' hands from his hold so that he could swipe the keys from the lads pocket to open the front door. As it swung open Harry allowed Louis to stumble through the threshold before him, pinching the boys bum as he followed in quickly after, receiving a glare in response that only made the green eyed lad chuckle as he gently closed the door behind them.

They didn't get much of a chance to kick off their shoes as Harry felt the telling rumble of feet hitting the floorboards just as he managed to slip his coat off of his shoulders. "Harry! Harry! Harry!" Daisy and Phoebe exclaimed once they had rounded the corner, bright grins on their faces as they engulfed the tall tattooed boy into a warm hug, "Missed you!"

"I'm here too, you know?" Louis scoffed playfully with an eye roll as he watched his younger sisters proceed to tell Harry all about their day at school.

"Not my fault I'm their favourite Boobear." Harry teased the lad, showing off his deep dimples as the little girls giggled at their older brothers prominent frown.

"Cant blame them." Louis hummed after a moment, a sweet smile forming on his lips, "You're my favourite too." He added, watching delightedly as a rosy flush creeped up the green eyed boys neck. "But could I get a cuddle too? Proper freezin' out there!"

Harry watched as the girls rolled their eyes at their brothers dramatics before jumping to hug the boy too, placing pecks to his cheeks before parting ways. "Fizz is with the babies 'cause Lotts isn't home yet." Daisy told Louis as the three of them walked further into the house, leaving Harry to catch up with them soon after he had toed off his boots.

"She's normally home before me." Louis furrowed his brow, pulling out his phone as he entered the living room, smiling softly at the brunette who was sat on the sofa with Doris spread out comfortably on her lap whilst Ernest played with a small teddybear he had clutched in his tiny hand beside them. "Alright Fizz?" He greeted as he made his way over to them, sitting down beside the teenage girl before scrolling through his phone contacts.

"Lucky you're here, Dan's upstairs getting ready to leave and Lotts still isn't home." Fizzy replied with a faint sigh, sitting forward in her seat as she resettled Doris on her knees.

"I heard." The blue eyed lad huffed as he raised the phone to his ear, already calling his younger sister, wanting to know of her whereabouts.

Harry walked in then, rubbing his palms together to create some warmth as he made his way over to the sofa, saying a soft hello to Fizzy, who returned it with a happy smile, before crouching down to greet the babies, trying his best to be quiet as he could see that Louis was on the phone. He tickled the pairs tummies, grinning brightly when they gave him crinkled smiles in response, he moved to pull away but Ernie wasn't done with him just yet though because before Harry could settle himself down on the sofa he was already reaching his chubby arms out for Harry to hold, his lips pouting as he looked up at the older lad with big doe eyes.

"Little monster." Harry laughed lightly as he scooped the little boy into his arms, wriggling his nose into the side of Ernie's face when the boy clung tightly to his neck, beaming when he felt sweet giggles hum through his cheek where the child was resting his head, squirming slightly at the sensation. "Always so lovely to me, E." Harry said softly as he carefully took a seat at the end of the sofa, letting the little boy in his arms cuddle closer to his chest, his faint gurgles vibrating across his skin.

Harry took the time to focus his gaze on the child's older brother, he could see the distress written all over Louis' features as the boy rose the phone to his ear again. Harry frowned at that as he rubbed a gentle hand over Ernie's back, calming the boy whilst he silently wondered what was wrong.

Louis huffed out a large breath when his call went unanswered once more. "Lotts isn't picking up." He told the room as he narrowed his eyes at the device in his hand, seemingly growing more anxious by the second.

"She were meant to be home nearly half an hour ago." Dan sighed as he made his entrance into the living room, smiling at the sight of the curly haired boy on his sofa whilst pulling on a large puffer jacket. "Have a good first day back H?" Dan asked as he wandered over to the window that looked out onto the street of houses.

"As good as school gets." Harry smiled, shrugging as best he could with a small child settled on his chest, gaining a humoured chuckle from the older man in response.

"And footie Lou? The shoulder still doing okay?" Dan questioned the worried looking boy as he peered through the blinds, searching for a familiar head of bright blonde hair.

"Shoulders all good, so was trainin'- just cold I guess." Louis answered, a small smile gracing his lips before he turned his attention back onto his phone, choosing to text Lottie instead as she clearly wasn't picking up his calls.

"I'm glad. You lads gunna be okay tonight?" Louis only hummed in reply to the older man, still typing away, "And you'll help the boys, won't you Fizz?" Dan continued on, looking over his shoulder to smile at the girl, who was bouncing Doris on her knee.

Fizzy grinned at him, nodding, "Always do."

"I know. You're all so good," Dan grinned appreciatively, "have to leave in the next five minutes though but I don't think I'll be able to if Lottie's not home." He chewed at his lip nervously whilst his eyes scanned over the short fence and across the cobbled pavement. "Shit." He mumbled under his breath a minute later before turning on his heel to look directly at Louis, "Mark's here." He announced and Harry watched on confusedly as the coffee haired lad froze slightly before jumping up to scurry over to join his stepdad by the window.

"Lottie is too." Louis mumbled as he watched his sister exit the grey van, a familiar figure following after her, both laughing lightly at something that had been said. Louis exhaled shakily as he watched the pair walk towards the house, feeling Dan wrap a supportive arm around his shoulder as the man pulled him away from the window.

"It'll be okay Lou."


	63. Be a man

A hushed silence fell over the room and everyone stilled, even the once gargling babies. Harry caught on quite quickly to what was happening as his eyes darted between the many faces, his mind racing back to the first time he had met Dan, the warning the man had given Louis over the kitchen table, the way the boy had reacted, the fear, the discomfort. Harry was sure that this visit wasn't something that occurred regularly and wasn't one that was all that welcomed.

Phoebe and Daisy seemed to have noticed the change in atmosphere from where they were settled in front of the tv but made no move to question it, Harry was unsure if they knew anything. Fizzy tugged Doris closer to her body, subconsciously shuffling back on the sofa to sit closer to Harry who immediately copied her gesture with Ernie, gently pulling the boy into the side of his chest, wrapping his casted arm around the small body so that his other was free to settle Fizzy a little. The young girl smiled slightly in his direction but her gaze quickly focused back on Louis, who seemed to be stood frozen in place.

The familiar sound of Lottie's key jiggling in the lock pulled Louis back into the room and away from his racing mind. He released a shaky breath before swallowing down all the emotions that were flowing through him and hurried over to where Daisy and Phoebe were sat, crouching down to meet their eye. "Think H is cookin' tonight," He started before he bit at his lip, listening intently as the front door opened and a faint chatter echoed through the house, "think you could help him out?" He asked, distracting himself from whatever was heading his way this time.

The twins grinned before nodding excitedly at him. "'Course Achoo, what are we havin'?" Phoebe questioned as she pulled herself up onto her knees.

"You'll have to decide with H when he starts but maybe for now just start thinkin' about what you'd like, alright?" Louis replied, the voices outside growing louder, "Think his favourite dish is some weird pasta though." He added in a hushed tone, winking knowingly in the girls' direction, watching as their faces lit up before they started whispering between themselves. Louis stood to his feet then, taking another much needed breath before plastering on a smile. He could get through this. He just hoped that this visit didn't last too long.

"Hello?" A hoarse voice called out as footsteps sounded in the hallway.

"Dad!" Daisy and Phoebe exclaimed at the same time before stumbling to their feet and jumping on the figure that soon emerged through the doorway.

Harry sat on the sofa still, closely watching everything play out. The older man who entered was of a similar height to Dan which meant that Harry had a few inches on him, he had cropped dark brown hair, a littered stubble that traveled down his short neck, and was clad in a navy pullover jumper and light wash jeans, Harry could only assume that this was Mark as a sheepish looking Lottie trailed in behind him.

Harry eyed the way the man acted around the twins, he could only guess that he held a lot of love for them from the way he was smiling brightly and cuddling them close. The green eyed boy let his gaze fall on Louis then, who was much closer to the sofa than he had once been, Harry could have easily reached out and ran a hand down the length of his forearm if he had one free. Instead, he chose to let his foot shuffle over slightly to meet the older boys which quickly grabbed Louis' attention. ' _You okay?_ ' Harry mouthed before his lips fell into fine line. Louis hesitated for a moment before nodding and turning away, not giving Harry a chance to question it.

The tattooed boy frowned as he furrowed his brow in confusion before he felt a slight shift beside him. He looked over to find Fizzy smiling as best she could at the man that now towered over them, the twins practically hanging off his arms.

"Alright Fizz?" Mark questioned with a side smile when Fizzy made no move to engulf him in a hug just as her younger sisters had done- or even get off of the sofa. The girl nodded quietly in reply and Harry felt an overwhelming need to pull her into a hug, or to comfort her in some way. It wasn't that Fizzy's reaction seemed fearful or uneasy, it was just the fact that her greeting had been similar to the one she had given him the first time they had met, and _this_ , this was towards her father. "Always a quiet one." Mark chuckled before his gaze caught sight of the much older, heavily tattooed boy sat very close beside her, "Who's this?" He questioned as his eyes narrowed, not really a direct question towards Harry but the room in general.

Harry's jaw locked slightly before he swallowed down the feeling of anxiety that had quite quickly overcome him, "'M Harry." He told the older man simply before anyone else could, feeling everyone's eyes on him as he stared back up at the man who tried to look intimidating.

"Harry." Mark chuckled darkly, as if he couldn't believe that it had been the response he was given, "Alright _Harry_ , why are you here, sat beside my daughter? Never seen you around before."

Harry felt himself ease up slightly, understanding that the mans irritation and anger was only directed at him because of how close he and Fizzy were sat -but how was Harry supposed to inform the man that his daughter had only looked for his comfort when _he_ had walked into her home? He sat up, careful of the baby that had somehow fallen asleep on his chest since Marks arrival, before locking eyes with the older man. "I'm with Lou." He informed as he gifted the man a small polite smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "I'm here often, it's a shame we haven't run into each other before."

Mark hummed for a moment, taking in the sight of Harry, his forced smile unable to hide the obvious grimace. Before he could interrogate the tattooed boy any further, Dan came to Harry's rescue. "The boys have been friends for a while, Harry here was the lad that saved Lou from the truck."

"Oh yeah?" Mark raised a brow, his eyes flirting over towards Louis for the first time since entering the room, "You're the lad that Lou's been spendin' all his time with then?" He asked once he was facing Harry again.

"We've grown quite close." Harry retorted, overly aware of the way Mark was watching him, eyeing the dark ink that trailed across his neck and down his arms as if it had offended him somehow.

"And _what_ exactly is that supposed to mean?" The older man asked with a hearty laugh, but Harry found no humour in his words.

Before Harry, or even Louis, could speak up, Daisy was quick to answer her fathers question, "They _love_ each other!" Dragging out the four letter word that made Harry's heart stutter and his breath catch in his throat. He had often thought of it, even caught himself almost saying the words whenever Louis was just being _Louis,_ but it was too soon, right? He wasn't sure if Louis felt the same way, or if he was even capable of being loved by another person so intimately. Hearing Daisy say it though had Harry's head snapping in the direction of Louis, wanting to see the boys reaction but all he saw when he was met with the sight of coffee coloured hair and bright blue eyes was panic, dread, and pure terror.

"Love?" Mark scoffed loudly, falling into a light fit of chuckles as Daisy and Phoebe slowly pulled away from him but Harry was too concentrated on Louis to even spare a glance his way, focused on the fear that had the boys gaze darting across everyone in the room, everyone except him. "Not this shit again!" Mark exclaimed and Harry watched as Louis flinched slightly but still, the boy didn't back away even when the older man marched towards him. "I thought it was all for a bit of attention after your mum died, but I've told you before Louis it's got to stop. Think of your sisters!" The man fumed, shaking his head violently in disbelief as if he couldn't believe he was having to repeat himself again.

Louis' hands trembled slightly by his side but he wasn't about to back down, not again. "My sisters are fine." He replied for the first time, his tone firm enough to cover up the faint waver in his voice.

"Fine?" Mark seethed, gritting his teeth as he took another forceful step in Louis' direction, not leaving much room between them, his quick, sharp breaths hitting Louis' face as he glowered at the boy, repulsed.

Harry's eyes widened in shock and before he could even stop himself he was up and stood beside Louis, Ernie pressed close to his torso as he kept his body turned to shelter both the baby and part of Louis from the older man. "Move away. There are children." Harry demanded as calmly as he could, his tone surprising the infuriated man before them for only a brief second.

"And leave them here with the likes of you?" Mark bellowed threateningly, eyes trailing across Harry's face in utter disgust, "I think not."

Harry touched at Louis' hip lightly, pushing a sleeping Ernie into the boys hold before forcing himself between the two, standing taller than the older man who was now staring him down. Harry knew it wasn't his fight, but he couldn't, _he wouldn't_ , just stand there while no one else did nothing, he couldn't let anyone else go through something like that.

"Got your boyfriend to do your dirty work, have you Lou? You're supposed to be a man!" Mark snarled as he tried to get a good look at Louis from over Harry's shoulder. "Be a fucking man Louis!"

Harry's eyes cut sharply as he watched the hysterical man before him, _all this because of an insinuation? Because a child said so?_ Harry couldn't really believe how moronic the man was being. He knew that Mark had become somewhat of a father figure to Louis since entering the blue eyed boys life but no mature man should treat anyone this way, especially not someone he had once been such an inspiration to. Harry's heart truly broke for Louis. He understood in that moment why Louis had reacted the way he had all those weeks ago, he got why it would be so hard to talk about, to accept.

"A man?" Harry spoke darkly, taking a step forward causing Mark to fall back slightly so they wouldn't get much closer. "A man is loyal. A man is caring -understanding. _You_ aren't a man, much less a father if you talk to him like that."

Mark chuckled then and it only infuriated Harry further. "Why would I want to be any sort of a father to a boy who likes boys!" He sneered, puffing his chest and squaring his shoulders as if he were an alpha male trying to prove his worth. Dan tried to step in then but Harry held out an arm when it looked as though Mark wanted to throw a punch his way. Harry could see the fury in the blonde mans eyes as he looked back at the vile being before him. Taking a deep breath as he gave Harry a short nod, backing away, not wanting to rile Mark up any further and only add fuel to the fire. Mark laughed at the man, grin on full display as Harry turned back to face him.

"Why are you behaving like an animal? Bringing up such sore subjects, making threats when there are children around, screaming and shouting to get your point across." Harry shook his head as he huffed out an light breath, stepping forward once more, Mark taking another back. "You spout such anger towards someone you're supposed to care for, someone you're supposed to look after. Look around- you're scaring your kids." Mark did as Harry said then, face softening slightly as he found the heartbreaking sight of Lottie cradling the twins who had tears cascading down their rosy cheeks and Fizzy who clung to Doris tightly, eyes full of fear.

"I don't know what Louis has told you- I'm not him- but I know that he probably didn't expect this reaction when he did, when he confided in someone he trusted." Harry spoke, his voice low and unemotional, "I've dealt with people like you for far too long, you're an adult, you should know better. Loving who you want to love is not disgusting, nor is it wrong, or any other phrase you want to use to counteract my words. I don't know who hurt you enough to think it was okay to treat anyone, let alone Louis, like this but it's not gunna stand while I'm by his side. You couldn't even begin to comprehend how much torment I've had to suffer through growing up, how many people I've met that are just like you, so full of hatred. These people have become apart of my family, I love them with my whole heart and I won't let you come into their home and treat them so wrongly."

Mark scowled at him but said nothing more, turning to his daughters for support but they all looked down, avoiding his glaring gaze.

"I think it's best if you go now." Louis whispered out.

The older man stared at him for a long moment, he scoffed before shaking his head and turning on his heel. The slamming of the door vibrating through the walls came only seconds later, rattling the surrounding windows before a deafening silence fell over the entire room.

Harry only had the chance to take a few short breaths before Louis was barging past him and out into the hallway, the thunder of his footsteps ascending the stairs echoing through the floorboards. A gentle touch came to Harry's shoulder as he made a move to follow after the boy, he startled slightly before turning, Dan was stood beside him giving him a small smile as Ernie clutched onto the collar of his shirt, very much awake now. "Just give him some time."

—  
The rest of the night was much different to the previous times Harry had spent at the Tomlinson's. It was quieter in the sense that there wasn't much movement, the twins weren't whizzing through the house, Lottie and Fizzy weren't dancing around in their shared room, not even the babies had made much of a fuss. What pained Harry most was the fact that there had been nothing from Louis, not even a faint footstep.

Harry had somehow coaxed Dan into heading off to work- still unsure on how he had succeeded with that- knowing how much the family depended on his wage. He had finished making dinner with the twins silently helping as best they could, it had been a simple pasta dish that seemed well loved seeing as though a few of them had headed back up for seconds. Fizzy and Lottie had taken to looking after the youngest two since Dans departure but popped in a film to watch with Daisy and Phoebe in the early evening once the little ones had fallen fast asleep.

Harry busied himself after that, clearing away the kitchen instead of focusing on the loss of Louis. He understood that the boy needed time but he was afraid that Louis was angry with him, with how he had reacted. None of the girls had said anything about what had happened, only gave him smiles whenever he had looked their way, but any mad man could tell just how quickly everyone had deflated since.

A knock broke Harry from his incessant scrubbing, he frowned down at the poor plate in the sink before gazing over to where the knock had resonated from. "Hey." Lottie greeted as she stepped into the kitchen wearing a soft smile.

"Hey." Harry breathed out as he placed the clean plate on the dish wrack, drying his hands on the nearest tea towel to focus on the blonde. "What's up?"

Lottie shook her head lightly at him as she took a seat at the wooden table, patting the counter top with a set of manicured nails silently asking him to join her. Harry sighed faintly as he slung the towel over his shoulder before trailing over to sit beside her, lifting his socked feet to sit crisscrossed in the chair.

"Thank you." The girl spoke after a moment and upon seeing Harry's confused expression waved him off quickly before continuing on, "For earlier. Lou deserved that support. My dad -I know he can a good man sometimes but he's so locked on his opinions, very small minded when it comes to certain topics, topics that can be somewhat controversial in particular crowds." Lottie released a deep breath then, her fingertip trailing the indentations on the wooden table, "What you said, what you told him, was right. I just don't think anyone's ever stood up to him like that before. It's gone on for too long though. He-" She paused briefly, taking a deep breath before carrying on, "he picked me up from school for the first time in ages and I found myself forgetting every other time he'd come around since mum passed. It was nice just laughing and talking with him -he was my dad again."

Harry placed his hand over hers when her voice wavered, she looked back at him with teary eyes. "And he always will be." Harry spoke softly, giving the girl the most encouraging smile he could muster up. Lottie was only young, as were the rest of her siblings, they shouldn't have to be dealing with something like this, not in their own home, not after everything they had been through. "Life can be -difficult sometimes."

Lottie chuckled faintly at that and Harry found himself smiling slightly too. "Lou's lucky to have you." She spoke as she squeezed the older boys hand before slowly pulling away, "I know you're scared he might be angry with you for what you did but I think he's just afraid of what will happen when your not here."

Harry gulped, he hadn't thought of it like that. When Lottie realised the affect of her words she was quick to shake her head as she shuffled her chair closer, "No H -don't start blaming yourself. We can't control everything. I honestly think it's better to have stuck up for Lou now than to have said nothing at all and let it carry on."

The green eyed boy only nodded, silently hoping that he had made the right choice, that his own problematic past hadn't caused anymore damage between Louis and Mark.

"Harry," Lottie sighed as she braced a hand on his forearm, "It'll all work out, okay?" Harry only smiled softly in response, nodding his head at the girl who easily returned the gesture. "Fizz and I are gunna put the babies to bed now, think you'd be up for helping the twins?"

"Yeah, 'course." Harry whispered out as they both rose to their feet.

Lottie paused for a moment then, looking over at the tattooed boy, "I do mean it Harry, Louis' lucky to have you." She said sincerely, her smile so tender and warm.

"It's the other way round." Harry told her quietly, "I don't know what I'd do without him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter but I hope you enjoyed reading it. I just wanted to mention that this is all fiction, I was really wary about adding something like this into the story because I was sceptical about having so many sensitive topics in one story and I honestly didn't want to offend anyone. For those who don't know Mark he's a lovely man and as far as I know a great dad/stepdad, this is once again all fiction and I just needed a 'bad guy'. Hope you're all doing okay! Thank you for reading💗


	64. Angel

It had been quiet for a while now. The house had settled since he had hidden himself away inside his room. It had all just gotten too much to deal with. He didn't think about leaving Harry and Dan to fend for themselves whilst he wallowed in his self pity. Mark had a way of worming words inside his head, he hadn't wanted the man to find out about Harry- not yet anyway- he hadn't been prepared for the backlash that he knew would come along with it and especially not the standoff that had happened between the older man and Harry.

He sniffled into his pillow, his cries had long since died out and all he was left with were tear stained cheeks and a layer of blankets that swarmed around him like a protective shell. He could only guess that the younger lot had been put to bed by now from the lack of noise, he felt somewhat guilty for up and leaving but there was nothing he could do now. He wondered if Harry had left yet, or if he was sat waiting for him to emerge- Louis wasn't quite sure which he preferred.

A soft knock pulled him from his thoughts then and he turned his head to peer over at the closed door, waiting for another knock to come. It did, it was a little harder than the first, but only slightly, his breath hitched when he heard a familiar voice call out to him.

"Lou?" Harry spoke softly from where he was leant up against the doorframe. The older girls were all in bed, had been for a while now, he had only just gotten the courage to come and talk to Louis, scared of what awaited him. He held a baby monitor in his hand to keep an eye on the youngest set of twins that were sleeping soundly, knowing if it flashed red that the volume was exceeding normal limits. He smiled down at the device, he had noticed that the Tomlinson's had gotten it after a couple of his overnight stays at the house, no one mentioned anything about it, just that it was new, but it made him feel all the more wanted, needed.

"Louis?" He tried once more, sighing lightly as he rested his forehead against the wooden door. He only had a split second to pull away to stop himself from face planting the floor when he felt the tale tell vibration of the door unlocking beneath him. He glanced down at the small figure that stood at the opening, wrapped in a large knitted blanket, one Harry recognised from the hospital, before gifting the boy a small smile. Louis said nothing as he turned back towards his bed, nestling himself on top of the mountain of sheets.

Harry bit at his bottom lip as he watched the figure retreat, he could only guess that Louis wanted him there from the fact that he had left the door open instead of slamming it back in his face. So he slowly stepped into the dimly lit room, the only light casted from a small bedside lamp that rested on a set of drawers beside the bed. He gently shut the door behind him, feeling the echo of the lock catch beneath his fingertips before trailing over to where Louis laid.

He frowned at the sight of the still bundle before kneeling on the edge of the bed, slowly crawling up to join the body that was turned away from him.

Louis felt the dip in the mattress before a pair of tattooed arms wrapped themselves around him, he let his eyes slip close at the familiarity, humming quietly before burrowing back into its hold. It was more than comforting, even though he was captured in the warm embrace he still felt so free, as if nothing could hurt him there.

One of Harry's arms rested against his lower stomach whilst the other pulled him in closer, Louis let the boy rub soothing patterns into his hipbone, enjoying the presence of Harry and his soft touch, it almost felt as though everything was going to be okay again.

"I'm sorry." Harry murmured into the back of Louis' neck, the boy suddenly stilled at his words and Harry silently questioned if it had been the wrong thing to say, or if he should have even said anything at all. Slowly but surely the lad turned in his grip, blue eyes coming into view. Harry just watched him, admiring the way the soft glow of the lamp danced across the boys face, defining his features and highlighting the lightly faded scars that littered his faintly freckled skin. The large gash on his forehead that was often covered by the boys coffee coloured fringe was on display, it was a muted pink and still looked somewhat tender even weeks after the crash. Slowly Harry let himself lean in to press a chaste kiss to the skin, letting his eyes flutter shut at the distant memories that crowded his mind before pulling back. The rest were almost all gone, the light scars that had been caused by the smashed glass could hardly be seen now, but still Harry let his green gaze follow the trail down to the boys pink lips.

"Why are you sorry?" Louis questioned quietly, big blue eyes peering up at Harry through dark lashes as he ran a thumb across the boys sharp jaw.

"For what happened with Mark- it wasn't my place, I didn't mean to upset you." Harry breathed out, skin lighting up under the tender touch of the smaller boy.

Louis shook his head softly, "Thank you, I know it didn't seem like it but I do appreciate it- it's just hard with him." He took a deep breath before speaking again, "Ever since I told him, all he's given me is shit for it, it fuckin' hurts but he's never been that bad before."

Harry could only pull the boy in closer, resting his chin on the head of hair as Louis burrowed his face further into his chest. His skin tingled lightly as heavy huffs of air escaped from the smaller boys lips and fresh, wet tears soaked his shirt. He just held the boy a little tighter as his body trembled with harsh cries.

It was a while later when Louis finally pulled away, his eyes rimmed red and cheeks flushed, Harry padded beneath his eyes, lightly wiping away the remaining tears that had lingered. "Feel any different?" He asked and Louis nodded faintly in response, looking up to meet his caring gaze.

"Can think a bit more clearly now," The blue eyed lad rasped out, voice rough from crying, "thank you for always bein' here and for lookin' after the younger lot tonight."

Harry smiled sweetly at him as he ran a larger hand through the boys silky hair, "Don't need to thank me angel, I'm always here."

"Angel?" Louis questioned, a small smile playing on his lips whilst his heart hammered in his chest.

Harry grinned but Louis could still make out the faint flush that coloured his cheeks. "Angel." Harry whispered out as a thumb gently glided across Louis' temple and down his cheekbone, "That's what you are to me- what you always will be. My light in a world of darkness." Louis eyes began to water once more as Harry's hand cradled his jaw, drawing him closer, "You'll never understand how much you saved me." Harry added quietly before carefully nudging the boys nose with his own, slowly leaning in further to capture Louis' lips with his own, the softness and timidness of it all showing just how much the tattooed boy meant his words.

Louis' breath hitched as Harry's plump lips pressed against his own, his eyes fluttered shut at the overwhelming feeling, titling his head slightly to meet the boy, hands travelling up Harry's chest to intertwine behind the boys head. It was so slow, so gentle.

Harry moved his hand to cup Louis' cheek, stroking gently at the track where his tears had run. He pulled the boy closer so that their chests touched, both of them breathing in a steady rhythm. He slipped his tongue into the boys mouth then, just to see if he'd be stopped but Louis welcomed it, small hands carding through the dark locks that were sprawled messily behind the tattooed lad.

Carefully Harry pulled himself upwards, pressing an elbow into the pillow beside Louis' head as he towered over the boy, the kiss growing intense. Louis' hand gripped the back of his neck to pull him in even closer, a leg effortlessly slotting itself between Harry's as the boy kissed him deeper.

Harry hovered above the boy pulling away ever so slightly to drag his lips across the soft skin of Louis' jaw and down the smaller boys neck, breath growing harsher as he felt Louis' pulse jump beneath his bruised lips.

Louis gasped breathlessly, hips bucking as Harry sucked on the skin of his collarbone, nipping at the tender flesh. His hands found the head of curls almost simultaneously, gripping the long locks between his fingers as Harry continued to abuse his skin. He captured his bottom lip between his teeth to hold back the airy sounds that threatened to break, not wanting anyone else to hear them or wake up. He was so focused on that task he only just realised that his shirt had been unbuttoned when a soft chill of air brushed against the wet marks that had been left in Harry's wake as the boy peppered sweet kisses across his chest.

The tattooed boy came to a slow halt when he had reached Louis' nipple, he looked up at him then, eyes dark and questioning. The blue eyed boy could only nod, swallowing before he gasped loudly at the sensation, grip tightening. "Haz." He panted, head tilting backwards as he arched his back off of the mattress.

Harry slowed before switching sides, licking lightly before pulling the bud between his lips, revelling in the way Louis was slowly falling apart beneath him. His fingers danced across the boys heated skin, touching along his ribs and down his sides before settling at his hips. He shuffled further down the bed coming face to face with the dark hairs that littered the soft skin of the boys navel, trailing beneath the waistband of Louis' trousers. Harry licked his lips then, it only just hitting him how far they had already gone, he dragged his eyes away from the boys torso and back up into the barely blue hue that was staring back at him, eyes dark and pupils blown.

"Please." Louis spoke, voice so airy he hardly recognised it. He didn't pay it much mind though, too busy staring longingly at the boy holding his hips. "Harry- please."

Harry could only nod, eyes focused on Louis' lips, the words he had spoken. Steadily he let his fingertips skim the hem of the boys trousers, watching as goosebumps crawled across the surface of the skin at his subtle touch. Louis bucked his hips then and Harry nodded before smiling softly at him. The zip lowered easily and the button came undone quickly, Harry tugged the material down the boys legs, exposing a pair of tight boxers and milky thighs, Harry couldn't not groan at the sight.

Quickly Louis kicked off the trousers that had settled around his ankles, yelping lightly when Harry started to kiss his way down his inner thigh, Louis could only open his legs up wider for the boy, wanting more.

"God, Lou." Harry breathed out, hot breath tickling the tender skin, "So pretty." Louis flushed brightly at his words, never had he been called pretty, he couldn't stop the feeling that pooled in his stomach at the sweet adjective. It only growing as Harry rambled on. "So perfect, so sweet."

Louis felt tears welling in his eyes once more at the kind words, gulping when Harry gazed back up at him. Hurriedly the boy made his way back up to him, sweeping the fallen fringe out of his eyes before speaking ever so softly, "We don't have to do anything, Lou. It's all okay. Why are you crying lovely?"

Louis chuckled faintly, shaking his head, unbelieving of how beyond kind Harry was, always such a gentle soul, such a caring person. "I know- I really am okay. I just, I've never been called those things before, I didn't realise how much they would affect me. Sorry." He huffed out before wiping at his eyes, brow furrowing when the boy caught his wrist.

Harry carefully lowered the hand to rest on Louis' exposed chest before cradling the boys face in his own hands and swiping away the tears. "You are all of those things Lou, and so much more. Don't apologise for how you feel, don't apologise for crying. I understand."

Louis looked into his bright green eyes then, seeing only warmth and honesty, he smiled shyly before gently pecking at the tattooed boys lips. "Thank you for being here, for always being here." He whispered out into the quietness of the room, eyes flickering between the boys gentle gaze.

"Always Lou." Harry replied, smiling ever so sweetly before bringing the boy into a warm embrace, breathing in the familiar scent. Louis let his eyes slip close as he rested his head in the crook of Harry's neck, listening to the steady beat of the boys heart. The moment had surely passed but Louis understood then that he truly felt safe with Harry, he knew that the next time it happened he wouldn't regret it going any further. He smiled at the thought as he cuddled closer to the boys body, unsure on how he had gotten so lucky.


	65. Early mornings at the Tomlinson’s

The crisp wind crawled across the exposed skin of his neck whilst goosebumps trailed over the backs of his hands and up his arms, it was much too early to be awake, the sun had only just risen but there Louis was, sat on the decked patio in his back garden breathing in the nippy autumn air. Fog loomed over the fluorescent green grass before him, frost biting at its tips, wilting the very few last living flowers.

He shivered as a gust of wind blew a little harsher against him, listening as one of his mums wind chimes rung out in the distance, he smiled at the fond familiarity. Gently he tugged down the sleeves of the oversized hoodie he had thrown on, letting it bundle in his fists as he cursed himself for not grabbing a coat- it was one he had stolen from Harry's, he was sure that the boy had noticed but had said nothing about it, only smiled smugly whenever he saw it. Louis liked that though.

His gaze soon focused on the breathy air that escaped his lungs, curling and unfurling out in front of him before whirling away in the wind. He had so much to think about; Mark, school, his family, Harry. There was so much on his mind that he just hadn't been able to fall back to sleep after he awoke from his reoccurring nightmare, normally he was fine when Harry was sleeping beside him, the bad dream would come but it would soon go and he could sleep through the rest of the night with safe, familiar, tattooed arms wrapped around him, but he just hadn't been able to get his mind to rest this time around. That's what led him outside.

"Lou?" A gruff voice called out and Louis startled slightly, not having heard the sliding glass door open, "Bit early for you- everything okay mate?" Dan questioned as he stepped out onto the deck, still clad in his work uniform and bulky boots, seemingly only just having arrived home from his night shift.

Louis sent the older man a small smile before nodding, "Just couldn't sleep I guess."

Dan hummed lightly as he made his way over to the lad, sitting down beside him as he watched a flock of birds fly by. "Harry still here?"

"Yeah, upstairs."

There was a small silence that settled between them then, Louis looked down at where his hands were balled agaisnt his thighs, thinking for a moment. Dan just let him.

"Didn't realise you'd still left for work." The blue eyed boy finally spoke, his voice faint as he kept his gaze locked on the fists before him.

Dan chuckled quietly, "H all but pushed me out the door, didn't give much of a choice honestly, said it'd all be fine." The man took a light breath before Louis felt his eyes on him, "Didn't come back down then?"

Louis shook his head softly, his eyes fluttering upwards, taking in his surroundings once more, "Couldn't."

The man sighed softly beside him before shuffling over closer to wrap an arm around his shoulders. "Mark'll come around Lou and if he doesn't, then he's just not worth it lad. You have the people you need most anyway and those are the only opinions that should matter to you." Louis nodded silently at his words, letting his head lull back against the mans large coat. "Your mum would've been proud of the man you've become." Dan added weakly, Louis' breath faltered at the sweet sentiment and warm tears sprang to his eyes as he captured his bottom lip between his teeth, "She'd have liked H too, I'm sure of that."

They both chuckled wetly, tears shining in their eyes as they huddled a little closer together, their light laughter travelling across the quiet garden. Louis just smiled, feeling a lot lighter than he had in a while.

—

The door to his bedroom creaked as he entered, he smiled fondly when he caught sight of the large lump hidden beneath a bundle of blankets and throws, sleeping soundly. Quietly he crept across the floor, mindful not to step too harshly or bump into anything, he slowly pulled off the cold grey joggers he had worn outside before climbing onto the bed, nestling further into the warmth.

He sighed softly at the much needed heat, Harry was practically a walking radiator and Louis couldn't stop himself from shuffling in as close as he could possibly get. He gazed over at the beautiful boy spread out beside him; dark long locks contrasted against the white pillowcase, curls somehow tucked behind his small ears making Louis smile in amusement; his soft supple lips were parted ever so slightly, as plump as ever and the most perfect shade of pink; his brows were still furrowed even in his sleep and Louis couldn't stop himself from smoothing out the deep lines with a gentle hand, causing a light sigh to escape the sleeping boy.

Carefully he slipped an arm over the curve of Harry's waist letting the heavy duvet bundle at their hips. The boy was still clad in his school shirt, something that obviously didn't seem as uncomfortable as it had sounded, but Louis noted that sometime during the night Harry must have kicked off his trousers as his bare legs brushed up against the boys own.

As he shifted forward, listening to the faint pattern of their joined breathing, his eyes flittered over to where the white shirt had ridden up slightly during his departure. Louis slowly lowered a hand to caress the exposed skin, a subtle frown forming on his face when a few of the boys scars came into view.

He could see the ending of the largest scar, a harsh, thick red line that travelled down the boys side, which Louis could only guess to be the one he had gathered from the crash since he had yet to see it. It was still so raw and fresh, so bold against the rest of the boys milky flesh, Louis' fingertips skimmed it slightly, almost scared to touch something so vulnerable, something he knew wouldn't just be a brutal reminder to Harry but to him also. The car crash truly haunted them both. Two others rested on the tattooed torso, fine and a blurred white, Louis thumbed across the light lumps before trailing along the smokey grey ink that travelled over them. A few fainter scars littered the skin Louis could see but as he took in their details and placements he silently questioned how many more the boy had hidden away.

Louis could hear the muffled chirping of birds outside his window as he laid there settled beside the boy, his cold feet burying themselves deeper beneath the warmth of Harry's legs.

The tattooed boy groaned beside him sometime later and soon enough large hands found his hips, clumsily bypassing the thick fabric to grip at the skin. Louis gazed over at the boy, chuckling softly when he found Harry grinning sleepily beside him. The green eyed boy pulled him in closer, arms tightening as he took a moment to place a comforting kiss to Louis' forehead.

"Morning angel." Harry mumbled, his voice deep and rough, laced with sleep. Louis bit his lip at the sound, mind slightly hazy.

"Mornin'." Louis whispered back as his hands travelled upwards to play with the long hair that rested at the nape of the tattooed boys neck. Harry leaned further into the gesture, loving how Louis' fingers felt in his hair, his eyes falling shut once more.

They laid there for awhile longer, not speaking, Louis listening to the boys melodic breathing. Mornings without Harry just couldn't compare, this was everything he had dreamed of.

"We should get up soon." Louis spoke softly after having heard the tell tale signs of his siblings awakening, the faint footsteps to the bathroom and the creaking of the heavy wooden doors that littered the house.

Harry hummed noncommittally, too comfortable where he was, warm and next to Louis. The blue eyed boy could only chuckle as Harry tightened his hold.

"Soon." Harry spoke as he rubbed his nose against the older boys, "For now, it's just you and me."

Louis rolled his eyes fondly at the silly oaf, "It's always you and me."

Harry didn't make an effort to reply instead he just kissed the boy tangled up in his arms, hoping that he could have that sentence for the rest of forever.

—

Hectic.

Hectic was the only word that could possibly describe mornings in the Tomlinson household. But Harry would simply have to disagree as he watched the mayhem unfold around him from where he was perched peacefully at the wooden table, Doris in his lap and Ernie in the high chair beside him.

He loved it. It was so energetic and chaotic, the house almost seemed alive, such a difference to the silence that followed him around in the early mornings at his when his mum had upped and left for work before he had even opened an eye. No, the Tomlinson's were all very much awake- well, nearly all, a sleepy Phoebe looked as though she was about to fall face first into her bowl of cereal- but still, it was so full of life. Fizzy was chasing after an overenthusiastic Daisy, who never seemed to stop, so that she could keep the young girl still long enough to do her hair. Lottie was finishing off an assignment- _due in first thing!_ \- that she had claimed to have 'lost' but everyone knew that she had a thing for avoiding any and all homework. Louis was doing his best too, rushing to get ready whilst trying to feed all of his siblings at the same time- not a multitasker that one. Harry couldn't help the faint chuckles that escaped him as he just watched on, spoon feeding the two youngest set of twins whilst casually sipping at his glass of orange juice.

Louis released a deep sigh as he finally fell into the chair opposite him, letting his eyes slip close for a moment just as Ernie started to babble away.

"A right champ you are." Harry grinned as he fed the small girl in his arms, his smile only widening when Louis looked back at him with playful pout.

"It's mental." The blue eyed boy huffed out, finally reaching for the slice of toast that was settled before him. Harry laughed lightly as he watched the lad grimace slightly before reluctantly swallowing, obviously not the biggest fan of cold toast.

"Don't worry lovely, we'll try to grab something at school." Harry said, taking pity on the boy before planting Doris back into the high chair beside her twin brother so that he could clean the two of them up. "Shouldn't you be wearing trousers though?" He asked, unable to mask his amusement as Louis looked down at his legs startled. Harry watched on as the older girls giggled before the blue eyed boy was up and running, off in search of a pair of trousers, mumbling something Harry hadn't quite caught.


	66. Did someone die or something?

"It's just beyond cold at this point," Louis chided, his teeth chattering lightly as he hid his hands away in the warmth of his underarms. "Fuckin' freezing."

Harry chuckled lightly beside him as they waved Dan and the little ones off out of the car park before he slung an arm around the shorter boys shoulders. They were much too early, even the teachers had yet to arrive, but that's just what had to happen since it was on Dan to drop them all off on time. "You hate the cold- what's new, Lou?" Harry shook his head, unable to stop the dimpled grin that painted his lips as he slowly guided their intertwined bodies over towards the playing fields. "Don't think you've actually stopped moanin' about it since the day I met you." He added, earning him a narrowed eyed glare in response to which Harry only ignored before continuing on, "Proper nightmare sometimes."

"Fuck you." The blue eyed lad gritted out, twisting in Harry's hold so that the taller boy could read his lips but made no actual move to detach himself from the warm embrace.

"You wish." Harry retorted as he snorted out a light laugh, it quickly falling into a sharp groan as Louis decidedly elbowed him in the ribs. "Twat."

The blue eyed lad only grinned up at him before poking his tongue out, whilst Harry tried to rub at the pain in his side the best he could with a casted hand. "You lov-" Louis paused abruptly, his head snapping forward as he swallowed down the rest of that sentence, confusing the hell out of Harry.

"What did you say, love?" Harry questioned with a furrowed brow as he leaned forward slightly as they walked, trying to get a good look at the shorter boys face. "Couldn't read your lips."

Louis took a quick deep breath before turning to flash Harry a sweet smile, "Nothin'- just wondering when the caretaker got here, wanna get out of the cold."

Harry hummed, green gaze scanning the blue eyed boys face, not quite believing him but not wanting to push him much further, letting it lie. They quickly reached the stands that lined the large football pitch and Harry let his hand slip from the shorter lads shoulders so that they could take their seats on the bench, knees knocking as they turned to face one another head on.

Harry just smiled as he watched Louis' closely, the way his feathered fringe danced in the breeze, how his blue eyes looked so much brighter under the morning sun, the pout that he wore as he scowled lightly at the bitter wind that surrounded them. "Stop glaring, you'll get wrinkles." Harry informed him with a faint chuckle as he gently tugged the boys hood up over his head, sheltering him slightly.

Louis only rolled his eyes in return but couldn't stop himself from shuffling closer to encase Harry's hands in his own, fingertips climbing across the tattooed skin to burrow beneath the thick sleeves of the winter coat.

"You wanna talk about yesterday?" Harry asked, his voice soft and gentle, almost as if he was weary of the reaction he would receive.

Louis sighed softly before lifting his head to stare up at Harry, letting the green eyed lad tug him in a little closer so that one of his legs rested across the tattooed boys thigh. "Not really. I mean, he's been that way ever since I came out, you just kind of get used to it." Louis finally spoke, trying his very best to stop himself from shuffling away from Harry's intense gaze, "I didn't know how to react afterwards- I guess I was angry at first, but it was mostly overshadowing the fear I felt beneath, the relief. Mark's been in my life for so long and his words fuckin' hurt, they break me, but I can't do anything, not with the girls there." He released a shaky breath- it hurt, of course it did, but what else could he have done except endure it? "I can't change who I am."

"I don't expect you to, neither do the people who truly care." Harry murmured as Louis' head lolled forward, hiding his face away in the opening of his coat. Harry placed a comforting kiss to the boys temple before looking out across the foggy field, allowing a silence to settle over them for a brief moment.

"You know, before I met you, I promised myself that I'd never tell another soul about me liking lads-" Harry said quietly, letting his eyes wander across the frost covered grass before them whilst an icy nose nudged against the skin of his neck, "but then you came along with your pretty blue eyes and blinding smile and I just couldn't stop myself. You're so incredible, Lou." He took a breath, letting his chin rest atop the boys messy head of hair, "I don't think you'll ever understand just how much you've done for me. You truly have no idea how thankful I am to have met you. And even though it's all been really fucking difficult recently, everything that's happened to us we've gotten through together, no one else matters when it's just me and you- you make me want to live again."

Harry paused as Louis shifted beneath him, pulling back slightly so that he could face the shorter lad. Harry's brow furrowed when he caught sight of the damp eyes and bitten lip and instantly moved to clasp the boys face in the palm of his hands. "Hey. What's wrong?"

"You." Louis blubbered, chuckling faintly as he wiped away the remaining tears that filled his ocean coloured eyes, "You're a right sap, making me cry!"

Harry laughed along with him, dimples making an appearance as he grinned brightly. Cautiously he thumbed away the stray tears that coated the boys rosy cheeks before bringing Louis in for a tender kiss, "You're sap though, right?"

Louis smirked smugly as they parted, eyelashes dark and wet but eyes shinning with mirth, "Don't think so Styles, I faintly recall never being asked such a thing. I'm a free man, I'm not anyones." The blue eyed boy only cackled when Harry's face fell, his once larger than life grin shifting into something sort of like a grimace. Louis tried to pull away from the embrace then but Harry made no move of letting him escape, brows furrowing as he wrapped his arms around Louis' petite waist.

"You're mine." Harry finally spoke, his voice firm and self-assured. Louis only raised a brow as an amused smile tugged on the corners of his lips.

"Nope. No claims have been made, no questions have been asked. I actually think _you_ were the one that called us _almost_ _boyfriends_ if I'm not wrong, and _almost_ , Harry, doesn't mean a thing." Louis grinned derisively at him whilst the tattooed lad stared back at him with the same viridescent gaze Louis adored.

Harry decidedly rolled his eyes before grasping the lads chin between his forefinger and thumb, pulling Louis in closer until his breath ghosted the boys cherry coloured lips. He watched closely as Louis' wide, alerted eyes stared back at him in surprise, mouth parting ever so slightly as their lips brushed against one another teasingly. He watched as the boys eyes fluttered closed, an entire ocean disappearing behind the lid, and smirked when the lad shivered in his strong hold, his hot breath fanning the boys lower lip, alighting a prickling fire.

Menacingly he pressed a slow, dainty kiss just below his mouth, planting a few more along the flushed skin as he slowly trailed across the boys soft jaw and down his neck, nipping at the skin just below his ear. Harry felt a harsh vibration travel through his lips then and sucked a little harder before drawing away to thumb proudly at the mark he had created.

"You want me to cook you dinner tonight?" Harry asked with a knowing grin as Louis' heavy lids slowly opened, revealing his darkened gaze. The boy nodded numbly before drawing Harry back in for a searing kiss, his arms winding around the tattooed lads neck as he deepened the gesture.

—

The early morning had passed in a haze but by lunch Harry was more than on edge. He gritted his teeth behind his closed lipped smile as he hurried through the lunch room, allowing his long curls to fall into his face to distract himself from his surroundings. Everything was making him itch. The constant stares. The incessant gossiping. He didn't need to hear it to know, he saw the way they watched him, the way they withdrew as he passed by. He thought it would be different, he thought he'd be able to cope- he was older, more mature, he could finally defend himself. But still, how was he supposed to separate himself from the slander and whispers he knew followed him around?

There were so many vibrations too. He could feel everything going on around him as he ducked and weaved between the surrounding tables and chairs. The clanging of trays, the stomping of feet, the slamming of doors. It was all too much. There were so many excessive smells as well, overwhelming one of the senses he truly relied on, he scowled as he passed by a table that seemed as though they had practically doused themselves in perfume and hairspray before stepping out of their homes this morning. Normally it wouldn't bother him this much, just teenagers trying too hard to fit into a world where no one truly belonged, but he couldn't deal with it all today.

He slammed his tray down onto the table irritatedly, the pasta that sat on the ceramic plate wobbling as he took to his seat, receiving very wary looks off of the two boys that were already sat down. "What?" He grunted out, raising a hand to trail through his hair as he took a few quick breaths.

"Bad day?" Liam questioned quietly whilst Niall sent a sympathetic smile Harry's way. Harry released a huge huff of air before biting on his inner cheek, wanting to keep himself grounded and somewhat calm. He nodded faintly after a moment, letting his eyes slip close as placed an elbow on the table so that his cheek could rest against his hand, only then realising the dull ache in his head that was throbbing continuously.

The two boys knew all about Harry's bad days, they weren't really something you could prevent, only ride out. He was prone to panic attacks, headaches were more common than not, he struggled to concentrate on the simplest of things and he stressed beyond belief. Usually he could sleep it off, or hide away for a couple of hours, but this was a new scenario, he'd never really had to deal with something like this at school.

"You could head home if you'd like, I don't mind dropping you off." Liam suggested, signing as he spoke so that the lad didn't have to focus too much on what he was saying.

Harry shook his head stubbornly before wincing at the pain that pounded in his skull as he settled in his seat slightly- he wasn't doing that again, "No- just need a minute or two."

"H, its alright to head home mate. Stressin' won't help at all." Niall added with a soft smile, also signing along after having pushed his tray away, trying to somewhat comfort the boy, but Harry tensed his jaw before cutting his eyes.

"I said no. I'm good."

Niall raised his hands up in defence as his eyes widened in surprise, startled by the annoyance Harry had shown him.

"Calm down, H. He's just trying to help." Liam eased, he'd never actually witnessed Harry this irritated before, he just knew he had to soothe the lad the best he could before something got out of hand.

Harry took a deep breath before looking between his two best friends, "Sorry. Just everyone's constantly staring and whisperin' and I can't take it much longer." He admitted, scratching at the skin on his inner wrist as his eyes flittered around the large room.

Liam noticed the anxious tic almost immediately and reached out to take hold of his mates hand, smiling as best he could whilst Harry grimaced uncomfortably. "No worries, H, but I do think you should leave early." Harry's jaw tightened once more but instead of snapping he tugged his hand free from the older boys hold.

Before Niall or Liam could say much else, Louis and Zayn were sliding into their seats with bright smiles, Louis cosying up close to Harry, Zayn on his other side, boxing the green eyed boy in. "Did someone die or something?" Louis laughed lightly as he looked around at the apprehensive faces sat at the table, obviously sensing the tense atmosphere.

Niall chuckled quietly but said nothing in response, simply playing with his food whilst shooting Harry worried looks every few seconds.

Liam smiled at the blue eyed lad sat across from him, watching as Harry chewed on his bottom lip whilst he stabbed at the pasta on his plate. "What lesson did you come from?" Liam asked swiftly, wanting to quickly change the subject, silently hoping that Harry could focus on something and find sense, whilst they kept Louis and Zayn busy, knowing how stressed his best mate would get if he felt that he was adding any more 'unnecessary' problems into all of their lives. Liam just wanted Harry to realise it was in his best interest to head home before he got any worse.

"Um, business. Not sure about Zee though." Louis replied confusedly, unsure on what else to say, wanting to know what had happened before he had taken a seat.

"I had photography with Haz but couldn't find him as I left." Zayn commented, subtly analysing the boy beside him. Usually they'd head out together but Harry had practically disappeared as soon as they had been dismissed.

No one said much else after that, although Liam did try to continue the conversation, but both Louis and Zayn could sense that something was up.

Harry's gaze flickered around the lunch room, trailing between the watchful eyes and obvious stares. His lungs felt as though they were slowly collapsing, his breaths were short and hands were clammy as his heart thundered in his throat. He swallowed thickly before a slight movement caught his attention. Liam was staring back at him worriedly and he signed slowly so that Harry could catch his movements. 'Let's go.'

Harry captured his lip between his teeth as his eyes darted around the room once more before landing back on his best mate. 'Panic.' He signed quickly, his hands floundering before him as he looked at Niall.

The Irish lad simply nodded before standing to his feet, ignoring the lost looks he received from Louis and Zayn as he rounded the table. Harry followed after him, practically moving the entire table as he jumped out of his seat. The two said nothing as Niall reached a hand around Harry's waist and began to lead him towards the exit, the rest of the table silently watched on.

Louis sat there baffled. Pulling his piercing gaze from the retreating figures the moment they were out of sight and back onto Liam who was now gathering up his mates bags. "What just happened?"

Liam's head snapped up at the sound of his voice, he looked towards the doors before inhaling a deep breath and reluctantly sitting back down. "It's just a bad day for him." He carefully told the two lads, "He has them sometimes, come out of nowhere. He'll just panic and worry, get angry or upset- I don't really understand it much but his mum does, it hasn't happened in a while though and he didn't want to bring much attention to it so he stubbornly tried to push on." He explained, his hand gripping onto one of the many straps he held, he truly hated seeing his best mate struggle so much.

"Why didn't he say anything?" Zayn questioned quietly, pushing his tray away as he focused on the brown haired lad sat opposite him, wanting to know more.

Liam sighed softly as he shrugged, "He always gets in his head, feels as though he's burdening the people around him. Normally he'll have a kip and sleep it off, come back and then we'll spend a couple hours watching films. As I said it hasn't happened in a while but he's normally quite in tune with how he's feeling- honestly, I just think the past couple of weeks have taken its toll on him."

Zayn slowly nodded in understanding whilst Louis just sat there. "Lou, you good man?" The dark haired lad asked as he nudged Louis' arm softly, breaking the boy from his thoughts.

"Did he think he couldn't tell me?" Louis spoke, his tone so faint he could barely be heard over the chorus of the crowded lunch room.

Liam shook his head at that, "No Lou, he's just not in the right state of mind. He doesn't want you feeling like you have to be there for him. He does it to everyone mate, not just you."

Louis nodded numbly, he didn't really know how to react to the information, he hadn't seen Harry act they way he had before, it scared him just how withdrawn he had been. "What can we do?"

—

Louis sat in the front seat of Zayn's car, subconsciously gripping onto the door handle as the boy drove, not really paying attention to what Niall was saying, too focused on his thoughts of Harry.

They came to a sudden halt soon enough and the break startled Louis slightly, he looked up to find that they were already parked outside of Harry's. Liam's car was sat on his cobbled drive and Zayn had pulled in just beside it.

"It'll be okay mate," Zayn spoke, the gentle hand on his shoulder bringing him back into the car where Niall and Zayn were watching him carefully.

"I know, I know- I'm just worried."

"I get that mate- I'm the same. It can be proper scary. H is just so headstrong, doesn't want to admit that he needs help sometimes." Niall admitted quietly as he unbuckled his seatbelt. Louis nodded at him, taking a much needed breath before sending the boy a soft smile in return. "I think all he really needs right now is some time, I'm sure he'll be good soon enough."


	67. We’ll be alright

It had been a long day. Lately, most days had seemed to drag on. Repetitive and so mundane. One bad day had him feeling like the whole world was falling apart in the palms of his hands. He knew how to cope, how to deal with it all, but it was just so devastating to have to go through it all again when he thought that things were finally getting better.

He stood, bare feet pressed against the chilly tiles beneath him, breathing slowly. The silver that hung above the sink on the white wall of his bathroom stared back at him mercilessly and Harry couldn't find it in himself to look away. The boy who stood within its four sharp lines was the same person he had been trying so hard to escape. His hair was long- unruly- longer than it had ever been, his curls crept across the line of his broad shoulders, like ivy the locks intertwined, framing his features and darkening the mossy green irises that were normally so bright and alive. The eyes were somewhat sunken, hidden behind heavy lids and long lashes, his under eyes dark, emphasising the vivid scarlet that rimmed his waterline. His cheeks were hallow, exaggerated by the dark shadows of the curls that had fallen into his face. He licked lightly at his muted pink lips, they were dry, bitten from hours of relentless anxiety, but parted ever so slightly that his hot breath was able to fog the mirrored glass. The face was unlined by worry, supple but sharp, and had never known the cruel kiss of a razors blade, only the piercing shards of smashed glass, the now faded scars crept across the milky skin of his jaw. Some may have thought it to be a handsome face, but if he was being honest, deep down Harry knew that most would have called him pretty. He used to hate the word, it had always sounded so delicate, so feminine, but as he gazed back at the reflection before him he had to swallow down the fear that had crawled up his throat- he wasn't pretty, some days he hardly even felt human.

A soft knock echoed. So soft he had hardly even felt it. But it was there. Or rather, _someone_ was there. Waiting for him to emerge. He inhaled a shaky breath.

It had been an uneventful couple of hours. He had confined himself to the simple walls of his bedroom and blocked out the rest of the world that had seemed to just carry on racing by without him.

Harry swallowed thickly, hands trembling slightly as they loosened their harsh grip on the sink before falling away completely. Before he knew it he was stood by the wooden door, his entire being tired, almost too exhausted to reach out and grab the handle. But he did, his heavy hand cradled the cold metal before pushing down and unlatching the lock.

The door creaked open, the luminescent lights that lit the entirety of the small bathroom danced their way out of the new opening and into the bleak darkness that engulfed his bedroom, blinds still open to reveal a gloomy nights sky. Harry briefly wondered just how long he had been cooped up with only his chaotic thoughts to keep him company.

A gentle hand touched his elbow and Harry's head turned quickly in the direction of its owner, Louis stood beside him, blue eyes filled with worry and button nose flushed a light red. Harry reached out to trail a finger down its bridge, his eyes focused on the task whilst Louis stood hellishly still.

The taller boy said nothing as his hand slipped away, his green gaze lingering on the smaller boy for a moment too long before he was trailing back over to his bed, curling up onto his side. He felt the floorboards creek behind him after a door closed, and soon enough the mattress dipped and a pair of arms cautiously wrapped themselves around his torso.

Harry let his eyes slip shut at the touch, shuffling back into the tender embrace as a single tear fell- unsure if he even deserved the comfort. If he deserved Louis.

—

When morning came he felt somewhat lighter as he laid there swaddled in his heavy duvet. Even though he could still feel the affects of yesterday he understood that it was a new day, one that wasn't defined by his previous thoughts or actions.

Sometimes the bad days would linger, turn into weeks, months. He had been happy recently, overwhelmingly so, things had truly been alright for the first time in his life, he was breathing easier, sleeping easier. He didn't have to worry about everything that was wrong with him, all of his issues and self hatred for the things he couldn't change. He had finally felt alive.

Groaning, he itched at his inner wrist, turning slightly to find his room empty, the light sheet beside him cold. He blinked a few times, heart heavy as his gaze flickered towards the small alarm clock that sat on his bedside table. 13:18. It was early afternoon.

Harry let his head fall back into the cushion of his pillow, rubbing tiredly at his eyes before staring blankly up at the ceiling above him. A light thump sounded from downstairs and his eyes flittered over to his bedroom door, it sat ajar, just far enough so that the familiar photos that littered the hallway walls could be seen.

Reluctantly, Harry stretched his legs over towards the edge of the mattress, his body shifting so that his head was nearing the wall his bed rested against, catching sight of the closed blinds. He frowned slightly back at them before he pulled himself up into a sitting position, his emerald gaze immediately scanning the room, noticing its small changes; the pair of grey socks that cluttered his otherwise bare floor; a school shirt, too small to be his own, slung over the back of the sleek chair that was tucked into his desk; and the worn vans that rested somewhat neatly beside the bathroom door. He dragged his tired body up onto his feet, arm reaching out to grab one of the many hair bands that sat neatly on his chest of drawers as he slowly made his way out of the room.

Messily, he threw his dark head of curls up into a bun, tugging the sleeves of his shirt lower over his hands as he trudged down the carpeted staircase. Many vibrations flowed throughout the house, in its walls, its floors, so Harry followed after them, trailing slowly through the entryway and living room.

He paused when he crossed the kitchen threshold, heart fluttering in his chest and stomach unknotting as his eyes met the vision of a lad stood by the kettle, nodding his head as he steadied two mugs on the counter.

Harry smiled softly, relief flooding through him after realising that Louis was still there, that he hadn't left. He watched the boy for a moment, closely observing the way the afternoon sun casted an angelic glow across his skin, admiring how he scrunched his nose up in concentration as he riffled through a kitchen drawer to withdraw a teaspoon, loving the way he captured his bottom lip between his teeth as he shuffled his bare feet across the hardwood floor. His smile widened upon seeing the smaller boy clad in one of his hoodies- it had become somewhat of a habit for Louis now, gradually Harry had begun to notice that whenever the boy was round a jumper of his would seemingly disappear, or when he'd spend a night at the Tomlinson's he'd end up heading home empty handed. He couldn't bring himself to care enough though, what was his was Louis' now too, and plus seeing the lad swamped in his clothes just did something for him.

Slowly, Harry crossed the kitchen, his steps light as he made his way to stand behind the shorter boy. Louis didn't move an inch when Harry's hands settled around his hips, only hummed when the green eyed boy buried his nose into the crook of his neck, allowing the sound to vibrate through Harry's chest.

"Hey sleepyhead." Louis chuckled faintly when Harry had re-emerged from the small alcove he'd created, their gazes meeting as the tattooed lad rested his chin comfortably on Louis' shoulder.

Harry only smiled dopily in reply, lips chapped a sweet cherry red colour and eyes still somewhat puffy from a dreamless nights sleep. His hold on the blue eyed boy tightened slightly when Louis reached for the tea tin causing an amused sigh to slip from the boys mouth as he shook his head faintly.

"Sleep okay?" Louis asked, his head turned towards Harry after having set the tea bags in their respected mugs, letting the kettle boil away beside them.

Harry let his eyes slip shut for a moment as he shrugged softly at the lad before his gaze settled back on him. He sighed quietly when he was met with the sight of Louis' thinly drawn lips and worried eyes. "It was fine." Harry admitted hoarsely, his voice deep and filled with sleep, "Thought you'd left though."

Louis' brow furrowed and Harry couldn't find the strength in him to reach up and soften the harsh lines. "Why would I leave, H?"

Harry shrugged again, casting his eyes down to where the mugs were settled, unable to meet Louis' own. "Yesterday was just shitty- thought I'd given you yet another opportunity."

Suddenly he felt Louis swiftly turn in his embrace before soft hands were clasping at his jaw causing his gaze to flicker back to where the boy now stood with his back against the marbled counter. "Haz, you mean the world to me. A day doesn't pass me by where you don't cross my mind. I don't care how many opportunities you give me, or about how broken you believe you are, I don't think I could ever find it in myself to leave, to walk away from you. We all suffer H, we all have our demons, but listen to me love when I say that I'm here for you always. I know it's scary- I get scared too. I'm terrified that one day I'll wake up and you'll be gone, that you'll have realised I just wasn't enough, that what we share wasn't what you were looking for. It's okay. Fear is normal. Just don't let it control your life, otherwise where would you be?" Louis paused momentarily and smiled ever so gently up at the tattooed lad before thumbing away the warm tears that now coated Harry's cheeks, "We're good. We've been through so much together in such a short amount of time. We'll be alright, H. Please understand that."

Harry swallowed as a small understanding smile tugged at the corners of his lips, he nodded softly at the shorter boy who's hands had fallen to rest on his broad chest, rubbing soothing shapes into the material of his shirt. "I love you." Harry whispered out, eyes suddenly widening in surprise as they stared into the shocked blue before him.


	68. Want this, want you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW, Just wanted to mention that this chapter contains some smut, I know some people get triggered or uncomfortable when topics like these are brought up so I thought I'd just mention it at the very start. It's * from beginning to end if you'd like to skip but it takes up a good half of the chapter.

The words had just slipped out. They had flowed from his mouth like a serpent from a woven basket, poised and unperturbed. Just three simple words. Three words that had crowded his mind for weeks on end. A common phrase that had practically torn him in two. That truly terrified him beyond belief.

The room had seemed to still. The entire world, almost. Louis couldn't stop himself from staring into the deep emerald eyes, their soul filled with so much fear, so much truth. His hands trembled from where they rested on Harry's chest, the only thing anchoring him, the only thing he could comprehend. He had heard the words before, of course he had, from his family, friends, even Harry himself, but nothing felt like this. He felt as though he were floating, just free falling through an endless sky full of stars without a care.

The kettle whistled and promptly broke the two from their daze. Harry instantly moved to pull away, to run, so beyond mortified, but Louis grasped his shirt in fisted hands and clung to it, scared that the tattooed boy would disappear the moment he got the chance.

Harry reluctantly stayed put but kept his head turned away, jaw locked and eyes tightly shut. Louis took a breath, the first one he had taken since hearing the boys tender voice, and with shaking hands he raised them to cradle Harry's chin. He gently tugged the lads face back towards him, trailing his fingertips over the boys plump pink lips, focusing on the task as an electric gaze settled upon him, its firm stare alighting a fire across his skin.

He craned his neck so that his ocean blue met the familiar vivid green once more. The eyes were glossed over, wet and somewhat fearful, but fixated on him, cautiously watching his every move. Louis slowly let his hands fall away, swallowing as he held them out between their bodies, his gaze never leaving the taller boy stood towering over him.

Louis couldn't remember the last time he had felt so nervous, so tense, but still, he gradually made the first gesture, gulping lightly as his eyes flickered apprehensively between his hands and a frozen Harry. He stumbled slightly over the second sign and gave the tattooed boy a sheepish smile in response but stubbornly continued on, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth as he concentrated on moving onto the next. His hands turned hesitantly as his bright blue eyes closely watched the languid movements, silently praying that he wasn't completely cocking up the whole ordeal. Something he had been working so hard to master.

His hands were still trembling when he came to an end, he let his eyelids flutter close as he drew in a sharp breath before opening them to meet Harry's fixed gaze. The boy said nothing, just simply stared at the now empty air between them in shock.

Louis shuffled on his feet anxiously, very aware of the little space he held, back pressed against the cold counter, chest only centimetres from touching Harry's own. He could feel the bright flush that coated his cheeks, unsure if he had gotten the signs right, or if the younger boy had even understood. But then Harry's hands were suddenly gripping at his waist, pulling him impossibly closer, viridescent eyes filled with unshed tears but his soft smile spouting so much warmth, so much hope.

"You mean it?"

Louis could only nod. A gentle smile of his own settling onto his lips as he stared up at the sweet creature. "I fell for you the moment we met." He whispered out quietly, even though there was no one else around to hear his admission. "I've never loved anyone half as much as I love you."

The blue eyed boy let out a startled gasp when Harry's lips collided with his own. A muffled air of laughter escaped into the room before he was winding his arms around the taller boys neck and delving into the kiss, fingers tangling themselves in the unruly curls.

Harry leaned further into him, tongue darting out to trail across his bottom lip and Louis' heart burned with want. He hummed as the boys hands roamed the entirety of his upper body, disappearing beneath the large hoodie to trail over the few freckles that littered his stomach before settling on his hips, supple skin tingling beneath the grip.

The kiss deepened and Louis' lungs ached for air, but he was far too concentrated on the boy before him to pay it any mind, on the loving touches that enthralled his very existence. He only had but a split second to jump when firm hands patted the backs of his thighs, he groaned lowly as Harry effortlessly lifted his body up off the floor, their lips never breaking.

It was almost shocking to Louis just how different, how ardent it all felt. Legs wrapped tightly around Harry's waist, strong arms holding him up against the kitchen counter like he weighed nothing. He truly wanted to drown himself in every fibre of Harry's being, to submit to him, to assure him that he was completely, irrevocably his. That there was absolutely nothing the boy could do or say to make him walk away.

A tug to the hem of his hoodie alerted Louis to Harry's want, to his silent question, and the boy merely nodded, hand tightening in the thick curls he had gripped in his fists, before the fabric was tugged up and over his head. Harry's shirt came next and then they were panting against one another's mouths, eyelids heavy and lips bruised as their foreheads touched.

"You want to do this?" Harry rasped out, chest heaving as his lust filled gaze locked with Louis' own. "We can- we can stop. Now. Just tell me."

Louis shook his head softly, fingertips cautiously trailing over the exposed skin of Harry's broad shoulders, dancing in the deep hollows of his collarbones. "Want this. Want you." Louis spoke, barely recognising his own voice before he was kissing Harry again.

The taller boy let a moan slip from his lips as he strengthened his hold on Louis' legs, hoisting him higher before quickly turning on his heel. Louis laughed freely as they span, large grin painting his lips as Harry hurried past the kitchen door and through the empty living room, "Eager, Styles?" Louis mocked playfully, loving how incredible it felt to be held so close, to feel so wanted.

Harry's heated emerald eyes found Louis' soft blue and he smirked as they started up the stairs. "I could drop you here and now if you'd like?" He teased, basking in the expression Louis made as he pinched his bum, beaming at the sweet vibration that echoed through his chest as the boy laughed wholeheartedly.

"You wouldn't dare!" Louis grinned, a hot hand trailing across the tattooed boys chest as he shifted slightly in the lads hold.

"I wouldn't." Harry agreed with a tender smile once they had finally made it to the landing, "Love you too much for that."

Louis bit his lip- unsure if he'd ever get used to hearing those words- as Harry crowded him against his bedroom door, the wood cold against his bare back. "Love you too." He spoke faintly, softening eyes holding so much adoration.

Harry turned the handle beneath the boy then and pushed the door open, stalking into the room before carefully laying the boy in his arms down on the unmade bed. He took the time to just admire Louis as he leaned over him, chests barely even touching but burning at the proximity. The boy smiled shyly, his usually thin lips plump from the kiss they had shared moments earlier, Harry pecked them once more, slow and easy, just because he could. He grinned as he pulled away, dimples on full display as he took in all he could of the boys face. The sweet button nose, the faintly flushed cheeks, the warmth in his otherwise cold blue eyes. "God, I love you." Harry watched on, awed, as Louis giggled lightly beneath him- a sound he only prayed to one day hear.

 *****  
Small hands encased his face and as easy as that, the boy was bringing him back to their present, anchoring him to what was now. They shared another kiss, this one grew heated much more quickly, hands explored the vast majority of exposed scorching skin before Louis was rutting up into Harry.

The green eyed lad let a forearm come to rest at the side of Louis' head before he began to rock steadily against the boy beneath him, gasping when their cocks pressed against one another between the few too many layers of fabric that separated them. It was enthralling, Harry had felt nothing like it before, it was all so new, so different to anything he had tried before, but as much as he was enjoying it, he was glad to be doing it with someone he loved, someone he cared for. 

It didn't take long before they were grinding messily against one another, hot and sweaty, faces only inches apart before Louis began to kiss feverishly down the tattooed lads neck. Harry let his head lull forward, panting lightly as the blue eyed boy hummed against the skin of his throat, the harsh vibration echoing through him whilst a hand moved to encage Louis' tiny waist in its grip.

Reluctantly Harry pulled away, settling on his knees above the boy to make quick work of his much too tight trousers, clumsily kicking them off somewhere behind him. When he looked back over, Louis already had the joggers he was wearing down by his knees, just above where Harry was sat. The green eyed boy lifted himself higher and pulled the material off in one swoop, uncaring for where they landed as he carelessly chucked them in any which direction.

His mind was clouded with lust as his darkened gaze flittered over the boys body- so pretty, so perfect. Their lips met again, slower than before but still so heated, simmering with the unknown of what was to come.

Harry's fingertips trailed down the boys sides ever so slowly, leaving a fire in their wake as Louis leaned further into the agonising touch. He thumbed at the hem of the boys blue boxers and when he received an enthusiastic nod in response he removed the remaining material, alongside his own.

Louis blushed brightly under Harry's unabashed gaze, chewing the inside of his cheek as he watched the boys eyes roam his body, taking it all in. He licked his lips at the sudden nervousness he felt, not with the situation but from the overwhelming desire that lined Harry's features- he'd never felt so wanted.

"You look so good like this," Harry muttered, as he towered over the boy spread out beneath him. He pressed sweet kisses into the exposed skin of Louis' stomach, eyes fluttering shut when his face came to rest in the crease at the top of the boys thigh. "Incredible." He whispered as his nose nudged lightly at the boys hip bone.

Louis moaned lowly at the sensation, wasting no time with whining and instead bucked his hips up, hoping to express what he wanted- needed- from Harry. The green eyed lad chuckled, his hot breath fanning the delicate skin causing the boy to shiver and buck up once more.

Louis griped Harry's hair frustratedly and the boy kissed at his inner thigh before taking his length in his hold. Louis moaned at the very sight of Harry's large hands having encased his cock and his eyes slipped close when Harry began to move. The boys strokes were quick and determined, and Louis panted loudly into the room, hips rocking. He couldn't help the low groan that fell from his lips when Harry thumbed over the sensitive slit and gathered the precome that had settled at the head, using it to pump even quicker.

Louis gripped at the bedsheets whilst Harry mouthed at his shoulder, leaving blooming bruises in his wake over the expanse of Louis' collarbones. The blue eyed boy tried his best to concentrate on anything else, but it was all too much, he could feel the familiar heat building within as he moaned unforgivingly and bucked clumsily into Harry's fist.

He whispered Harry's name over and over, like a prayer into the tattooed skin of the boys neck, where the darkest of ink resided, where he was most tender, most delicate. Harry swallowed thickly at the breathy air that sent goosebumps down his spine, willing himself not to come then and there. The sweet vibrations of Louis' moans making it harder to keep breathing.

"Let go, Lou." Harry breathed out, puffy lips pressing against the outer shell of the lads ear. "Just let go, angel." He whispered and that was all it took before Louis was coming, mouth agape, shooting into Harry's hand and across his lower abdomen.

Louis' breaths were harsh as he came down from his high, relishing in the feeling of the gentle fingers that combed through his hair, wiping away the fallen strands that were stuck to his forehead. Blissed out he moved his hand to search for Harry, he turned his head slowly only to find the green eyed boy already watching him closely from where he laid beside him. Louis' fingers danced across the array of tattoos that covered the boys torso, gliding, following the intricate patterns before they wrapped around Harry's hard length. Louis listened intently to the sinful noises Harry made, every breath, every gasp, every groan. He twisted his wrist ever so slightly and it honestly didn't take much more, especially when Louis' lips found Harry's once again, before the green eyed boy was coming too.

 *****  
They both settled back comfortably into the sheets, nothing to be heard but the heavy pants that escaped into the thick air of the bedroom. Sweat clung to their foreheads and lingered in the hallows of their collarbones as they just laid there, fingers touching and legs intertwined. Harry wanted to speak, to say something- anything- to let Louis know what he was experiencing, what he was feeling. When he opened his mouth nothing came out, he huffed out a large breath and focused on gathering his hazy thoughts but then a warm hand enveloped his own and he realised that he didn't need to say anything at all, because Louis already knew.


	69. The knock

The knock came late on a Friday night whilst Harry was home alone. He was only there because his therapist had thought it would be best to start rebuilding his and Louis' relationship into something healthier, something not so dependable. A load of shite in Harry's opinion- but there he was, all on his lonesome whilst his mum worked another late shift. The only reason he had even agreed to it at all was for the blue eyed boys sake, Louis had gotten the brunt of the aftermath and Harry just knew that the lad blamed himself deeply for everything that had happened with the car accident. That and plus his nightmares still lingered and had only gotten progressively worse, nothing had seemed to help.

So the knock. Harry had been busy in the kitchen, brewing himself a cup of tea, when it had echoed through the house. It had to have been no later than nine- he furrowed his brow as he silently questioned who it could have possibly been. Settling the teaspoon on the side, he wandered throughout the house and towards the front door, curiosity peaked his interest as he stood before the wooden structure and leant forward to peak through the peephole.

Pulling away, he frowned, dark hair hidden beneath what seemed to be a red hoodie was the only thing he could catch sight of in the dark that surrounded the lone figure. Slowly he gripped at the doors latch, gently tugging it down before opening the heavy door. His brows shot up in surprise as the hallway light that escaped into the gloomy evening night lit up the persons face, defining their strong features.

"Zee mate- what you doing here?" Harry questioned as he looked his mate over, immediately focusing on the tear stained cheeks, the defeated, solemn face, and the red rimmed eyes that darkened his usual honey colour, turning them into a murky whiskey.

Harry side stepped away from the doors opening before hurriedly ushering the raven haired boy inside the warm house and out of the bitter October wind.

"Thanks." Zayn mumbled quietly, trying his best to give Harry a grateful smile as he basked in the much needed heat.

"No worries." Harry spoke, clearly worried as he captured his bottom lip between his teeth before swiftly shutting the door behind them. "Listen- I was just about to make a cuppa, why don't you head into the living room and I'll make you one too, yeah?"

Zayn nodded softly at him and Harry smiled in response, pointing the lad in the right direction before trailing back into the kitchen, his head filled with so many questions.

The kitchen was just how he had left it, only the light on the kettle had gone out meaning it had just come to a boil. He shuffled across the hardwood floor to grab an extra mug from one of the higher cabinets before returning to his own, a small smirk subconsciously pulled at his lips as his gaze lingered a moment too long on the kitchen counter.

He made quick work with the drinks, recalling the usual order Zayn would pick up whenever they would ride to school together in the early mornings. One sugar, no milk.

His mind wandered as he hurried around the kitchen, flitting between the fridge and cabinets, searching for everything he needed. It wasn't that he didn't want the lad over, especially in such a state of distress, it was just rather strange. Harry had always figured if Zayn ever needed anything he'd head straight to Louis- they'd been friends the longest and seemed to know one another inside and out. He briefly questioned if the lad had gone in search of Louis before heading to his but he quickly realised that that wouldn't be the case, it wouldn't matter what the blue eyed boy was doing, if you needed him, he'd be there.

A glance to the clock on the far wall told Harry that Louis would probably be settling the older twins in bed about now, he grinned at the thought of the close knit family. One that had quickly grown to become apart of his own. He made a mental reminder to message Louis later on.

As he made his exit, he switched off the kitchen lights and turned on the heating- Zayn had looked a little frozen on his arrival and honestly, Harry had been meaning to turn it on since his mum had left for work, only he'd just blanked and completely forgotten.

"One sugar, no milk. Just how you like it!" Harry exclaimed lightly as he wandered over to the large sofa where Zayn was perched before lowering the two mugs on a couple of coasters that sat on the nearby coffee table. "Thought you might like these too." He added with a delighted smile as he carefully wafted a plate of biscuits in front of the boys face before settling them down beside the warm drinks, "Mum's favourites- has god knows how many packs stashed away in the cupboards. Lou steals them every time he's here too, so if she notices we can just blame it on him." That got a breathy chuckle out of the dark haired lad and Harry all but beamed as he took to his seat.

A silence settled and Harry fumbled with the remote to turn the tv on, just for Zayn's sake, since arriving the lad had seemed so lost in his own head, Harry only hoped that the background noise could keep him focused on the now.

Carefully he took a sip of the heated drink, cradling the mug between his palms before he got a little more comfortable on the sofa, giving Zayn time to decide whether he wanted to talk or not. Either way, Harry would be there, he knew how horrible it felt to have your thoughts and feelings forced out of you. Sometimes all someone really needed was comfort, company.

"It's really good, H." Zayn breathed out after having picked up his cup, drinking the warm liquid slowly. "Thanks for this."

"I've had a bit of practice over the past couple weeks, Lou can be a lazy little shit when he wants to be so I'm always up and making him tea." Harry chuckled, smiling sweetly at the dark haired boy sat opposite him, "Honestly wouldn't mind doing it, only at first he used to have a right go whenever I got something wrong."

"I've been there." Zayn said as he shook his head amusedly, a small smile settling on his face, "A proper princess when it comes to his tea." He added as he moved a finger to rim around the edge mug.

"Don't I know it." Harry mumbled under his breath before gazing up from his tea to find Zayn chuckling away.

"Man it's been a day but moanin' about Lou proper makes it." Zayn smiled, his eyes shinning with mirth instead of the once wet tears, "Gotta love him though."

"Honestly wouldn't know where I'd be without him." Harry agreed with a warm grin as he moved forward to place his mug back on its coaster.

"I know what you mean- we've been best mates since we were kids, he's been there with me through everything." At that, Zayn lowered his eyes, looking down at the mug almost painfully.

Harry furrowed his brow in concern before tapping the backs of his knuckles to the boys knee, "You alright mate?" He asked gently, face softening as a pool of honey brown eyes brimming with tears gazed back at him. Zayn shook his head defeatedly, brutally biting at his bottom lip to will back his emotions. Harry didn't think, just took the tea from the lads grasp, placing it on the coffee table beside them before wrapping his arms around his mate.

Zayn's body trembled in Harry's arms as the lad buried his face into the shoulder of the green eyed boys hoodie. Harry could only cradle him close, gently patting his back as he let his eyes slip close, his heart truly aching for the broken boy.

As they both just sat there on the sofa, Harry let his mind fall back to the football match that had occurred not too long ago, remembering the way the dark haired lad had held him, comforted him when he had needed it most, looked after and cared for him just because he had wanted to, because in the little time they had known one another he had began to matter to the older boy. Harry's thoughts then wandered to the sacred moment they had shared all those weeks ago in the back of the tattoo shop, where they had traded long kept secrets, where they had cried and laughed together, finally finding a sense of hope in each other that they hadn't been able to find in anyone else before. Harry loved Zayn like a brother, it didn't matter to him how long they had known one another or whether the raven haired lad even felt the same way, he'd do just about anything for him, just as he would, Niall, Liam and Louis. So as Zayn crumbled in his hold, Harry just pulled him a little closer, letting the lad fist his hands in the front of his hoodie whilst his shoulders shook unforgivingly, releasing all of the tension he had been bottling up.

Harry wasn't exactly sure how long it had taken for Zayn to settle, to pull away from the embrace long enough to keep himself from breaking down once more. The green eyed lad had enclosed Zayn's hands in his own, showing the sniffling boy his support, silently telling him that he'd be there to listen whenever he was ready to talk.

"Fuck." Zayn cursed bitterly as he tilted his head back and let his eyes flutter shut, taking a much needed deep breath. Harry just tightened his hold on the lads hands by a fraction as he sent a tender smile Zayn's way, understanding the torment he must have been feeling.

"Take your time, Zee." Harry encouraged softly, "I'll be here mate."

Zayn let his head lull forward a few seconds later, his eyes a little red and puffy, cheeks flushed and bottom lip bitten raw. "Sorry." He mumbled out, swallowing the anxiety that had settled in his throat.

"Please don't apologise," Harry breathed out as he shuffled a little closer, " We all need a good cry sometimes and you seemed like you really needed it."

"Can say that again." Zayn chuckled ruefully before sniffling. "Just been a shitty day honestly- didn't really know where else to go.."

"You're always welcome here." Harry reassured faintly, thumb tapping at the back of the older boys knuckles as he did.

Zayn sighed softly, "I know, just- I thought about heading to Lou's but it didn't feel right. Then I thought of you and well, here I am I guess."

Harry nodded slowly in reply, carefully eyeing the dishevelled boy beside him before speaking, "Did something happen between you two?"

"Nah," The honey eyed lad said immediately, shaking his head before sniffing a couple more times, "I honestly wish I could talk to him about it all but I just, I didn't think he'd quite understand."

Harry nodded once more in response, gradually beginning to comprehend. "You wanna talk about it?" He questioned cautiously.

"Think I'm gunna have to." Zayn smiled sadly, pulling a hand away from Harry's hold to rub tiredly at his face, "Just so fucked up."

"Don't rush, got all the time in the world." Harry smiled gently, and the dark haired boy returned the gesture before huffing out a large breath of air.

"I got home from school a little late, dropped Lou off at his then remembered I'd left one of my portfolios in the art classroom, so had to drive all the way back to grab it. By the time I made it through the front door I was proper drained, not even a reason as to why, just felt shit." He chuckled lightly but then took another breath before continuing on, "House was hectic. My sisters were running about doing fuck knows what whilst me mum was stood cooking dinner in the kitchen. I chucked my stuff by the stairs like I usually do before I headed to greet mum. I should have known from the moment I walked in that something was up."

Harry squeezed the older lads hand slightly when Zayn gulped and sniffed harshly once more into the sleeve of his hoodie, obviously already struggling to stay calm.

"Sorry," The raven haired lad whispered before inhaling a large breath, "She had her back to me as I walked to the fridge- just wanting to grab something to drink- I thought nothing of it when she didn't reply, just shrugged and figured she mustn't have heard me or something. I grabbed a carton and wandered towards her and shit H, when I reached over her to grab a glass she flinched away from me like I was about to hurt her! I stumbled back in shock, silently questioning what was up before I was asking if she was okay- she just kept nodding, not saying a word. I honestly didn't know what to think. She wouldn't move from the stove or even look my way." Zayn's jaw tightened as he stared blankly at the wall before them. "I just kept asking what was up, if she was good, if she was hurt, and when she finally fucking replied to me all she said was that _I should leave_. I didn't know what to do, H. My mum had just told me to leave, I couldn't understand where it had even come from. I laughed, thinking it were a joke or something. But the look she gave me- she looked as though she wanted to be sick, I'd never seen her so _disgusted_ , so hurt?"

His eyes slipped closed for a moment, and Harry was sure that the lad could still picture the woman's vivid expression from the pain that ripped through his face. The green eyed boy placed his free hand on top of their already conjoined pair, wanting to ground Zayn somehow, bring him back to where they were sat. His being ached for him, for the boy he called one of his best friends, he only hoped that the story wasn't headed where he thought it was. But not all wishes came true.

"H, she hit me- hard. Her eyes were filled with so much anger, so much hatred. I didn't even know she could look at anyone that way, let alone me. She was always so soft, so gentle." Zayn spoke again, dark lashes wet with warm tears, "She, she had found some of the shitty gag gifts Louis had gotten me over the years whilst tidying up my room, things I don't even know why I kept. I tried to argue, to explain, but she wouldn't have it. Said it was sinful, that I should have thrown it out. I told her I would, begged her to understand that it was just teenage lads being stupid but then it all switched." The older boys face screwed up as he tried to stop himself from sobbing, from picturing his mother's face, from hearing her harsh words. "She told me she'd always known. That she had prayed and prayed every night to be wrong, for someone above to _cure_ me, to right my wrongful thoughts." He whispered, voice just above a whistle of air, so beyond broken, so destroyed.

Harry had tears of his own cascading down his cheeks as he watched the boy speak, heart breaking a little more after each word. He flung his tattooed arms around the older lads shoulders, holding him tight, tight enough to ensure the boy that he was safe, that he was wanted.

Both of them cried quietly for a while, minds lost and hearts broken. Harry couldn't begin to imagine what Zayn was feeling, what thoughts were running through his head, he couldn't comprehend losing the people he cherished most, so he gripped him harder, hoping to somehow squeeze every ounce of hurt from the boys being.

"She knew all this time H!" Zayn bellowed painfully after having pulled away from the tender embrace, a teardrop falling from the cut of his jaw as more burned his eyes. "She knew! And she said nothing! Just prayed- she prayed to anyone who would listen! What was I supposed to say to that?" He cried, wrenching forward as he sobbed, hands fisted in the neck of his hoodie. "She wouldn't even say it! Couldn't say the word! She wouldn't admit to what she already knew. Wouldn't even say my name." He screwed his eyes firmly shut, shallow breaths harsh and chest heaving, "She'd known I was gay and didn't even care to understand, to listen, to ask. I've struggled for so long, H. So fucking long. Debated whether or not to tell them, to let them in- I didn't even get to choose! She told them all! And now _I_ have to leave. Leave because she can't look at me the same anymore. Can't see me- see me as her son."


	70. Uncertainties

"Hope it's okay." Harry breathed out as he settled the last duffle bag by the foot of the dresser. "It's Gem's old room but since she left, well, I guess mum just decided to make it into a guest bed," He added, looking around at the light grey walls and the soft linens that lined the mattress, "it's not like Gem stuck around long enough to have left a mark anyway." He mumbled under his breath as he kicked at the carpet beneath his socked feet. He hadn't stepped foot in the room in god knows how long, it just reminded him too much of what else he had lost.

Harry sucked in a sharp breath at the sudden reminder and gazed back up to find Zayn smiling softly at him.

"It's perfect, H." The honey eyed boy stated, perching himself on the edge of the duvet, gentle hands trailing over the light fabric, "Thanks for this." He said softly, the sweet appreciation that dawned on his face still not enough to cover up the emotions from his rollercoaster of a day.

"Don't worry about it, Zee. You're always welcome here mate." Harry reassured before plopping himself down beside the boy, "I'll talk to mum about everything tomorrow but in the mean time.. wanna order a shit ton of food?" He asked with a wild grin as wiggled his brows at the dark haired lad, Zayn could only laugh at him before he was nodding in response.

—

"So," Zayn started, a sly smile creeping onto his lips as he dipped a chip into some ketchup, "what _is_ going on between you two?"

Harry focused on the dark haired boy, drawing his attention away from the subtitles playing on the telly before he frowned slightly, "Between who?" He questioned as he leant back into the sofa.

Zayn rolled his eyes in fond exasperation and Harry couldn't stop himself from smiling lightly, "You know who, mate."

Harry did. Who else could Zayn have possibly been talking about? He fiddled with the tasseled hem on one of the nearby cushions, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as his eyes flickered between the lad and the movie. "We- well, I don't know really." He shrugged, but was quick to continue when Zayn raised a knowing brow at him, "I mean, I like him- you know that- and I guess he somehow likes me too. We've been, I don't even know what to call it, _dating_ maybe?" He cringed at his wording, because that was truly not the way he'd like to define their 'relationship', but he just couldn't find the right term. Zayn laughed at his distorted expression and Harry couldn't stop himself from chuckling along too, letting all the apprehension he was feeling go.

"It's been a couple weeks and we haven't told anyone yet, or even put a label on it. Just, so much has been going on, you know?" Harry sighed, smiling softly at Zayn's short nod of understanding, "He means so much to me, so fucking much that I can't even begin to find the words to describe it. From the moment we met he's constantly been on my mind, and at first I was terrified, terrified of coming out again, of telling him how I felt, of having to live through another heartbreak. Scared to face the pain and torment of it all once more- to lose something more than just my hearing." He swallowed thickly but didn't shy away from the gentle touch that encased his fisted hand, "The shit at school before the crash, with the kiss and everything, was true and I got through it somehow but there's still this anxiety, this worry, that something bad is going to happen. I've dealt with everything on my own for so long, I've gone to therapy, to doctors, to anyone and everyone who could possibly help with all the crap that's been forced upon me, the shit that now makes _me_ me, and the thing that's been haunting me most since the moment things got too real between him and I, is the fear of Lou having to face what I went through." Harry sniffed faintly, it was always such a struggle to open up, to be honest with how he was feeling, but he'd kept it all in for so long and now that he'd started, he just couldn't stop. "I know I can't shelter him, Zee, or hide him away from the rest of the world, from the people who have chastised us from the mere rumours, but I don't know how to let it go, to let the overwhelmingness of it all slip away. I'm constantly on edge whenever we're out, whenever I see looks lingering too long. I'm scared of the backlash I'll have to face, scared to see if I can get through it all, but mostly, I'm terrified for him. So beyond terrified that if somehow I make it through, if one day I come to terms with my sexuality, with the fact that I was left for dead for something as simple as loving who I love, that he won't be there to stand with me. Or the other way around! What if he's okay and I can't be there for him? Because I'm too afraid to let myself fall, to let other people see just how much I love him."

Zayn smiled, a gesture so warm, so radiant, it had Harry having to pause from his rant to take a much needed deep breath. He hadn't realised just how deeply he'd felt about it all. Saying it aloud was different. It felt more real, sure, but there was this release of tension from his shoulders, no longer was the weight of the world pressing down on him. He could breathe a little easier.

"Shit." Harry laughed loudly, shaking his head in utter disbelief, "Sorry."

"Don't." Zayn said, soft smile still intact as he squeezed Harry's hand a little tighter, "I can see where you're coming from. It's hard. But you're brave, H, and so is Lou. You'll both be okay."

Harry released a large huff of air as he lulled his head back against the sofa. What a fucking night.

"Anyway, what's this about _love_?" Zayn mocked playfully, pulling his hand away to chuck a chip Harry's way, cackling as it bounced off of the boys forehead. Suddenly, Harry knew that everything would be okay. He had the people he needed most, the ones that loved him for him, the ones that he knew would stick around through everything, and that was all he really needed in that moment. Stability. Comfort. Reassurance.

He loved Louis. He just hoped that in time, he would be able to tell the rest of the world.

—

"Anne? Harold!" Louis called out as he let himself into the familiar house, using the key the older woman had gifted him some weeks ago. He knocked on the hallway walls to let Harry know he had arrived like he usually did, but heard nothing in response.

"In here, Lou." A gentle voice called out from further down the hall and Louis smiled as he followed after it, stopping at the kitchen doorway to find the brown haired woman sat at the dark wooden table. "Heya, lovely." Anne greeted as she opened up her arms to welcome him into a hug. The blue eyed boy gladly accepted, trailing across the floor before grinning into the gesture.

"Hey." Louis replied, voice soft and happy, letting the woman rub his shoulder as they parted ways. "How are you?"

"All good. Just had a late shift last night, didn't get home until early morning." Anne smiled before making a move to stand, gesturing over to the kettle, "Want a drink?"

Louis shook his head and waved her back down into the seat before he picked up her empty mug and hurried over towards the cabinet where he found another for himself, "No worries, I'll do it."

"Such an angel." Anne sighed through an amused chuckle as she lowered herself back into the chair. "But you know you don't have to do everything whilst you're here- I love having you around sweetheart and I'd have gladly done it."

"I know," The teenager grinned over his shoulder, "just makes me feel helpful." He added with a simple shrug as he spooned a teaspoon of sugar into the woman's favourite cup- it was lilac and painted with the initial A, his sisters had gotten it for her after all of the times she'd had them stay over, the Tomlinson's had somehow all wormed their way into the woman's big heart, not that they'd had to try all that hard, Anne was just that incredible.

"You could leave the toilet seat up and track mud across my carpets and you'd still be welcome here, Lou. Don't feel as though you have to work to earn your place- that goes for your sisters too! Those girls are always busying themselves with something or other whenever they're over." Anne pointed at him, trying to be firm, but with a tender smile she just shook her head as she let a giggle slip. "But still, as you're up, grab us a packet of biscuits from the cupboard, will you?"

Louis laughed wholeheartedly, grinning brightly as he followed orders, eyes narrowing as he peered up at the shelves- instantly he knew that Harry had definitely been at the biscuits, the boy just better be thanking his lucky stars for the fact that he had noticed instead of Anne, otherwise there would have been hell to pay.

Swiftly, he grabbed one of the packets and opened them up as he strolled back over towards the table, setting them down beside the woman before he scuttled over to the steaming kettle.

"Thank you, my sweet boy." Anne grinned appreciatively as Louis lowered their finished drinks onto the table a moment later.

Louis chuckled as he took to the seat opposite her, cradling the hot mug between his hands, "H still asleep then?"

The woman hummed as she carefully sipped at her tea, "Believe so, had a late night too."

Louis furrowed his brow, toying with the rim of his cup, "What do you mean?" He questioned lightly even though a tinge of worry had already started to settle deep within him. Harry had been really good lately, he just hoped that things weren't going down hill.

"Nothing to worry about." Anne quickly spoke, her eyes truthful and smile kind as she placed a soft hand over Louis' own. "Just had a friend over late, found them both half asleep on the sofa when I got home, watching a film together."

Louis gulped- a friend? The brown haired woman must have seen the sudden dread that casted across his face as she rubbed a thumb over the backs of his knuckles to soothe him, "Nothing like that." She scolded lightly, waving off the thoughts that plagued his mind and all of his irrational fears, "Zayn- I believe? Only met him once or twice before, but you two are very close if I remember correctly."

The blue eyed boy nodded dumbly, unsure on why Zayn had bothered to head to Harry's when he wasn't too far away. He silently questioned if this was something the two had done before, if they had purposely kept it all a secret.

"Think he just had a rough night." Anne whispered out as her gaze focused on something outside of the glazed glass window to their left.

A rough night. Louis could feel his mind reeling as his slowly sipped at his drink, he truly couldn't understand why Zayn would have headed here instead of his. They had been best mates since, well, forever. They knew everything about one another, had never kept secrets, Louis thought the boy to be his brother rather than just a friend- he'd honestly do anything for the lad, Zayn was the one person he could always count on.

He couldn't think of what he had done wrong, wrong enough to have Zayn look for comfort elsewhere rather than with him. Louis knew he was being somewhat irrational, and as glad as he was for the lad to have found some sense of relief in Harry, he couldn't help but feel slightly hurt. Left out.


	71. Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added a little image to the beginning of this chapter, it took forever to make so I hope you enjoy the little addition! It's how I see the two of them throughout the story but you're welcome to your own interpretations!💗

"Lou!"

Louis startled from his troubled daze as a heap of longs limbs and unruly curls threw themselves at his back, tattooed arms wrapped around his shoulders whilst a cold nose nuzzled its way into the crook of his neck, uncaring for the wooden chair that separated them.

"Didn't know you'd be here." Harry mumbled into the sweet skin before pulling away to press a firm kiss to the blue eyed boys temple.

Louis let his eyes slip close at the gesture, basking in the warmth the taller lad had brought with him before leaning back to smile up at him. "Yeah," He breathed out, "the girls are with mates and the babies are with Dan- so, here I am."

"Well, I'm glad." Harry grinned brightly, squeezing Louis' shoulders gently before rounding the kitchen table to greet his mum- gifting her a hug of her own and a light good morning.

"Heya lovely, but I'm sorry to tell you it's past noon." Anne laughed as she pinched her sons cheek, only to then shoo him into a chair beside them. "Is your friend okay?" She questioned as she took to her feet, grabbing the two empty mugs that sat on the table before moving over to the counter.

"Oh, um yeah." Harry replied, somewhat surprised, "Still asleep when I left him, we-" he paused for a moment, eyes drifting between the only other two in the room before continuing, "we had a long night I guess, figured I'd leave him be for a while."

Anne hummed as she worked on fixing another round of tea, "Can I ask what happened?"

Harry furrowed his brow at that, unsure, "I dunno, maybe just wait a while? Just until he's up." He tapped his knuckles against the wooden table as the older woman nodded in his direction, an understanding smile gracing her features. The green eyed lad could only return it before gazing back over to Louis who had been awfully quiet since his arrival. Usually they'd be up dancing about, annoying his mum as she cleared up, or messing around whilst they tried to find something good enough to cook. "You okay?" Harry questioned lightly as he reached out across the table to play with the older boys fingers.

Louis allowed the gesture as he nodded slowly in response, revelling in the tingling sensation that crawled across his skin at the boys touch.

"Tired?" Harry tried, not wanting to settle for the subtle nod.

"A little." Louis spoke, turning his hand over so that Harry could trace the faint lines of his palm, "Is Zee okay?"

Harry didn't reply for a moment, instead focusing on the tiny trembles the brunettes hand made whenever he trailed too delicately. He sighed quietly before locking eyes with the boy, his blue so gentle it calmed his racing mind. "He'll be okay." Was all he could muster out, taking note of the expression Louis wore before his mum wandered back over, three new mugs in hand. Harry didn't really know how to describe it, just that it wasn't one he had ever seen on Louis before, it confused him beyond belief.

"What are you boys up to today?" Anne asked as she picked up a new biscuit, looking between the two boys, paying no mind to the interlocked hands settled before her- something she had gotten far too used to in the recent weeks.

"Not sure honestly," Harry replied with a shrug, his thumb drifting over to the pulse point in Louis' wrist as his green gaze met Anne's. "Watch a couple films, maybe?"

"Well, you'll be on your own- I said I'd pick up a few things for Barb." Anne told the pair, "So please try not to burn the house down whilst I'm away." She added with a knowing look that quickly dissolved into an amused smile as the two boys grinned goofily at the reminder of the previous weeks shenanigans- they truly hadn't meant to forget about the brownies, they had just got so caught up in a conversation, which looking back on, could hardly even remember what it'd been about.

"Sorry, again." Louis chuckled sheepishly, "At least they were still somewhat edible."

Harry grimaced at the faint reminisce of the taste that had coated his tongue, "I wouldn't say edible, angel. Practically turned them into rocks, could have lost a tooth."

The green eyed boys face lit up as he watched Louis laugh wholeheartedly at his response and his grip tightened just a fraction as his chest swelled, glad that he could bring a beaming smile back onto the boys face.

"Angel?" Anne smirked as she casually dipped a biscuit into her warm drink, bright eyes watching the pairs startled expressions, "Our Lou is far from an angel, we both know that, Haz."

Louis feigned shock as he gasped loudly and shook his head, trying his best to hold back his oncoming laughter, "I am too! I can be a right angel when I want to be."

"See, that's what I mean- only when you want to be." Anne giggled, smile dazzling and eyes alive with mirth.

Louis rolled his eyes playfully, biting back a large grin as the woman's sweet laughter echoed in the air, he was about to retort- defend his case- but it seemed as though Harry beat him to it.

"He'll always be my angel." Harry said simply before taking a slow sip of his tea. Smiling from behind his mug at the rosy flush that adorned Louis' cheeks and the fond expression that brightened his mums entire being.

"I'm glad." Was all Anne replied as she watched her sons fingers entangle with the blue eyed boys own, the two of them now seemingly lost in a world of their own. "So, very glad." She whispered, cradling the mug close to her chest as she gazed out of the far window, admiring the afternoon sky.

—

The light scuttle of feet traipsing down the staircase alerted Harry to the figure approaching and he grinned once he caught sight of a familiar head of black hair rounding the corner.

"Hey Zee." Harry greeted happily from where he was sat on the sofa- a brunette attached firmly to his side- watching as the lad paused briefly in the living room doorway.

"Hi." Zayn croaked, gifting the two boys a sleepy smile before rubbing tiredly at his face. His movements were slow as he wandered over towards them and his face softened when Harry instantly made room for him.

Louis watched the scene carefully and tried to hide the frown that settled on his face when Zayn cushioned himself a little too close to Harry for his liking. The green eyed boy patted Zayn's knee comfortingly and with that, Louis immediately moved to drape his legs over Harry's thighs, snuggling even further into the boys embrace, knowing he was being jealous- petty even- but he couldn't bring himself to think clearly. He was just so afraid of losing Harry.

"Lou." Zayn acknowledged, voice laced with sleep as he smiled sweetly in the direction of his best friend, "Didn't know you'd be here."

Louis hummed, quirking his lip slightly at Zayn before gazing back towards the telly. "Didn't know you'd be here either." He mumbled and swallowed when the honey eyed lad gave no response.

Harry shuffled in his seat awhile later and Louis looked back over to find said boy whispering to Zayn, who in return nodded along softly to what Harry was saying. Louis' insides alit with a envious fire and he locked his jaw as he let his legs fall away from Harry, cutting his eyes at the film that continued to play.

The quiet words and secret looks carried on and with each one Louis felt himself growing more and more irritated. It was one thing to purposely make him feel left out, but to act as if he wasn't even there hurt. So by the time the movie had nearly finished Louis couldn't stand the silent treatment any longer.

Immediately he jumped to his feet and grabbed the hoodie that was lounging over the back of the sofa, the sudden movement startling Harry and Zayn from their little reverie. He tugged the material over his head, feeling eyes on him as he did so, finding it harder and harder to breath as his throat tightened.

"I'm gunna go." Louis finally muttered out, trying his best to hold back his emotions. He made a move towards the door after having picked up his phone but a hand clasped around his wrist to stop him.

"But the film hasn't ended yet." Harry pouted once Louis had turned back to face him, "It's your favourite too, what could be more important?"

"I've watched it a million times before so it's not like I don't know how it's ends, besides you weren't even watching it." Louis shrugged as he tried to loosen Harry's hold on his wrist, heart clenching when the boy looked up at him with the guiltiest expression.

"I'm sorry, Lou. I'll watch it now- promise."

Louis turned away to roll his eyes languidly before forcing a soft smile, hoping to ease Harry's conscience, "No it's all good, I don't wanna interrupt much more, Dan probably needs help with the little ones anyway."

"Louis." Harry frowned, "Please."

Finally, the blue eyed boy wiggled his wrist free from Harry's grip and let his hand fall to his side as he took a few more steps across the floor. "I'll just text you later or something." He shrugged, pushing down the heavy hurt that sat on his chest.

Harry took to his feet then, wanting to follow the boy, brows furrowing as his lips parted in a helpless attempt to find the right words to say. Yet, he didn't have to say anything at all because Zayn was the next to speak up just as Louis had made it to the door.

"Lou, we were just speaking about last night- I didn't want to burden you with anything so I asked H to keep quiet." The dark haired boy explained, "I didn't realise how hurt you'd feel, I hadn't even realised that you'd noticed us talking."

"Didn't realise?" Louis bellowed as his eyes widened in disbelief, "I was sat right there whilst the two of you whispered back and forth like a pair of fuckin' school girls at a sleepover! You've acted as though I wasn't even here the entire time! Honestly, if you wanted to have a conversation you could've just told me- don't make me feel like I'm not wanted." He shook his head whilst the two boys stared back at him, startled by his upset rant. "I don't fuckin' need this shit, you're free to have your secrets- I could care less about what you two talk about whilst I'm not around- but it's just shitty."

Louis made towards the door once more only to have Harry round him quickly, blocking the exit with his tall frame. "Move."

"No." Harry shook his head, "Just lis-"

"No, I don't wanna listen, I'm fed up and tired. I just wanna head home." Louis sighed slightly distressed, fear and anxiety crawling up his throat as he tried to avoid the green eyed boys gaze. "Please move."

"Lou, just listen." Harry pleaded whilst Zayn slowly approached.

"Mate, I'm sorry we made you feel like crap but we honestly didn't mean to- I just had a shitty day yesterday and I was gunna head to yours last night but I just didn't know how to explain everything to you."

Louis narrowed his eyes in confusion, hand clenched around his phone as he tried to calm his disconcerting emotions, fears and insecurities drowning out his sane thoughts.

"My mum kicked me out, Lou." Zayn admitted quietly, his honey coloured eyes filled with tears as he stared helplessly back at his best mate.


	72. I promise

"What do you mean she kicked you out? She wouldn't do that, Zee." Louis shook his head in utter disbelief, wide eyes flickering between the dark haired boy that stood before him and Harry. "She just wouldn't."

"Well, she did." Zayn chuckled mirthlessly, turning away from Louis to wander back over to the sofa cushions, taking a seat before allowing his heavy head to fall into his hands.

Louis swallowed, gaze burning into the side of Zayn's hallow face as he tried to wrap his head around things. The lad looked so beyond broken. His usually bright honey coloured eyes were sunken, as were his cheeks accentuating the harsh bags that rested beneath his waterline, and his brow was furrowed so deeply he looked as though he was in physical pain- clearly tormented by his thoughts.

The blue eyed boy took a shaky breath, easing the harsh grip he held on his phone before trailing after Zayn, immediately perching on the edge of the coffee table so that he could face his best mate. "What happened?" He asked timidly, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt for how he had reacted- all Zayn had wanted was someone to talk to, to understand, and he'd just, well, he had let his emotions take over, his hurt.

Louis watched closely as the dark haired lad wrung his fingers together, his head down and shoulders slumped before he finally huffed out a small sigh. "She-" Zayn took a large trembling breath before gazing up to look into a pair of familiar ocean eyes, "she found out, Lou."

Nodding slowly, Louis could only give Zayn a moment to settle his thoughts, to prepare his words, he didn't quite understand what the woman had found out but he knew he couldn't rush the lad. So instead, he cradled the boys shaking hands in his own, his glossy gaze locking with teary pools of murky whiskey as the room around them silenced.

Zayn sniffed loudly as his eyes slipped close, chest rising unsteadily before soon deflating, swallowing thickly. "Me and you, we've been friends since we were kids," He started, voice quieter than Louis had ever heard it before forcing his grip to tighten a fraction, "-we met and just clicked. You were this new beam of light, so blinding and so unapologetically yourself. I was the complete opposite, quiet, soft spoken, a little shy- but that made us, us, you'll always be the yin to my yang." Zayn tittered briefly, letting his eyes flutter open to reveal the puddle of tears that were threatening to fall. A truly devastating sight for anyone to witness, let alone his best friend, but Louis was immediately caught off guard by his smile, unable to understand how even in a time of need the boy could still find such strength. The gesture was so warm and tender, it reassured Louis to no end- he hoped that things would be okay, they just had to be.

"You've always been there from the very start, we've been through everything together. You're practically a brother to me, Lou- family. When your mum passed I felt it too, the torment, the burning anger, the terrifying fear. But you were there and we had one another to lean on." Zayn told Louis vehemently, his state serious as he squeezed the brunettes hand gently, "You're sisters, Ernie, Dan, they mean so much to me too, I don't know where I'd be without you all, your family has been nothing but welcoming. Accepting." The dark haired boy took a moment to breath, fingers slipping from Louis' grasp to rub at his tired eyes, sniffling quietly to keep his emotions from spilling out. "But it was hard this time around- so fucking hard." He gulped before lulling his head backwards, trying his best to keep the hot tears that rimmed his eyes from falling. "I wanted to tell you! I swear that I did. I was just so afraid to admit it out loud, to tell myself what I've always known, because then I knew it would all get too real, telling _you_ would make it all real."

"Zee. Mate." Louis whispered, a hand moving to seize the back of the dark haired boys neck, wanting to centre him, wanting to ground him somehow. "It's okay. I understand. You're all good. I'm here and you don't have to tell me anything you're not ready to."

Zayn chuckled out a broken sob, shaking his head as his shoulders silently convulsed, lips firmly pressed together to keep anymore gut wrenching cries from escaping.

Louis couldn't just sit there and do nothing. He felt so lost looking at his best mate, the happy lad who he'd do just about anything for, in that moment he wanted nothing more than to take his pain, to take away the overwhelming ache that so visibly agonised him.

Instantly Louis dropped to his knees before him and tugged the trembling boy into his arms, moving the gentle hand rested on Zayn's neck to the back of his head to draw his pained face closer. "Everything will work out, mate. Everything will be fine. You're so loved and so wanted- I'd honestly be so lost without you. I love you, yeah? Don't you fuckin' forget that, because you and me.. we've got so much to see together, wanna fly out to god knows where to watch a World Cup, wanna head off to uni with you, wanna explore and travel, fly, wanna buy houses on the same street and grow old together, laugh at our kids when they do stupid shit and pretend not cry at their weddings, wanna be able to call you my best mate for the rest of my life. Zee- you and me, we're always gunna be there for each other, so you can tell me whatever you need to tell me when you're ready. Whether that's today, next week, or next year. Me and you. Always. Okay?"

Zayn nodded solemnly into Louis' shoulder and the blue eyed boy smiled through his tears, strengthening his hold as though he was afraid the lad would crumble in his arms then and there.

"I'm gay, Lou."

—

"You okay, angel?" Harry mumbled into Louis' temple before gazing down at the boys bitten lips.

The two of them were cuddled up close in Harry's bed, the evening sun had long since set and the darkness had quickly crawled in leading them to the confines of the tattooed boys bedroom. The heating was on and an old film was playing quietly as their bodies laid entangled beneath the heavy duvet. Zayn had headed back to bed soon after everything had happened, too exhausted to do much else, just wanting to sleep the rest of the day away and Louis had kept quiet ever since, worrying Harry to no end.

"Yeah." Louis hummed faintly in response, his eyes focused on the foot of the bed as Harry snaked an arm around his waist.

"It's been a long day, it's okay to feel a little drained." Harry reassured softly, his fingertips already drawing faint shapes into the soft skin of Louis' hip.

"I know." Louis sighed defeatedly, finally allowing his attention to fall back onto the boy beside him, "Just feel so guilty."

"Why? There's no reason to, lovely. Zee knows you're okay with it all, he knows how much you care, there's no need to feel guilty." Harry's expression was so earnest, so sincere, that Louis had to cast his eyes away, instead choosing to toy with the hem of the quilted blanket that was spread across the both of them.

"But I do, H. I was so focused on myself, on my feelings to pay him any mind. Thinking back to when he first walked in, I've never seen him look so down and all I could think about in the moment was keeping you near, afraid that you'd leave if I let you go. There was this constant fear nagging me that you'd go, that I'd somehow lose you too." Louis' voice trembled as he spoke but the warm, wet tear that slipped from his pretty blue eyes were what caused Harry to tug him even closer, "It's not just that either, because in a way I started all that crap with Zayn and his mum, I gave him those shitty gag gifts, I don't even know why I fucking did it, it was just so stupid- all for a laugh! And now what, Haz? He's on his own. He's lost the people he cares about most." Louis broke out into a hearty sob then, unable to rid himself of the intense remorse that had settled over him since his talk with Zayn- not wanting to, because deep down he knew he deserved to feel that way, to feel as though he had been the one to single handedly rip his best friends life apart.

Harry calmly shushed him, springing into action the second he saw the boys shoulders begin to shake, hurriedly directing Louis' tear stained cheeks towards the warmth of his broad chest. The harsh vibrations were instant and his stomach sunk, the cries wracked through his torso without a care and Harry could only cling to Louis tighter, carefully moving to gently rock them back and forth. "It's not your fault, Lou. Things happen. Life isn't always fair. But you're wrong when you say he's on his own because he has you. And even though that's more than enough, he still has me too- Liam, Niall and your family also. He'll never feel alone because I can assure you we'll be the only family he'll ever need." Harry bit at the inside of his cheek, the sinking feeling that had begun never residing, it hurt so much to see the smaller boy so beyond worked up, to see him so regretful. "I promise things will get better soon," He whispered faintly into the mop of coffee coloured hair before pressing a firm kiss to the boys temple, "I promise."


	73. It is what it is

The weekend simply came and went, and Monday arrived far too quickly. The days prior had been spent treading on eggshells around one another and subtly avoiding sticking around for too long.

Louis had left Harry's the morning after everything that had happened with Zayn, gifting the sleeping boy beside him a simple kiss before hurrying home. He'd had so much to deal with, so much on his mind, and at the time he truly hadn't been able to look at Zayn without wanting to tear his own heart in two. So instead of facing up to all the emotions he had felt, he stayed at home and hid himself away.

"Lou, we're leaving!" Lottie called out from the bottom of the stairs, her voice echoing around the still house. The blue eyed boy huffed quietly as he tugged on his school jumper and winter coat before hurrying downstairs and out the front door to join the rest of his family. "Took you long enough." The blonde girl mocked as they walked up the pathway together.

"Yeah, well, slept through my alarm didn't I?" Louis retorted as he flicked his coffee coloured fringe out of his eyes.

Lottie just hummed in return for a brief moment before turning to him once they had made it to the front gate, "Thought one of the boys would have picked you up- haven't seen Zayn in a while."

Louis simply rolled his eyes, tugging the gate free from her grip before shuffling over to the car where he helped one of the older twins into their carseat.

"I was just observing!" Lottie exclaimed as she poked her head through the opposing door, a small but conniving grin playing on her lips, "Don't have to get your knickers in a twist."

Louis sent her a harsh glare after he had finally buckled Daisy in but had no time to snap back before Dan was stepping in. "Both of you, arses in the car before I drive off without you, and I wish you good luck walking to school in this weather." The older man said as he adjusted the rearview mirror, his stern gaze meeting both of the siblings eyes.

The car fell silent after that and Louis spent the journey sat in the far back after having shoved headphones into his ears, somehow hoping that the overwhelming sound would drown out every single thought.

Louis was broken from his trance a while later by a gentle shove to the elbow, he looked up to find that they had come to a stop and that Fizzy was the one urging him out. "Thanks for the lift, Dan. See you lot later." He spoke, giving a quick peck to the two youngest before waving his siblings off.

A swift gust of wind sent a shiver down his spine as he turned on his heel and headed up the school steps, desperately wanting to get out of the cold as soon as he possibly could. Many others surrounded him, all hurrying in every which direction to get to their lockers before first period started, causing the blue eyed boy to feel as though he was drowning in an ocean, struggling to find a moments peace within the mayhem.

When he finally broke through the stampede his shoulders were much more tense than they had previously been and his breaths were deep although mostly rigid, he allowed himself to take a second to gather his racing mind and leant up against a row of lockers in the meantime, ignoring the loud passers-by. He furrowed his brows at the unusual reaction he'd had to the early morning rush, normally he'd have just let himself get swept up in the craziness of it all. He silently questioned what had happened, wondering if he was coming down with something or if it was just the effects of his hectic morning, it didn't last long though because before he knew it he was being bombarded by a familiar figure.

"Tommo!" The Irish voice greeted loudly as he engulfed Louis in a tight hug, "Feels like a lifetime since I've seen you- you alright, lad?" Niall questioned, his beaming grin falling into something similar to a tender smile once he had pulled away and gotten a proper look at Louis.

"Huh?" Louis breathed out before shaking his head and waving the lad off lightly, "Yeah, grand, just a long morning, nearly didn't make it in time." He explained, trying his best to force what he believed to be a smile onto his face, in hopes to ease the eccentric boys worries. "Where are the other lads anyway? You the first one here?" Louis changed the subject, nudging Niall's shoulder as they begun walking.

"Greg dropped me off on his way into work, figured you'd catch a ride with Li or Zee." Niall replied, weaving his way past the crowds that littered the hallway as he stuck close to Louis' side.

"Nah, Dan gave me a lift, think H and Zee drove with Li." Louis commented.

"Ah, makes sense. So, lookin' forward to training tomorrow?" The irish boy queried, smiling brightly once they had finally come face to face with a wall of familiar metal. "Heard that coach is going to switch up positions, bench a couple of the slackers." He added as he opened up his locker and begun to file away his books.

"Really?"

Niall nodded eagerly, "Yeah, Oli said something 'bout it last week, then I heard whispers this mornin'."

"Fuckin' hope he doesn't bench me." Louis sighed as he propped himself up against the wall, letting his head knock against the metal with a gentle clang.

"He can't, you're captain." Niall immediately countered with a furrowed brow.

"Wish it was that simple, haven't played most of the season, Ni." Louis replied, gesturing to his once dislocated shoulder. "Still healing too, so.."

"Sure it'll be fine, mate." The younger lad reassured as the sound of his locker shutting resonated throughout the hall.

He had looked as though he was about to say more but his mouth turned up into a gleeful grin the moment three figures came into view. Louis smiled sheepishly as he trailed after the boy who had decided to run up and pounce on their friends.

Louis watched as Niall hugged Liam first, the brown eyed brunette patted his back sweetly before passing the excited lad onto Harry, who instead simply laughed as he swayed them back and forth in his strong hold, then Niall was quick to greet Zayn. The dark haired boy wrapped his arms around Niall's waist tightly before happily resting his chin on the slightly shorter boys shoulder, Niall seemed to enjoy his hug the most, lingering a little longer than necessary.

"Lou." A deep voice spoke, startling the blue eyed boy from his watchful gaze, he turned slightly before he was brought into a surprise embrace. "Hey, angel." Harry mumbled into the boys hair, his intoxicating scent already lulling Louis into a calming sense of relief. He truly hadn't realised how on edge he had been until he was wrapped up in Harry's arms.

"Hi." Louis whispered once he had pulled away, soft blue eyes peering up through dark lashes to meet Harry's incredible green. "You okay?"

The tattooed boy nodded faintly as a warm smile settled onto his lips, "Just missed you, you left pretty early the other morning."

Louis looked down for a second and took a breath before shrugging nonchalantly, "Had to get home to help out with the little ones- baths and bedtime truly couldn't come soon enough." He chuckled lightly, hoping that Harry believed his little white lie.

"Did you sleep okay?" Harry prompted, eyes flickering back and forth between Louis' own. "No scares? Full eight hours?"

Louis felt the side of his lip quirk up at the quick fire questions, "I was fine, woke up late but made it here in time."

The curly haired boy frowned deeply at that, "You definitely dodged that answer- but you should have texted me, Lou, we could have picked you up."

"I know, was just in a rush though. Didn't think." Louis sighed faintly, and was more than thankful when the rest of the boys moved to join them, cutting off whatever Harry was about to say next.

"Alright, Lou?" Liam greeted joyfully, blissfully unaware of the conversation he had just interrupted.

Louis nodded at him contentedly before letting his eyes dart over to Zayn who was already looking back. He gifted his best friend a small smile, his throat tightening when the boy returned the simple gesture.

"So, what lesson do you lot have first?"

And just like that everything fell into place, Louis took a deep breath and the day continued on like usual.

—

"Wish I'd worn a warmer jacket." Harry complained as he turned up the collar of his long overcoat, glaring at the bitter wind that swarmed them, nipping at his exposed skin.

Louis was quick to step closer to his side, their feet falling into a perfect rhythm, arm intertwining with Harry's own. "Be out of the cold soon, lovely. Stop frowning, you'll get wrinkles." The blue eyed boy chided playfully, pinching at the skin on Harry's wrist just as a grin settled into his features.

"Not frowning." Harry grumbled, viridescent eyes watching Louis closely as the shorter lad led them down the cobbled high street.

Louis only laughed in return, a beautiful smile lighting up his face as he shook his head in amusement. "You are, you big baby."

Harry decidedly rolled his eyes at that but couldn't hide the way his lip had quirked upwards on one side.

"Besides, normally I'm the one complaining about the cold." The brunette chuckled as his hand subconsciously rubbed up and down Harry's forearm, his hold on the boys elbow strengthening.

"How could I ever forget?" Harry teased, huffing out a exasperated sigh that earned him a light tap.

"Don't make fun- it's not my fault you're usually a human radiator." Louis snorted before effortlessly guiding their walking forms away from an approaching woman with a large pushchair. Harry observed Louis as the boy silently gushed over the sleeping baby bundled up in a thick lilac blanket, blue eyes wide and brows drawn together as he smiled fondly at the tiny being that passed.

"How much further?" Louis questioned a minute later, unbeknownst to Harry's lingering gaze, his entire being seemingly somewhat lighter.

"Um, just ahead." Harry stumbled out, his mind far too preoccupied with thoughts of things he shouldn't have even begun to think of, "This next left." He added quickly, huffing out a large breath that was soon swept up into the biting air that chased them.

Louis hummed a careful tune the rest of the way, rosy cheek pressed against Harry's bicep as his eyes focused solely on the path they had taken, leading them all the way to a familiar forest coloured door.

"H!" A loud voice boomed as soon as their feet had touched the hardwood floor, "And Louis too! What a surprise! Come on in lads- get out of the cold." Paul grinned, gesturing them both over towards the reception area. "Been a while, ain't it? Glad to have the best of the best back though!" He added as he gripped Harry's right shoulder and shook him in delight, obviously glad to have the green eyed boy back at work.

It had been a few weeks since the accident and also since Paul had made the nonnegotiable decision of giving Harry some much needed time off, wanting him to spend it working through the after effects of the crash, healing his body and mind. Harry had obviously argued back, having wanted to surround himself with a false sense of normalcy but Paul just hadn't stood for it. It had been a fight that Harry had admittedly lost, but the older man had soon allowed him to create a few designs for a couple of their regular clients whilst he had been away since he wasn't totally inept.

"See the casts gone too!" Adam chirped from where he was settled at his station preparing for his next customer, hair now a toxic green.

"Great to finally be back." Harry beamed brightly as his eyes flickered towards his healed wrist before moving to shuffle his coat off his shoulders, basking in the inviting heat that flowed throughout the studio. "Felt weird not being here."

"Know how you feel, lad." Paul spoke, an honest smile adorning his features, "Hasn't been the same without you around."

Harry smirked lightly as he rolled his eyes at the older gentleman, "Yeah, yeah, bet you've basked in the quiet of it all; no blaring music, no hogging the back room, no one tripping over all of the equipment. Sounds like you've had a bit of peace and quiet in all honesty."

"We wish- Charlie's taken to spillin' the usual cup of tea, Ri's boycotted the back room in your absence, and Adam here has been the one blastin' his shitty music through the overhead speakers. The studios gone to shit without you here, H." Paul sighed defeatedly, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"We're just glad to have you back and all okay. Scared us a little, mate." Adam spoke again, purposely ignoring Paul's jab, his expression solemn but mostly relieved.

Harry nodded faintly at the older lad before letting his eyes graze over Louis, who seemed to be rather interested in the nonsensical swirls that were embedded into the floor.

"Well, no more talk of that- what happened, happened." Harry breathed out through a smile, "Don't know about you lot but I'm itching to get my hands on a machine now." He added, wiggling his fingers, and he visibly relaxed as he watched the others around him chuckle. "Back room free?"

"Yeah, go on. Saved it specially for you." Paul grinned before shooing Harry and Louis off in its direction, "I'll check in on you lads later- will you be wanting a tea?"

"God, please." Harry practically melted, his coat thrown over his forearm as he wrapped an arm around Louis' shoulders, "Usual for me, dash of milk with no sugar for Lou."

"I can handle that." Paul spoke, nodding his assent before the two boys wandered off.

—

"That's cold." Louis giggled as Harry rubbed a gel like substance over his shaved chest, sanitising the area.

Harry grinned fondly at the reaction, running his fingertips down the boys side before pushing away from the table, revelling in the way Louis' eyes widened and his smile brightened at the ticklish touch. "Excited?"

The blue eyed boy nodded quickly, his smile never faulting, "Can't wait. Been waitin' ages for this."

Harry rolled his eyes playfully, he knew just how much Louis had been looking forward to this moment, the older lad had incessantly bugged him about it ever since finding out that he was due to head back into work, desperately wanting to be his first client. "You sure you're ready?"

It was Louis' turn to roll his eyes then, mostly in exasperation but Harry could see the hint of endearment in his gentle gaze. "Of course I'm ready, been wanting this to happen ever since I found out that you tattooed for a livin'!"

Harry chuckled as he shook his head lightly before rolling back over to the brunette, stencil in hand. The process was fairly quick and when he pulled away the stencil had transferred perfectly onto the boys soft hairless skin. Harry was quick to snag a large handheld mirror from below the table to show Louis the overall placement. "That okay, love? We can move it up or down if you'd like." He asked, letting the boy tilt the mirror a little whilst he eyed the purple colour closely. A tap to his elbow had the tattooed lad gazing back up to find a happy looking Louis. "We good to go?"

Louis nodded eagerly, a bright grin painted on his lips and that was all the confirmation Harry needed before he got to work.

Time flew by and the two boys spent it talking and laughing whilst Harry tattooed Louis' skin, the latter being more than careful not to jostle about too much as the needle dragged across his chest, wanting the tattoo to be perfect. They spoke of school and homework, joked about Niall's unfortunate mishap in Pe earlier that afternoon, and even had Paul join them for awhile. The man talked about his wife and kids for a small portion of time, making sure that Louis knew just how smitten Kian still was with him, the little lad wanted them to visit as soon as possible which warmed both of the younger boys hearts. Adam stuck his head in twice, once to ask if they had wanted anything from the nearby bakery, and then again just to piss about. Louis found that he really liked him, he wasn't much older than them, only by a couple of years, and he could easily see the brotherly bond that had formed between he and Harry.

"Are you done yet?"

Harry groaned exaggeratedly as he let his head fall forward onto the boys stomach. "You've asked that same question every two minutes for the past hour, Lou. But yes- I am finally finished."

Louis beamed, allowing Harry to pull away with a parting kiss to his ribs before he carefully sat up in the chair, an overwhelming amount of joy radiating off of him as he jumped to his feet. "I'm really excited!" He babbled, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth to bite back his larger than life grin whilst Harry just watched him walk over to the floor length mirror in the corner of the room.

The green eyed boy watched him closely out of the corner of his eye as he slowly packed the equipment away, disposing of the things that couldn't be reused. If he was being honest, he'd admit to just how nervous he had been about tattooing Louis of all people, he really didn't want to disappoint the boy or worse, have Louis feel like he had to lie to him about liking it.

Just when Harry had settled everything back in its rightful place, a pair of arms were winding around his waist causing him to jolt in surprise. He laughed lightly as he rubbed his hands over the boys exposed forearms, linking his fingers with Louis' as the brunette pulled away.

"I love it, Harry. Honestly, I- I don't know what to say, I can't find the words. It just- it means so much to me."

And Harry was startled by the amount of admiration, honesty, he could see pooling in the shorter boys ocean eyes. He felt a knot form in his stomach as he just stared at Louis, mouth parted, unsure on how to reply.

Turns out he didn't have to say anything at all, Louis didn't give him much of a chance to react before the boy was tiptoeing to capture his lips with his own. Harry's breath hitched at the feeling, allowing the familiarity to wash over him as a tingling sensation rippled down his spine, hands simultaneously finding Louis' hips to pull him in closer.

When they parted Harry couldn't find the strength to draw away, instead rested his face in the crook of the boys neck, being overly mindful of the tender flesh before pressing a final kiss to the soft skin that lined Louis' shoulder. "I really do love you."


	74. Love you too, you twat

"You've been avoiding me." A voice spoke, causing a sweaty looking Louis to start. Immediately the blue eyed boy gazed up from where he was hunched over a bench, riffling through his duffle, to find a familiar face staring back at him.

Zayn was propped up against the gated fence that lined the the side of the playing field, cigarette dangling helplessly between his fingers as his arms pressed against the cool metal. Louis watched him for a brief moment, eyes chasing the ashy smoke that slipped from his parted lips, staring as its trail danced in the crisp afternoon air.

"Trying to give me a heart attack?" Louis breathed out through a forced chuckle before turning slightly on his heel, pretending to focus his attention on the rest of his teammates, who were practicing on the grassy pitch, all whilst he kept the dark haired boy in his peripheral vision.

"Thought I'd come and watch you guys play." Zayn replied simply, following Louis' line of sight as he stumped the butt of his fag against the railing. "You're shoulder playing up?" He questioned, changing the subject completely.

Louis took a deep breath as he nodded shortly in response to the lad before reaching out for his water bottle, grip tightening around its neck as he began to sip slowly.

"Looked like you were keeping up from where I was standing." Zayn eased, voice unwavering even as Louis continued to stare determinedly out at the kitted boys.

"Yeah, well." Louis shrugged, not wanting to speak about it much longer. He was thankful that Zayn knew him as well as he did, because the honey eyed boy seemingly left it be.

"How you getting home?"

"Was gunna walk to H's. Promised Anne I'd be there for dinner since the girls are round their mates." Louis told him as he crouched down to take a seat on the bench, it's chilly surface sending a faint shiver up his spine.

"He got a lift with Li, so I said I'd pick up you and Ni. Figured it made sense." The dark haired lad spoke again. Louis nodded lightly once more before sounding his quiet thanks, toying with the bottle in his hands as he did, a cautious fingertip trailing after the water droplets that perspired across the rounded side.

"So the avoiding," Zayn backtracked, and Louis could hear the way his voice had softened, a gentle timbre echoing out into the bitter wind that curled around them. "I know it has something to do with what happened at the weekend- at first, I thought it was the whole being gay thing, but you're not that much of a twat. So, are you gonna tell me what's actually up with you?"

Louis chewed on his bottom lip, wielding himself from turning back to face the standing lad. "I'm not avoiding you, Zee." He huffed, unblinking as an unnerving feeling washed over him.

A short snort sounded then and Louis let his eyes flicker down to where his studded boots were cultivating a patch of damp grass, the claggy mud beneath clung to the soles of his feet the deeper he dug.

"Cut the bullshit, Lou. Just tell me what's got you so hot and bothered." Zayn sighed, his tone still light and airy even though Louis could hear the slight hurt that laced it.

"I'm not purposely avoiding you, Zee." Louis exhaled, shaking his head as he tried his best to gather the right words- he truly hadn't expected to be ambushed mid way through training. "Just- I don't know, it's all so fucked up. Everything that happened, I can't help but blame myself for it all, I feel so fuckin' guilty every time I look at your face, and every time I hear your voice I feel like I'm gunna cry. I guess it was easier to just avoid you, to avoid the sinking feeling that settled in my stomach whenever you were near- I'm sorry, but I didn't know how else to cope with it all. I'm sorry I fucked up so bad."

Warm, wet tears caged his ocean coloured eyes and Louis had to squeeze them tightly shut to keep them from spilling over and staining his frost bitten cheeks. A rattling sound pierced the air and Louis gasped quietly when a body slumped down beside him, a jean clad knee brushing against the exposed skin of his lower thigh just where his shorts had ridden up.

"Fuck, Lou. It's not your fault, mate- I can't believe you'd even begin to think that. Shit like this, it just happens. You can't control that, no ones to blame, especially not you. Life's strange and it's a shitty time but my mum'll come around soon enough, and I've already started speaking to my dad about everything- it's all gonna be okay." Zayn reassured, wrapping an cloaked arm around the blue eyed shoulders as he tugged his shivering form in closer. "You're a right prick though. Honestly! Always gotta make everythin' about you." He tutted playfully and laughed heartily when he received a merciful jab to his side.

"Fuck off." Louis simpered, sniffing slightly as he shook his head in baffled amusement.

"On a real note though, please don't feel guilty about anything that happened, mate. You're not to blame, it's just something that I have to live with right now." Zayn said solemnly as he gently thumbed across Louis' bicep, "Although, I'd appreciate it if you stuck around instead of actively avoiding me at every turn. Fuckin' felt like I'd grown a second head or something."

Louis rolled his eyes fondly at his mates dramatics before tossing his water bottle back into his duffel bag and wrapping his arms around Zayn's waist. "Sorry for being a dick." He apologised, mumbling into the lads jacket, "Love you though, and I'm glad you're okay."

Louis felt the shake that rippled throughout the honey eyed boys torso as Zayn chuckled lightly in his hold, he couldn't stop himself from smiling sweetly into the material that pressed against the side of his face, beyond thankful that he had someone like the dark haired lad to call his best friend.

"Love you too, you twat."

—

"Honey, I'm home!" Louis bellowed loudly as the front door swung open, already moving to skid down the wooden floors that lined hallway- thankful for the fact that Zayn had made him remove his muddy cleats the second he had approached his car, so that he was only left with socks to warm his feet. He knocked excessively on the papered walls that encased him as he hurried into the living room, trying his best to create a loud ruckus.

"Hazza!" The blue eyed boy grinned the moment a familiar mop of hair came into view and all but threw himself towards the settee where the taller lad was sat, toppling their bodies further into the cushions.

"Get a room!" Liam scoffed from the other end of the sofa but when Louis turned slightly in Harry's arms to rebuke him, all he saw was the amused smile that lined the puppy like lad's face.

"Piss off, Payno." Louis said anyways and stuck two fingers up at the brown eyed boy just as he turned back to bury his face into Harry's neck. He purred contently at the newfound warmth.

Harry's shoulders shook lightly as his strong arms wrapped around Louis' waist and he pressed a tender kiss to the blue eyed boys temple before pulling their bodies back up into a sitting position.

Louis' brows pinched together at the unexpected motion and pulled away to frown at the tattooed lad. "I was comfy." He declared, but didn't make a move to leave the newfound position where he was practically straddling Harry's thighs.

Harry just hummed at him, green gaze more focused on the slightly oversized football top he was sporting rather than his pout. It fell prettily, exposing his pronounced collarbones and part of his left shoulder. "The tattoo healing nicely?" The curly haired lad questioned as his fingertips skirted past the fabric, pulling it away to eye the dark lettering that was settled into the higher part of the boys chest. Louis gasped faintly, almost whimpering, as the soft touch erupted an electric current across his skin.

"Tattoo?" Zayn asked, breaking the moment with his intrigue, as he trailed into the living room behind a grinning Niall, who had luckily gotten the chance to shower and change back at school. Louis narrowed his eyes slightly at the thought, putting the blame for not having had time to make it back into the locker room on his dark haired best friend, who had kept him talking outside in the cold for a little longer than necessary.

"Let us see." Zayn spoke again, gesturing towards Louis' chest with a nod of his head whilst he and Niall claimed the sizeable armchair opposite.

Louis rolled his eyes, faking exasperation, before affectively shrugging off his top to show off the healing ink. He tossed the damp fabric in the direction of the curly haired boys face and laughed loudly when Harry winced and threw it towards the floor in a hurry.

"You need to jump in a shower, babe." Harry grumbled, grimacing at the pile settled near his feet, "Why didn't you have one after training?"

"That'd be my fault." Zayn spoke, but looked away to focus his attention on the tv that was quietly playing, "He didn't have time. Tattoo looks sick though."

"It really does, Tommo." Niall beamed, shifting in his seat to lean forward and get a closer look.

Louis preened at their words, lips pressing together as he grinned brightly causing a few wrinkles to form around his squinted eyes. "All Harry's work. I'm proper obsessed with it." He praised happily, his smile only widening when he caught sight of the faint flush that had crawled up Harry's neck.

"Makes me wanna head back in and get another." Niall told them honestly.

"Do you even have space for another, Nialler?" Liam asked in an astonished tone, and that was all it took to start a nonsensical debate between them.

A small tap to his hip had Louis looking back to the boy sat beneath him.

"Go hop in the shower and I'll get to making you a cuppa." Harry said softly as he gestured his head towards the door.

"But what if I like smelling this way?" Louis retorted childishly, a small smirk tugging at his lips whilst his blue eyes locked with the familiar green.

"Please, angel. You'll catch a cold- your hairs damp and your skins still freezing somehow." Harry reasoned, his face full of concern, "Tell you what, you can wear that new hoodie of mine if you go now." And that was all the push Louis needed before he was hurrying off up the stairs in the direction of the bathroom.


	75. Blue

The shower was inviting. It rained heated drops across the blue eyed boys tanned skin, caressing each curve, hiding in every crevice, easing his tense muscles and clearing his mind. He found himself smiling as he sung a sweet tune and lifted a hand to reach for the shampoo he usually used. A fragrance engulfed him as he lathered the product into his hair- the perfect blend of vanilla laced with hints of balmy coconut- letting his fingers run through the darkened locks.

Steam clouded the room when Louis finally stepped out and made quick work of drying himself off. Still humming away. The mirror was fogged but couldn't hide the slight smirk that painted the lads face as he raised a pruned fingertip to touch the frosted glass and carefully wipe away the moisture. He grinned at the cross eyed smiley face he had created before moving away to crack the small bathroom window open and then hastily made his exit.

The trek to Harry's room was short, four steps to be precise, bare feet scurrying across the floor as he passed by its threshold.

One thing Louis had always admired about Harry was the fact that he was rather organised; his room was always spotless, his locker was always neat, and his station at the studio was carefully thought out, all so precise. It was quite a difference to the usual tornado that followed him around. So he wasn't too surprised to find the bedroom in the exact same state he had left it in the last time he had visited- if not tidier.

He glided through the open space and sauntered over towards the wardrobe, face lighting up at the prospect of wearing the new hoodie he had been promised. It wasn't that he didn't have any of his own- his own bedroom floor was swamped with an array of them, both dirty and clean- it was just that wearing Harry's felt different. It wasn't like burrowing one of your mates and giving it back sometime later, it held a certain comfort Louis hadn't felt in a while, he cherished it, it's smell, it's weight, it's meaning. Sure, it was a fairly simple gesture but it truly meant the world to the brunette, it was a reminder of the things he loved, of the person he loved, he treasured that. Harry's hoodies just meant an awful lot to him, as strange as it sounded.

The fabric clung to a hanger hooked around the rail, a timid pastel blue tucked away amongst a cumulation of monochrome colours. Louis bit his lip as he freed the material, but was unable to bite back the tears that suddenly glossed over his eyes, it was the first hint of colour he had ever seen the taller boy purchase since knowing him. Harry's wardrobe was _strictly_ black, white and grey, straying to a few navy pieces on a particularly good day. Louis knew that it was a deep routed issue Harry was hardly even aware of, having stemmed from the bullying he had experienced as a kid, the after effect of everything he had been put through- the blander his clothes, the less of a target he felt like.

The blue eyed boy was overwhelmed by the fact that Harry had strayed so far from his comfort zone, caught off guard but also so beyond proud, and begun thinking of a younger version of the curly haired lad he knew as he hustled the fabric over his head, tussling his wet hair in the process.

The material was heavenly, so soft and velvety, swaddling him in a home like warmth. Louis breathed in its scent, Harry's fragrance lingered mutely from where it had been hung up amongst the boys other clothes but that was all that was there. It didn't put him off though, only prompted a smile as he finished dressing.

A while later he tugged the large hood over his fluffy locks as he descended the staircase, effortlessly missing the steps that creaked as though he knew them like the back of his hand. In a way he did, all the late nights he had spent at the Styles residence had encouraged him to learn the quietest path to take when travelling around the house whenever either Anne or Harry were asleep. His house was rather different, most of his siblings could sleep through an apocalypse, he'd never had to be careful where he tread in a house already full of noise.

He was rather thankful for the socks he had pulled from Harry's dresser at the last minute when he'd reached the bottom though, wincing at the very thought of his bare feet touching the chilled wooden floors as he rounded the banister. The house was rather quiet, too quiet almost, as he approached the living room, and he furrowed his brow deeply when he found no one waiting there. His head snapped in the direction of the kitchen when he heard hushed voices a second later.

Cautiously he tiptoed across the empty room before pressing his side against the wall next to the kitchen door, where he was still hidden from view, and listened intently.

"You can't actually believe that, Zee." A gruff voice spoke quietly, laced with a faint amusement. "I mean, I can see where you're coming from but you can't just assume."

"I can fuckin' _assume_ all I like, Li, I'm practically living with the two of 'em." Another voice replied, definitely belonging to the honey eyed lad Louis had spent the better half of his afternoon with.

"Zee's right, Payno." An Irish accent added just as Louis heard the recognisable scuff of a wooden chair shifting on the kitchen tiles. "They're smitten. It's so easy to see. Honestly, I've just been waitin' for them to tell us, figured they had a reason for making us wait so long."

The hairs on the back of Louis' neck stood up when the next voice sounded, alighting a shiver down his spine as a deep rasp resonated around the room, slightly louder than the rest had been.

"I'm right here, you know?" Harry chuckled, and Louis could easily picture him rolling his eyes at the trio whilst a small smirk sat perfectly on his face. "I might be deaf but I can still understand what you're saying- probably sound like a bunch of gossiping old ladies sat round a tumble dryer at the laundrette. Honestly, got nothing better to do than comment on my love life?"

Louis' brows pinched together at that and he silently fought himself from inching forward to see if he could get a look at the scene whilst it played out.

"Nah, not really, mate." Niall's laugh boomed before a distinct hushing was heard.

"We're just intrigued." Liam added before the knowing ring of a teacup meeting the wooden table was heard. "You guys aren't subtle at all."

"Just tell us what's going on between you! I've been dying to know." Niall exclaimed, his voice quieter than Louis had ever heard it before, although it was still drowned in its usual excitement.

An exasperated huff sounded and Louis would have laughed at how easily Harry had caved- a short huff, or sigh, were the tell tale signs of his resolve cracking- but he was far too involved with the conversation to think much of it, not wanting to miss a single word.

"I love him." The green eyed boy stated simply and a silence settled as the seven letter phrase slipped from his lips.

"You love him?" A voice questioned, the tender tone accompanied by a mix of wonder and- _fear?_

A gentle hum echoed out of the kitchen and Louis realised he had stopped breathing somewhere between the time he had hidden and that very moment. Carefully he sucked in a shy breath, ears perking up at the slight whistle that elapsed. Thankfully, he had been the only one to have heard it.

"Are you two actually together then?" And Louis was unsure of who had spoken, too focused on regulating his erratic heartbeat. "You've told him about your past? What happened? Is he okay with it all?"

Louis swallowed thickly but pressed his ear closer to the doors opening. "We-" There was a short pause, "well, we aren't official or anything, but it feels like it. He's honestly everything I could have ever wished for, he's everything I didn't know I needed. He completes me, in a funny sort of way."

Silence came again but it didn't stay too long because there was a indistinct sigh just before Harry spoke again, "He knows. He knows everything. And he seems to be okay with it all, okay with all the shit I face everyday. He's been there during and after panic attacks, held me when I've wanted to scream and cry, listened when I felt like no one else would." Louis let his eyes slip close as he listened earnestly to the warm voice, to the words spoken. "I'm just terrified- I don't want to mess it all up, I don't want him to walk away when it all gets too real."

"What are you so scared of?"

"I'm scared I won't be enough for him." Harry immediately replied, "That I won't be able to face the things I'm fearful of, to stand beside him in a giant crowd, or hold him in the street. I'm scared he'll find someone better, someone who isn't afraid to be themselves, someone he truly deserves. Because he deserves the love of a lifetime, a love so honest and pure. I don't know if I'll ever be able to give that to him. I'm not sure if I'll ever get over what happened to me enough to give him what he needs, what he wants."

"I think he'll wait." A hushed tone whispered, and Louis' chest tightened at the sound of Zayn's reticent voice.

"But for how long?" The tattooed boy countered.

Another pause. Longer this time. As though no one could find the right words to say.

"Are you really ready for something like this?"

"For him- I'll try."

—

Louis had scuttled back upstairs after the private heart to heart, just before the rest of the boys had descended back into the living room, and made a show of banging and clattering about just to make sure he hadn't been caught out.

The conversation had weighed heavy on his mind as he'd slowly swanned between Harry's bedroom and the bathroom, just cleaning up the small mess he had created, tossing his dirty towel and football kit into the laundry basket before ironing out the white bedsheets that lined Harry's bed. The discussion had definitely given him an insight into the inner turmoil Harry was experiencing, what he was feeling. Because as much as Louis wished he could read the taller lads mind- he couldn't, and sometimes Harry was so beyond difficult to read.

"Heyho." Louis greeted cheerfully, finally waltzing back into the living room where the lads were sprawled about. His enthusiasm was returned by the others as he made his way across the patterned rug, effortlessly skirting around the coffee table to join Harry on the end of the sofa.

The green eyed boy instantly wrapped an arm around his shoulders to settle his smaller frame into his side and Louis didn't stop himself from nestling his face into his shoulder, wanting to somehow make it known just how much he loved the boy too. Their friends had heard Harry's side, half of the story, now he wanted to silently show them just how much the curly haired lad meant to him in return.

"Love you." Louis mumbled and smiled softly when a pair of warm lips pressed against his temple. "Lots."

—

"This is incredible, Anne." Louis all but moaned around a forkful of mash potato, "Heavenly."

The other lads just snorted at his outlandish but usual behaviour whilst they continued to eat their own dinners.

"It really is." Zayn smiled sheepishly but brightened once the older woman had returned his sweet gesture.

"Thank you boys, glad you're all enjoying it- but Lou, love, try not to eat with your mouth full." Anne chided with a light laugh, shaking her head fondly at the brunette seated beside her son before sipping at the glass of water that resided beside her plate.

Louis only grinned in return as he munched away, and Harry shook with silent laughter whilst he watched the older boy, so beyond besotted. It seemed as though anything Louis did was endearing to him, and from the knowing look his mum had gifted him from the opposite end of the dinning table, she could see it too.

Dinner wrapped up quickly, what with Anne needing to get ready for a late shift at work and Liam and Niall heading home. Both parties had offered Louis a lift but Anne was more than happy to have the brunette boy stay the night, only reminding the remaining three to be on their best behaviour whilst she was gone and gifting each of them a motherly hug before she was out the door.

Even with the warning, the trio somehow found themselves sitting out on the garden patio later that evening, passing a joint between themselves.

"I wonder what the stars look like in London." Zayn whispered from where he was settled on a cushioned deckchair, bundled up in a thick red blanket and puffer coat. "You know- because they always say that they're harder to see under all the city lights."

"I wanna live there. Go to uni, visit Big Ben and all that." Louis said as he breathed out a cloud of smoke, dazzled by the white wisps that floated silently in the nipping wind. It was harder to feel the cold huddled up beside Harry on the large garden bench, clad in a dark coloured beanie and large winter coat.

"Seems like a world away." Harry murmured as he reached towards Louis' hand to take another drag.

Zayn hummed in response, limbs flailing out beside him as he tilted his head back over the armrest of his chair.

"You guys been thinkin' about uni then?" Harry questioned quietly, head lulling to the faint rhythm of Louis' nonsensical murmurs- probably singing a song under his breath, Harry realised a moment later. The blue eyed lad tended to do that often, it was a hard thing for Harry to get used to.

"Yeah." Zayn replied, conscious enough of his words to tilt his head in the direction of the cuddling couple, "Art school, I think- there's a couple up north but the pres- prestig-" The dark haired boy faulted for a moment, confused by the word that wouldn't leave his lips, "the bigger ones- the better ones- are all in London."

Louis and Harry chuckled at him, eyes squinted and mouths wide.

"Lou, what about you?" Zayn passed on the question, ignoring the duos muffled laughter.

The blue eyed boy shrugged, "Not sure. My life's here, you know? Don't know if I could leave my siblings and everyone behind."

The wind whistled around them then, allowing the severity of Louis' words to sink in.

"You don't have to stick around if you don't want to. Your siblings have Dan. My mum'll be there too to help out where she can, you won't be gettin' rid of her for a while- she loves you lot too much." Harry drawled, his speech much slower than normal, as he rubbed a large hand up and down Louis' bicep. "And I'm sure you'll still see all your mates."

"Yeah, Lou, you're stuck with me." Zayn beamed brightly, smile widening as he winked causing a small chorus of chuckles to occur.

"What about you though?" Louis asked a moment later, once the laughter had died out, big blue eyes focused solely on Harry.

"I'd follow you to the ends of the Earth, all you've got to do is ask."

And Louis could see just how much truth the boys statement held. Carefully he reached out to trail a fingertip along Harry's jaw, just admiring the way the muscles jumped beneath his brazen touch, before gazing up into the tattooed boys eyes. Gone was the forest green he adored, but even in their dilated state they still held so many emotions, so many secrets. Louis found himself leaning closer in a daze.

"Follow me."

Harry huffed out a small laugh as he drew his eyes away from Louis' intense gaze and wasted no time in sucking the joint once more, its dying flame urging him to make the most of it, of the moment, of the life he'd be given.

"Always, Lou."


	76. Wanna share?

It was a few weeks later and the world was in its lead up to Christmas. A giant fir tree had been placed in the town centre for all to see, its vibrant leaves littered with delicate ornaments and topped with a shinning star. Lights had been strung up and draped from lamppost to lamppost, illuminating the streets and the bundled up figures that passed by. Homes were decorated beautifully, radiating such warmth and welcome. People were happy, full of life, even with the usual freezing cold temperatures and lack of snow.

"Do you think she'll like these?" Louis questioned for what seemed to be the hundredth time, blue eyes already perusing the surrounding isle for something bigger- better.

Harry sighed defeatedly, his will to live was quickly shortening by the second. They had been holed up in the shopping centre for the better part of their day, he was being forced to lug around heavy presents and tubes upon tubes of wrapping paper whilst Louis waltzed about freely from store to store, and to top it all off, he was fucking starving.

Almost as if his body wanted to prove that last statement, his stomach grumbled furiously and Harry immediately grimaced at the feeling.

"She'll love anything you get her, Lou. I've told you this. If it's from you, it'll mean the world." Harry breathed out, his grip on the shopping bags slowly loosening as he stared hopelessly at the boy. "So please, stop worrying and feed me." He pleaded with a petulant pout, uncaring for how immature he looked.

Louis simply rolled his eyes in return but reluctantly picked the item up from its respective place on the shelf. "Fine, but only because I've had to listen to you grumble on for the past hour."

"Thank you!" Harry cried out dramatically and his viridescent eyes lit up at the prospect of leaving the place he had now deemed his own personal hell.

The blue eyed boy repeated his former gesture before relieving Harry of a bag or two, "Come on then, you weirdo." He chuckled amusedly before swanning his way towards the checkout area.

Harry was quick to follow after him, dodging and weaving through crowds of other shoppers whilst the shorter boy, ever so gracefully, smiled and easily passed them by.

It wasn't until a good twenty minutes later when Harry was finally able to huff out a large sigh of relief after allowing his aching body to practically melt into a booth at their local cafe.

"Remind me never to go shopping with you again." Louis tutted, already cradling a laminated menu between his fingertips.

Harry looked back at him in bewilderment. "Me! Fucking hell, Lou, it feels like I've been dragged through a bloody mosh pit. I don't know if I'll ever be able to feel my poor feet again and my palms'll probably have permanent indents from all of the bags you made me carry!" As the words slipped from his lips, Harry simultaneously brought his hands up towards Louis' face, waving them about frantically before they were lightly slapped away.

"Yeah, alright, drama queen. It wasn't all bad." Louis snorted, running a hand through his feathered fringe whilst his eyes browsed the list of dishes. "What you feelin'?"

Harry slumped back into the red leather seat but reluctantly raised an arm out to grab another menu. There was a lot to go off, from breakfast foods and light lunches to full course meals and a mile long list of mouthwatering desserts.

"The biggest burger they offer with a side of chips." Harry promptly decided after a short glance, "A chocolate milkshake too, if you wanna share?" He dropped the laminate onto the counter carelessly before sliding it away and gazing back up at Louis who was already staring back at him.

"I'm up for a milkshake- just don't think I'll be able to shovel down that nice pie I like afterwards." The blue eyed boy laughed lightly before capturing his bottom lip between his teeth, seemingly mulling something over.

"You can take the pie home." Harry replied easily with a shrug before furrowing his brow at Louis' intense gaze, "What?"

Louis shook his head before exhaling lightly and staring back at his menu as if it were the most intriguing thing in the world.

"Cmon, Lou. What is it?" Harry prompted, capturing one of the boys ankles between his own as he nudged Louis' elbow, wanting the lads full attention.

Louis' eyes locked with Harry's but flitted away a second later when a soft sigh escaped his lips.

"Just- one straw, or two?"

And oh. Harry understood why the boy had been so reluctant to share his thoughts.

Instantly, his green eyes slowly scanned the surrounding restaurant, picking out each individual, trailing after every server, wondering what they would all think- what they would say- if they sat in their own little booth and shared a milkshake like the classic cliche couple he had always dreamt about being.

"Um," Harry swallowed thickly, eyes adverting to the silver cutlery sat in front of him before travelling back up to meet Louis' understanding but questioning smile. "Two." He whispered out, seeming almost afraid of the simple word he had uttered, a pool of anxiety already flooding his chest.

The feeling quickly abated the moment a dainty hand met his under the wearing table. Harry inhaled slowly and gifted the boy a small, appreciative smile as he released the air he had built up in his lungs.

"Two." Harry said a little louder, his voice filled with determination as he nodded shortly and Louis squeezed his fingers encouragingly whilst grinning away proudly.

Harry didn't have much time to rethink his adamant answer, as a waiter was already making their way over to the booth.

"Hi, I'm your server for this afternoon, are you ready to order?" Their face was soft and welcoming but the tone in their voice sounded somewhat tired behind the forced enthusiasm. Harry briefly wondered how many times they'd had to ask that same exact question since their shift had started.

"Can I get a plate of fish and chips please, love," Louis beamed warmly at the figure before he settled his menu back in its holder, "and H here, will have a double quarter pounder with a side of chips."

The server simply nodded before scrawling down their order on a notepad. "Anything else- drinks?"

"Oh, um- just a chocolate milkshake, please." Louis smiled, his grip on Harry's hand tightening a fraction.

"Just one?" They asked, eyes darting between the two boys sat at the booth, causing Harry's stomach to drop and his jaw to harden. He immediately released Louis' hand from his hold and made work of pretending to look through the many bags sat beside him.

It was a moment later when the server finally disappeared, leaving Harry and Louis to their own devices. The green eyed boy pulled a water bottle they had purchased earlier from the bottom of a bag and took a slow sip, letting his gaze flutter around the room, landing on anything that caught his eye but promptly avoiding the boy sat opposite.

When he finally felt somewhat content, he made a small show of settling the bottle on the table before he allowed himself to look back over at Louis. The lad was already lost in thought, playing with the hem of his sleeve whilst the rest of the cafe bustled about uncaringly- not understanding Harry's inner turmoil, or the dire situation at hand.

Things like this were still such a struggle for Harry, it was hard to cope with the change, with the lingering looks, with the feeling as though he had to hide. Some days were better than others- he was still getting there. He loved the days he could be publicly affectionate with Louis, simple hand touches or warm hugs, but there were always thoughts that lingered, or excuses that pushed through.

"Sorry." The tattooed boy whispered out, feeling the overwhelming need to apologise.

Louis' head immediately snapped up, and his expression was startled. "Don't apologise, Harry." He stated, astounded, ocean blue eyes boring deeply into Harry's own, "I understand, I do. I get how hard it can be. You don't have to hide from me though, okay? I'm here for you always."

The boy cautiously reached out to gently pat Harry's forearm, in hopes to calm his aggravated mind, and smiled softly when Harry didn't make a move to pull away, or scan the room.

"The waiter didn't seem to care either- if that helps. Seemed nice enough." Louis added and bit back a grin when Harry's shy fingertips trailed across the back of his hand and over his knuckles, following each hollow dent.

"Love you." Was all the green eyed boy could say in the moment, hoping that his eyes conveyed every emotion he felt. Louis meant the world to him, the boy was practically the centre of his entire universe. He truly didn't understand how lucky he had gotten to have been gifted such a wonderful presence in his life.

"Me too." Louis chuckled affectionately.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry spotted the server making their way back over, milkshake in tow. He swallowed down his fear and shakily rested his palm over Louis' hand, squeezing it gently as the waiter closed in, wanting to make sure that the blue eyed boy wouldn't pull away when he noticed too.

To Harry's surprise, the server grinned brightly as they set the drink down in the centre of the table, the gesture so genuine in comparison to the way they had greeted them before.

"Here you are- I hope you both enjoy. Your meals will be with you in a short moment." They spoke, their grin falling into a tender smile just as their eyes brushed over the linked hands, before continuing on with the rest of their duties.

The severs mood was almost contagious and Harry found himself leaning across the counter to mouth at the second straw just as Louis had taken his first sip, surprising the older lad as he gazed into the depths of his wide eyes.

The tattooed boy pulled away and smirked slyly as he swiped a finger at the mountain of whipped cream that was settled on top of the thick shake.

The expression that crossed Louis' face the moment Harry wiped the cream across the tip of his nose was one Harry would forever wish he had pictured.

"Haz." Louis whined, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand as he shook his head in amusement.

"Lou." Harry mimicked, dragging out the fond nickname just before he was gasping at the cold sensation of whipped cream that had been splattered across his left cheek.

"You're gunna regret that." The curly haired boy laughed heartily, eyes glistening with so much adoration as he stole the milkshake and held it just out of the shorter boys reach. He took a large sip of the drink and smiled goofily at Louis, who was just looking back at him with glossy eyes and an enormous grin. Both boys had the feeling that things were going to be just fine.


	77. Bully the birthday boy!

"Alright, no food fights! Just focus on your own pizzas and then we might be able to get through this without destroying the kitchen." Louis chuckled as he wiped a little sauce from Phoebe's cheek and brushed some stray grated cheese off of Fizzy's festive jumper.

"Where's the fun in that?" Daisy retorted with a cheeky grin, eyes twinkling with mirth as she gazed over her shoulder at Louis, hands already covered in the leftover dough.

Louis scrunched up his nose at her in return, unable to seize the small bout of laughter that crawled up his throat, "Oi you, no talking back otherwise I'll have to give your pizza away to the dog next door."

Daisy cut her eyes at her older brother, stilling in place, "You wouldn't!"

"Oh, but I would." Louis grinned before ruffling the little girls soft brown hair, "Probably just chuck it over the back fence or somethin'."

Daisy raised her tacky hands into Louis' face, wiggling her sticky fingers and giggling loudly when Louis swiftly ducked away.

"You can't bully the birthday boy!" Louis exclaimed in a loud gasp as he jumped behind Lottie's shorter frame, laughing at the way the blonde squealed when Daisy approached her. "It's a rule!" He added as if that would somehow help his chances of escaping the menace- his siblings had never been known to back down so easily.

"There _are_ no rules!" Daisy tittered, grin painfully wide and eyes alive as she tried to round Lottie, "Achoo!" She dragged out tauntingly, wiggling her fingers once more before a loud shriek fell from her lips just as a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist and hoisted her up into the air and away from the squirming duo.

"I think he's got the point, Dais. I'm sure Lou won't be messing with you again, little one." Harry's deep voice resonated off of the kitchen tiles and he shook his head in amusement as he flew the little girl in his grip over towards the sink, turning it on so that he could rid her tiny hands of the dough. "How'd these hands even get so sticky anyway, hm?" The tattooed boy questioned, tickling the girl before turning off the tap, smiling fondly at the way Daisy wriggled out of his hold with a giggle.

"Of course it'd be Louis' knight in shining armour to come to his rescue!" Lottie teased, shoving her brother away lightly so that she could continue making her pizza, a handful of mushrooms in hand.

"Oo!" Phoebe cried excitedly, jumping up and down on the small step stool she, as well as Daisy, had been gifted so that they could see over the counter top, "Does that make Lou a princess then?"

"The prettiest princess of them all!" Fizzy replied with a gentle giggle whilst Louis quickly settled Phoebe's dainty feet firmly back on the step stool, wary of her falling.

"Yeah, and you lot are all my slaves." The blue eyed boy retorted with a smug smirk, leaning over to poke Phoebe's nose as he did, "Now come on! These pizzas aren't gunna cook themselves!"

And that was all that needed to be said, the girls made quick work of finishing their dishes and were excited to place them all into the oven, although they grew bored soon enough and decided to leave Louis and Harry to their own devices until dinner was ready.

"Happy birthday, angel." Harry mumbled into Louis' neck a little while later, just as they had finally finished clearing up the mountain of mess that had been left in their wake.

Louis rolled his eyes fondly, a small huff of breath escaping his mouth in the form of a chuckle whilst he focused on putting away the few bowls that remained, trying his best to ignore the tingling sensation that crept across his skin as Harry's hands settled on his hips. He turned lightly in the lads hold so that Harry could see his exasperated, although affectionate, smile, "You've said that already- seven times to be exact." 

Harry only hummed at him and Louis immediately felt the way the boys mouth had lifted into a grin at the nape of his neck, where he had decidedly tried to hide. "Still, it's a very important day," Harry finally spoke, "and the very first birthday I get to spend with you. I'm honoured."

"Honoured?" Louis cackled as he turned in the Harry's hold, tattooed arms simultaneously wrapping around his waist. "Think that's a bit extreme, babe, but thanks, I'm glad you're here too." He beamed before pushing up onto his tippy toes to peck at the lads lips.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Harry told him, as if it were the simplest thing he'd ever known, and Louis could easily see just how much he meant every word. "You had a good day then?"

"It was perfect." Louis breathed out, his hands locking around the taller lads neck whilst he stared into the familiar mossy green. "Breakfast with Dan, the girls, and Ernie, a day out at the Christmas fair with you and the lads, now I'm back home making pizza from scratch- what more could I ask for?" He chuckled faintly before a tender smile painted his lips, thinking back on the memories he had made throughout the day. A few weeks ago he had truly believed that after losing the one person that mattered most to him he'd never want to celebrate another birthday again, but there he was, bundled up in the arms of another being he loved, someone who had suddenly come to mean the absolute world to him. He missed the older woman like mad, often dreamt of her, sometimes even heard her voice or smelt her perfume in passing, but he knew she would always be around, as long as his heart was still beating and the memories he held so dearly kept running through his head, he'd live a life good enough for the two of them.

"I'm glad." Harry replied, voice heavenly soft, tranquil, could almost have been mistaken for jaded but he just looked so beyond content staring back.

Slowly but surely, Louis soon felt the way Harry had started to sway them from side to side, humming a light tune. "But then I think I'll wait, until the evening gets late and I'm alone with you," The green eyed boy sung sweetly as he gently laid his head to rest on top of Louis' mop of hair, allowing the shorter boy to press closer to his chest, "The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red, and oh, the night's so blue."

The soft lights surrounded them as they leisurely danced across the kitchen tiles, Harry leading all whilst Louis followed, smiling brightly into the taller boys wool jumper. The floor beneath their socked feet was chilled and the vibrations of the many others that littered the house echoed around them but nothing could disturb the tender moment. It felt far too intimate to destroy, to even think about pulling away, and Louis found that he never wanted it to end, never wanted to part from Harry, from the warmth his arms held, so he let his eyes slip shut and listened intently to the quiet voice that crooned above him, it's raspy tremble sounding deep within the boys chest where Louis laid his cheek.

"And then I go and spoil it all by saying somethin' stupid like I love you."


	78. Don’t give up on her just yet

Dinner seemed to pass by in a haze of loud voices, heavy vibrations and grinning faces.

Louis had never felt so content sat around the kitchen table, the people he loved most all in one room, eating and smiling freely, happier than he'd seen them in months. He took a moment to gaze around him, admiring the warmth in his siblings eyes, the larger than life grins that adorned the toddlers messy faces, the way his family had taken Harry in as one of their own, and how the boy had done the very same. It was all he could have ever wished for. It would definitely be a birthday to remember.

It was a long while later when Harry and Louis could finally shut the door to the blue eyed boys bedroom, the little ones all sleeping peacefully down the corridor, exhausted after a long day.

Louis physically couldn't stop himself from crawling into Harry's lap the moment the taller lad had opened up his arms, allowing their bodies to rest against the headboard as they cuddled close. The house around them was mostly quiet, albeit the soft snores that echoed through the walls, and the cold December wind that howled unforgivingly, rattling the windows.

The room was dimmed, leaving the bedside lamp to decorate their surroundings as well as the streetlight that sat adjacent to Louis' room on the pavement outside, highlighting the dark shadows of the oak tree that crept across the ceiling above them. It was peaceful though, a perfect way to end such a happy day, but Louis knew anytime spent with Harry was pretty much perfect.

"I know I already asked," Harry suddenly spoke, breaking the tranquil quiet that had settled around them, his deep rasp causing Louis to start slightly, only for him to be calmed by the large hand that came to rest at his side, "but, how did you like your birthday? Was it everything you'd hoped for?"

Louis thought for a moment, focusing on the way Harry's fingertips were lightly dragging the thin shirt he wore across his skin, causing a layer of goosebumps to speckle across his torso. "Don't think it could've been better." He finally replied truthfully, after having propped himself up on Harry's thighs to actually look at the boy, "Was kinda scared, honestly- just thinking about it. Wanted to put it off for as long as I possibly could, not even acknowledge it, you know? But then the girls were so excited, handin' over presents and handmade cards, and then you and the lads came round to drag me out, and I just found myself forgetting about everything else, the worries, the fears, the sadness."

A gentle hand combed through his head of hair and slid down the side of his neck, bypassing his ear, to capture his cheek in a clement hold. Harry gazed at him with kind, understanding eyes, their mossy green held so much affection, allowing Louis to get lost in their depths, to admire the faint gold flecks that blotted his intoxicating irises even in the indistinct light.

"She's here, Lou. Always. Looking down on you all. And even though I never got the chance to meet her, I know just how proud she'd be of you, the girls, and little Ernie- you all work so hard to look after each other, especially _you_ , I've never seen anyone care for someone else the way you do your siblings. It's incredible." Harry told him as a tender thumb stroked at the high point of his cheek, viridescent stare never faulting.

Louis couldn't find the words to reply, just nodded helplessly at the boy whilst thankful tears welled in his eyes. Harry understood though and leaned in to press a chaste kiss to his lips, pulling away ever so slightly to rest his forehead against Louis' own, his long curls falling to frame his features as their noses brushed gingerly.

Louis raised a hand to carefully tuck the hair back behind Harry's ear, his fingers running down the length of the boys jaw as he withdrew from the embrace. "Thank you." Louis breathed out shakily, relishing the tender smile he received in response before Harry manoeuvred their bodies further onto the mattress, heads placed on separate pillows but their bodies entangled as one.

"I'm glad you enjoyed today. I know how much of a struggle it must have been." The tattooed boy let slip and Louis could only smile when Harry squeezed his hand encouragingly.

"Wasn't how I pictured it turning out though." Louis told him thoughtfully, immediately thinking back to the last birthday he had spent alone, "More excited about tomorrow if I'm being honest."

At that declaration, Harry's doting smile faltered slightly, probably unnoticeable to anyone else, but Louis recognised the change instantly.

"What?"

Harry only shook his head, gaze slowly flitting around the room instead of focusing on Louis like he had been all evening.

"H- what is it?" Louis prompted once more, his brows creasing into a deep frown whilst he stared intently at the lad, desperate to know what had caused the sudden change in mood. "Haz."

That was all it took really, they both knew the tattooed boy struggled to deny Louis, Harry sighed quietly as he lifted his head off of the pillow to draw his body a little closer.

"I just- I'm wary of tomorrow." Was all the green eyed boy replied for a moment. Louis stayed silent to allow Harry to gather his thoughts, although he himself, had so many of his own rushing through his head, questioning as to what had Harry feeling so cautious.

It was silent for a little longer than Louis could take, so he shuffled forward to trail his fingers up the arm the boy had settled around his waist, "Do you not want us there?" He questioned reluctantly, truly hoping that wasn't the case as Harry had really seemed to be just excited as he was about Anne's offer to have him and his family over on Christmas Day.

Instantly the curly haired boy shook his head, brow furrowing even at the insinuation. "'Course not- don't even think like that, Lou." Harry huffed, tightening his hold on Louis as he gazed back at him looking like a kicked puppy.

Louis felt a little bad for asking but he honestly couldn't understand what else the boy had to be wary of.

"Gem's back." Is all Harry whispered out before groaning helplessly into the pillow. _And_ _oh_ , Louis could see why Harry was so pent up, the older girls swift departure from the hospital ward still seemingly weighed heavy on his mind and the siblings hadn't spoken since.

Louis could only card a careful hand through the lads hair, waiting patiently for Harry to talk- unsure if the boy even wanted to. Slowly but surely, Louis' tender touch coaxed Harry away from the oasis he had created for himself in the cushion of the pillow, granted that, although he was now looking back at Louis, a frown had undoubtedly etched its way onto his sharp features.

"When did she get back?" Was all Louis asked, voice somewhat timid.

Harry sighed heavily as he turned over onto his back to stare aimlessly at the ceiling above, "Last night. It was awkward- ended up going to bed early to escape it all. Just glad Zee wasn't there to witness it."

Louis nodded along, knees touching the boys outer thigh whilst he laid an arm across Harry's stomach, wanting to assure him that he was there. He could understand what the boy meant about Zayn, but he was sure that their mate wouldn't have minded the tension, probably would have been the one to sit and ease Harry's anxiety about his sisters return. But as it turned out, the dark haired lad had been invited to spend some time back at home, which was incredible in all sense of the word, although the reasoning behind it was because Zayn's mum had decided on heading out to visit her sisters for a couple of days. Zayn didn't seem to mind all that much though, put up a strong facade, but Louis could see how much it had pained him even if his mate had been excited to see his dad and sisters after the time they'd spent apart.

"Mum tried to speak to me about it this morning when I came down for breakfast." Harry went on to explain, and Louis listened intently to the words drowned in apprehension and anguish, "She hadn't known that Gemma had decided to come back home for the holidays, since last year she had celebrated it in London with the rest of her flatmates. It was a surprise to the both of us." He sighed heavily then and Louis could only try to ease his tensity with a light touch. "So I guess mum just wanted to talk about it without Gem around- see how I felt about it all- but then she came downstairs, acting like nothing had happened, ignoring me in favour of telling mum all about what had been happening in her life. I honestly couldn't take much more of it, Lou, it was too strange, felt so forced, so I told mum I was headed out to see you a little earlier than expected and well, I guess Gem didn't seem too fond of the idea of me leaving on Christmas Eve, kicked up a fuss and everything with mum."

Harry's lips were pursed in a harsh line and his jaw was set as he narrowed his eyes up at the shadows that danced above them. Louis reached out to grasp the boys chin, tugging so that Harry would turn to read his lips.

"Are you angry, or just hurt?"

Harry's face fell at the question and Louis swallowed faintly as his thumb brushed against the lads lower lip, watching the way Harry's eyes slipped close defeatedly.

"Hurt." Harry croaked out before taking a large breath, his broad chest rising and falling with the movement. "It just fucking hurts. We used to be so good, and we both fucked it up. I know it's not just her fault that we drifted so far apart but she- she acts like it doesn't affect her, Lou, like she doesn't care anymore."

Louis' chest felt heavy with the revelation, he knew that the siblings had struggled over recent years and what had happened at the hospital had truly affected Harry, but to see the strong boy crumble before him showed just how much Harry missed his sister- Louis couldn't even begin to imagine what that must feel like.

Cautiously, he wiped away the silent tears that had fallen from Harry's red rimmed eyes and gently pulled him closer so that they were wrapped up in one another once again, faces only inches apart.

"She cares, love. If she didn't, she wouldn't have made a fuss about you leaving. It's hard for the both of you, I'm sure she doesn't know what to do to make things right, or even okay." Louis reassured quietly, eyes locked on Harry's own, whilst the boy focused intensely on every syllable that slipped from his lips. "She's in the same boat you are, H. I just think that you both need to really try if you want to be in one another's lives again. She does love you, Haz, I could see it in the torment that had washed across her face when she was stood in our hospital room, and in the relief that she had felt when she had finally seen that you were okay." Louis pressed a tender kiss to Harry's temple then before pulling away to make sure the boy understood his final words, "Don't give up on her just yet."


	79. It’s Christmas!

"Ah, you're here! Come in, come in!" Anne beamed happily as soon as she'd opened up the front door and nine smiling faces came into view, one of them being her curly headed son. "How are you all?" She asked eagerly, cheery tone never faulting as she ushered the large group inside, hugging and kissing cheeks as they passed one by one.

"Good, Anne. Thank you again for having us, can't imagine what it means." Dan expressed gratefully as the woman swiped his coat from his hands to hang alongside the twins' matching jackets.

Anne brushed off his thanks with a bright smile whilst the group shuffled further into the house, Daisy and Phoebe already having hurried into the living room, with Lottie and Fizzy following closely behind.

"Don't even mention it- honestly, I love having the kids here, always makes the house feel a little warmer." Anne confessed before cradling the cheek of a happy looking Doris who was settled on her fathers hip. "Was the drive over okay? Heard about the warnings last night on the telly, but didn't expect to wake up to the mountain of snow." She inquired with an added chuckle just as she and Dan headed down the hallway and into the kitchen.

"It's gunna be proper mental." Louis told Harry once everyone had disappeared, shaking his head in amusement as he slipped off his coat, allowing the taller boy stood beside him to steal it from his grasp to hang up along with his own.

"Well, I'm quite looking forward to it." Harry shrugged with an impish grin, "Know it's gunna be a Christmas to remember."

Louis smirked as he raised a challenging brow, "What makes you so sure, Styles?"

To which, Harry only shoved him sparingly with an eye roll before huddling the shorter boy closer into his side and guiding them into the living room.

An hour later, festive music was playing throughout the house, dancing with the delicious aroma that wafted out of the kitchen, filling every room with a little bit of joy. The youngest set of twins were tucked away in the far corner, taking the time to nap before dinner was announced, whilst the older set were spread out on the large woven rug that lined the living room floor, gazing up at the telly that sat atop the fireplace, enjoying a well loved Christmas classic. Lottie and Fizzy were curled up together on one end of the sofa, engrossed in the romantic comedy their younger sisters were watching, even though they had both complained about having seen it a thousand times before.

Louis let it all play out in front of him, quietly listening to the faint hums of the sleeping toddlers to his right and the hushed gasps and giggles his sisters tried to muffle as the film continued on. It was only a few moments later when he felt the the sofa dip beside him and a gentle hand settle on his shoulder.

"Mum's got Dan on spud duty- he's hating it, but playing along." Harry chuckled into his ear just as he got himself comfortable in his seat, "Everything seems to be going okay in here though." He said a little louder, pulling away to hand Louis the glass of mulled wine he had brought in from the kitchen.

"Thanks." Louis chirped, cradling the drink close just as an arm wrapped itself around his shoulders. "Its goin' better than I expected honestly, figured there would've been a fair few fights by now."

Harry hummed in agreement, cracking a soft smile, "Might've just jinxed it, Lou, there's still time."

Louis rolled his eyes as he let his head loll back against the newfound headrest before snuggling in closer to the boys side, Harry's warm jumper giving him an added sense of comfort. "Don't tempt the universe, Haz." He laughed faintly, not wanting to disturb the unfamiliar peace that had settled over his siblings, "Does your mum need help with anything?"

The green eyed boy shook his head just as he sipped at his wine, "Nah, I volunteered but she just shooed me away. Said it'd be ready when it's ready, and that she didn't need me messin' anything up."

"Well, you are pretty clumsy, love." Louis simpered before chuckling away at the petulant pout that quickly formed on Harry's lips, "But you're so lovely for asking." He added in a whisper, gazing up at the lad from where his head rested against his shoulder. He couldn't help the soft smile that etched across his face when the curly haired boy leaned down to kiss him, the gesture so tender, so sweet.

The heavy vibration of the front door shutting pulled the duo from their little bubble, and instantly they gazed over to where a startled figure was now stood in the doorway.

"Hi, Gemma." Louis greeted with a genial smile, pulling away from Harry's embrace slightly to spark up a conversation with the somewhat stunned girl. "Hope we're not too much of a surprise, figured your mum would've mentioned us coming over."

"No, no- she, um, she said. Just didn't expect so many of you." Gemma breathed out through a short, airy chuckle, her almond eyes darting across the entirety of the room, obviously overwhelmed as Louis' sisters grinned brightly at her. "I'm just- I was gonna head up to get changed I think." She stammered, looking back at Louis as though she were asking for his permission. Her gaze only flickered towards her brother once, who was too busy paying more attention to the film he had been disinterested in up until that point to even acknowledge her. "Yeah.." The girl then gestured behind her, awkwardly, to where the staircase was in the hallway and Louis tried to give her a relatively reassuring smile before she hastily darted away.

The quiet fell once more after Gemma's sudden departure, the girls focused back on the telly whilst Louis looked down at his glass, too preoccupied with his thoughts to pay anyone else much mind, it was why he startled slightly when Harry tapped his knee.

"Hm?"

The curly haired boy's brow was furrowed as his viridescent eyes scanned Louis' sharp features, a silent question tracing his expression.

"You okay?" Harry queried.

Louis took a moment to reply before he was pursing his lips and turning towards the boy. "I'm fine. _You_ , however, have a very different answer."

Harry only looked back at him, puzzled, "What do you mean? I'm fine, angel."

Louis said nothing in response and let his eyes wander over to the toddlers, who were still sleeping soundly.

"Lou." Harry tried, wanting to regain the lads attention, a little confused. "Are you ignoring me now?"

Louis promptly rolled his eyes at that before he settled his sights back on the boy. "I'm not ignoring you, H. I'm waitin' for you to tell me the truth." Louis explained quietly, not wanting his nosy siblings to overhear, "You just acted as if Gemma wasn't even there, I thought you wanted to try and mend things."

Harry's jaw tensed at his sisters name before he looked away uneasily, and Louis could undoubtedly see just how much her recent appearance had upset him. He knew that the boy wanted to rebuild his relationship with his only sibling, it was very clear that he missed her dearly, but he just wasn't sure if Harry was willing to try, because they both knew that if he tried there'd be a chance of failure, an opportunity to push his older sister even further away.

"It's- hard." Was all Harry replied, and Louis sighed quietly to himself before encasing the boys much larger hand in his grasp.

"Everything in life is hard, Haz, you've just got to decide if it's worth fighting for or not."

—

Harry figured that dinner would have been a rather awkward affair, what with Gemma silently analysing everyone in her sight, with her _holier-than-thou_ attitude, like she couldn't be bothered with the introductions or small talk, but he was actually having an amazing time.

Everyone was chattering away, talking and laughing about who knows what, and it all just felt like a grander version of the dinners they had shared previously, when Louis' large family had joined him and his mum for their usual Sunday roasts, or Friday night takeaways, and the many days in between. The only difference was the monstrous turkey that sat proudly front and centre, the litter of Christmas crackers that cluttered the tablecloth with their cheesy jokes and fun little toys, and the brightly coloured paper crowns that adorned each persons head. Actually, he should scrap that last one, the paper hats had been done before, a couple days after the twins' school trip in fact- Harry immediately recalled the hats Phoebe and Daisy had created at school, they had made this huge fuss and had everyone sat around the coffee table to show them exactly how it was done the second they had waltzed through the door.

Still, Harry couldn't bring himself to stop smiling, not when he had everyone he loved happy and safe under one roof.

"Who's up for dessert?" Anne questioned lively once the dinner plates had been cleared away and everyone was complaining over the fact that they didn't know if they'd ever be able to eat again.

"Me!"

And Harry could only shake his head amusedly as he watched everyone around him decidedly make room for some dessert. When Anne went to stand from her chair, Gemma was the one to wave her back into her seat.

"Don't worry, mum. I'll grab the bowls, you've done enough." The older girl spoke softly, and Harry watched on as his mum smiled appreciatively in return, blowing Gemma a kiss in thanks as the girl exited the room.

"Um, I'll help." Harry suddenly said, surprising even himself. His mum looked over at him in slight shock but was quick to school her features and nod at him gratefully, her sweet eyes now unusually glossy.

Harry felt a hand squeeze the tips of his fingers as he slowly stood up, he gazed down at Louis and basked in the boys reassuring smile, feeling a little more confident in his decision.

They had all been eating in the conservatory where their larger dining table sat, the one they only used on special occasions or when a herd of Tomlinson's visited, so Harry promptly made his way into the kitchen, taking deep breaths as he did, trying to shake the sudden anxiety that overwhelmed him.

He knocked lightly on the door to warn the older girl of his presence but he didn't expect Gemma to practically jump out of her skin. The move through him so off guard Harry couldn't help but laugh lightly before capturing his bottom lip between his teeth, very aware of the fact that his sister was staring back at him apprehensively.

Harry coughed quietly to clear his throat before pointing in the direction of the fridge with a small shrug, "Thought I'd help out- figured there'd be a lot of stuff to carry."

Gemma nodded silently at him before turning back towards the counter where she had gathered eleven bowls. Harry swallowed thickly as he shuffled over to the large fridge-freezer, opening the bottom door to reveal an array of ice-cream tubs, he slowly pulled them out from from the shelf one by one, all whilst feeling a piercing set of eyes on his back. He continued on though, even going to grab the two scoopers from the drawer along with a handful of spoons before hurrying back over to open the fridge, closely examining its contents.

"Swear mums gone mad, it's only Christmas but she's gone and grabbed a parlours worth of toppings for the kids. I mean- it's sweet, but so beyond excessive." Harry chattered, smiling at the cherries he knew to be Lottie's favourite and the whipped cream everyone knew Louis favoured. He placed the remaining fruit he had collected alongside the tubs before heading over to the cupboard where the chocolates were usually stashed. "M&M's, Flakes, Smarties, Oreo's- she's even found that toffee thing Dan enjoyed the last time he was over." He added with a fond chuckle as he briefly shook his head in disbelief- his mother truly was a saint.

By the time he had positioned the vast amount of ingredients on the counter, he had no other option but to cautiously gaze back up to meet his sisters eye. Gemma was still stood by the bowls, hardly having moved apart from the fact that she had turned back to face him at some point, looking a little calmer than she had been earlier.

"Well," The girl spoke shakily, "you know mum, always the people pleaser."

Harry inhaled sharply as he watched her lips move, feeling her unfamiliar stare on him too. It was strange, talking as though nothing had happened but Harry figured it was a start.

The green eyed boy let a faint chuckle slip from his lips before he tried to make a light joke, "Surprised she didn't grab a cake too."

He groaned loudly when Gemma sidestepped only to reveal a large gateau that was perched perfectly on the kitchen counter. They giggled at the extremity of it all, both of them understanding the ways of the unfathomable woman they called their mother, before the affable laughter trailed into a bittersweet silence.

"So, um, how's London?" Harry reluctantly asked, keeping his gaze on the older girl whilst he grabbed some cute little containers to empty the individual ingredients into.

"London's good. Busy." Was all Gemma replied before hastily adding, "School? I mean- I heard you went back to school, is it good, different?"

"It's good. Better than, well, you know, before." Harry shrugged, not wanting his mind to wander, "Met a lot of people. Great people."

"Yeah, I can see that." Gemma breathed out, smiling to the best of her capabilities, and Harry furrowed his brow at her forced expression which only prompted his sister to ramble a little, "I don't mean it harshly, or anything, I just, well, it's all new. I'm just not sure if I still fit here anymore. They seem good for you, and for mum."

Harry watched as she casted her eyes downwards and his heart ached for her a little, only coming to the realisation then that Gemma had been crowded into a house of people she didn't even know. He turned slightly, but didn't make the move to close the distance between them, "You fit." He spoke softly, "Just a lots changed whilst you've been gone. They're sweet, and I know they'll welcome you with open arms."

The girl gazed up at him before she nodded hesitantly. "Its not just them though." She admitted warily, and Harry had barely been able to read her lips from the way she had murmured the few words but he'd understood.

He scratched the inside of his wrist before releasing a heavy sigh, unsure on how to respond. It was true, so much had changed in the years Gemma had been gone, he was unsure if they could ever truly repair the damage the distance had created, if he could let go of his own hurt to allow the older girl back in, if things between them could ever get back to the way they used to be.

"Let's get this ice-cream in there before it melts, yeah?" Harry suggested instead of delving into a conversation he was certain he just wasn't ready for.

Gemma looked a little defeated with his lack of response but the smile he gifted her was a silent promise that they'd try to talk again, because sooner or later they'd have to.


	80. Almost isn’t quite enough

"Where are we going!" Louis exclaimed with a loud bout of laughter as Harry dragged him out the front door and into the falling snow. His parka was barely pulled over his shoulders and his beanie was askew but he let the taller boy pull him along, traipsing up the drive and out onto the pavement hand in hand, Harry a step ahead.

"You'll see." Harry grinned mischievously as he gazed over his shoulder, pretty snowflakes already doting his chocolate coloured curls and bitter frost nipping at the tip of his nose, reddening the milky skin.

"Come on, H, just tell me!" Louis complained as his van covered feet trudged through the few inches of fallen snow, wrinkling his nose when he received no response. "I hope we're not walking too far, I'm still stuffed after all that food."

"Me too." Harry chuckled lightly in agreement, his warm breath clouding the bitter air.

It had only been an hour since they had wrapped up the incredible Christmas feast, leaving the rest of the group to cuddle up on the sofa to watch a couple of holiday films whilst Harry unexpectedly pulled Louis away from it all.

"I was eyeing up the hot chocolate too- you know the one your mums been saving for today?" Louis pouted, thinking back to the lavish looking tin Anne had settled by the kettle alongside the tea and coffee pots a few weeks back, she had explicitly told him it couldn't be touched until Christmas Day. "I can almost taste it now, Haz!"

"Come on, angel, I promise when we get back I'll make you a big cup and even top it with some whipped cream." Harry bargained, hauling Louis' form closer so that he could wrap a strong arm around his waist.

"Marshmallows too?"

That spurred a loud cackle out of the taller boy before he was nodding happily and pressing a tender peck into Louis' hat covered hair, "Marshmallows too. Now come on, it's not too far."

Harry picked up his pace and Louis had no choice but to keep up, being that he was tucked tightly into the lads side, practically being pulled along for the ride.

They had seemingly made it to their destination when Harry abruptly stopped a little while later. Somehow they'd managed to enter one of the fields that dotted the area, the usual grassy patch covered in a thick blanket of untouched snow, seemingly going on for miles.

Harry clasped Louis' hand in his before gently coercing him towards the wooden fence that sat adjacent to them, he quickly swiped at the small amount of snow that had settled on the wood only to then turn back to Louis with a winning smile. "Hop up."

Louis raised a brow, unimpressed.

"Come on, hop up!" Harry grinned, pulling him even closer.

"You're telling me, you dragged me away from a toasty fire and a warm mug of chocolate to have me sit on a poxy fence in the middle of a field?" Louis asked blankly, to which he grumbled unhappily at when all he received in response was an eager nod. "You're bein' serious?"

"Yes, Lou! Come on, I promise you won't regret it." Harry smiled brightly, his large hands already having found the dip of the boys waist.

Louis didn't get much more of an opportunity to protest before he was lifted up from the ground and placed on the fence. "Harry!" Louis gasped as his fists flew to the cold wood to steady himself. The taller lad only laughed as he swiftly jumped up to join him, the fence wobbling with his shifting weight before it settled and Harry was able to position himself a little closer to Louis' body.

Louis reluctantly followed his movements, wanting the extra warmth the green eyed boy provided as the December breeze whistled around them unforgivingly. He had to admit, it was rather a pretty sight, the colourless sky was cloudless, sculpted by the vast amount of trees that lined the massive field around them, whilst delicate snowflakes whirled in the wind.

"What now, Haz?"

A soft chuckle sounded and Louis gazed over to find that Harry was already looking at him, eyes brilliant and enticing, their verdant alive with excitement hidden behind a dark set of lashes that minuscule snowflakes clung to, only further accentuating their beauty. The boy looked ethereal, like a creature too pure for this world, his cheeks were gorgeously flushed, lips were stained a sombre red, and his features were sharp and defined even though his blinding smile was all too soft and subtle. Louis had to take a second to catch his breath.

"Give it a minute." Harry murmured as he clasped one of Louis' cold hands between his two palms before slowly gesturing his head in the direction of the hillside that rested opposite them in the distance.

Louis openly gaped at the picturesque view that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, the sun had evidently begun to set and the once stark sky was burning a bright hue. Colours blazoned their way up over the horizon, blending effortlessly together to paint the canvas above them, bashful oranges colliding with vivid pinks, a lucid lilac tinging their edges perfectly. The snow continued to fall too, only adding to the allure of the darkening sky, afternoon fading into evening without a care, quieting the world around them, everything fading in favour of admiring the peaceful afterglow.

"H." Louis whispered out faintly, breath caught in his throat as he pointed towards the skyline.

A gentle hand squeezed Louis' own, the only thing that could somewhat ground him, as a flock of starlings flew in a swarm above their heads, their dark feathers contrasting against the rich pigments. The birds danced facilely, creating silent waves that crashed into soundless storms, spiralling freely and uncaringly until they slowly flew out of sight.

Louis swallowed, unblinking as he stared out before him, trying to burn everything he could into his memory so that he'd never forget the fleeting moment.

When he finally felt as though he could look away he huffed out an air of laughter, in utter disbelief of what had just occurred. "That was incredible."

"Glad you liked it." Harry exhaled and Louis swiftly turned to face him, chuckling sheepishly when a pair of firm hands saved him from toppling backwards.

"It was so beautiful, H. I've never seen anything like it." Louis admitted, unable to hold back his enthralled expression. "I can see why you lugged me out here now- don't think I'll ever complain about you doing it again."

Harry captured his bitten lip between his teeth, holding back a smile even though there were already dimples denting his rose coloured cheeks, it seemed as though he couldn't bring himself to look away from Louis' dazzling grin.

"I didn't just bring you out here to watch the sky, but I figured it would be the best place to ask you though." Harry confessed quietly and Louis' tilted his head in confusion.

"Ask me what?"

"Well, I know I told you that I wanted it to be special, that I wanted it to be something you'd remember. I just wasn't sure how to do that exactly." Harry explained carefully, his gaze never faulting as he looked at Louis in complete adoration, "So, I spent a while thinking it all over- couldn't think about anything else honestly- and figured I could give you a memory you'd never be able to forget. I want you to think of me, of us, every time the sun sets, every time the glow of the evening settles around you and you bask in the warmth of its light. I want you to understand just how much I love you, and although a view can never quite capture that, I know that a memory can." Harry pulled a hand away from Louis' hip to entangle his fingers with the boys own, tiny puffs of air escaping his parted lips as he leaned in closer. "I know we've been _almost_ for a while now, but almost isn't quite enough for me. I want you, Lou. I have from the moment we met, you've been the endless light I've been searching for and I don't think I'll ever be able to let you go. You mean so much to me."

Louis couldn't stop the obvious rise and fall of his chest as his breathing laboured and tears pooled in the blue of his eyes, shaking with apprehension, unable to believe that one person could think so much of him.

"Lou, I wanna be yours, for as long as you'll have me." Harry confirmed and a beaming smile broke out across his face when Louis nodded hastily in understanding. "So, I want to know if you'd be mine- be my boyfriend?" He added shakily, mossy green gaze darting between Louis' ocean eyes, waiting patiently for an answer.

"Of course I will, you idiot." Louis blubbered, laughing wetly as tears cascaded uncaringly down his frost bitten cheeks, "I've always been yours."

Harry stared at him in disbelief as a bright grin tugged at his lips, his hands making purchase on the cusp of Louis' jaw. "I'm so fuckin' in love with you," He admitted before he barked out a surprising laugh, shaking his head in complete awe.


	81. Why’d you go?

_Knock. Knock._

Heavy vibrations rattled through the four walls before the two simple knocks died out. Harry didn't think much of it- too busy hurrying around trying to find something decent to where- and called out for whoever it was to just come in.

There was a large knitted jumper in one hand and a patterned shirt in the other and when he finally gazed up to see the visitor he wore a petulant pout that perfectly resembled his inner turmoil. But he quickly schooled his expression after seeing just _who_ it was that cautiously stood at the threshold to his bedroom.

"Hi." Is all Gemma greeted, her hands clasped tightly behind her back as she casually lent up against the doorframe. She seemed nonchalant in her efforts but Harry could easily see the nervous energy that tittered around her, and if his sister hadn't changed all that much in the time they'd spent apart then those hands hidden behind her back were being wrung together anxiously.

"Um, hey." Harry breathed out, more than a little surprised by her sudden appearance and unsure on what else he could really say.

"So, you're heading out tonight?" The older girl questioned, her sights lingering on the clothing that littered his simple bedding whilst Harry watched her toe unknowingly at the carpet that lined the floor.

Harry merely hummed in reply but his green gaze was focused solely on her, on the same chocolate coloured locks he had been gifted too, on the same pale, freckled skin, on the very same dimpled smile she was wearing ever so softly, almost as if she was afraid to let it get any wider.

"You should-" Gemma began, before breathing in a small intake of air, her hands falling to her sides, "The shirt. You should wear the shirt, the colours suit you."

Harry blinked, brows raised in slight surprise, before his eyes darted down to where he was firmly holding onto the two materials. He had to snap himself out of the short trance just as he noticed his sister begin to shuffle out of the corner of his eye.

"Black skinnies too?" He quickly prompted, not wanting the conversation to end there, not wanting to see the older girl walk away from him once again.

Gemma smiled and Harry watched on as her almond eyes lit up, she hesitantly took a step further into the room. "Boots will pair well. Do you still have those leather ones I sent you on your last birthday?"

Harry found himself returning the gentle gesture, biting his bottom lip whilst he nodded surely at the older girl, tossing the shirt on top of the already large pile of accumulated clothes before making his way back over to his wardrobe. He made hurried work of hanging the jumper back up before he pulled a beige box from the bottom. "These the ones?" Harry asked after having turned back towards her, he shook the box with a teasing smirk.

"Wasn't sure if you'd like them or not when I first saw them, but I figured you must have grown out of those horrible purple trainers you used to wear." Gemma teased before she began to rifle through the jeans laid out on his sheets.

Harry audibly gasped, mockingly affronted, and couldn't stop the amused grin that etched its way onto his face as he watched the girl in shock. "Take it back! They were the epitome of fashion and you know it."

The brown haired girl cackled in retort as she shook her head at him disbelievingly. Harry found himself just admiring the way her entire demeanour had shifted, the way her face had suddenly brightened, the way her nervousness had very nearly vanished, the way she just seemed to breath a little easier. Harry couldn't stop himself from chuckling along too.

"It was strange." Gemma spoke again, after the shared laughter had died out and they were once again left in the silence that always lingered. She turned back to fully face him then, a pair of dark jeans clasped between her fingertips, "Every time Christmas, or a birthday, would roll around I found myself questioning every possible thing I could get you. Spent weeks searching and bugged mum relentlessly- just texting, calling- wanting to make sure the present was more than perfect because I wanted you to feel like I knew you, even though I didn't. Not really." She swallowed thickly as she stared openly at Harry, shame lingering in her gaze, so uncertain of herself.

Harry felt his throat tighten, he hadn't expected the light conversation to take such a sharp turn, it had his entire being on edge. He desperately didn't want to mess up, say something he shouldn't, or push his sister even further away. The past few days had been okay, they had been as normal as they could have been albeit the obvious walking on eggshells and apparent avoidances. He had spent a lot of time out of the house, fretting over the fact that he didn't want to wind up alone with Gemma- knowing what was to surely come- but it seemed as though all of his efforts had gone unnoticed, and he knew he couldn't escape the needed talk any longer.

"I knew you in the sense of that you were my brother, the sweet boy I had grown up with, the little kid that had once followed me around like a lost dog, but I didn't understand the person you had become since then- the teenager I had missed out on. The man, I guess, fits better now." She chuckled mirthlessly just as she perched on the side of the bed, lips pressed tightly together. "It's strange to see you here, changed. So different to what I remember."

It felt like the whole world had paused on its axis, everything else just disappeared, leaving them alone. Harry couldn't bring himself to move, to even twitch a finger, he knew from the moment Gemma had returned that it would be difficult, but not once had he stopped to realise just how heartbroken he would feel. Seeing Gemma so fearful of his reaction, it pained him beyond belief. She was his sister, the one person he had truly relied on growing up, the only person that had seemingly understood him.

"Why'd you go?" Harry forced out, his voice all but a trickle of air, "Why'd you have to leave me, Gem?" He added shakily, eyes bleary as he stared, unmoving, he gasped as he inhaled, "Again and again. You left and didn't even look back. I was so lost! So fucking lost- I had nothing left. You were supposed to be there! You, my sister! When everything else was wrong you were the one person I needed to make things feel right! You were the only person I wanted to see! So where were you? Where were you when I came home from the hospital? Broken and bruised. Where were you when I was questioned by the scary policemen? Or when we had to move house? Or when I stopped going to school? Stopped eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Just stopped."

The tears cascaded down his face, staining his cheeks and coating his dark lashes, he couldn't hold back, didn't want to anymore. He wanted the girl to understand how much she had hurt him. "Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when I ended up back in the hospital again? You just left, Gem! Left when things got tough, too hard to deal with, because that's what you do, right? You leave."

"How do you think I felt!" Gemma shouted back, standing to her feet although she looked as if she was a step away from crumbling to the floor, her eyes were rimmed red and she looked just as hurt as he was. "How was I supposed to look at you when all I could see was what those monsters did to you? Do you not understand that what happened didn't just affect you, Harry! You may have suffered the brunt of the fall but it hurt us all. You didn't have to be there to wipe away mums tears in that hospital waiting room. Didn't have to repeat over and over again, that things would be alright, that you were still alive! You didn't have to listen to the sobs that she cried, or hold her on the nights we spent crowding your hospital room!"

She was crying, shaking, the gasps that escaped her were heavy and resonating, and even though Harry couldn't hear her cries he could visibly see her torment. It all brought him back to that fateful day when he had woken up in that sterile hospital room, bound to a bed, so confused, so small, not understanding why he couldn't hear a thing.

"I went away, Harry. I had to. You were so- I felt so guilty looking at you. There have been so many nights where I wished for it to have been me in that bed, for me to have suffered through everything you had endured. Because you were so little, Haz." Gemma's voice wavered, Harry could see how her lips trembled and the way the hands she held close to her chest clutched at the fabric of her jumper in a desperate attempt to ground herself. "You didn't see the way you looked cooped up in that hospital room. When I walked in, you had tubes and wires lining every square inch of your body, you were so beaten, your skin was purple and blue. Looking at you I questioned how you were even still breathing. Do you know how _that_ felt? I thought I'd lost you! I couldn't breath. I didn't want to breath! Not without you there! I couldn't cope. I was just a kid too."

Harry hung his heavy head, his warm, wet tears clung to the jut of his jaw whilst he snivelled uncaringly and rubbed harshly at his eyes. He honestly hadn't realised. He had been too focused on his own misery to even pay attention. His family had hurt too, of course they had, but he had never truly understood the severity, even after all the years that separated them from the day that now felt like another lifetime.

A tender touch came to rest on his elbow and Harry startled at the unexpected sensation, snapping his head up to meet a pair of tired eyes.

"I'm sorry." He whispered out brokenly, voice raspy and rough.

Gemma shook her head violently, her tears never faulting in their pattern as they trailed down beside the bridge of her nose and over her bottom lip to fall fearlessly at the point of her chin. She held onto him as tightly as she could, her fingernails digging into the fabric that lined his biceps, she didn't want to let go, he didn't want her to either.

"I should've been there." Gemma declared, her brows pinched tightly whilst her lower lip wobbled, "I should've been there, H. I'm sorry I wasn't. I can't even begin to tell you just how sorry I am."

"It wasn't your fault, Gem." Harry murmured through his sorrowful sniffles, "No one prepares you for something like that. I can't- I can't even imagine seeing you in that state. Seeing mum so shaken, so depressed." He took a much needed breath, his lungs burned with the fresh air and his mind spun slightly but he focused on his sister, letting his large hands settle on her shoulders, "You were brave. We both dealt with it badly. We both ran. It's okay. We can both be sorry but I just want my sister back, Gem. I miss you like nothing else."

"I miss you too." The older girl wept before Harry encased her strongly in his arms, feeling every gut wrenching sob that spluttered from her mouth and every tear that she tried to blink away. She muffled more words into his chest, every syllable going unheard but Harry tightened his hold as though he understood because in a way he did, everything he felt, Gemma did too. He hoped that this would allow them to move forward in some way, not to leave the past behind, or to forgive and forget, but to allow it to shape them as people and grow closer, rebuild the bond they had fractured.


	82. New Years Eve

It was a sweaty, crowded mess. A base pounded thunderously, practically shaking the entire building, whilst people shuffled in and out of each other uncaringly, stepping on toes and brushing shoulders. A strong aroma filled the sticky air, it was dour and relentless, clung to every square inch of you like a shore to sand.

It quickly grew more and more humid amongst the sea of never ending bodies but Harry had never felt so alive. People moved freely around him, their skin touching his, happy faces blurred under the strobing lights as they danced and screamed along to the lyrics being played.

"You enjoying it, mate?" Zayn questioned buoyantly as he moved further into Harry's space, smile wide and eyes full of life as he cradled a cider close.

The curly headed boy could only nod at the lad as the beat of the music pulsed through him, jumping in time with his heartbeat. Zayn didn't seem to mind, his smile never faulting as he began to sway on his feet.

Harry leaned in close a moment later, head somewhat fuzzy from all the alcohol he had kept being gifted, he lined up his mouth with the older boys ear. "Where's Lou?" He asked before pulling away to read Zayn's lips, focusing intensely.

"Not sure! Saw him in the kitchen 'bout five minutes ago, said he needed a smoke!" Zayn exclaimed passionately and Harry wanted to giggle, almost certain that the dark haired lad was shouting.

"I'm gunna go find him!" Harry replied, trying to mimic Zayn's energy. Once he received a knowing nod he began to push his way through the swarm of people, mindful of the lingering hands and sultry eyes even in his tipsy state.

The feeling of relief that washed over him like an ice bucket on a hot summer day was enough to force a deep breath of fresh air into his lungs. The sliding glass door slowly closed behind him and Harry found himself relishing the December chill that crawled across his skin as he stepped further into the poorly lit garden.

There were a few groups, one huddled not too far from the door, sharing a joint, another crowded around small bonfire pit, chattering away lazily, but Harry was only looking for one person. His eyes scoured the surrounding landscape, ignoring everyone in favour of singling out Louis. He grinned foolishly when he caught sight of the boys coffee coloured hair swaying carelessly in the wind as smoke swirled in the air around him. He was further from everyone else, tucked away inside of his large parka, standing just by the edge of the house where a gated fence resided.

Harry's grin lessened slightly when he caught sight of the small group that had huddled around his boyfriend, two girls that seemed to find it hard to keep their hands to themselves and a tall ginger lad that Harry recognised from the football team. The redhead had an arm wrapped tightly around one of the girls waists, talking animatedly with the others whilst he took a drag of a cigarette.

Harry ambled over, the fresh air and sight of Louis sobering him up fairly quickly. He was cautious with his movements as he approached though, unable to listen into what the group were discussing but desperately wanting to know what had caused the beam that limned Louis' lips.

They all seemed to gaze over at him the second Louis' head snapped in his direction, somehow knowing he was already there before Harry could even broach the conversation they had all seemed to be engulfed in.

Harry, with his gangly limbs and pigeon toed stance, found himself feeling rather self-conscious as their unmoving eyes lingered on him, unsure if he was intruding. He turned his head away to rub the tip of his nose as he walked closer only to look back when he felt a familiar touch grace his hip.

"H." Louis greeted warmly, blue eyes bright even in the pale moonlight, "You okay?" He asked as a soft grin settled on his face, looking up to peer into Harry's mossy green gaze.

Harry nodded easily, confidently wrapping an arm around the shorter boys shoulders as he hummed, not daring to look their spectators way just yet. "All good, missed you though and Zee said you'd be out here somewhere."

Harry felt Louis laugh lightly, its sweet vibration tingling the skin across his chest as the lad crowded into his side, the free hand that wasn't holding a smouldering fag settled on the low part of Harry's back, anchoring him. He gazed down when he felt Louis turn his head, only to find the boy looking up at him with a fond smile, seeming pretty content.

"Haz, this is Oli, Leigh and Bri." Louis introduced, making sure Harry had read his lips before he gestured towards the trio stood beside them, "Ols is the team's goalkeeper and Leigh's his girlfriend."

Harry hadn't met many of the lads on the football team but he knew that Louis favoured quite a lot of them and had heard him speak of Oli on a fair few occasions- it felt a little strange to be meeting the boy now after having spent so many months at the same school. His eyes shifted away from Louis' features to focus on the redhead, who was already smiling at him, dazed. "Alright, man. Good to finally meet you- Lou talks about you often."

Harry returned the gesture easily, "Good things I hope." He replied with a light chuckle before running a ring clad hand through his hair, beginning to feel the effects of the night.

"Always, man!" Oli assured genially, eyes squinting from how hard he was smiling.

The girl that stood flushed against him caught Harry's attention next, she smiled too, her eyes, although glazed, were kind and she had a pretty blur of red washed over her lid which only further enhanced their deep brown colour. "I'm Leigh-Anne." She introduced before lolling her head towards the final girl who was stood a couple of steps away, arms crossed tightly over her chest, "That's Bri."

"Harry."

Bri didn't seem all that happy with his sudden appearance- it was a drastic difference compared to how welcoming Oli and Leigh-Anne had been- she shivered in her skin tight dress, the winter chill unforgiving, and rubbed her hands fervently across her arms looking for warmth.

Harry bit his bottom lip before pulling away from Louis' hold slightly, unsurprised when the shorter lad pouted unhappily at him but caught by Bri's subtle shift in steps as she huddled closer to Louis' side- not quite touching but Harry realised, quite quickly, that she was obviously staking her claim.

His lips quirked downwards into a frown but still he did the gentlemanly thing and shook off the denim jacket he had grabbed from one of the kitchen chairs before he'd stepped outside. It was Liam's, he had only put it on earlier that evening when it had been forced upon him because his mate had complained about him not bringing a coat and catching his death. Harry was warm enough now though, but he guessed that he owed it all to the alcohol and not the sheer shirt he was wearing underneath, so he clutched the fabric in one hand before handing it over to the shivering girl.

"Here, take this, you look cold." Harry told her, trying his hardest to smile as best as he could, which he found much easier to do when Louis' gentle hand returned to his waist, the simple touch calming his mind.

The girl took the jacket with a furrowed brow, obviously caught off guard, but nodded her thanks before slipping into it.

"What a catch!" Leigh-Anne giggled delightedly and Harry was thankful that he had caught her movement just in time to understand that she was speaking. "Why couldn't one of you two twats, do that?" She berated jokingly just as she thudded Oli's chest lightly, glaring at both the redhead and Louis.

Harry wrapped his arm back around Louis' shoulders, wanting the added warmth the boy provided as well as him impossibly close. He felt somewhat threatened by the beautiful girl standing a mere foot away, knowing that she had obviously taken to his boyfriend more than most people did. In the same way he had. It was stupid, he knew, but he tried his best to douse his rising insecurities by focusing on the conversation at hand.

"Oi! I'm gentlemanly enough, thanks." Oli retorted before pecking his girlfriends cheek with a sly grin, "And _anyway,_ I don't even have a jacket."

Leigh-Anne hummed through a small bout of laughter, rolling her eyes at Oli before narrowing them at Louis, who looked rather content in his new hideaway under Harry's arm, cheek rested against his silk covered chest. "Doesn't give _you_ an excuse." She scolded, poking at Louis' side which only proved to push him further into Harry's embrace, not that the latter minded all that much.

"Yeah but I'm a taken man, Leigh. That, and I'm fucking freezing even with my coat on." Louis replied, eyes twinkling with mirth as he raised the cigarette back to his mouth. "Sorry, Bri." He added with a faint chuckle, sights landing on the quiet girl for a brief moment before wisps of smoke escaped into the cloudless sky.

"Wait- you're taken, Lou?" Leigh-Anne squealed, mouth agape as she excitedly reached out to squeeze Louis' forearm, "Why didn't you say anything!"

Louis shrugged at her, not bothering to hide his smirk, whilst Harry stilled.

"Come on, tell us more!" The girl prodded, eager to know all.

"Well, they're pretty fucking incredible." Louis declared, smile brightening as his hand tightened around Harry's waist. "They've got long curly hair and insane eyes- the kind that you can hardly bring yourself to look away from, their colour so intricate that they could rival a burning star. They're tall and toned and I've got no clue as to why they're wasting their time hanging around here, swear to you that they could be a model if they ever wanted to." He explained, obviously teasing his friend but looking far too fond to be telling any lies. "A proper softie too, you know? The family adores them, the girls and little E are practically obsessed. Zayn loves 'em too, they're the best of mates now- honestly felt a little strange for me at first but I wouldn't change it for the world now. They're constantly there whenever you need them, if you're just up for a cuddle or a long chat, and are so beyond beautiful, both inside and out. They're just the kind of person who does really sweet things- like hand their coats off to total strangers on New Years Eve."

Louis wouldn't look Harry's way afterwards, he concentrated on his friends faces, unable to stop smiling, and the taller boy was sure that the flush that coated his cheeks wasn't due to the cold.

Leigh-Anne cooed loudly, clearly enamoured by Louis' little love declaration, but then her intoxicated mind caught up with his words, "Wait!" She gasped, hand flying up to cover her mouth whilst her wide eyed stare darted between the two boys holding one another close. "You're not- Oh my god, how cute!" She blurted out before jumping away from her boyfriend and engulfing Louis and Harry in a large hug.

The couple laughed at the intrusion and Harry raised his free arm to pat at the girls shoulder, pleased by the fact that she was clearly happy for them. It felt strange to be accepted so naturally, by someone he hardly even knew, so he let his guard for a second to revel in the moment, to squeeze Louis a little tighter.

"So you really are gay then?" Oli asked boldly, once the trio had parted ways.

Harry's face instantly fell and he froze in horror, certain that Louis felt similarly when a pair of fingers dug deeply into his side. Leigh-Anne, the angel that she was, promptly swatted the back of her boyfriends head, "You idiot- who cares? Just be happy for them! It's been so long since I've seen Lou this taken with anyone."

Oli's brows pinched whilst he rubbed at the back of his head, cowering away from his girlfriend, who had since returned to his side, as though he was waiting for a second blow to occur. "I didn't mean anything by it! I was just curious!" He admitted, laughter slipping from his lips as he shook his head at Leigh-Anne. "Fucking hell, you've got a right arm on you."

The girl in question smiled proudly and nodded, "Next time you'll think before you open that big mouth of yours."

"Hm." Oli hummed amusedly before looking back at Louis and Harry's still forms, "Nah but I'm honestly happy for you guys. Lou, mate, you seem proper smitten and Harry, well you're alright, can see why Tommo likes you so much."

Louis gifted the lad a carefree laugh whilst Harry swallowed and smiled timidly. "Thanks, mate. Got a way with words, don't ya?" Louis teased, his grip on Harry had lessened severely and he seemed as right as rain again. Harry, on the other hand, was still rather on edge.

"Ah, but who cares about words when you've got a face like this." Oli grinned as he waved a hand over his head, eliciting chuckles from the rest of the group.

"I just think you should count yourself lucky that Leigh's not too bothered about looks, mate." Louis bantered lightheartedly, laughing and shuffling away with Harry when Oli tried to kick at his shin.

"Take it back!" Oli commanded, pointing a finger in Louis' face, "You know I'm proper fit. You're just mad I've already got a lass."

Louis grimaced before cackling at his mates insinuation, he shook his head lightly at Oli, "Never will I ever look at you that way, it's weird. Plus, who can compete with this?" Louis then gestured his head up towards Harry, who was staring aimlessly out at the garden before him, lost in his own world.

Louis cradled Harry's chin between his forefinger and thumb to draw his face down to him, he smiled sweetly when they locked eyes and Harry sucked in a breath when he felt the rest of the world slip away.

The green eyed boy leaned in closer to nudge Louis' cold nose with his own, gaze never straying, "Love you." He whispered and his heart warmed at the doting expression that crossed Louis' face.

"Sap." Louis whispered out before leaning in to peck Harry's lips softly, "Love you too though."

When the couple finally peeled themselves away from each other, they instantly remembered that they had a small audience. Leigh-Anne was grinning from ear to ear, Oli had his head rested against her shoulder, smoking freely whilst he smiled, and it seemed as though Bri had suddenly disappeared.

Harry let himself breath again. His fears and insecurities subsiding as they continued to talk amongst themselves. Louis' friends were more than welcoming and pretty amazing people, Harry felt as though he belonged amongst the small group who had apparently known each other for years, it was really, really nice to feel wanted, to feel accepted.


	83. A kiss, please

Daylight broke through the bedroom blinds, casting jagged shadows over the entirety of the room and it's sleeping forms.

Louis shifted as he stretched, eyes slowly fluttering open before he immediately winced and drew an arm up and over his face to hide from the beaming sun. It felt far too early to even be awake, his body sluggish and weighted even with him just lying there, but he knew he'd have a hard time falling back into the coma like state he had woken from.

He pointed his toes, the clean sheets beneath him caressing the bare skin of his legs, before a faint groan escaped his lips just as a wave of nausea washed over him, the movement too much in his state of crapulence. The sound reverberated around him before he turned and buried his head further into the pillow, a familiar scent overcoming his senses. The sick feeling was heavy and overcoming, he dreaded the very thought of having to leave the warm confines of his large duvet.

After a few deep breaths, he let his arm fall away from his face but couldn't help his foul grimace, lip curled and brow furrowed, as his eyes adjusted to the newfound light that had crawled in. The room span slightly but he blinked back the fogginess that started to fill his mind as he cautiously peered around at his surroundings.

White sheets. Forest green walls. The old acoustic guitar. He rubbed at his sleep filled eyes for a moment, sniffing quietly to himself, before gazing over at the sleeping body laid beside him, a flushed torso pressed against his side whilst an arm wrapped itself loosely around his waist.

Slowly, it started to come back to him. The dazed lights and raucous crowd that had somehow been boxed into a house only meant to fit four. He could somewhat picture the overrun living room, the loud music that could have peeled back the endless layers of wallpaper that lined the walls, and even the large projector that had been hung up over the upholstered sofa to accommodate the countdown. Actually, he didn't even have to try all that hard to place the stale taste that lined his tongue, he cringed at the faint memory of all the alcohol he had consumed.

All in all, it had been a relatively good night and he couldn't help the grin that worked its way onto his face as he thought back to midnight, to when the sound of chimes had echoed around them and the fireworks had begun. No one had paid them any mind, too busy in their own little worlds- ringing in the new year with drunken kisses whilst the rest of them sung as loudly as they possibly could- in the moment things had just felt perfect.

Thinking back over the past few years, he'd almost always had the privilege of having a New Years kiss, but it had felt different with Harry. Like most things often did. The way they had just collided like two burning embers to create a large enough spark to continue the bellowing heat of an otherwise dwindling flame. Kissing Harry always felt like the very first time. It was blinding and passionate, but after everything they had been through together it also felt so natural and familiar- Louis realised, there was nothing quite like it.

Laying there in the quiet room, he recalled the sweet laughter they had shared on the short walk back home when a slow crowd of people had begun to filter out of the party. They had said their goodbyes, smiles and hugs all round, before having decided to wander back to Harry's. Their feet had been heavy against the pavement, fairly uncoordinated, whilst they had giggled and leaned on one another for support.

Louis' hand flew to his knee when a memory hit him and he rolled his eyes when he felt the scabbing skin. He silently reminded himself not to trust Harry when they were both pissed out of their minds, it seemed as though the taller lad believed he was more than capable of carrying an extra load of weight when he could hardly even walk in a straight line. Louis chuckled quietly to himself- definitely no drunk piggyback rides in the future.

A soft murmur sounded beside him then and Louis let his gaze drop to the messy array of dark curls that contrasted against the pale pillowcase. He reached out a careful hand to gently tuck a stray stand behind a pierced ear, allowing his fingertips to dance lightly across the soft skin behind the lobe and down the sharp bone of the perfectly carved jaw.

He felt himself smiling at the scene, pondering how he, of all people, had been gifted such an incredible presence, someone he longed for like no other, someone he loved more than the stars themselves. Harry's beauty always caught him off guard, but then again so did the boy as a whole.

Louis truly couldn't stop himself from tracing the edge of Harry's muted pink lips, revelling the faint huffs that escaped them every couple of seconds, the hot air kissed his fingertip before caressing the back of his hand and leaving him to wait for another subdued breath.

Gently, Louis pressed his forefinger into the boys bottom lip, dragging it lower and lower before releasing and watching as it sprang back into place. Harry sniffed, wrinkling his nose before pursing his lips. Louis observed him closely, smiling as Harry's eyes fluttered before a mossy green came into view, its hue darkened by a line of thick, long lashes. He too winced at the intruding light but didn't kick up much of a fuss, only blinked a few times before zeroing in on Louis who had since shuffled closer.

"Mornin'." Came the groggy voice, husky and laced with sleep, alighting a familiar flame inside Louis.

"Mornin', love." Louis replied airily, his own voice tinged with a slight rasp. "Long night, hey?" He added with a tired smirk as his hand fell to Harry's shoulder to rub a gentle thumb over the pulse point in his neck.

Harry chuckled, the gravelly laugh rumbling from deep within, before he grimaced and raised a hand to cradle the side of his head. "Ow."

"Headache?" Louis questioned once Harry had focused back on him, a light trickle of knowing laughter slipping from him too. Harry hummed, seemingly too afraid to nod his assurance in case the thumping in his head grew any larger. "I'll grab some painkillers when I get up- need a wee."

Louis could only chuckle when a pair of strong arms wrapped around him and tugged him impossibly close, leaving him with no means of escape.

"You can't leave yet." Harry whined petulantly, the words smothered from where the curly haired lad had ducked to hide his face in the crook of Louis' neck, his faint huff tickling the supple skin there. "Its warm and I don't feel good."

Louis chuckled sweetly, grin bright and beaming as he began to comb his fingers through the boys thick, dark mane, figuring his bladder could hold off a little while longer.

They laid there, limbs entangled beneath the covers, blissful smiles spread across each of their faces, before stomachs began to growl unapologetically and bladders couldn't be held off any longer.

—

"Rise and shine, boys!" Anne welcomed loudly, her large smile never faulting as she watched the two teenagers trudge into her kitchen, one trailing after the other. "Lovely day, isn't it? Too bad you've missed half of it." The woman smirked, sipping her mug contently.

"Anne." Louis whined, sticking his bottom lip out as he slumped into the chair beside the older woman. "That's proper unfair, Haz doesn't have to deal with the loud noise."

A tender hand cradled Louis' chin before it ruffled the birds nest he called hair and then an air of laughter graced the room. "Don't worry, Lou, H will get what's coming to him too, you lot were out til gone three. Surprised you made it in before the sun was up." Anne grinned, letting the blue eyed boy rest his heavy head against her shoulder whilst they both watched Harry move around the kitchen.

The lad looked dead on his feet, frizzy curls sprawled out in every which direction whilst he rubbed at his weary eyes carelessly. He was only startled out of his languid daze when a tea towel was tossed his way, hitting the right side of his head. Harry furrowed his brow in confusion before turning and frowning at the grinning culprit, Louis could only laugh beside her.

"There's ibuprofen in the top cupboard and when you're ready there's some pancakes waiting for you both. Left them in the microwave so that they wouldn't go cold." Anne informed her son, "But whilst you're up, stick the kettle on, will you?"

Harry huffed out a breathy chuckle before turning on his heel and doing as he was told.

"Where's Gem, mum?" He questioned once he had collected the medicine, two glasses and sat down at the table, leaving the kettle to boil.

"She headed into town early this morning, love. Said something about sending stuff back to London." The woman replied with a simple shrug before finishing the last of her drink off, watching in amusement as Harry and Louis gulped down the glasses of water. "I've got to do the weekly shop too so I'll be out of your hair in the next half hour." She added as she took to her feet and placed her mug in the sink, "Make me a cuppa to go while I get ready?"

Louis nodded easily in reply just as the kettle began to whistle, he stood slowly and pecked her cheek before trailing over to the counter.

"Will you pick us up some snacks while you're out? Think we might have a movie night or something." Harry said and smiled when his mum dipped her head in agreement.

"Will the girls and Ernie be joining you? The boys?" Anne quizzed once she reached the kitchens entryway.

"The girls and E definitely, don't think the boys will be over though- Li mentioned spending time with Ruth whilst she was still here and Zee and Nialler already made plans yesterday to meet up."

The older woman hummed, casting her gaze over to the brown haired boy who was flitting towards the fridge with a faint smile on his face. "How is Zayn? Has he said much since he returned home?"

"Yeah," Harry breathed out as he nodded, toying with the tall glass in his hand, "It's been going as well as it can honestly, his mum is still at her sisters house as his dad wants him back home, but they're all hopeful that things will work out sooner or later."

Anne smiled, bright and ever so warm, as if an enormous weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. Harry found himself imitating it. "I'm glad." She assured him, her eyes shinning, before she was quickly motioning over towards the microwave, "Now, make sure you take out those pancakes! They'll go cold otherwise. We've already got everything you need here, there's a new jar of Nutella in the cupboard and fruit in the fridge."

Then she was off and Harry found himself staring blankly at the empty space she had left behind. He only came to when Louis lightly hip checked him and handed over a warm mug of tea.

"So, pancakes?"

Harry smiled effortlessly before jumping to his feet. "Grab the plates and I'll get the rest." He instructed and Louis followed easily after taking a slow sip of his tea.

The fridge opened with its usual rattle and Harry felt it rumble across his skin where his hand clutched the handle, he made quick work of pulling out some fruit and a can of whipped cream before settling them on the table and grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl.

By the time he had retaken his seat Louis had wandered back over with two plates stacked with fluffy pancakes and a jar of Nutella. Harry instantly reached out to grab the hazelnut spread but Louis was faster and the lad moved to hold the jar high above his head. Because he had yet to sit down, it meant that it was quite far out of Harry's reach, the green eyed boy narrowed his eyes, beginning to think of all the ways he could steal it back, but his expression softened when Louis leaned in close.

"A kiss, please." He requested.

Harry complied with a beaming smile and watched as Louis pulled away with a cheeky grin before he was handed the jar. "Thought you'd make me work for it." Harry mused with a light chuckle, his gaze stuck on his boyfriend as he unscrewed the lid.

Louis rolled his eyes but his smile never faded, "You wish, Styles."

"Hm, I do." Harry simpered after reaching out his free arm to draw the blue eyed boy closer, teasing him for a brief moment before locking their lips once more. It was a lot sweeter than the first, filled with heat, and Harry couldn't hide his smirk when he pulled away and caught the flush that had crawled down Louis' neck and the blood that had rushed to his now swollen lips.

Harry simply went back to working on his pancake, spreading a thin layer of Nutella onto his first pancake, whilst Louis took a moment to gather himself.

"Want a nice banana to go with your pancakes?" Harry questioned once Louis had finally taken his seat and took to dangling the yellow fruit in front of the lads face.

Louis only scowled in return as he shoved Harry's hand away, leaving the latter to laugh quietly to himself whilst he begun to cut up a few strawberries.

"I'm playing, angel." Harry soothed, although his smirk never faltered, "Want me to add the Nutella onto your pancakes?"

Louis hesitated in his slicing before looking over and nodding softly at Harry. The green eyed boy found himself smiling fondly at the interaction whilst he dropped a rather large blob of chocolate onto the center of a pancake and began to spread it around.

"That all your having on it then? Strawberries." Harry asked as he slid the plate back over to his boyfriend.

"Uhuh." Louis mumbled in reply, focusing on the fruit before him but turned in a way so that Harry could read his lips, "Why add to something that's already so good?"

Harry just laughed, shaking his head before stealing a strawberry slice from the boys plate and tossing it into his mouth. "Yum." He hummed as a large grin settled onto his features, wrinkling his eyes and deepening his dimples.

Louis glared at him playfully before retaliating, biting off a big chunk of the banana Harry had just begun to peel.

Harry's jaw dropped and he looked between the marred fruit and the boy in shock, "You didn't."

"Oh, but I did!" Louis sung, seemingly pleased with himself as he chewed away.

Harry made a hasty decision and grabbed the whipped cream- thankful for the fact that he had already shaken it on his journey back from the fridge- and sprayed the lad with it lightly, earning him a gasp.

"Harry!"

Louis narrowed his eyes at said boy just before his lips quirked upwards. Harry only had a split second before he realised what Louis was about to do and tried to duck away, but he just wasn't quick enough and the blue eyed boy landed a fistful of chocolate spread across the bridge of his nose and upper cheek.

Fair was fair, and Harry could have just left it at that now that they'd both gotten what they deserved but he wasn't much of a good sport. Before Louis even knew what was happening, Harry was leaning over and smearing his chocolate covered cheek against the older lads.

The tattooed boy pulled away and admired his handiwork, he bit his lip hard to hold back his chuckles but that didn't stop his shoulders from silently shaking.

Harry immediately paused though when Louis raised a finger to his face and swiped some of the spread away, he was only able to watch on as the boy began to suck on the digit sinfully. Louis smiled when he was done, the picture of pure innocence, and Harry could only splutter with indignation when the lad went back to working on his pancake like nothing had occurred.

It was then when Anne walked back in, bag in hand and coat flung over her arm. She rolled her eyes when she caught sight of the two of them, "See you boys have made quite the mess. Honestly, it's like having toddlers again!"

Harry grinned sheepishly, avoiding her eye as he tried to will away the unwitting thoughts that had crowded his mind.

"Tea's on the counter, Anne." Louis mentioned and gestured over to where a travel mug resided. "And don't worry we'll make sure this is all cleaned up by the time you get back."

"You're a star!" Anne praised, taking the mug before hurrying over to kiss Louis' head in thanks. She leaned over the boy to kiss Harry goodbye also before she was waving herself off and leaving them alone once again.

"Tease." Harry ground out. Louis only laughed in return as he scattered a handful of chopped strawberries over his plate.

"You know what this reminds me of?" The blue eyed boy prompted after a few minutes of quiet, casting a beaming smile in Harry's direction.

"What?"

"The first night we spent together." Louis admitted before capturing his bottom lip between his teeth, his ocean eyes alive as if he was replaying the memory. "We fell asleep in the treehouse, remember? The next morning we wandered back inside to find that your mum had left us pancakes."

Harry smiled softly, losing himself in the recollection. "How could I ever forget?" He breathed out, picturing the smaller boy laid out across his lap as the morning sun illuminated the warmth in his flawless skin and highlighted the golden flecks in his hair. "Feels like a world away now."

Louis nodded quietly in agreement. "We weren't even together then. Don't think either of us knew just what we had found." He acknowledged softly, eyes flickering over Harry's face.

"I'm so happy I found you." Harry whispered as he drew closer, not even feeling himself move as their bodies aligned. "So. Very. Happy." He expressed, each word admitted on an exhale, his warm breath fanning Louis' lip as their noses knocked against one another.

"Me too." Louis murmured as his heart pounded in his chest and thundered in his ears. "Don't know what would happen if I ever lost you." He confessed before dragging Harry into a heated kiss, the words lost between them, the pancakes long forgotten.


	84. Mardy arse

December had come and gone, as well as the first fleeting days of January; a new year, a new beginning. It never really felt all that different though, just another day, another week, passing by.

Harry overslept the morning of the first day of term, his only alarm was the large wave of vibrations the front door made after, what he could only assume to be, his mum having left for work. After the door had slammed, Harry found himself rolling over onto his back, bleary eyed, and stared blankly up at the chink of light that had broken through his blinds. He had hardly slept at all and felt pretty out of it as he yawned and sat up in bed, duvet swamping around his hips.

He only had a few moments of peace before the front door was opening again and heavy steps were trailing up the staircase. He waited. Uncaring for the intruder, too busy wallowing in his own pity whilst he rubbed tiredly at his puffy eyes. His anxiety was currently at an all time high, had been since the prospect of going back to school had hit him like a ton of bricks only days prior.

A few deep breaths calmed him for a brief second, his eyes lingered on the many objects that littered his room and his fingers clutched at the sea of sheets that surrounded him; hoping to somewhat centre himself. It worked and he found himself exhaling a large intake of air before his bedroom door creaked open.

Harry looked over, squinting, a familiar figure stood in the doorway not looking all that pleased.

"You're still in bed?" Liam asked archly, signing as he strode further into the room, having dumped his bag by the door in favour of opening Harry's blinds. "I've been texting you for the past half hour, Haz, we're going to be late- so stop being a mardy arse and get a move on now!"

Harry winced at the encroaching light that emptied into his room, he instantly lowered his head into his hands to escape its bright beams. He said nothing in reply to the boy, only groaned.

A hand swiped at his arms a minute later before the warmth of his duvet was hastily removed and Harry was all but dragged up onto his feet. The latter, even in his sleepy state, was just thankful for the fact that he had worn a pair of light joggers to bed last night, if it had been any other night Liam might've been in for quite the surprise, pulling his covers off like that.

"Come on, Haz mate. Sort out that birds nest you call hair and brush your teeth. We can grab something from the local on the way in for you to eat." Liam ordered, shooing Harry along whilst he made work of riffling through his wardrobe, pulling out a pair of skinny jeans alongside an oversized hoodie.

It didn't take long for Harry to somehow gather the strength to move. Not having the effort to argue with Liam. He trudged his way into the bathroom, dragging his feet with him, before he tugged on a black beanie as well as the rest of the clothes Liam had carefully laid out for him, only to then be hauled down the hallway by the brown eyed boy.

When they made it to the car, Harry flung his sleep-deprived body into the passenger seat, not even bothering with his seatbelt whilst Liam started the engine. The older lad was quick to notice though and huffed unhappily as he leant over and clipped Harry in.

"Honestly, it's like having to look after a little kid whenever you're in a mood." Liam tutted but Harry recognised the soft smile that limned his lips and returned it knowing that the lad wasn't all that fussed. "What is up with you anyway? Not looking forward to being back at school?" He asked as he backed out of the driveway and began their journey.

"Hardly slept." Harry replied, coughing lightly after he felt his voice waver deep within his throat. He itched at the skin of his forearm then, hidden beneath the fabric of his thick jumper and large coat. The long scar was still there- almost as red and as raw as the day it had been made- he found his mood depleting the more and more he itched at it, the more and more he thought about it.

Liam's eyes flickered over to him before they quickly focused back on the road, his expression now somewhat clouded. "I figured." Is all he said in return, and Harry was glad the boy left it at that, he really didn't feel like getting into a whole conversation about it even if he knew Liam would bring it up again, sooner or later. He hoped later. A lot later.

The large gated building came into view a while after they had stopped off at the small Tesco that sat on the edge of the nearest roundabout. Liam had filled his car up with a bit of petrol before returning to Harry with a handful of packaged breakfast foods. The taller lad had been more than thankful for the treats and scoffed down as much as he possibly could during the rest of the drive- even went to the trouble of holding up a chocolate croissant in front of Liam's face so that the older lad could eat too.

It seemed as though they had made it to school with only minutes to spare and Liam was looking rather chuffed with himself as they pushed through the weighted doors and fell into the crowded hallway. Harry kept his head down, his shoulder knocking with Liam's own as the burly lad guided them down the corridor. Harry silently prayed that the rest of the day would pass by quickly, already feeling the somber effects of another sleepless night.

Harry only seemed to brighten when a couple of smiling faces rounded the far corner, looking all too happy to see him too. "H!" Niall called out, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled away from Louis and Zayn to engulf his mate in a dramatic embrace.

"Why don't I ever get a welcome like that?" Liam frowned once Niall had been all but seared off of Harry, his face scrunched up in an ugly way that made the green eyed boy chuckle quietly to himself.

"Awh don't worry, Payno, enough love to go around!" The excited lad exclaimed before dragging Liam into a welcoming hug too, not caring for the onlookers who had all seemed to want to catch a glance of the sudden commotion.

Harry only gazed away from the pair when he felt a light arm wrap around his waist from underneath his coat, Louis was crowding into his side and the motion left Harry feeling more settled than he'd been all morning.

"You look like shit." The shorter boy complimented with a wry grin as Harry's arm laid across his shoulders.

"Wow, thanks, Lou. Love you too." Harry returned with a small snort as he dragged his free hand across his tired face.

Louis clicked his tongue, "You know what I mean, Haz."

Harry simply hummed before rubbing at the tip of his nose. "Yeah, just knackered."

"Still not sleeping properly?"

The green eyed boy only nodded his head before twitching his nose and slumping against Louis who seemed strong enough to hold some of his weight. All Harry really wanted to do was return back to the comfort of his bed but he deemed this new position as a suitable replacement.

Another arm came up to settle across his stomach- Louis linking his hands at the side of his torso- and Harry just smiled before turning his head to subtly press a gentle kiss into the shorter boys head of hair.

The bell must have sounded then because the swarm of people that crowded the hall seemed to double and they all hurried about in every which direction. Harry only had a second to bid Louis a quick goodbye before Zayn hauled the blue eyed boy away from him, wanting to make it to Art in time. Harry pursed his lips at the empty feeling that filled him as he stared after Louis' retreating form but couldn't focus too much on the longing he felt as Niall and Liam were already carting him off in the direction of their shared class.

The day dragged by slowly and the usually quick journey to Lunch felt like a trek and a half with how dead on his feet he felt. Harry had tried his best not to fall asleep in any of his classes but it came to be much harder of a task than he had first expected because he found himself being startled awake every time he rested his eyes for a second too long- his brows pinched as he thought back to the many times his chin had almost bounced straight off of the tabletop.

"Alright, H?" Zayn smiled as he sidled up beside Harry, lunch tray in hand.

Harry hummed lazily, bumping shoulders with the raven haired boy, "Fine, honestly just wanna head back to bed, mate."

Zayn chuckled with him as they made their way across the large room, dodging and weaving through the teeming tables. "Know how you feel, it's been proper weird being back home, find myself staying up most nights, waiting." He admitted and Harry smiled sympathetically in return.

During the Christmas period Zayn's family had all desperately wanted him back home with them. His father had spent most of the first week reasoning with him, taking him out on long walks and grabbing bites to eat together, before Zayn made the final decision to agree, but the fact of the matter was that his mother still hadn't returned- 'hiding out at her sisters', is all Zayn would say if anyone asked.

"She isn't back yet?"

Zayn shook his head sadly and swallowed, his gaze trained on the plate of food in front of him.

The lad said nothing more on the topic and by the time they had made it to their usual table he had obviously put on a brave face for the rest of the group. Harry found that he could barely even try to muster up that kind of courage, but quirked his lips up as best he as he could when he settled into his seat.

"We were just talking about training after school." Niall told the two, having acknowledged their presence and wanting to include them in the conversation they'd been having before their expected arrival, "Apparently coach doesn't give a shit if it's the first day back." He added grumpily as he stuffed a ketchup covered chip into his mouth.

Louis chuckled at him, blue eyes bright and gleaming, before he shook his head and turned to face Harry. "He's acting all moody about it but we both know that our first match is next week and we need to get back into shape."

The Irish lad groaned and slumped against Louis' shoulder defeatedly, still munching away.

"Maybe if you had done a bit of exercise over the holidays, Ni, you wouldn't be dreading it all that much." Louis retorted as he shrugged the boy off to grab his drink.

"I don't regret it." Niall told him vehemently, "Or the weeks worth of Christmas dinners I ate, either." He added as an afterthought, eyes glazing over at the very mention of the delicious meal he had continued to text them all about even weeks after Christmas had passed, "Think we've still got a bit of turkey leftover in the fridge actually- you lot should've seen how huge it was! Dad's had to take turkey sandwiches into work for his lunch since the new year."

"Wow, cheers for that riveting story, Nialler." Louis guffawed, starting up a chorus of chuckles around the table while Niall poked his tongue out in retaliation, laughing along all the same. "But, are you lot coming along to watch tonight? Figured we could grab something eat after, haven't seen you lads properly since the party."

"I would but I told Dad I'd pick up the girls from school for him, he's got some stuff to sort out." Zayn replied with an apologetic smile. Niall looked rather put out by the information but Harry didn't comment on it, unsure if anyone else had noticed.

"What about the rest of you?" Louis questioned, his eyes lingering on Harry a little longer than necessary.

"I'll be there, I guess." Liam shrugged as he speared a few pasta shells onto his fork, "Not got much else to do tonight besides a bit of homework, and I'm guessing you two got a lift in with Zee.."

"You'd be right about that, Payno!" Niall grinned, his eyes squinting as he reached across the table to pat Liam's left cheek. "And what a star you are for volunteering to drop our arses back home."z

Liam only brushed the hand away as he rolled his eyes, going back to eating.

"Haz?"

Harry focused on Louis' eager expression and as horrible as he truly felt he couldn't bring himself to decline the boy of anything. "Sure, I'll be there, Lou."


	85. Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW, homophobic slurs, violence, lots of swearing

"Sorry." Harry mumbled inaudibly as he shouldered his way through the crowd and into the car park. A swarm of students dispersed around him, flocking to their cars or out of the gates, whilst more continued to file carelessly out of the double doors behind him, he weaved his way through them, his head low as he rounded the edge of the school.

The playing fields quickly came into view, miles of vibrant green grass surrounded by a caged metal fence. The wind whistled around him, its cold chill prickling his skin as he neared the pitches sideline- he figured he had a good ten or so minutes before the football team arrived as his final class had been let out a little earlier than usual.

He sniffed and thumbed at the paperboard carton in his pocket when he came to a halt, leaning casually up against the rail that encased the stands. The carton was somewhat worn when he pulled it from the confines of his jacket, he looked down at it and toyed with the wearing lid.

A pack of Marlboro, the brand Zayn never seemed to stop smoking. Harry had found it lodged down between the side of his bed and his nightstand a couple of days ago, a few weeks after the lad had headed back home. He'd never been a big fan, had always found the smell to be a little too repelling whenever Zayn had smoked around him, his mum aswell, but he hadn't the strength to throw them out, or just give them back. It wasn't as if the dark haired boy even knew he was missing them.

Ten minutes of peace, he thought. No more dizzying crowds, no more lips to read, no more antagonising teachers. Just a little bit of peace and quiet- always quiet. He packed the carton against the metal rail before flicking it open and letting a cigarette slip from the casing, he slotted the filtered end between his lips then crowded his hand around the tip and sparked his lighter. After a few firm draws, he inhaled and took a second to appreciate the delicate swirl of smoke that roamed his mouth, its taste lining his tongue.

He pressed his forearms against the weathered rail as he pulled the fag away, inhaling again before a cloud escaped his lips and caught in the breeze. It was a lot colder out than he'd expected but he didn't think too much of it, just allowed some of the stress and anxiety that constantly overwhelmed him to slowly leave with every exhale.

He must have been stood there for a fair few minutes before his peace was suddenly interrupted. The railing shook and the vibrations rippled throughout his body, he startled slightly and instantly shifted his gaze to his right only to find a few lads from the football team standing there, already kitted up.

Harry narrowed his eyes in confusion and slowly released another breath when he met their amused expressions, all three boys watched him closely. "Can I help you, lads?" He questioned stiffly, not caring for his clipped tone, miffed at the fact that they'd interrupted the first chance of solitude he'd had all day.

One lad, fair haired and muscular, stepped forward, a smirk tugging at his lips whilst the other two hung back and continued to watch. He rattled the fence again and Harry tensed his jaw but didn't acknowledge it, knowing he was only looking for a reaction.

"Come to watch your boyfriend play, have you?" The blond asked, cocking his chin out.

Harry said nothing for a moment, just took another drag, unsure on how the situation was going to play out. He recognised the lad now that he was stood a little closer, it was the same twat that had tried to start on Louis only a few weeks earlier. Harry remembered the anger that had fuelled him and his fingers twitched at the memory of when his fist had collided with the metal locker beside the boys head. Louis hadn't said anything bad about the lads on the team since before the car crash- Niall either, in all honesty- so Harry had just figured that things had settled down since then but obviously not. Or maybe the issue now lied with him, instead of their captain.

"Just wanted a fag." Was all Harry returned.

"Poor Tommo." The boy mocked, his friends snickering behind him, "Did things not work out for you then? Was there a big blow up, or did Lou just realise that he wasn't the big pansy he thought he was?"

Harry swallowed down the flippant reply that wanted to bubble out of him and instead chuckled dryly, having grown tired of the second hand insults he'd been gifted most of his life. It wasn't anything he hadn't heard a hundred times before, nothing that hadn't already been ingrained into his mind. The only thing that infuriated him was that it was Louis' name coinciding with the uninventive slur.

"What- you done talking now? Hit a nerve have we."

The lackeys behind the blond lit up and laughed gaudily. Harry just rolled his eyes and opted to ignore them, taking another slow drag only to watch the smoke dance before him.

A rough hand shoved at his shoulder then, it had Harry swaying slightly but the green eyed boy straightened quickly and snapped his head back in the direction of the trio. The blond was closer now, too close for Harry's liking.

"Don't fucking ignore me." The lad warned and Harry stepped away from the fence to face him head on.

"Or what, you and your scrawny mates gunna get me?" Harry ribbed, flicking the last of his smouldering cigarette at the boy.

The blond dodged it but the action had clearly angered him because when he met Harry's gaze his eyes were ablaze and his face was turning an alarming shade of red.

"The fuck do you think you are?" The boy gritted out, hunching his shoulders as he crowded into Harry's space, his goons falling into line behind him.

Harry laughed loudly in return with his head thrown back, surprised by the boy who's head barely even surpassed his chin. He questioned whether he was supposed to feel threatened. "Fuck," Harry chuckled out, wiping a stray tear from his eye as he ambled back towards the fence, "Honestly thank you for that, was in need of a good laugh."

The boy grew more irritated by Harry's careless demeanour, as did his friends.

"I'm not fucking playing about." The blond defended, frustration lining his every feature, "You should wise up and learn that people like you aren't wanted here."

"People like me?" Harry quickly fired back through gritted teeth, moving to tower over the lad.

"Just because you like it up the arse doesn't mean you can try and get the rest of our players to come join you. The team needs Tommo, but no one wants a fag in charge."

Harry's fist flew up in a fit of rage and his knuckles connected with the bridge of the boys nose, he only had the momentum of surprise going for him before the blonds mates were jumping into action and Harry had to take his chance to swiftly duck out of their way so that he could sprint down the length of the pitch, the trio hot on his trail.

He burst through the side doors of the school building and let his feet carry him through the narrow hallway. He'd gotten lucky with his escape, he knew if he'd have stuck around any longer that he would've had his arse handed to him- three against one wasn't all that fair. There was only a few feet separating Harry from the angered triad and with his head peering over his shoulder, peltering at full speed, he wasn't prepared for the flock of footballers that spilled out of the door ahead.

It was like a domino effect, once he went tumbling, so did the rest.

Knees and elbows dug into him at all angles as everyone tried to right themselves before Harry found his own body being tugged back up onto his feet by two pairs of arms only a moment later.

Harry's wide eyes flickered between the two bodies stood either side of him before he casted a glance at the rest of the team, they were all stumbling about, leaning on one another before they too found their footing. The trio was also stood before them, heaving, the blonds nose trickled with a crimson coloured blood that spilled down his chin and contrasted against the pale white of his t-shirt.

The unexpected hand that gripped Harry's bicep pulled his gaze away from the group and guided his sights over to one of the boys beside him where he found himself staring into a familiar pool of blue.

"What the fuck, Haz?"

Harry shook his head dumbly, chest rising and falling as he gasped for air; it'd been a while since he'd done much running, probably sometime before the crash. He silently cursed himself, feeling his lungs burn, he desperately needed to get back into shape.

Louis' inquisitive gaze darted between Harry and the three other boys that had come steaming down the corridor at full speed, and seemingly came to a quick understanding.

The blond lad forced his way past the rest of his teammates to stand face to face, or better yet, face to chest, with Harry. Louis and Niall were quick to step between them, wanting to diffuse the rising tension.

"What's going on here then, lads?" Louis questioned, his face hard as he stared down the trio before him.

The blond returned his glower and jutted out his chin, "Why don't you ask _that_ prick?"

"Because I fucking asked _you,_ Lucas." Louis all but growled, surprising the rest his team with the sheer amount of hostility that instantly clouded his expression.

"He fucking did this!" The lad spat back, pointing at his gushing nose. Harry cringed inwardly, it really did look painful. "He's deranged!"

"Calm the fuck down, I've seen worse happen out on the field." Louis retorted without an ounce of sympathy, or even amusement.

"What, you're just gunna let him get away with it? We're supposed to be a team, you're supposed to have my back!" The blond snarled, inching forward, only to be stopped when Niall reached out and put him back in his place. "This is so fucking stupid!"

"Well, from the looks of it, there's three of you and only one of him." Louis spoke, arms crossed over his chest and shoulders taut, "And we all know you well enough to understand that you were probably asking for it."

A few members of the team snickered and nodded their heads, obviously not too fond of their apparent teammate.

"Fucking tossers the lot of you!" The lad barked, "What? You don't wanna get into trouble with the captain so you won't say anything to his personal cocksucker?"

"That's enough." Niall snapped, "Stan, you're being a homophobic prick. You've been acting like one ever since all the rumours started goin' round late last year. I don't know if you care to notice, but none of us actually care. Tommo is our captain, that's that. Why are you so obsessed with who's sucking his dick? That might actually be where your problem lies, mate."

The lads all howled with laughter whilst Stan only grew flustered, it's heat adding to the residual anger that had flooded his cheeks with a ruddy tint.

"Shut the fuck up, Horan. You don't know what you're talking about."

Niall rolled his eyes at the boy, "You've been spreadin' shit for weeks now, and I know you even spoke to coach about getting Lou demoted when he was still lying in his hospital bed. I left it be, figurin' you'd grow up, show a bit of solidarity. But enough is enough. So, if any one of you has a problem with Tommo, me, or anyone else as a matter of fact, liking lads then I suggest you hike up your socks and hang your kits because you can fuck right off. This team needs us working as a unit, not pissing about trying to start fist fights."

A silence fell and everyone glanced between one another. The angry trio clenched their fists, clearly unsure of what else they could possibly do, before Stan spat at Harry's feet. "Wankers the lot of you! Fuck this team, fuck all of you. Bunch of fairies."

Harry watched as Louis visibly flinched, a wave of anger flashed through him and it took everything in him not to deck the boy as he, along with his two mates, stormed away. He ground his teeth and turned to shield his face from view, hot, violent tears welling up inside his eyes. He was done. Done with everything. With all the suffering, with having to constantly hide away, with being hurt time and time again. He was just done.


	86. Solace in the silence

The door shut slowly behind him and Harry just stood there, letting his eyes flutter shut as he inhaled slowly. He was tired. Exhausted, even. But he was more than glad to have finally escaped the never ending questions and worried looks his friends had been sending him ever since he'd bowled over the majority of the football team. He'd tried his hardest to ignore it all, brush them off, but it had really started to get the best of him.

Shuffling over to the left side of the hallway, where the coatrack stood alongside the glossed radiator, Harry let his heavy school bag drop to the floor before toeing off his shoes and kicking them alongside it. He then shook off his coat- his shoulders tensing at the languid gesture- and slung the material, uncaringly, over the end of the banister. He took a moment to breath again, mulled over the hell he could call a day but all he was really left with was the desperate need to just curl up in the comfort of his own bed.

With a huff, he dragged his feet across the hardwood floor and trailed deeper into the house.

It was warm, that was the first thing he noticed when he trudged through the empty living room. He figured his mum had to be puttering about somewhere if the heating was on full blast, and he was proven right when he found her stirring something up in the kitchen.

"Heya, pet!" Anne greeted, all smiles, having turned on her heel, wooden spoon in hand, when she'd heard Harry enter. "Good day at school?"

Harry hummed and flashed a small smile in her direction before brushing by her with a soft kiss to her cheek.

Anne watched as her son slumped down into one of the wooden chairs opposite her, she placed the spoon down on the counter and lowered the temperature of the boiling pot that sat on the stove before she followed. She took the seat adjacent to Harry and set a couple of carrots that had been left out on the table earlier in front of him, along with a sharp knife.

"Help chop those up for me." Anne prompted with an encouraging smile whilst she dragged a bowl full of sprouts over so that she could prepare them too.

Harry said nothing in return, just set to work on skinning the orange vegetables, completely unaware of much else. Anne worried at her bottom lip slightly but left him be.

"So, no straddlers today?" Anne asked with a chuckle when she caught Harry's eye. "Figured I'd at least be seeing Lou tonight."

"He had training today, guess he was just drained- said something about the girls too." Harry shrugged, not mentioning the fact that he had all but pushed Louis out of Liam's car when they had stopped off at his house.

He'd quickly realised that the blue eyed lad had wanted to speak more about what had happened before practice but Harry just wasn't ready yet. So he'd made an excuse about just feeling shit and not wanting to get the boy sick, Louis hadn't believed him, that much Harry was sure of, but he didn't argue, just hugged him tightly before exiting the car.

Harry would have felt bad about it, about lying so blatantly, about pushing Louis away, but he couldn't bring himself to feel much lately.

Another lie.

He couldn't bring himself to feel much _other_ than the constant overwhelming anxiety that had been clouding his head for the past few weeks.

"Well," Anne smiled, still swiftly peeling the shell of the sprouts away, "I don't mind it just being the two of us, haven't seen much of you lately."

"Yeah... I'm not all that hungry if I'm being honest, mum." Harry mumbled, managing to muster up a faint smile as he diced the carrot he held.

"No worries, lovely. I can always pop the leftovers in the fridge, or drop off what's left next door, Karen never seems to mind the extra food." Anne assured, her gaze flickering between her son and the task at hand.

"Sounds good."

The rest of the time they spent sat together was in silence, Anne couldn't bring herself to ask the boy what was wrong, what had him so unusually quiet, and Harry just allowed himself to get swept away in his own thoughts.

It wasn't long later when the boy gradually stood to his feet and gently informed the older woman that he was going to head up to get changed and start on his homework. Anne could only watch him go with the subtle nod of her head.

The stairs creaked beneath Harry's feet, as they often did, when he dragged himself up the staircase, he'd never paid much attention to it before. Tonight was different though. He could feel the rumble beneath his soles, the evident wearing of the old wood that created the gateway between up and down echoed through the nerve-endings under his skin. He paid close attention to how each step felt, how they shifted and dipped and followed his movements, he questioned whether his mum could hear the distant squeaking, if the sound consumed her the way it was now consuming him.

He kept his mind locked on those thoughts and began to spiral, falling deeper and deeper into that endless black hole of self-pity, that grave he so often dug for himself where the mounds of dirt seemed to concave around him effortlessly and he was completely and utterly alone, unsure on whether or not he was even screaming.

By the time he made it to his room, he'd only just surfaced long enough to feel the weight of the door within his grasp, it heavy and real and there. When it shut, he covered his mouth with his hand and closed his eyes. He breathed in and out for a few moments, squeezing his eyes shut tighter, wanting to ease the relentless stinging sensation, rid himself of all light. His hand fell away and he couldn't hold back his unearthly sob, the sound escaped him violently and more only followed when he fell back against the door and slid down its length into a miserable heap.

He gasped between his muffled cries, having buried his head between the confines of his knees, his unruly hair fell over his face and clung to the wetness that covered his flushed cheeks. Harry couldn't bring himself to care. His chest burned, heaved. His lungs felt as though they were collapsing, screaming out for air, more air. His nose began to run so he sniffed coarsely, snot and spit mixing with one another as he trembled, unable to move, not wanting to.

There was coughing when the cries could finally grow no harsher, he spluttered, the gesture guttural and hoarse, and his chest contracted unkindly making the effort to breath somewhat painful. Harry couldn't recall the last time he'd cried like that, he couldn't stop his mind from wandering back to the first few months he had spent in his bedroom. Back when they had first moved in and it hadn't felt like _his_. When he had viewed it more like a cage that protected him from the outside world, rather than a place to sleep and to grow.

He wasn't sure how long he just sat there, unmoving, staring blankly at the empty wall opposite him. It's colour disorienting.

The evening shadows crept in, their menacing shapes entangling as the sun set and the moon began to rise.

When he finally did try to stand, his legs shook and his knees buckled to the point where he had to grip onto the tall dresser that perched beside the door just to keep himself upright. He was drained and felt utterly useless as he fought to keep his eyes open, too tired to even keep himself standing.

By some miracle he made it to his bed in one piece and crawled beneath the many sheets that lined the mattress, creating a small cocoon for himself. Shelter.

For once he found solace in the silence that always lingered. He couldn't bring himself to grieve the loss of his hearing again, to think about the things he'd never get to experience, or the hate that always simmered beneath the surface. Those things, they took too much effort and in that moment, he could hardly even find the energy to keep breathing.

—

Heavy. Everything felt so heavy. So lifeless.

An array of vibrations had woke him only minutes ago but he couldn't bring himself to move. His muscles ached. His eyes felt puffy. His throat was sore. So he laid there, on his stomach, facing the wall. Barely even blinking.

The vibrations grew closer, the shuffling of feet and creaking of stairs.

The room was dark, sombre was probably the better term. His blinds were closed and he couldn't for the life of him remember whether he had been the one to shut them. Another blanket lined his motionless body, he tugged at its soft material, pulling it up and over his ears, gripping at its edge. He found that if he moved his legs ever so slightly he could feel the cushion of his duvet tucked beneath his socked feet. _Mum_ , crossed his mind. A simple word that led to ten more. The way she smiled, laughed. The colour of her hair and kind eyes. The fact that she had checked in on him. How she had tucked him in and made sure that he was comfortable. Safe.

Guilt imbued him. He had forgotten dinner. 'The two of us', she had said, happiness radiating from every fibre of her being, filling the entirety of the kitchen. He had forgotten. Or had he just not cared enough? He'd left her there by herself, to eat alone, to worry. His eyes slipped shut when his throat began to close. Anxiety crowded his mind, drowning out every rational thought- he had fucked up. He didn't deserve her. Didn't deserve her love. Didn't deserve anything.

The door opened and Harry's eyes widened, startled. He didn't dare breath, just kept still and waited for the next movement to follow.

A patter of feet. Their steps were light but their shoes were too weighted, Harry could have easily mapped out their route in his head as the vibrations grew closer and closer.

A careful hand pressed against the layers of sheets but Harry didn't turn. There was more movement, a scuffling, before the bed creaked and the mattress dipped beside him.

Knees touched his back, Harry could feel them there beyond the mountain of blankets that separated him from them but they didn't poke or prod, just settled there.

Fingers soon entangled themselves in his dark hair, they massaged his scalp and trailed across the veins in his temple. The action was so soothing, Harry couldn't stop himself from getting lost in it.

He opened his eyes again, wondering when they had fallen shut, as the person rounded his body, their tender hand never leaving his head. He peered over at them from under his covers when they came to rest beside him, their smaller frame slotting effortlessly into the empty space between Harry and the wall.

The hand moved and Harry could only stare when the fingertips began to dance across his exposed skin, brushing at his brow only to travel ever so slowly down the bridge of his nose.

"Missed you."

No hi or hello. No good morning. Just a simple phrase paired with a simple smile.

Harry shuffled closer and let the hand pull at the blanket that hid his face from view. They touched his lips next, then the small dip in his chin, even took the time to connect each one of his freckles, all whilst they stared deeply into his red-rimmed green.

"Love you."

Came next. Two words that made his eyes water.

Harry squeezed them close, not wanting to cry. Another hand encased the fist that clung to the edge of his blanket and it gently rubbed at his white knuckles until his iron hold melted and their fingers could intertwine.

His lips parted when a cold nose brushed against his own, and his eyes fluttered open to meet the intense blue that grounded him. It seemed as though his mind could never wander when he was gazing into their ocean hue.

He couldn't bring himself to speak though, to answer back. To repeat the phrase that he was silently screaming. But that was okay. He figured it had to be when soft lips met his.

An unheard whisper.

"I know, Haz. I know."


	87. Days they pass me by

_Shrubbery blurred the tinted window. Green. Green. Green. The many tones of the endless verdurous painted the glass, out of focus, blending effortlessly into the pale grey sky. He watched, unable to do much else. Watched as the frequent patter of raindrops pounded against the pane and sprayed further down the outside of the carriage._

_The train rocked beneath him, swaying his motionless body to and fro. Though his head hardly moved, his temple stayed pressed firmly against the chilled glass whilst his green gaze trailed after two tiny raindrops, waiting to see which one of them would outrun the other, hit the rubber edging and disperse._

_It was strange. He had succumbed quickly to the seemingly never-ending numbness- his hospital bed hadn't been the most exciting of places, and the reason for his stay was something he couldn't quite seem to drown out, or better yet, forget- but he was unsure on whether he would ever get used to the silence. The piercing silence that swept over him like a tidal wave, pushing him deeper and deeper whilst the surface stayed in sight, never leaving, the sunlight gleaming brightly up above as he struggled and fought. All of it just out of reach._

_He wondered if that feeling would ever end, how anyone could get used to hearing absolutely nothing._

_The train jerked as they rounded a countryside bend. Acres of grassy yellow fields came into view, large oak trees with spiralling branches were the only thing to obstruct the view of the stormy sky, but if you squinted hard enough you could just about make out a herd of cows laying down far ahead._

_Another jolt. He pushed back into his seat to stare blankly at the chipped table before him, his phone rested neatly on top, the crack in its corner mocking him, reminding him._

_He looked away hurriedly, finding the hem of his hoodie to be far more interesting. He silently questioned whether or not his Mum and Gemma had made it, if their journey had been safe, if the car had gone off road, if there had been a crash, if they'd hit someone-_

_The carriage jerked, startling him, and he snapped his head up to find that everything was still okay, that the bumps were just an effect of the disastrous weather. He breathed deeply, focusing on everything he could feel but it didn't help all that much, he longed desperately to hear the screech of the train tracks or the incessant chatter that surrounded him. He wished for nothing more than to listen to the constant patter of the pouring rain._

_Nothing came. No sounds. Not even the distant howl of the whistling wind that blew through the small opening in the window. He was trapped. Trapped inside a soundless bubble with no way out._

_He couldn't stop the tears from falling. He had lost everything. His home, his hearing, his happiness. He was sat on a train, fourteen and all alone, too afraid to step foot back inside of a car, to even think back to that fateful evening weeks ago. They had taken everything from him._   
_Everything._

When Harry opened his eyes, his immediate reaction was to snap his head in every which direction as he tried to level out his harsh breaths. He only calmed once he remembered where he was, once he realised that he had unknowingly dozed off in the garden.

Need more sleep, he thought as he dragged a heavy hand across his face and rubbed at his tired eyes, it truly had been a while. Each night had only become more and more fretful, he was restless, anxious, unable to just escape the overwhelming thoughts that crowded his mind. It was utterly agonising.

He huffed out a large breath and watched as the air clouded in front of his face. He breathed out again and more clouds of smoke followed, he quirked his lip and recalled the fond memory of playing dragon when he was a kid.

Whenever the weather had been fickle, when the sun had shone but frost still covered the grass, he had been able to just pretend to be the scornful dark creature that terrorised tiny villages instead of the small boy no one wanted around. The boy everybody relentlessly teased and belittled.

Now, he was sat on the wooden bench that his mum had bought not long after they had moved in, just thinking back, questioning what he had done to deserve all of the torment he had faced.

He wasn't helping himself though, he knew that much, had spent- well, he wasn't sure how long- just holed up in his bedroom, not wanting to talk, leave, or see anyone.

His mum had checked in constantly; supplied him with food that he would forget to eat, bundled him with blankets and duvets when she thought he could use the extra comfort, brushed his hair and teeth, and when he had felt strong enough to sit up and watch her talk she had cautiously brought up the subject of getting him help- wordlessly yearning for him to talk to someone who truly understood.

Louis had visited time and time again; spent nights calming him from his fitful dreams, talked about his siblings and the boys, explained what had happened at school or during training, even spoon-fed him at points, encouraged him and soothed him when he need it most.

The boys had also stopped by, tried to coax him out to bed, or to get to school. Nothing really worked. It had been a never ending cycle.

Harry was fairly certain that he had missed the big football match- Louis' first one since rejoining the team- as well as Zayn's birthday. He felt like a dick. The hatred he had felt for himself had been the only thing to drive him out of his room. The consistency had begun to unhinge him. He couldn't cope with simply staring at the same four walls any longer and had, in the spur of the moment, dragged himself from the prison he had created, down the stairs and somehow found himself just staring out at his back garden.

He let the prickling wind abuse his skin, only clad in a pair of joggers and a thin, long sleeved shirt, whilst he ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair which, he realised in that moment, was in dire need of a good wash.

It was nice to feel something though, other than the sadness he wallowed in and the excessive worry that wouldn't leave him be. He could think a little clearer in the cold. Could breath a little easier. It was nice.

Another hour must have flown by before Harry pulled himself to his feet and let himself back into the house. He slunk through the backdoor, teeth chattering lightly as he rubbed at his bicep for warmth, he wanted to make a hot cup of tea before his mum got back from wherever she was but practically jumped out of his skin when he found someone already stood, waiting for him, at the kitchen counter. Their eyes met just as a blustery wind drifted through the room and slammed the door shut with a resounding thump, its vibrations rung out but Harry didn't startle.


	88. Go on, get!

Even in his incessant hush Harry could still feel the uneasy quiet that had settled in the kitchen. It was so unlike the older man, who's presence usually filled the entirety of a room with his booming voice and infectious laugh.

Harry swallowed, scuffing a toe in the grout that lined the tiles. He felt a lot like a petulant child who'd just been scolded, except Paul had yet to even open his mouth. Harry knew that he was more than deserving of a few harsh words though- from everyone, but most of all this man.

Paul's unnerving gaze finally dropped away when the kettle began to steam, Harry followed the mans movements to find that there was already two mugs sat side by side on the counter as well as a pint of milk. He watched Paul prepare the drinks, not moving from his place by the door, as he tugged the sleeves of his shirt further over his knuckles, the outside cold still chilling his bones.

It wasn't the first time the older man had been seen in their kitchen, he used to stop by whenever he could- just to drop in, or to have their biweekly lunches and dinners- but his visits had grown less and less frequent as his own kids had gotten older. Still, Paul looked slightly odd and somewhat out of place in Harry's eye, it all felt so unfamiliar. The man was stiff, his back and shoulders tense, and his brow was set in a deep furrow. The sight had Harry on edge.

Paul kicked out a chair once he had taken his place at the table and set down the steaming mugs, before glancing at Harry with a look that said ' _sit_ '. The teenager dragged his socked feet across the floor and towards the man, all whilst worrying at his bottom lip.

He slumped into the seat and gazed down at the grooves in the wooden table, they sat like that for a few moments, neither moving or urging the other to speak. It was only when a warm mug was pushed into his line of sight did Harry gaze up. Cautiously, he cradled the drink in both hands and pulled it closer, nodding his head at the man in small thanks.

"You've not been at work."

Harry shook his head in agreement, feeling sullen. He was desperate to look away, to focus on anything other than the blank expression Paul was gifting him, but he knew better than to try.

"I phoned you- texted a couple times too." The man went on, casually, and used a slight gesture with his hand that threw Harry off slightly, having forgot how gesticulated Paul usually was. "Figured something important must have come up the first day you never showed, so I left it be. Then day two came, three, and still no sign of you. Asked the other lads at the shop if they'd heard anything from you but no, no one had any idea of where you'd be. _Wasn't like you_ , they all said, obviously I was prone to agree. So I got worried and when your phone suddenly stopped going to voicemail, I decided to ring your mum."

Harry watched the man sigh heavily before he bit at the inside of his cheek, casting his eyes down for a brief second to take a breath before flicking them back up. Paul was looking at him again, his hands clasped tightly together on his lap instead of holding the mug that had since been settled back on the table.

"She broke down, H." Paul told him, only to then shake his head, "Told me you'd been feeling low, hadn't been outta your room in days, weren't eating- in all honesty mate, she sounded like you were about ready to throw yourself off a cliff or something." He swallowed before chuckling out a short, sorrowful sigh, "And I couldn't help but think, _nah, not our Harry, never once seen him not smiling_. But then she explained, told me a little more about life before you visited the shop. About how you were after you'd finally been discharged, before Liam and Niall had come along, about the tens of doctors you'd had to visit after the assault."

Harry flinched at the word.

"I knew it had to have been bad for you, H, but shit- You never wanted to talk about it either, and I foolishly thought that you had bounced back or something, got up and just brushed yourself off. Figured that was all anyone could do after something like that. I didn't even realise the after effects. I didn't see the signs." Paul huffed angrily and squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his lips tighter together to form a fine line. "But now I can look back and see. See how you'd shrink away every time a car would rumble down the street, how you'd practically jump out of your skin whenever one of us touched you, or how untrusting you'd been at the very start when we'd welcomed you in with open arms."

Tears glossed Harry's eyes, he rubbed at them hurriedly with the back of his hand before sniffing quietly and taking a small sip of his tea.

"Your mum mentioned that you've been skiving off school, missed your mates birthday and all that- just don't sound like you. She's proper worried, H. And she's not the only one, either." Paul took this moment to reach out and grasp Harry's shoulder.

The man looked nervous, concerned, the curly haired lad had never seen him so tense, even after the crash that now seemed like a lifetime ago.

"You can't keep hiding yourself away from the rest of the world, Harry. You've got people who care, who want you to be happy, who are willing to be someone you can lean on whilst you're not feeling your best. Don't push them all away, lad. You'll never forgive yourself." Paul expressed, a small but hopeful smile blooming on his lips.

Harry nodded carefully before releasing his bitten lip from between his teeth.

"I'm sorry." He rasped out, heavy emotion lacing his tone, not having used his voice in a short while.

"Don't apologise, mate. Got nothing to be sorry for." Paul assured vigorously, his grip on Harry's shoulder tightening. "Just need you to try from here on out. Okay?"

Harry nodded again with a faint smile, a tear or two having slipped down his cheeks, he untangled his fingers from his mug to quickly wipe them away.

"How about I cook us up some grub, hey?" Paul suggested as he squeezed Harry's shoulder once more, politely ignoring the boy's embarrassment, "Whilst you go jump in a nice, hot shower! God knows you need one, lad." He ridiculed playfully as he stood to his feet and ruffled Harry's messy mane, "What's up with this bird's nest of yours anyway? In dire need of a good scrub, H."

Harry rolled his eyes as a wet laugh bubbled out of his throat. He shook his head at the older man. "Piss off."

"Oi, language young'un- do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Paul rebuked mockingly as he waltzed over towards the fridge, "And you'd do your best to be nice to me, I'm making your lunch."

Harry laughed again, unable to help himself. He slowly picked himself up out of the chair and took the two mugs over to the sink, when he turned around he found Paul eyeing him again. He tried his hardest to conjure up a comforting smile, wanting to ease the kind mans mind, it seemed to work well enough because Paul easily returned the simple gesture. It didn't last long though, before he was rolling his eyes and shooing Harry off.

"Go on, get! That showers calling."

—

When his mum returned later that afternoon, shopping bags in hand, she was surprised to find Harry sat in front of the telly clad in actual clothing- albeit it only being a pair of clean joggers and a warm hoodie.

"Heya, mum." He greeted quietly, chucking the remote to the left of him before standing to his feet. "I'll take this in for you- want a tea or anything?" He added as he unhooked the bags from her grasp.

She looked somewhat startled but was quick to recover, shaking her head, "No- no, you're quite alright, love." She breathed out.

Harry nodded once and moved to head into the kitchen, it was only a few minutes later when the woman followed after.

"So... did Paul end up paying a visit?" Anne questioned, taking a stand by the oven and watching as her son unpacked the food she had purchased. "Just that, he mentioned he would, and I left the spare key under the doormat for him."

"He showed up around lunchtime." Harry informed her, softly smiling again as he unwrapped a bunch of bananas and popped them into the fruit bowl. "Was a bit surprised to find him here." He admitted with a sheepish chuckle before he ran a hand through his hair, curls fluffy from letting it air dry after his shower.

"Honestly didn't know whether he would or not." Anne shrugged, her focus appointed to her son's new appearance.

Harry noticed it almost instantly and tried not to wonder just how bad he had let himself get in the passing weeks. He truly couldn't remember the last time he'd showered and he hadn't had the heart to even look into the mirror yet, fearful of what he'd see.

"Um, what day is it?" He questioned gently, his tone still soft, weary. "Was wondering if we could invite Lou and the little ones over- maybe watch a couple films."

"Tuesday, love, it's nearing the end of the month." Anne told him, her face lighting up at the suggestion, "And that really does sound brilliant, Haz. I'm sure they'd love that- they've been asking after you for a while."

Harry stilled in his movements, a tin of tomatoes clutched in his right hand, hovering in mid air. "They have?"

Anne hummed before walking over towards him. "Everyone has, H." She whispered, taking the tin from him to store away in the nearest cupboard.

Harry couldn't do anything but nod dumbly, his gaze falling to the ground. Soon enough he felt a familiar pair of tender hands cup his jaw and when he peered up he was met with his mums warm smile and kind brown eyes.

"I know it's hard right now, but I'm so proud of you, Haz. You mean the world to so many people, most of all me. Things will work out, they always do." The older woman consoled before pulling the taller boy into a much needed hug.

Harry let himself melt into the embrace, hands clinging to the material of her jumper as he buried his nose into her hair, taking in the sweet scent of her perfume, the smell of her shampoo.

He shook with tears and found that she was too. Both of them held onto one another like they'd never let go, silently wishing that things would turn out okay. Praying.

"I love you." Harry mumbled brokenly, his voice wavering uncontrollably as he fisted his hands deeper into the woman's jumper, scared to let go. "I love you, mum. So, so much." He spluttered, his tears making it harder and harder to verbalise his inner turmoil, "I really am sorry. For everything."


	89. Surprise?

Over the next few days, Harry had managed to fall into a somewhat comfortable routine. It was nearing February, he knew that much, and had spent his time trying to catch up on all the schoolwork he had missed out on whilst he had been holed up inside of his room, which meant he hadn't seen much of anyone.

He had spent an evening with Louis and the rest of the Tomlinson clan, having pushed away the dread and guilt that pooled in his stomach so that he could focus on trying to get back to the place he was in before. Before all the knit picking and self-pity, the overwhelming fear and constant depression. Though, it truly had been exhausting.

The evening had been fine, apart from the wary glances his boyfriend had taken to gifting him every few minutes and the way everyone had practically walked on eggshells around him the entire time. It had been infuriating but he understood why they were all so cautious, so determined to make him feel happy again. Even the older set of twins had spent the better part of an hour listing all the of things they loved most about him- as sweet as it had been, it had been harder for him to just sit and endure, desperately having wanted to run back to the confines of the four familiar walls.

Harry knew, deep down, that it was going to take some time to pull himself back, to stay afloat instead of crawling back into the desolate cave he had created for himself over the passing weeks. He also knew, that even if he couldn't do it for himself then he was going to try for all of those around him that cared. Because even though there were an awful amount of people that would love to see him fail, to succumb to the dark cloud raining heavily above his head, there would always be people near who, he needed to remember, loved him greatly.

Saying that, he was still unsure about his return to school.

It was his first day back and none of the lads knew that he was joining them. He had trekked in early- having woken and not been able to fall back to sleep- and decidedly hidden himself away in the library until first period was due to start. It was desolate and not a single soul had wandered past the large oak doors since he had stepped foot inside. But even in the quiet that usually clouded the large room, he couldn't escape his itching anxiety and the melancholy that always followed.

The library's gloomy atmosphere set him on edge and when he couldn't get lost in his reading, his gaze soon turned to the window. He watched lazily as a flurry of students began to hurry inside the building wanting to escape from the spitting rain that had begun a little while after his arrival. He briefly wondered just how long he had spent in the old library, before questioning whether it was time to leave.

Harry thumbed at the edge of his book and felt the yellowing pages fall one by one, it was a novel he had brushed by and just picked up, and although he had found the plot to be rather interesting he couldn't seem to lose himself in the writing like he usually would.

He huffed to himself, slamming the book shut only to then push out his chair- the scrape it made against the wooden floor vibrated through his claves- and then he leant over to pick up his bag and slung it casually over his shoulder. He returned the book back to its rightful place and trudged through the shelved room, knowing that if he was surrounded by other students he'd wouldn't miss the announcement of the first bell.

He nodded his silent goodbye to the librarian, who easily returned the gesture with a gentle smile, and wandered back through the doors he had came through, hoping to slip into the crowd of people unnoticed.

But he really should have know better than to hope.

"Styles!" Mr. T greeted cheerfully, clasping a large hand on Harry's shoulder just as the doors swung shut behind the boy. "Where've you been the past three weeks, lad? Bunking I take it." The music teacher chuckled, flashing him a row of pearly white teeth.

Harry quirked his mouth, startled slightly by the suddenness of the teachers approach but overall, he was quite glad to see him.

"Been a bit ill." Harry replied with a small shrug, hoping that would be enough of an excuse to keep the man from asking much more.

"Ah, I see." Mr. T nodded, his hand dropping as a group of girls rounded them to get past. "Well, we missed you, mate. Class just isn't the same with only Tomlinson pissing about." The man paused, thoughtful for a moment, "Actually, saying that, he wasn't much himself without you around. Don't think I've threatened a single detention since your parting and that's saying something."

Harry forced out a light laugh, silently praying that his face wasn't ridden with shame. "Um, have I missed much then?" He questioned, hoping that his subject change was subtle enough.

Mr. T grinned and waved him off, "Nah, you're alright, kid. Figure we just have you finish up some coursework and record something, then we can call it a day."

Harry breathed out a soft sigh of relief, thankful to not have to worry too much about drowning in a mountain of work- he had been exceedingly anxious over that fact.

"Cheers." He smiled, gratefully, "One less thing to worry about."

"Don't stress too much, it'll all work out." The teacher kindly assured him, "Tell you what, pick out a song, learn it and we can record it sometime in the next week, hey? Just to get it out of the way."

"Sounds good. Thanks, Mr. T, I really do appreciate it."

"No worries!" The man chuckled, "Just warn me when you're ready and I'll schedule a time."

Harry then watched as his teacher glanced upwards just as the rest of the hallway stilled.

Mr. T rolled his eyes, looking somewhat put out, before he reached out to pat Harry's shoulder once more, "Gotta get going, mate- bells just rung. I'm really not looking forward to my first class this morning." The man informed, Harry could only smile amusedly in understanding before snorting at the surrounding students who quite literally jumped when the music teacher started to shout at them to ' _hurry along_ ' with his lively charm.

Harry bid the man a quick goodbye before heading off to his classroom, easily dodging all of the students who were scurrying in the opposite direction.

—

"What the fuck."

"Language, Mr Tomlinson! Honestly!" The teacher scolded but Louis didn't even startle, frozen in the classrooms doorway, staring at the familiar figure sat in the seat beside his own.

The wind had practically been knocked out of him and he felt like maybe his kneecaps had suddenly decided to abandon ship and find another body to support. He really was unsure on whether his mind was conjuring up hallucinations or if what he was seeing was real.

Louis hadn't even felt himself move but his eyes were wide and his breathing was a little deeper by the time he found himself stood beside the wooden desk in the far back.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Louis whisper-yelled, trying to be somewhat stern, as he swept into his seat and dumped his bag by his feet, not caring for the fact that Harry couldn't actually hear the shock that lined his voice. "Why didn't you mention the fact that you were coming in today? I'd have stayed at yours last night, or got Zayn to pick you up!"

The only response he got was the soft smile that limned Harry's lips and Louis had to try his best not to fall apart at the very sight when a sudden rush of fondness flooded through him.

The blue eyed boy took a second to breath before shaking his head and chuckling in disbelief, his eyes never once leaving his boyfriend.

'Surprise?' Harry signed and Louis was taken back by the swiftness of the movement.

This was new. Harry hadn't signed like this at school before. He looked a little nervous and Louis immediately wanted to calm him.

Slowly, he took another breath before looking down at his hands and signing back, his lips moving silently as he worked out the right gestures. It had taken some time to learn it all properly but well, Louis was rather proud of himself when he saw the way Harry's face lit up at the sight of him signing.

Since the whole _I love you_ spiel between them, they had only signed once or twice, both times being when Harry had tried to teach him some basic skills, which ended up helping further Louis' learning along. He was still fearful though, even with all of his practice, he really didn't want to mess up or have Harry feel as though he wasn't trying hard enough. In all honesty, he had been studying the language so hard, in fact, he had even roped Dan and his siblings into learning it too. All of them wanting to accommodate the boy that had quite literally become the glue that held their family together.

'Not know you would come here.' Louis returned, smiling tensely when he gazed back up at Harry.

'You are good.' The green eyed boy signed back rather quickly, his obvious excitement calming Louis' worries. 'I not know you learning.'

Louis lips twisted, a warm blush coating his cheeks at the praise, 'Thank you.' He bit his bottom lip bashfully before raising his hands again, 'Start learning when we...' He stumbled, brow furrowing deeply as he struggled to find the right sign.

His eyes flickered nervously between his hands and Harry, fumbling, he felt so silly for not knowing but the latter only smiled at him encouragingly before quietly whispering, "Met?"

Louis nodded defeatedly before grimacing and running a hand over his chest, 'Sorry.' He turned away hurriedly to rub at his face but he didn't get too far before a hand settled at his waist and coaxed him back round.

"You don't have to apologise, Lou. I'm just... it means so much that you're learning." Harry said softly as his fingers began to rub gentle circles into the fabric of his jumper. "Honestly, you're really good, I'm a little shocked."

Louis' breath faltered when he heard the sweet laugh that escaped the curly headed boy. It had been a while. But the sound still warmed him, made his skin prickle just as their eyes met.

"I'm getting there." Louis whispered, conscious of the level of his own voice as the rest of the class began to settle down, "I can understand how frustrating it must be to have to blend in with everyone else, to accommodate to the hearing and not have people return the same sentiment. I don't want you to feel as though I don't care enough to learn or that I don't want to connect with you the same way you do with me. We're different, H, but instead of brushing our differences under the rug, I want to highlight them and show you just how grateful I am to have you in my life."

Louis inhaled and reached out to cradle Harry's free hand in his own. "Sorry it took me so long."

Harry smiled and Louis couldn't stop himself from staring, wanting to capture the picture forever in his mind. Over the past few weeks he had found it harder and harder to recall the last time he had witnessed the boy give anyone a genuine smile.

"Were you nervous?" Harry asked, with a quirked brow, and Louis captured his bottom lip between his teeth before laughing lightly.

"Of course! Think I just about nearly shit myself!"

"Mr Tomlinson! I will not tell you again. If one more foul word falls from your lips I can promise you that you will not be welcomed in my class any longer."

Louis' cringed at the sound of the older woman's voice echoing off the surrounding walls and carefully turned in his seat to face her with what he only hoped looked like an innocent smile.

"Sorry, Miss! I'll be on my best behaviour from here on out." He promised, even going as far to send the old bat a cheeky wink that had her eyes widening in alarm. Louis quite literally had to bite his tongue to keep from cackling when he heard Harry snort beside him.

The woman only scowled before trotting over towards the board, Louis took the opportunity to peer over at Harry when he felt the boys thumb begin to caress the knuckles of the hand he still held. For the first time in weeks, he felt content. He wasn't filled with an overwhelming amount of worry, or obsessively wondering what more he could do to help. He looked at the boy sat beside him and just breathed, as if it he was doing it for the first time.


End file.
